Another early update :D Enjoy them while they last, I think I'll update two or three more chapters earlier than they were supposed to and then go back to the once per week updates.

On another news, WE HAVE A NEW COVER! It's all thanks to chica123forever/TheyCallMeMuffin/ItsMuffinBro or whatever her next username is xD Let me know if you like it! And just so you all know, you can make covers for my stories whenever you want, I love it when you do x3

Let me know what you think!

Hoping you enjoy the story,

-> Desyre

Daniel

                I felt as if my heart was being ripped out of me, yet I couldn’t show it. I wanted nothing more than to yell until my throat hurt and then just I cry my eyes out until sleep came and I could just forget about all this crap for a few blessed hours. I wanted to get the hell out of this classroom, go to my house, and hide there until this nightmare was over, maybe even stay there for the rest of my life. I wanted to go back in time to when Kyle and I were still together and stop me from opening my big mouth and making Kyle see what he had right in front of him, keep us from breaking up. No, that wasn’t right. I didn’t want that. I wouldn’t have Nate if I did that. I wanted to go back to the moment when Paul saved Kyle and prevent it. Tell the police about Kyle’s attack and prevent Paul from saving him, that way they wouldn’t have had anything else to do with each other. No, that wouldn’t work out either. They would’ve met afterwards anyways. I didn’t know what I wanted to do but I know I didn’t want Kyle to be with Paul.

                Why Paul of all people? Why him? Why the one guy who had the most chances of hurting him? Why not someone else? I didn’t think my problem was about who he went out because I didn’t want it to be me either, it seemed it had more to do with the fact that thatperson was Paul. Kyle was definitely going to get hurt. But I couldn’t do anything about it. He was right, we weren’t together anymore, and even though we were best friends I had no right to decide with whom he could go out and with whom he couldn’t. But still, did he have to say it like that? Paul was already changing him. Kyle would never have said something like that before. No, who am I trying to deceive? Kyle has always been that radical and fanatical about the things he loves. Defending them passionately, like he’d just done… which meant he loved Paul.

                Dammit. My place or not I was determined to make one more stab at trying to make Kyle see reason.

                When P.E. rolled around and I was making my way towards my locker, I saw Kyle was waiting there for me.

“Umm… Would you mind if we talked? I almost always skip P.E. anyways and well, I figured you wouldn’t mind skipping.” He said sounding tentative.

                That was so like him, always thinking about his commodity and thinking everyone would adapt to that. He didn’t use to be like that, I remember when we met he thought about me and looked for a quieter place for us to talk. I didn’t know what had changed, but he wasn’t like that anymore, now he was used to getting his way and people bending to do what he wanted them to do.

                I just shrugged my shoulders keeping my blank face in place and not giving anything away.

                Kyle turned around and went into an empty classroom. He opened the door and let me go in first then he got in and closed it after himself. I just kind of stood there waiting for him to start talking. He looked anxious for a few moments, like he didn’t know what to say or how to say what he wanted to say. I wondered silently what had him so nervous. Kyle was the type of person that spoke his mind no matter what. He spoke without caring if what he said hurt or insulted more than one. He believed that his opinion counted and that he had a right to say it, no matter what other people thought. Then he sighed and looked up at me.

“Look, I know what I said earlier was wrong. I was in a foul mood and you just come along to give me an earful and worsen my mood. It was more than I could take at the moment and I ended up taking out my anger on you. I didn’t mean to say what I said the way I said it.” He said looking at me.

                You wouldn’t have been in a foul mood if it wasn’t for that asshole you’re dating, you blind idiot. But he was apologizing… which was weird to say the least. Kyle never apologized for what he said, it was all part of that crap about his right to express his opinion. Then I noticed that he wasn’t apologizing for what he’d said, but for the way he’d said it. That was clever. Apologizing but not really doing it.

“Ok.” I said simply, seeing his words for what they were.

“I did mean the main message, though. You can’t keep looking after me the way you have, like we’re boyfriends, and you have no right to insult the people I’m dating like that either. You have no right to tell me whom I can and whom I can’t date.” Kyle said firmly looking me straight in the eyes with a determined look, wanting desperately to make me understand.

                I’m your fucking best friend, I practically grew up with you, what do you expect from me?! You expect me to just keep quiet when I know the guy’s going to screw you over?! Am I supposed to just watch as he rips your heart out and steps on it?! I wanted to yell at him, making him understand, tell him about what I’d seen Paul do to the kids here when he was being an asshole with his jock friends.

“Are you sure this is what you want and what he wants? Are you sure he’s not playing around?” I asked instead.

                This was my last try at making him see reason. If after this he still thinks Paul is God incarnated then that’s it. I really couldn’t do anything else, no matter how much I wanted to. Kyle had to see it for himself or he just wouldn’t see it. That was the thing with Kyle when he found a new thing he loved, he got fanatical and defended it blindly, not accepting anything but what he believed was true. If it was chocolate and he thought that chocolate didn’t make people get fat, no matter what you told him until he saw proof of chocolate making people gain weight he would deny it.

“Daniel… I know you’re still not over me, I know that you still love me very much and that the idea of me dating other people hurts you deeply. But you have to get over me. You have to move on, find someone else. You’re not only hurting yourself but hurting me and other people too.” Kyle said looking at me with sympathy in his eyes all his earlier anger and determination and stuff gone, instead his voice was filled with sadness and his eyes with care and concern.

                No. He was wrong. I didn’t love him. I just didn’t like that he was dating Paul specifically. He could date the lunch lady’s kid for all I cared. Right? Shit, now he was messing with my head. It did hurt to see him with someone else, but that was just because it was Paul, I didn’t want to get back together with him. I didn’t, did I? Could he be right? Could it be that I was still in love with him and that that was the reason why it hurt so much to know he was dating Paul? Could I be wrong? He was right. God and I had started dating Nate. Did I use Nate as a rebound? How could I be so stupid? How could I do that to him? I had to stop whatever I had with him until I was sure I was over Kyle. I didn’t want to use him as Kyle’s substitute. God I would destroy him when I told him. I had promised him that I would never hurt him and that was exactly what I was going to do. I really didn’t know what hurt more, Kyle dating Paul or me destroying Nate’s heart. But I was going to have to worry about that later, I was still having a conversation with Kyle and no matter what he’d just made me realize, he had avoided my question.

“Answer my question.” I said quietly, wanting to keep the myriad of emotions going through me out of it.

“Yes I’m sure, Daniel. Yes, I’m sure that Paul is not playing around with me. He won’t hurt me. He can’t hurt a fly, how could he hurt me?” Kyle said with a firm tone with that determined look in his face again, all sympathy, sadness, concern, and whatever he had felt for me gone.

                This was it. He was completely and totally gone. Kyle was blinded by his love and would only see what he wanted to see. The only thing that was left was his destruction, and I couldn’t do anything about it. I would have to be a sad witness of it. Then I wondered again what hurt more, knowing that Kyle was going to get his heart ripped out, him ripping mine out, or me ripping Nate’s out.

“Alright.” I said in a level tone, but in reality wanting nothing more than to run as far as my legs could get me, scream, cry, whatever, anything but standing here with Kyle giving me that defiant and determined look.

                Kyle didn’t say anything else and rather than just stand there noticing just how blind Kyle was, I left. I just walked past him and out of the classroom. I needed a place to hide, a place to think, I needed something to take my mind off of this. It was always like this before when Kyle and I would fight. And there was only one thing that seemed to work at calming me down. I needed to work out, jog, go to the gym, whatever. I sent a text to Nate telling him that, since I was leaving and was taking the car, he needed to text me when he got out of swimming practice so I could come pick Claire and him up. I didn’t even wait for the confirmation I just checked my pockets to see if I had the car keys and started walking towards the car.

                I spent the rest of the day so immersed in my thoughts that I didn’t notice anything, I was on auto-pilot. And was drenched in sweat by the time I heard my phone ringing with Nate’s ringtone. I picked up my phone as I got off the machine I was working in and started making my way to the locker room to change, take a shower, and leave.

“Hello? Daniel?” Nate asked.

                That was stupid. Who else would it be if you’re calling my phone?

“Yeah it’s me. Are you done with practice yet?” I asked.

“There’s about half an hour left for the coach to send us home.” He said tentatively.

                My chest constricted painfully, making it hard to breath for a few moments. Where was Nate’s confidence? Why was he being tentative around me? I still hadn’t talked to him and he could already sense that something was wrong. I could only guess how he’d be when I talked to him. He would hate me. And I wouldn’t judge him if he did, he had all the reason in the world.

“Ok wait for me by the school gates.” I said hanging up.

                I changed, took a quick shower, and drove to the school, where I picked up Nate and Claire. The car was filled with the chlorine odor Nate always seemed to have lately. I breathed deeply, enjoying the smell in the air. It wasn’t the chlorine I liked exactly. His scent mixed with the chlorine of the pool created the most exquisite of perfumes. It was a scent that I had come to associate with home since my house practically smelled of that and nothing else. But that was wrong. I couldn’t be thinking this things. What was I going to do now? I still loved Kyle. Though I hadn’t thought I did, maybe Kyle was right and I was deceiving myself. And I couldn’t date Nate while I still loved Kyle. I loved Nate too much to do that to him. Then what I’d thought sank in. I loved Nate. I gulped and felt sweat break all over my body. I loved both Kyle and Nate. What was I going to do? Could a human being love two people at the same time?

                When we got to the building parking lot, we got out of the car and went up to the apartment. Once we were out of the elevator Nate touched my arm lightly.

“Would you mind if we talked for a while?” He asked quietly, looking up into my eyes, as if trying to find something there, but I knew he wouldn’t. I had spent all the time in the gym perfecting my blank look and schooling my emotions. I couldn’t break down in front of Nate when I told him what I had to tell him. Two crying messes wouldn’t do. I needed to stay strong for Nate. Then what he’d said sank in.

                What was up with people today? They all wanted to talk! It wouldn’t surprise me at all if after Nate and I talked Claire wanted to talk to me too.

“Sure.” I said shrugging.

                Nate gave me a smile that didn’t reach his eyes and turned to go to the living room where he sat in the couch and patted the space next to him. He was so different from Kyle. Nate was all gentleness, real thoughtfulness, and tenderness. Kyle used to be like that in the past, but now he was all about himself, what he wanted you to do, what he wanted you to say, and what he wanted you to think. Why couldn’t it be Nate? Why couldn’t I have fallen in love with Nate and not Kyle? Why did I have to love them both? Nate was still looking at me expectantly and I realized that I hadn’t moved while I got lost in my thoughts.

                I went and sat next to Nate on the couch waiting to see what he wanted to talk about. I was sincerely waiting for Claire to tell me she wanted to talk to me after this.

“What’s wrong Danny? What’s the matter? I’ve been worried about you all day long.” He said looking really concerned.

                When we were younger Kyle noticed almost immediately when something was wrong with me but now that we were grown it took him a while to notice. Yet I’ve only known Nate for about a month or so and he could tell that something was wrong with me after only a day. Why did it have to be Kyle? Why couldn’t it be Nate?

“Nothing is wrong with me.” I said quietly.

“Don’t lie to me Danny. I know something’s wrong with you. What is it? Does it have to do with Kyle going out with Paul? That’s it isn’t it? You don’t like that.” Nate said still looking intently at my face.

                How could he know? Nothing showed on my face, I was sure of that! I was giving nothing away. Could he know me that well after only a month?

“It’s got nothing to do with that.” I said as I shook my head.

“Don’t lie, please. I know how you’re feeling, I don’t like it either. I don’t really like him that much, after the way he treats you like you’re nothing, who could? But you love him and care about him and that means that there must be something good about him. Anyways, I’m worried about him. I’m pretty sure that Paul is going to end up hurting him, though I don’t think he’ll do it on purpose.” He said in a sad tone.

                Oh Nate. He cared even about the people he didn’t like. Kyle had been like that when he was younger, and I was sure he was still like that, he just didn’t show it. Just because I loved Kyle didn’t mean that he necessarily had something good in him, even I was having a hard time at trying to figure out why I had fallen in love with him in the first place.

“I know you’re worried about him too, Danny. But I’m sorry to say that there’s nothing we can do. He’s got a really stubborn ass and no matter what we say he won’t listen. I’m afraid that all we can do now is sit and watch what happens.” Nate continued in the same sad tone.

                I couldn’t take it anymore. I felt my poker face breaking and I couldn’t do anything about it. I felt my eyes get teary, and then the first tear roll down my cheek. Traitor.

“It’s alright Danny.” Nate said wiping my tear away with his thumb and the concern and care in his yes proved to be too much for me.

“No! It’s not alright!” I yelled getting away from him. “You don’t understand anything…”

“It’s ok.” He said patiently, reaching out for me. “I do understand you’re worried about him, you have a right to do so. After all you’ve known him for years and he’s your best friend.”

                No. He didn’t know. It wasn’t just about worrying about Kyle, it was about me still loving him and loving Nate at the same time. It was about the confusing things that were going through my head.

“No, no. You don’t understand. I don’t only care about him. I still love him Nate. I’m not over him yet. I thought I was but Kyle said that he thought I was still in love with him and I think that maybe he’s right. Maybe it’s not only the fact that he’s going out with Paul, it’s the fact that he’s going out with someone, and that someone isn’t me. I’m sorry Nate. I really am. I didn’t want to hurt you and I swear I never meant to do so. I can’t keep doing this while knowing I love someone else. I can’t do that to you, you don’t deserve it. You deserve someone that fully loves you. God knows that if I could I would change this. But I can’t Nate.” I said getting farther away from him as my voice cracked.

                I wasn’t going to break down. My throat felt like something had gotten stuck in it and my chest felt so tight that it was hard to breath. My heart felt like it was being torn to a million little pieces. How could I string Nate along into my shit? How could I hurt him like this? How could I have been so stupid? But no. I wasn’t going to break down. What kind of asshole would I be if I was the one telling Nate that I had practically used him and then breakdown in front of him at the same time?

“It’s alright. I know you didn’t do it on purpose Danny. I know you truly believed you were over Kyle. Even I thought you were over Kyle. But it doesn’t matter. I’ll just wait like I had been doing before we started dating. It doesn’t have to be now. I can wait till you’re over Kyle. I really don’t mind it.” He said gently, looking into my eyes.

                How could he be this good? How could anyone be this patient? How could anyone love someone enough to wait for them no matter how much time it took? I knew it had to be love or at least close to it, why else would he be prepared to wait for me no matter how long it took? God, I didn’t deserve him. I didn’t deserve his patience, or his gentleness, or his love, or anything. Nate deserved someone who could love him and only him, not someone who loved two people at the same time. I wanted to be that person, I wanted to love him and only him. Badly. I wanted to be over Kyle and be the guy Nate deserved, the guy I was sure I could be if I dedicated all my love to him. But I couldn’t because I loved Kyle too. This fact just about finished tearing me up and I just started crying, full out weeping with hiccups and everything. Gentle arms wrapped around me and carefully guided me to the couch. Nate didn’t say anything else he just held me while I cried. His wonderful scent made me feel safe, it made me feel like everything was going to be alright, it made me feel as if I could finally let go. And it felt so good to just let myself go with Nate. But I knew I didn’t deserve it, because I loved two people at the same time, because I had gotten involved with Nate while I still loved Kyle, because I had hurt him and dragged him into my shitty life. God, why was life this complicated and unfair? Hadn’t I already hit rock bottom already? How come now I was even worse than that then? I was supposed to be going up, not sink down even more. God. I was so deep in shit that I couldn’t even see a way out. Would this ever end? 

Soooooo, who hates Kyle even more now? :P

You thought I couldn't make you hate him more after the last chapter? Well here you go, I can xD

By the way LUXURY123, there you have your lunch lady's kid! I told you I'd mention him didn't I? I just never told you how exactly I'd do that xP

Having fun with the drama in this story,

-> Desyre