Chapter 14-A 'Dodgy' Door and A Drunken Sirius

Lily hurried her way around the tables of the Hog's head and straight up to the barman with long hair and a very grumpy face.

"Um, 'scuse me?"

"What?" he grunted.

Lily tried not to lose her nerve and considered going back over to James and the boys, but frankly she needed to pee and didn't want to redden even more as she overanalyzed why, when, and how James had figured her as wife potential.

"Is there a bathroom in here?"

The surly man pointed over to a battered door of a bathroom, displaying the barely readable words of 'Witch'.

"Watch the door though," he warned her.

"Sure," Lily said slowly, not quite understanding the caution and just the teensiest bit freaked out. She quickly went over to the 'Witch' bathroom and was met with a piece of parchment stuck with spellotape glued to the door. It read, in barely readable writing, Don't close completely. Door's dodgy.

"Right..." She said again slowly, but nonetheless pushed the door open, leaving a gap as the wise parchment had said.

As she pushed open the door, she was swiftly met with the aroma of urine and a smell so horrible that it reminded her of Hippo the Hippogriff's bag of rat munchies. The bathroom was pretty much the same condition as the rest of the pub: covered in dirt and grime.

Without making any hesitations, she rushed in to one of the cubicles to relieve herself. She frowned as she read the 'cryptic' messages on the cubicle walls of 'SIRIUS WAS HERE BEFORE U!' And another written note of 'JAMES POTTER WANTS LILY EVANS' BABIES' scribbled out and written to the side, 'PADFOOT, STOP WRITING STUFF ABOUT ME', and then another message underneath of 'I CAN WRITE WOTEVA I WANT MATE. I AM THE KING OF CUBICLE WALL WRITING'. With many, many more scribbling lines and insults of Sirius and James' conversation, ending with the line "YOUR MOTHER. HAR HAR!"

"God, I'm in a girl's bathroom..."

"James?" Lily screeched, from sitting on the toilet; it wasn't one of the most romantic moments.

"Hey," James tried to say in a casual tone. He ambled his way over to one of the bathroom mirrors and rubbed at it, trying to find his reflection. "You alright?"

"Well," Lily began in a slightly hysterical tone, "I'm down to my last tampon if you wanted to know considering you're in a girl's bathroom...Which I believe is not the first time," she referred to the cubicle wall scribbling.

"What?" James paled. "I-I've never been in here before...nope. Nada."

"Did you just say 'nada'?" Lily laughed. "So, what exactly are you doing in here?"

James fumbled with his tea cosy hat self-consciously and sat on one of the sinks. "I, er, just wanted to check if you'd ditched me for calling you my future wife." He flushed. "Sorry 'bout that. I was joking...Haha...ha..." His laughs trailed off into a sigh and a slap to his forehead.

"It was such a funny joke," Lily said feebly, although inside she thought the joke was so bad it may have given her cancer. "So funny I nearly wet myself laughing so I had to go to the toilet."

James gave her an unconvinced look as she came out of the cubicle, forcing laughter to show she was still recovering.

"Seriously, James." She turned to him as she washed her hands, though the water was so dirty it seemed to make them more unclean. "Let's just forget you said it, alright?"

James nodded eagerly which made Lily laugh.

"Just as long as you don't start naming our kids-"

"Harry," James blurted out, instantly clamping a hand over his mouth.

Lily's eyes widened. "W-what?"

"EVERYTHING ALRIGHT?" Remus said loudly, making a hard knock from the doorway of the bathroom. James exchanged a very thankful look with Remus for interrupting at the appropriate time.

"Come in, Moony," James waved from the sink. "Welcome to our humble abode."

Remus made a glance at the parchment cautionary note and turned to the couple. "Should I be worried by this?"

"Nah," James batted a hand, "just leave a gap."

Remus shrugged his shoulders and stepped inside the bathroom in cautious steps, leaving the door slightly open and shutting away the raucous laugher from the bar outside.

"I've always wondered what a women's bathroom is like," Remus said thoughtfully. He gazed around the room and made a definite grimace. "I suppose I'll still be wondering." The bathroom was clearly too disgusting to be fit for humans.

"You guys are either very brave for coming in here, or incredibly stupid," Lily acknowledged.

Remus cringed, "Maybe we should be getting back." He looked at James who was getting strangely comfortable sitting in a sink. "Er...We left Sirius with our drinks and...well, do I need to elaborate?"

James made a knowing nod. The three of them walked towards the exit when suddenly-

"HEY! Where's the par-taaaay?" Sirius cheered, storming in the bathroom and slamming the door shut behind him.

"NOO!" Remus and Lily cried.

"God, who says 'partaay' anymore," James gave Sirius a 'you're-so-not-in-the-times' look. Remus and Lily eyed him with disbelief. "I mean...No!" He made his late attempt to join in their shouting.

"What?" Sirius quickly put his hands in the air and backed up. "I didn't do it," he quickly dismissed, but didn't know exactly what he was dismissing.

"Didn't you read the sign, moron?" Lily yelled, waving her hands which she seemed to have no control over as they threatened to slaughter him.

Sirius held a face of usual confusion. "Sign?"

"There was a sign on the door that said 'Don't close completely. Door's dodgy'," Remus explained with glaring.

"What? You mean this door?" Sirius said in a voice with total disbelief and pointed at it. "But I don't see it." He looked the door up and down and trailed his hands over it.

"That's because it was at the front of the door and you closed it," James hissed.

"Oh," Sirius said. "That's just silly though! So silly! I mean, the sign should have been put in a better place for me to see it." He held a hand to his chest with extra importance.

"What? On the inside of your eyelids?" James said sharply. Remus, nor the others, could understand a better place to put the sign about a door then on the door itself.

"Well, what did the sign mean by dodgy anyway? What, it would lock us in here or something?" Sirius turned the door handle and to his dismay, but not the others surprise, it did not budge.

Remus massaged his head and murmured, "Precisely."

Sirius shook the door handle again.

"We're trapped in here, aren't we?" James asked for a confirmation.

Sirius tugged the door handle until he pulled it so hard it came off and made a clunk to the floor.

Glaring was very much focused on him.

"Minor setback!" Sirius chuckled nervously and grasped the door handle again, sticking the piece of Droobles chewing gum in his mouth to the back of it. He spent a few minutes forcing the door handle back with much pounding, but only concluded in a few bathroom ceiling tiles somehow dropping from the impact. The group screamed as they dodged the tiles, leaving the ceiling pretty much destroyed and the room clouded up with dust. The boys decided this was a definite sign that escape was hopeless.

"Come on, guys," Lily said, trying to lift their spirits. "Are you forgetting we do magic? Nothing is impossible with our wands." She waved her wand in front of her with a smug smile.

Five minutes later and after many unsuccessful spells...

"What's the point of having magic when it won't help you to get out of a BLOODY LOCKED BATHROOM!" Lily shouted, making another kick at the door.

Instead of James calming her down, he admired the slight dent she had made. "Keep doing that kicking thing, Lils," he said, leaning back on the dirty mirror as he had returned back to his seat of the sink. "You can kick the door down for us."

Lily made a huff of annoyance. "You're men, aren't you?" she directed the question to the three boys who were moping in different parts of the bathroom. "You're supposed to be strong. Manly." She gestured a posed manly arm with a tough face. The boys looked at her blankly. "For God's sake, use your apparent manly muscles and punch the door down!"

The boys broke into laughter, which quickly died when Lily gave them a stern look.

"Remus?" she looked at him, waving a hand to the door, signalling his chance to punch the door with his Remus Lupin fists of...steel?

"Lily, you're talking to the bookworm here," Remus reminded her. He drew another line on the dirty mirror, signalling seven minutes of being locked in the bathroom. "These hands," he displayed his palms in front of him, "are only used to turn the pages of books...And smack Sirius upside the head."

Sirius made an eager nod of the head.

"How about you?" Lily turned to him.

Sirius held his fists up to her, "These fists," he quickly opened them, "are used for fondling and groping." He smiled roguishly and made squeezing actions in the air with his perverted fingers.

"Whatever, Mr. Verbal Diarrhoea," Lily turned away from Sirius and met James's eyes. "How about you?" She made one of her most attractive smiles which she used to her advantage to try and get James to pound the door down.

He picked up his jaw from the floor and stopped thinking of how her teeth reminded him of pearly white gravestones. "I'm sorry, what?"

"Punch the door down," Lily repeated clearly.

James cringed, "Well, my hands are really only used for-"

"Wanking," Sirius suggested.

"Putting in you hair?" Remus also helped.

Lily looked at James inquisitively.

"Quidditch was what I was going to say."

Lily sighed and muttered, "You boys are weaklings," then returned back to kicking the door.

Another five minutes later...

"Sooooo," Sirius banged on knees for a drum beat, "Bye-bye, miss American pie! Drove my chevy to the levee but the levee was dry!"

James grabbed Remus by the shoulders with near tears in his eyes. "It's because he listens to that Muggle radio...and also he's drunk. Make him stop, Moony! Making him stop..." He broke into whimpers.

"And them good old boys were drinkin' Firewhiskey and rye, singin', this'll be the day that I die!"

"Die!" James shouted.

"Oo, joining in the singing, Prongs?" Sirius said with delight, thinking James was doing backup singing when he was actually shouting death threats. "This'll be the day that I die!"

"DIE!" James screamed again.

Sirius made a final slam into his knees to signal the end of the song. Making a bow from the bathroom floor, he asked energetically, "So, any requests?"

"Request to shut up," Remus muttered. He slumped against the bathroom wall in a sitting position and found a worn cigarette next to his foot. He picked it up and examined it with interest.

Lily looked at him strangely. "Do you smoke?" She asked him, assuming he did as he was admiring the cigarette intently.

"No-"

"Dun dun duh-nah, dun dun duh-na-"

"But I'm considering," Remus gritted through his teeth, smacking Sirius again for the umpteenth time.

After fifteen minutes of the bathroom lock-in, James was complaining of hunger, so Sirius -as the considerate friend he was- searched food for him...from the floor.

"What have you got, Padfoot?" James asked, picking up something brown from the sink that resembled chocolate. He popped it into his mouth and started chewing.

It wasn't chocolate.

He quickly spat it out and started scraping his tongue.

Sirius' arse stuck boldly in the air as he examined the floor closely, making the sound of scraping with his fingernails as he tried to unglue a possible object of food from the dirty tiles. "Er, a melted chocolate frog!" he announced elatedly.

"Great!"

"Not great, actually," Sirius disappointed James. "It has files on it. Not so much of the chocolate. Much of the fly," he explained.

"So basically, it's a chocolate sticky fly?" Remus guessed, making another line of the passing minutes on the mirror.

"Yep."

"What else?" asked James.

"A used piece of gum," Sirius said. "And oh," he made a squeamish sound. "I don't think that's edible...even if it is strawberry flavoured."

Lily scrunched up her face. "What is it?" She asked from the opposite side of the room.

Sirius picked up the red elastic object with his wand. "A used-"

"Never mind," Lily interrupted, blocking her young ears.

Remus groaned in annoyance as he sat in front of the door, trying to slide his hand under the door and stretch out his fingers for help.

"Moony, there is no gap under the door. You do realise that, right?" James said uncertainly, slightly worried for Remus' lack of usual wisdom.

Remus made another groan and continued to slam his sliding hand into the door, even though the door was touching the ground and there wasn't even the slightest space in between.

A hurl of vomit was made.

"You alright, Padfoot?" James asked warily, glancing over at Sirius who'd just emptied his stomach...on a cubicle wall.

"He's not a good drunk," Remus explained.

"I am a good drunk!" Sirius argued, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. "I can handle my alchoolio." However, he was undermined by the fact that he'd just been sick and missed the toilet and his hair was plastered to his face.

"Return back to your post, Sirius," Lily ordered, chucking a loo roll at his head.

"What?" Sirius said blankly. He picked up the toilet roll and tore off a strip, depositing it in to his mouth without any hesitation.

"Toilet roll isn't edible, Sirius," Remus said from the floor. "James, will you please keep an eye on him? He's a child; he'll put anything in his mouth. Last time he was stuck in the hospital wing for a week for swallowing a chew toy."

"Oh yeah!" James giggled in reminiscing. "That chewy bone!"

Lily opened her mouth with much disturbance but decided not to converse on Sirius' stomach control. "Sirius, go back to your post," she ordered again.

"What post?" He slurred.

Lily rolled her eyes. "Go back to screaming for help at the door," she said in words that a dog would understand.

"Ooo, I can do that!" he said, proud of being given the responsibility. He scrambled up to the door, unfortunately stepping on Remus who had still been slamming his hand under the nonexistent gap.

Sirius took in a deep breath, sucking in his chest.

"Oh no," James muttered, covering his hands over Lily's ears for safety. For a second there was deep eye contact between them which could be considered as a rather romantic moment, but was ruined by Sirius' ear-piercing scream of 'HELP!'

His mouth opened wide, his nose scrunched up and eyes frighteningly bulgy as he opened his jaw, spit trailing from the top of his teeth to the bottom. He bent his head in a slightly unnatural way with clawed hands in the air for the added affect.

"HELP, WE'RE STUCK IN HERE!" Sirius screamed against the door. "HELLO!"

"That is alarming," Remus commented, hands over his ears. Sirius very much resembled some sort of disfigured, saliva spitting demon, and the top hat didn't even hinder the fact.

"HELP!" Sirius screamed again. "HELLO?"

"Hello?" A voice on the other side of the door called. The sixth years instantly got to their feet.

"HELLO?" Sirius repeated again.

"Hello?"

"HELLO?"

"Hello?"

"HELLOOOO?"

"I will not repeat myself again," the voice said sternly.

Sirius brightened and bounced on his feet. "Someone's answering!" He identified the obvious, pointing at the door. "We're saved-"

James pressed a hand to Sirius' mouth, his eyes wide accompanied with a face full of fear. The others looked at him tensely; this could have been considered as a serious moment for once.

"No," James trembled. "That's...that's-"

"BLACK!"

The group made inserts of gasps.

"Are you in there?" McGonagall demanded an answer. "You and your Gryffindor housemates!"

The group tried to hold their breath, as if breathing would give them away to the professor. They gave up when certain members turned red after only five seconds or turned the odd colour of fuchsia.

"What are we going to do?" James hissed, lowering his voice.

Remus sighed, "Maybe we should just say we're in here so she can get us out?"

James and Sirius snorted, and even Lily couldn't help but agree with them, but didn't want to snort because it was a little unattractive and didn't want to show her self to have the same opinion as Sirius Black.

"We're in deep cack, Moony!" James reminded him. "If she finds us in here, she'll yap her head off about the whole carriage thing."

"You do realise that McGonagall will punish us the second we return back to school," Remus pointed out.

"Yes, but we want to delay the punishment as long as we can."

"Your theories are mind boggling."

"OPEN THIS DOOR, NOW!"

"This is so foobed," Sirius said. Lily made yet another frown at the unrecognisable word.

"Maybe we can hide or something," Lily suggested, "In the cubicle!"

"What?"

"You know," Lily said in a tone which wants people to know what you're talking about when they really don't and never will. "Just hide in the cubicle, shut the door and stand on the toilet so they don't see your feet!" The boys gave her unconvinced looks. "It works in the Muggle films, alright!"

"That's normally when the serial killer stabs a knife into the cubicle wall and through your head," Sirius said with a wince.

"Well, I don't see you thinking up anything good, wanker!"

"Hel-lo?" Sirius said with deliberation. "The 'not breathing' thing was a good plan!"

Remus shook his head and muttered something very similar to the words of, "Bloody kids..."

"Isn't there anywhere else to hide?" James queried, hitting a few wall tiles for a nonexistent secret panel out of the smelly bathroom.

Lily smirked. "Someone could always fit in the sanitary towel disposal bin."

"Ooo, Prongs is stretchy!" Sirius said jovially. James made a hiss of "shut up" because Lily was wondering exactly how he knew James' stretchiness. "We can try and bend him into it."

"Wouldn't it smell?" James made a sniff of the air. "And be occupied by...er, feminine nappies-"

"Sanitary towels," Lily corrected.

"Whatever," James said, wanting to keep the subject away from feminine parts.

Their head's turned to the sound of a bang and unsuccessful curse behind the door, someone trying to enter but failing terribly.

Lily ran a hand through her hair, wondering if she could possibly claim innocence to McGonagall by blaming it all on the boys who had kidnapped her- which was partly true. Wondering if the added lies of them obliterating her mind would be necessary, the single bathroom window caught her eye.

Sirius followed her gaze and made a triumphant cheer. "The window, of course!" He made an arrogant laugh which turned into coughing up phlegm, still feeling slightly nauseous from the Firewhiskey. "How amazing am I to think of that amazing plan of amazingness."

"You cannot use the word 'amazing' that many times," Remus said, "It's unethical. You are abusing the English language."

Lily made a cry of outburst, pushing aside Remus' correction, which was not heard much to his annoyance. "Your idea? What do you mean 'your idea', wanker?" Sirius quirked his eyebrow at Lily's nickname which she had adopted for him.

"I don't jerk off all the time, y'know," Sirius said, thinking this shared information would be appreciated.

It was not.

"What did I say about disturbing conversations, Padfoot?" Remus smacked him upside the head. "What did I say, huh? What did I bloody say?" He grabbed the abandoned toilet roll and started ripping strips off, stuffing them in his gob to shut him up.

"I was just saying she doesn't have to keep calling me 'wanker' all the time," Sirius pouted and more tissue was stuffed into his mouth. "Redheads are incredibly rude," he rambled on, whilst James winced and shook his head, begging him to shut up as Lily got more annoyed.

"Oh, you're so funny, Sirius," she said sarcastically. "Is it because of your celibacy?"

Sirius opened his mouth in indignation. "Oi, I'll have you know," he wagged his finger at her, "that I snogged Marlene Simmons in the broom closet just last night!"

James put a hand to his shoulder and said, "And we have the outmost respect for you for doing that."

"Oh, that's nice, Sirius. Real nice," Lily said dryly. "And how long exactly have you been going out?"

Sirius frowned. "Who said we were going out?"

Remus put his head in his hands as Lily's laughter broke into the air.

"Oh, that is it," Sirius said, rolling up his sleeves in what he thought was an aggressive manner. Unfortunately, in the sleeve rolling he had pulled it up a little too forcefully, causing the sleeve to rip off. "I meant to do that. It was my raging muscles bulging out!"

James and Lily tried to hold back a snigger.

"Bring it," Sirius said, and blinked; his vision was getting slightly blurry from the amount of alcohol he'd consumed.

Lily cocked her head to one side. "What?"

"Bring it."

Remus made a familiar embarrassed shake of the head.

"Bring what exactly?" Lily said confusedly.

"Bring it ON!" Sirius swished his hands in the air in what he thought were karate-like moves, though to Lily it looked like he was doing some sort of odd dance or peculiar swimming in air.

"Oh lord, you are a making an utter fool of yourself, Sirius. Please stop," Remus begged.

"Don't get involved, Moony," Sirius said dramatically, and turned back to Lily, making 'HIYAH!' noises with chopping hands. This would have looked impressive if he didn't have toilet roll dribbling from his mouth, making him appear he had rabies.

"I am going to wound you now," Lily said with odd delight, cracking a knuckle. "I don't know when I'll stop."

James felt himself melt - he should have felt sympathy for Sirius, or at least jump in to save the person who was of real importance in his life -Lily Evans, of course- because she won over many best-friend-or-very-attractive-girl situations.

"I'm going to kick your redhead arse," Sirius warned her. He made another kick in the air but unfortunately lost balance and tumbled into Remus, who pushed him into some sort of standing position.

"I am going to remove your testicles," Lily said in a deadly tone. "One at a time to prolong the agony of one going without the other."

Remus stepped in between them, placing a hand on both of their heads, shoving them away. "Alright children, that's enough."

"Lily, remove his testicles later," James suggested, as if it were an everyday chore. "That's if he has any," he said in a cough, making Lily instantly shine to him. "Now back to the window plan. I'll give Lily boost up and push her through the window first."

The group looked at the small window; much emphasis on the word 'small'.

"James, that window is the size of your head," Lily pointed out.

"Abnormally large, then?" Sirius assumed.

"What are you doing?" James hissed at him. "It's like you want me to let go of Lily so she'll rip off your balls!"

Another explosion was heard outside the door and frustrated shout of "Oh for Merlin's sake!" from Professor McGonagall.

"We can use a spell," Remus suggested quickly, "An enlargement spell of some sort that'll last a few minutes until we escape."

Sirius made an amused smile at Remus' quick thinking. "Spoken like a true prankster, my Marauder."

"Or a convicted villain," Lily muttered.

"Right," James rubbed his hands together and revealed his wand from his back pocket. Pointing it at the window, he made a swish and incantation, making the window slightly larger.

"The window is very high up. Very high indeed," Lily acknowledged, and feeling as if the window got higher with every passing word.

James put out his hands together for Lily to hoist her foot on to and pushed her up on to his shoulders - this was very uncomfortable. Not only was Lily wearing a skirt but her thighs were pressed very warmly to James' cheeks making him flush a thousand reds.

"Take your time, Lily," James gritted through his teeth sarcastically, sweat dripping off his brow from not only being so close to her limbs but by the weight of the girl on his shoulders.

"Well, move closer to the window, then!" she said crossly.

She reached out her arms again for the window ledge that was at least a couple of feet away because James was stumbling back, tripping over toilet roll.

"Christ, James, you're making a career out of this," Sirius said. "Wait a second; I know what's going on. You're purposely slipping on toilet rolls so you'll stumble and make Lily thrust against your head and touch her thighs on your face!" He made an audible disgusted gasp. "DIRTY MINDED BOY!"

"You placed that toilet roll there, Padfoot," Remus reminded him.

Sirius gave him yet another Chinese burn, the second of that day.

"Do you think our friendship is mostly based on scolding each other?" Remus asked him, rubbing his arm.

"No," Sirius patted his shoulder in a reassuring way. "It's also based on teasing, bantering and babbling. Oh, and physical violence."

"A little closer, James," Lily said, stretching her arm out for the window. James made a giant step forward, and Lily's head smacked against the window pane. "Not that close, ignoramus!"

"Bugger, sorry," James apologized, now sweating buckets off his face. He made a sigh of relief as Lily pushed the window open and climbed through, getting off James' shoulders. As Lily crouched through the gap she made a slight shriek as she jumped off the window to the other side, landing in the alley outside of the Hog's head.

"You okay?" James called.

She waved a hand from the other side of the window and yelled a, "Yeah."

"Okay, I'm next." James faced his friends and eyed them both, eventually settling on Remus. "Can you boost me up, Moony?"

Remus nodded and put out his hands out as James had done with Lily. James, however, had other ideas. Snorting, he pushed Remus forward so he was bent over. As the boy tried to shout protest, James quickly stepped on to his flat back and hoisted himself on to the window.

"Hey, how come you chose Moony over me?" Sirius pouted. "I'm strong too, you know."

"Sorry, drunken rabid boy." James made a frown at Sirius' toilet roll filled mouth. "Moony's an undercover werewolf," he reminded him out of Lily's earshot.

"Well, I'm an..." Sirius fumbled for an impressive occupation. "An...er, undercover...Sex God! That's right!"

James scoffed, and unfortunately as he tried to balance himself on the window ledge, fell forward with a high-pitched scream, flat face on to the pavement of the alley.

Lily stood over him, and noted, "Your sense of counterbalance is amazing, James."

He tilted his head up to look at her, but her position had been badly chosen as she stood over him where his eyes peeked in a direct line of under her skirt. He made a goofy face and murmured, "Nice angle..."

Lily stomped on his face.

"Ooo, I heard foot stomping!" Sirius said as he bounced on his feet, making dog-like jumps at the window so he could see what was going on outside. "What's going on?"

"James probably looked up Lily's skirt or something," Remus muttered knowingly.

"Har-bastard-bloody-har," James' voice called outside.

Remus straightened. "Okay, I'm next," he decided.

Sirius narrowed his eyes. "How come you get to go next?"

"Because we're going in alphabetical order."

"But Lily went before James and the letter 'L' is after 'J'."

"Alphabetical order starting from now," Remus stated, surprised at how Sirius knew the alphabet, especially when he'd just drank Firewhiskey.

"But 'S' is before 'R' isn't it? No, wait, let me check. A, b, c..."

Or maybe not.

"Sirius, just bend over," Remus said, then instantly regretted his words as his childish friend erupted into immature giggles.

"Who's bending over?" James called from inside. "Poofs!"

"Sorry, Moony. I don't bend in that way," Sirius teased.

Remus made a hellish glare. "Bend over before I bite you."

"Yes, sir," Sirius cowered, flattening his back. Remus made a grumble and stepped on to him, stabling himself and using Sirius as an odd sort of surfboard.

"Ow, you're digging your bloody heels into my back!" Sirius complained. "Muh-oony!"

Remus made a stomp into his back. "Sorry didn't realise!" He made another kick, making Sirius mumble, "Bloody werewolves and their bad tempers." Remus latched his hands onto the window ledge and managed to crouch on his knees.

"I don't think we thought this plan through, Padfoot."

"I know. I only just realised."

"You don't know what I'm talking about, do you."

"No bloody idea."

Remus rolled his eyes. "How are we going to get you through now?" Another pound at the door was heard. "Although, I could just leave you to McGonagall."

Sirius burst into fake sobbing and cried, "Take me with you, Moony! Don't leave me!"

Remus squirmed. "Alright, calm down. I'll somehow pull you up," he told him, but knew this plan would dubiously fail in a matter of seconds.

Remus bent down his arms which Sirius jumped and held on to and managed to pull him up. Unfortunately, there not being enough window ledge for the both of them and the impact of the pulling causing Remus to fall back on to the pavement.

"Oh, that'll hurt in the morning," Remus muttered from the ground. As he brushed himself off and got to his feet, he looked up at the window and burst into hysterical laughter.

"S'not funny, Moony!"

"Oh, it is," Remus insisted. He took in every aspect of the picture in front of him so it would be preserved in his brain for ever: Sirius stuck in a window with a highly peeved face and a scowl larger than Snape's.

Remus snickered. "What happened, Padfoot? Is your butt too big to fit through the window?"

Sirius wagged a finger at him. "You bloody well know what happened! James' bloody charm wore off! Where the hell is he? Where's Evans?"

Remus looked around, noticing the couple to have disappeared. He spotted the two running off down the alley laughing.

"They left," Remus smiled.

Sirius looked comically enraged. "Oh, I'll get that twonk! Mark my words!"

"I doubt you'll be able to 'get him', Remus quoted, "considering you're stuck in a window."

"Get me out of here!" Sirius shrieked, waving his arms and legs.

Remus scratched his chin and comfortably leaned against the alley wall. "Hmm, I don't know..."

"What do you mean you don't know?"

"I think you'd be rather useful just stuck in a window."

"How so?" Sirius said hysterically. "So people can point and laugh at me?"

As if on cue, a small wizard passed the alley, and then doubled back spotting Sirius stuck in the window. He came over, made a very rude point of the finger with an audible "HAR HAR," and ran off.

"C'mon," Remus laughed. "You've got to admit that was funny."

Sirius determinedly kept his mouth in a downwards position and forced himself not to chuckle. "I don't know where this...evil...torture-loving self from within you suddenly came from," he said with horror. "If you were stuck in a window, I would help you straight away!"

Remus barked a laugh.

"Okay, so maybe," Sirius gave in, "maybe, I would pull down your pants, smear bird food to your buttocks with peanut butter -to make it sticky, of course- and watch pigeons peck at your arse and rape you from the behind." Remus gaped at him in horror. "But I would definitely help you after five minutes."

Remus checked his watch and shrugged. "Well, it has been roughly five minutes of babbling." He grabbed his wand from his suit pocket and was about to mutter an incantation, until the sound of a bursting door opening made him freeze.

"Ha! There you are!" McGonagall shouted, making a grab of Sirius' legs, trying to stop his escape.

"NO! SHE'S GOT ME, MOONY! SHE'S GOT MEEE!" Sirius yelled. "HELP!" He resolved back to his earlier insane, bulging eyes, wide mouth and spit trailing demeanour. "HELP!"

Remus quickly fumbled with his wand and waved it at the window, making it instantly enlarge and deposit Sirius to the floor. He scrambled to his feet, making a horrifying look along with Remus at the beady eyes of the professor, popping up every few seconds at the window as she jumped to see them.

"Get back here!" McGonagall screamed in frustration.

Sirius grabbed Remus by the neck and dragged him down the alley, both sprinting as fast as possible to the main street of Hogsmeade, leaving the furious professor's shouts behind them.

James and Lily sat on the bench, surrounded by darkness apart from a few twinkling stars that reminded you of Dumbledore's eyes or one of the brightest stars named 'Sirius' which made James feel like he was being mocked by a burning ball of gas. Their breaths clouded white in the chilly air, both watching the Shrieking Shack with comfortable silence.

"Do you want to move a bit closer?" Lily asked.

James' eyes widened. "To the Shrieking shack?" he assumed.

"No, to me, stupid. You're so far off the edge of the bench you'll fall off in a second," Lily laughed.

"What? No I-"

He suddenly slipped off the side of the bench and on to the grass, unfortunately leaving James with a dirty patch on his jeans that many people would question later to how it had been caused.

He chuckled, "I see your point," sitting back on to the bench closer to Lily where their shoulders touched and kept each other company.

"So...have you enjoyed the date?" James asked casually, yet her answer meant everything to him.

"It's definitely been...unusual," Lily stated.

Unusual. He wasn't sure whether to interpret that answer as a good or bad comment.

"I have to admit, all that hiding and running away from Professor McGonagall was fun," Lily smiled surprisingly. "You know, kind of dangerous and exhilarating."

"That's what it's like everyday for a Marauder," James sighed. "I'll be surprised if I don't have grey hair by the time I'm twenty from all this stress."

"So," Lily said in odd shyness. "Uh...maybe we should-"

James' heart leapt. Was Lily Evans going to actually ask to kiss-

"Get back to Hogwarts," she finished.

James wondered if it was possible to die of disappointment, but nonetheless, forced a smile and said warmly, "Yeah, sure."

Just as he was about to straighten his knees and seize Lily's hand to hold as he walked her back to school, a sudden explosion was heard from the Shrieking Shack making the couple jump back in surprise. They watched as fireworks erupted from the dilapidated building; blinding colours shooting and swirling into the sky leaving glittering trails behind.

"Wow, it's beautiful," Lily said, her eyes following the fireworks bursting in all directions. She turned to James who was just as startled by how the fireworks quickly appeared out of nowhere. "Did you do this?"

"Er..." James contemplated whether to accept the glory of this fireworks plan that was probably conjured by his fellow Marauders. "Well-"

Another bang was heard, making them both turn to the sky again. In a shoot of fireworks, the sparkles of light had started to move and form the words in the sky: James Potter did this for you, Lily Evans!

"I, er, do believe I did," James tried to mask his surprise, reading the message in the sky before making a lopsided grin to Lily that he was a genius to have done such advanced magic. Another boom was heard where glittery letters broke into the air as the words, You rock my wizarding world thattrailed across the heavens before disappearing in the black.

"You rock my wizarding world?" Lily read aloud, pursing her lips together.

"Yeah...that was a bad one," James commented, about to run a hand embarrassingly through his hair but cursed when his tea cosy hat prevented it.

Yet another bang exploded in the sky and they watched once more, gleaming letters crystallizing into the sentence, Your beauty stupefies me.

James really wished that the firework messages would stop because it was getting a little humiliating and he knew other classmates could probably see these 'private' bulletins.

He winced, preparing himself for the possible shouting he would get from Lily or tormenting at how cheesy this romantic notion had been. But when he looked at her, she made a bashful smile and was blushing.

"That's the sweetest thing anyone's ever done for me..." Lily's lips curled into a definite smile.

And for once, James thanked his unlucky stars that he had three odd and unhelpful friends who had possibly done the best deed for him in sixth years of Hogwarts, which he would have to make up with never-ending galleons and probably doing their homework essays.

James licked his lips in anticipation -which looked a bit peculiar as if he were about to devour a succulent meal- and reached a trembling hand to the back of Lily's neck, inching towards her lips.

BANG!

Lily's head turned sharply towards the firework, making James miss her mouth and give a delectable peck to her ear. He made an unsatisfied whimper.

"There's another message forming in the fireworks," Lily murmured, her eyes mesmerised by the blinding colours.

"Really?" James said absentmindedly. "I'm not really interesting in the fireworks anymore..." He tried to redirect his mouth around her cheek and onto her lips.

"Pervert!"

"W-what?" James broke off, slightly taken aback.

Before he could comprehend what was happening, Lily pushed his hand roughly away from him and got to her feet. As he tried to understand what was going on, the redhead had stomped away. He watched with bewilderment as her figure got smaller and smaller in the distance.

"Lily? Lily, where are you going?" He shouted after her, annoyed that she did not reply.

"What the...I...she...EH?" James tried to form a sentence but was too confounded by what had just happened. He made a deep frown and finally turned his eyes to the sky above the Shrieking Shack where the last words of a flickering message were slowly disappearing.

'SHAG ME SENSELESS' flickered in the air.

"Oh bugger it all," James muttered miserably, in need of a spontaneous suicide attack.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hehe.... OMG i love writing this.... LOLZ!!!!!!! I loved the 'SHAG ME SENSELESS!!!!!' I was thinking on what to upload and then I remembered the fireworks, so i was like why not? It was sooooo fun writing this...

Comment!

Vote!

Fan!

Enjoy!

Fall off your seat!

Go buy me some new BOOKS!!!!!!(Really i need some....)

LOVE YOU ALL!!!!!!!!!!!

<3 Y

P.S. GO READ KILLER LIES BY EMMALEE_SKY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!(Obviously without the capitals....)