Cleaning and cleaning over and over again...my thoughts are spinning again. Why is this happening to me? I shook my head a couple of times. I can't be doing this right now...I need to get this cleaning done so my 'feelings' can come later...or never... I mean all they ever want is to use me, so what's the point of bothering with all of these painful feelings I have...no one wants to listen to me anyway.

Shuichi...

He wants to listen to me right? I mean that's why we are together right?...Should I? That can come after cleaning...I'll just text him. He wants to listen to me. I hope this doesn't make him hate me like everyone else does at some point later on...why do they always leave me?

Is it my fault? Is all of this my fault? I felt tears coming to my eyes. Am I the reason I am so unloved? Doesn't Shuichi actually love me...or was that a lie to save my feelings? I want him to love me like I have always loved him, but that doesn't and it will never mean that he actually does. I mean who am I kidding...I'm a pathetic person hoping for someone to love them...but I'm just making more people pity or hate my sorry ass...

Why does this always happen? I have never understood what love is...so why would I jump into a relationship with an amazing person when I'm just me...

I shook my head again trying my best to get rid of all the painful thoughts so I can finish all of this work before tomorrow. Tomorrow is another day at school...another day with all of those morons who judge me...another day where I feel exhausted all day.

. . .

After I finished cleaning the house like I do every night I was sitting up in my room with anxiety coursing through me. What if he doesn't want to talk to me? What if he hates me already...sure today was nice but...does that mean anything. No I can't be thinking like this, just call him.

Ring ring

Ring ri-

"Oh hey Kokichi! How are you doing?" He asked almost immediately. I blushed at how quickly he picked up the phone but suppressed my blush quickly after.

"Hey Shu...if I'm being honest I'm not doing great..." I whispered. He didn't say anything for a moment, making my anxiety worsen...but soon I heard a ping on my phone that he wanted to video call. I pressed the accept button before I was looking at his face.

"What's the matter?" He asked with a small frown. I wanted to have him hug me and tell me it was going to be alright....but as of now this is the best I can get...

"I feel like I'm being a burden to you...and that you only claim that you love me because you pity me like everyone else does." He went silent.

Shit...did I make him feel guilty?! I didn't mean to make him feel bad! I should apologize! "Sorry! I didn't mean that you don't actually love me...because that's your choice and it's ok if you don't...and these are just my feelings-"

"Hey hey! It's ok to be doubtful Kokichi...I know how it must have been being together with Rantaro just for him to throw you away and continue harassing you...but know that I do love you! I love you more than I have ever loved anyone before! I haven't been in a relationship before, but I want to know what you want this relationship to be...just let me know how I can make you feel all the live I have for you," Tears soon came you my eyes. He isn't lying! He wasn't ever lying to me! Why does my brain always do this to me? I just want to feel the love he has for me...and I just want him to feel the same...

"Thank you, to be honest I just want to hug you right now...I have been feeling a little touch starved," I laughed a bit feeling some tears come down my cheeks.

"And I would love to give you a hug lovely," He said with a cute smile.

"But we always have school tomorrow and I could even come and pick you up! Then I can give you a hug then!" He smiles again with that adorable smile where his blush is dusting his cheeks. And his eyes look at me with a loving gaze that almost makes my heart stop...I love him too much! I just want to kiss his face all over because he is just what I need. He is the thing I have been missing my whole life.

"I would love that...but you should be getting to bed! You need your sleep ShuShu!" I exclaimed making him giggle.

"Alright but only if you go to sleep," He said making me frown...I haven't been able to get any decent sleep since forever...

"I don't know if I will! But I will sure try!" I smiled trying to give off the message that he could hang up to sleep.

"Here I'll sing you something...I have been told my voice sounds nice, but know it may not be the best..." He whispered into the phone. I blushed a bit before remembering the time we danced together...he is just so perfect!

"I found a love for me
Darling, just dive right in

And follow my lead
Well, I found a boy, beautiful and sweet

I never knew you were the someone waiting for me
'Cause we were just kids when we fell in love

Not knowing what it was
I will not give you up this time

Darling, just kiss me slow, your heart is all I own
And in your eyes, you're holding mine

Baby, I'm dancing in the dark with you between my arms
Barefoot on the grass, we're listenin' to our favorite song

When you said you looked a mess, I whispered underneath my breath

But you heard it, darling, you look perfect tonight

Well, I found a man, stronger than anyone I know
He shares my dreams, I hope that someday I'll share his home

I found a love, to carry more than just my secrets
To carry love, to carry children of our own

We are still kids, but we're so in love
Fightin' against all odds

I know we'll be alright this time
Darling, just hold my hand

Be my boy, I'll be your man
I see my future in your eyes

Baby, I'm dancing in the dark, with you between my arms
Barefoot on the grass, listenin' to our favorite song

When I saw you in that dress, looking so beautiful
I don't deserve this, darling, you look perfect tonight

Oh, no, no
Mm

Baby, I'm dancing in the dark, with you between my arms
Barefoot on the grass, we're listenin' to our favorite song

I have faith in what I see
Now I know I have met an angel in person

And he looks perfect
No, I don't deserve this

You look perfect 𝐓𝐨𝐧𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭" I was out before he was able to say goodbye so I'm assuming he hung up while I fell asleep.

. . .

-Here is today's update! I have been feeling sick but I'm probably doing alright! Thank you all so much for reading!!-

-ShuichiOuma010-