In the long, narrow passageways of South Phinesdale was a full experience of unnerving glares from intimidatingly large and buff tattooed men with piercings on almost every square inch of their body.

These men never took their eyes off me. They gave me devilishly-looking glares as if I were held captive by them, and with me were their desires to chop my body into bits and pieces to feed their famished hunt dogs. And in their monstrous gazes, I was behind bars, constantly tormented by judgment and having nowhere else to go.

Walking along its unsafe alleys, I squished Nathan's arm as tightly as I could.

In every house we passed by, dogs barked at us endless like we were burglars on the loose. The smell of cigarettes and rotten fruit in the garbage floated in the air. And the housewives hanging wet clothes at their terraces cursed at their neighbors like it was a part of their mediocre daily routine. Merely being here made everything else even scarier, even when I was doing absolutely nothing.

"So... why Phinesdale?" I asked.

"Gee, it's not like I can live in Vichtrone Avenue and buy mansions as gigantic as yours, right?"

"You could let go of me now, you know."

"Never," I said, consciously moving my head in different directions.

"I'm talking about my arm, Carter," he said, looking at me and barely holding in his laughter, "you're squeezing my arm."

"Oh... oh, right. Sorry." Ashamed, I slowly let go of his slightly bruised arm.

"I'm a little offended, you know. South Phinesdale isn't that scary. If you think this place makes you feel like you got a free ticket to hell, wait till you get a glimpse of North Phinesdale."

"Well, to be honest with you, I'm sorry if my fear offended you. But I'm not going to apologize for being scared because that's how this place makes me feel," I said.

We continued walking down the alley. Not once did I let go of his body. I may had given his arm some rest, but just seconds later his shirt was wrinkled by my constant pulling and yanking.

When we had reached the end of the alley, there was a rather small house that looked like it had been inhabited by a whole army. All the clutter spoke for itself.

"Guys, look, Trevmore's bringing home another one," shouted a shirtless man sitting on a stool while playing a board game.

"Two chicks in a row this week!" Another man said with a cigarette in between his yellow, decayed teeth.

"The guy's got taste," said one, staring at me from head to toe, "and skill." He spoke to the man standing beside him. Both chuckled and clinked their beers.

"Shut up, idiots. That's not just any girl. That's the girl." A grown man with a bushy mustache on his face showed up with more men behind him.

They all knew Nathan. And they cheered him on with an inside joke that only they seem to find funny. Nathan laughed along with them, but once in a while he looked at me to see

I didn't know any of these people. So I am in no position to judge, but somehow I can't stop it. These people fit most, if not all, descriptions of a criminal or of highway men. And their lifestyle and manner of speaking corroborate as well.

"Don't listen to these losers," he said. "The other chick they're talking about is your sister."

"Audrey's been here?"

"The regret of the year."

"And how did she react?"

"She said I lived in a pig sty and I'm never gonna bring home a girl in my whole life as long as I lived here."

I tried my hardest not to laugh. Audrey's brutal truths were never wrong, but those could disappoint everyone in a room in one blow. "Right. Sorry," I cleared my throat. "I thought you'd be alone."

"Ah, now I get it. You thought we'd be the only ones here, then you seduce me, then I give in, and everything is forgiven? Yeah right."

"I never said that."

"I know. It's just how I'd like to go down if we were in some alternate universe."

"Why don't you want it to happen in this universe?"

"Because those jerks might hear us. Our sex tape might even be more infamous than Kim K's," he said, whispering near my ear. "Okay, now talk."

"It's too noisy here, Nate."

"I'm sorry to disappoint you, princess. Our walls here aren't soundproof."

"Fine. Let's go somewhere else," he said.

Nathan went to the garage and I trailed along behind him. Seeing the place all messy, he groaned loudly. He shooed away the dogs and birds sitting idly by the toolbox. And as I waited for him to finish arranging things into their proper place, I simply stood still, already having too much on my plate, worrying about the lizards crawling at the ceiling.

Meanwhile, he took off the motorcycle cover and dusted off the seat. "So...this is what we're riding," I said.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing. It's just that, uh, I've never ridden on a motorcycle before."

"Poor you," he chuckled, rolling his eyes. "Don't worry, I'll just speed up so you'd fall."

Ignoring his commentary, I asked, "Where are we going?"

"To eat. I'm starving."

Nathan helped me get on the motorcycle. He put the helmet on my head and sealed it tight. Considering it was the first time I've ever worn a helmet, I felt quite uncomfortable with my head squished like a watermelon wrapped around with hundreds of rubber bands.

As he turned on the engine, I hugged him immediately from behind, scared I might fall.

"Rutt Minnie's?"

"Hey, don't give me that look. I used to work here and you used to go here with your vicious so-called friends," he said, pushing open the glass door. "Besides, they got the best cheeseburgers in the area."

As soon as went inside, Nathan patted my shoulders and said, "You're paying, by the way. Since you owe me dinner."

Rolling my eyes, I stood in line. Staring at the menu above, I told the cashier my order. Having been given the tray, I went to the table where Nathan was sitting, which was near the window pane.

"You seated on that very spot. One blonde chick sat right here," he pointed on the chair adjacent to mine. "And the other blonde beside her right here."

"And the brunette bitch sitting beside you who was delusional enough to think she was pretty enough to date me sat here, so this is where I'm sitting."

"May she be turned down by all the guys she asks out and be drawn to the unfortunate, not-so-lucky ones," he said, looking above to the sky.

"That's so mean, Nate," I chuckled, getting our hot food off the tray.

"So... about the thing I told you," I said, munching on my hamburger.

"Uh-uh. Not yet. We're not gonna to talk about that here."

"Then where are we going to talk about it?"

"It's a surprise," he said, taking a french fry.

After having lunch at Rutt Minnie's, we hit the road again. This time our destination was much farther, but I still had no idea where Nathan was planning on taking me. He has this habit of surprises.

On the road, I fell asleep with my head leaning on his back and my fingers interlocked as I hugged him. Riding on a motorcylce wasn't as relaxing as on a limousine, but I could've never felt the same kind of feeling on the latter.

Eventually, we stopped and I opened my eyes to see a crowd of people. There were ladies in bikinis sunbathing in deckchairs, couples walking along the shoreline, and big families having a picnic.

Children about three to twelve years old built sandcastles with a toy bucket and shovel. Some played volleyball at the side while those who refused to have fun under the scorching heat watched them play under the shade. Meanwhile, more toddlers surrounded a man selling cheap ice cream near the cottages as he rang his bell.

When I looked up to the sky, it was filled with a curtain of misty linings and heavenly white clouds that swayed like angels. And the briny sea breeze tickled the pores of my skin.

"Nate, what are we doing here at San Diego?"

"Come on. Let's go for a swim," he said, unbuttoning his pants.

"I'm, um, just going to stay right here. I... I, uh, think the water's cold."

"Avery Bridgette van Carter..."

"What?"

"You...can't swim," he said in a singsong voice.

I scoffed nervously. "Of course I can."

Then he gave me the face. He gave me that captivating smile that was a sign he was about to do something stupid that would piss me off.

I knew he was going to do was completely opposite to what I'd do, but out of many, it was the smile that was wild enough to tame me.

His smile made me believe the unbelievable. His smile made me not fear the danger, the complication, the uncertainty of it all.

"Nate, I swear if you —-"

"Trust me," he said.

He carried me in his arms. And I rounded my arms around his neck. Instead of shrieking for him to let me go, I felt the fear suddenly fading. I looked at his eyes and I saw his desire to make me trust him. In that moment, I knew that he knew what he was doing; that he was never planning on hurting me.

When we've reached farther enough from the shoreline, he threw me into the water. "Nate, I'm scared! I'm going to drown!"

"Quit squirming. I'm right here. You're not gonna drown."

But after being a while in the water, I no longer felt the fear of drowning but the calmness of his voice. I knew that the warmth of his voice kissed the fear away.

After his little demonstration, we returned back to the shore.

"So, what hotel should we check in?"

"Hotel?" He scoffed.

"Here," he said. "This is our hotel. We'll sleep on the sand."

"Are you crazy? On the sand?" I said, "but what about the hermit crabs and the tiny crawling creatures and I...uh I don't think it's best for us to —"

"Look, Carter, if you want to stay in some ridiculously expensive hotel, then go. But I'm staying here," he said, drinking a beer.

"Fine," I said with a pouty face. "Screw hermit crabs then, huh?"

"Screw them hermit crabs."

We did lots of fun things on the vast, golden sand; running around and chasing each other with sand in our hands. We laughed and talked about all sorts of things till dusk.

As it began to get dark, Nathan collected firewood while I just sat down waiting for him to finish. When he got enough, he lighted up the whole nest with a match. The temperature was getting lower so the bonfire was definitely a good touch.

"Does any of this ring a bell?" He said, putting dry leaves and twigs to the bonfire pit.

I was confused at what he was trying to say at first. I've never been to a beach in San Diego alone with a guy before until now. Curious, I thought about what he said, and then it hit me.

"Oh my God! San Diego beach, bonfire, stars..." I gasped. "Nate, you shouldn't have."

He chuckled when I finally remembered. "You once told your mean friends we've been here and did lots of cool stuff together," he said, "so why don't we make it real?"

"The only thing that's missing is...an acoustic jam and..."

"Skinny dipping," he said, raising his brows.

"So... we should talk about yesterday." Even if I still wanted to actualize the daydream I bragged to my friends in high school, a part of me wanted to let go of the guilt I'm feeling. So I
changed the topic right away.

"Buzzkill," he said, adding more twigs to the pit.

"Fine. Let's not talk about that yet. Let's talk about something else. You get to ask the questions first. Any question."

"When you came back to the city after your long vacation at Treposienne, were you planning to see me?"

"Wha —- I thought we're not going to talk about any of that."

"Just answer the damn question, Carter."

"No."

"But wait, let me explain. I—-"

He scoffed. "Nah, don't bother. You obviously have forgotten about me."

"Why do you think I had blueberry pie on my fridge?"

"I bought only the blueberry-flavored pie almost every weekend because it reminded me of you, of us. And I needed to remember, so I'd have something to hold onto during the time I felt most alone."

"And so I leave a small piece for you every time. And every time, the maggots eat them first before you do." I let out a chuckle as my eyes began to water.

"Now tell me, how could I have ever forgotten about you?" I turned away and wiped my tears quickly.

"Okay. It's my turn to ask the questions."

"Why didn't you get mad at me?" I looked at him straight in the eyes.

"The day I sent hookers over to the apartment while you were there, why did you leave? Why didn't you come running to me or wait for me to get home?"

"'Cause I knew what you were gonna do, and there's nothing I could've done to stop it."

"You knew I was going to get married that time? How?"

"Cause Eric came for me, Avery. He came banging at the door and calling me names thinking I cheated on you. He was furious."

"What? How could I not know this?"

"So I told him I didn't call any of those prostitutes and I knew nothing about them. He didn't believe me at first. The anger still got the best of him. But as soon as he calmed down, he told me everything —- right to my face."

"I wasn't angry about the hookers, Avery," he said, covering his face.

"I'm angry about what you make me feel whenever we're together, and then you abandon me in mid air the next. It's how you say you love me, yet you're not even strong enough to fight for it."

"And it fucking hurt when you chose him over me."

Seeing him cry, it felt like my heart was torn to pieces by piranhas. Tormented was I when he said those words. Faced with guilt, I looked at the fiery burning of the fire pointlessly and imagined it swallowing me whole.

His feelings were already at the tip of his canyon for the longest time; loaded with ammunition and ready to fire. And I knew he had to let it out eventually. I may not be able to understand fully the pain that I've caused him, but I felt his pain in my heart in that moment.

Because every day since I've hurt him I prayed so hard that I'd be able to feel the pain I was capable of inflicting.

Hours later, the sun had risen again. And as beautiful it was to witness from the shoreline, it was time to go home.

We hit back on the road again and this time the feeling was a bit melancholic and nostalgic at the same time. It was sad because it ended so soon, and while on the road, we knew we were literally diving into the reality of us not being together.

But I knew that I was going to miss it and when the moment is over I knew that I'd think about this day every single day, so I was happy; because at least there was something to miss.

And considering all that's going on in my life, there was not much to miss.

"I had fun today," I said. I kissed him on his left cheek, hoping it would be enough to heal the painful exchanges back in San Diego.

"Me too." Nathan leaned in closer and was about to kiss me back when a loud whistle interrupted our goodbyes.

"Wished I had the same fun you guys had," said Eric, looking down from the terrace.