Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays you guys! :D

I'm not the one publishing this, I have ItsMuffinBro/TheyCallMeMuffin/chica123forever or whatever her next username is, to thank for that ^^ I asked her to please publish this for me to be able to keep updating regularly for you guys :3  

I'll be gone for a few weeks, until around mid January or maybe less, but just in case I'm leaving four chapters in drafts waiting to be published for Muffin, if I stay for more time and the chapters run out, I'm sorry guys :/ I'll be sure to update early to make up for lost time, I promise.

Love you guys! Let me know what you think alright?

Hoping you had or have a Merry Christmas or Holidays and that you enjoy,

-> Desyre

Added note: Sorry about publishing the twenty fifth chapter before this. This is the one that comes now, so please ignore chapter twenty five(already eliminated) and read this one. Sorry about that.

Nathan

                I was walking to the building from the grocery store just a block away and once I stepped into the warm lobby I thanked God for radiators and warmness. I’d spent little more than half an hour away from the warmness and I still felt like I was chilled to the fucking bones. And soaked. I was soaked to the bones and fucking freezing. God I hated winter. Granted in Seattle it had been much, much worse but fucking hell, at least in Seattle it was a humid cold, this was a dry bitter cold that chilled your very soul and was able to crack your lips just by standing outside for ten minutes. In Seattle it was cold, but it snowed and that implied humidity, that implied water in the air. In this place it was fucking freezing and absolutely no humidity at all, it was like stepping into a fucking freezer or something. The snow felt like dried ice hitting your face and it freaking hurt.

                I was still freezing by the time I stepped into the living room and closed the door of the elevator behind me. I went to leave the bags in the counter and went back to the living room to cuddle beside the radiator. That’s right, cuddle. I just squatted down and leaned into the thing, practically hugging it, and moaning at the welcomed warmness. God, I hated winter. I heard chuckles and turned my head a little to see Claire sitting in the couch laughing at me. I glared at her, but she was too busy laughing to see me, and I was too freaking cold to keep on scowling so instead I concentrated on absorbing warmness so I could go cook. Once I started to feel like I was cooking in my clothes I took off a layer, shedding my wet and soaked parka, my scarf, and my gloves. Once that wasn’t enough I took off my thick wool sweater, which was wet as well. And once that wasn’t enough I stood up, groaning as my knees and ankles cracked from spending too much time in the same position, and stepped away from the radiator, going to my room peel off the rest of my wet clothes and change. Finally feeling like I wasn’t a freaking ice-cycle I stepped into the kitchen in long underwear, jeans, long sleeved white under shirt, dark blue shirt, and my light gray beanie.

                I started unloading the bags, separating what I’d use for tonight’s stir-fry from what was simply running low. I turned on the kettle and put a small pot with milk to warm up. I opened the cupboards and grabbed one of the flower tea boxes. I got the hell teased out of me for preferring sweet smelling teas made from fruits and flowers instead of leaf teas, but I didn’t mind. Coffee tasted like shit, and leaf teas taste like shit squared. If I had to drink something to warm myself up it was going to be something sweet and fruity or flowery otherwise I preferred to freeze to death. The kettle started to gurgle and I took it off the base to pour the water into a cup before putting the bag of tea into the water. I took the pot of milk off of the cooker and poured it directly into the cup once I thought the water had enough color and disposed of the tea bag. I leaned against the counter and blew into the cup repeatedly before taking a sip and moaning at the heavenly taste and smell.

“You know, that sound right there would lead to misunderstanding and awkwardness if I was someone else.” Danny said as he stepped into the kitchen.

“Yeah, but you get like, zero visitors, so the chances of that happening are slim to say the best. Plus, you’re the only one that can hear me, Claire’s deaf and there’s no one else around here. Oh and you’re never in the kitchen.” I said arching an eyebrow at him.

“I do spend time in the kitchen.” Danny told me indignantly.

“Right. When you want to steal bites of what I’m cooking while you pretend to help me.” I snorted.

                He was learning how to cook but he was more interested in stealing bites and food than in the actual cooking. It just seemed like he could not wait until the food was done to eat. It didn’t matter if it was raw or whatever, he’ll still steal a bite. If it wasn’t because he could get salmonella or diarrhea, whatever happened first, he’d eat raw eggs as well.

“So you’re telling me I’m not going to help you and Claire cook the Christmas dinner tomorrow?” Danny asked mock sad.

“Oh I don’t know… I’ll need to think about it.” I mused.

“What? No way! This is the first Christmas dinner I’ve ever had on actual Christmas! I want to help!” Danny whined.

“If you’re a good boy until tomorrow I promise I’ll let you cook, but otherwise, until tomorrow you’re banned from the kitchen. Now go. I need to start making dinner, and you’re only going to steal food and distract me.” I said as I sipped from my tea again.

“Fine, fine. I’ll go. You’re mean.” Danny said mock scowling.

“Yeah, and you like me like that.” I said winking at him.

                Danny just shook his head and chuckled before he turned and left the kitchen. I felt like I could breathe a little easier once he was gone. Not that I had anything against him. But it was just hard. I was pretty damn hard not get my hopes up and think that we were back to normal and that he was over Kyle. But I saw this for what it was, or at least most of the time I did. Without Kyle there to constantly remind Danny that he loved two people at the same time and still wasn’t over his ex, Danny thrived. It was like night and day. The difference between when he saw Kyle and when he didn’t was just that radical. Finals had come and go, Danny passing with flying grades and me and Claire with not outstanding but pretty good grades. And it had been about a week or so since winter break had started and Danny was already back to how he’d been in that month that Kyle had spent away from school. But I knew that as soon as winter break started to come to an end and school started again we’d go back to Danny spending long periods of time holed up in his room “studying and doing homework.” Don’t get me wrong, he could be studying and doing homework but that wasn’t all he did. I could clearly hear him sniffing and trying to hold in his sobs whenever I walked by his bedroom. I wasn’t spying or anything, I mean we lived in the same freaking apartment. It might’ve been huge and all that but I still had to walk by his room or go up to look from something, or for him, from time to time. You didn’t need to be a rocket scientist or anything.

                When would he realize that we had about a week left till school started again and he had to see Kyle on a daily basis again? How long did I have until he started to hole up in his room again? How long would I be able to enjoy his smiles and laughter before he went back to that blank poker face he always seemed to have on? I’d better take what I could have for as long as I could have it. Thank God for small mercies.

                Claire tiptoed into the kitchen next looking for all the world like a CIA agent or something, looking around repeatedly and looking behind herself all the time, as if she feared that someone was following her, or planning to attack her. Who’d attack her? The plant?

“What’s up Maxwell Smart?” I gave Claire a smirk, and I felt proud of myself for not laughing.

                Claire glared at me and I just cracked up.

“Yeah, yeah you’re hilarious, now listen smartass.” Claire looked annoyed and that just made me laugh even harder. “Would you listen to me already? I came to show you my gift for Danny.”

                That sobered me up right way. Danny’s gift.

“Look.” Claire opened a plastic bag I hadn’t seen and took out a pretty nice cable-knit sweater, in a beautiful muddy green color that reminded me of Danny’s beautiful hazel eyes. Clair put the sweater down and turned to me. “So? What do you think? Do you think he'll like it?”

                Claire looked so excited about Danny’s gift and that you’d have thought the gift was being given to her instead of being the other way around.

“Nate?” Claire asked frowning.

“It’s very pretty Claire, I’m sure he’ll love it.” I smiled at her trying to ease the tightness in my chest.

“Thanks.” Claire gave me her radiant smile before she stuffed the sweater back into the plastic bag. “Good thing I bought that thread before we got booted from the house, otherwise I wouldn’t have anything to give to Danny.”

                My chest constricted a bit more and drank some of me tea to try and ease it some. I need to calm down and not panic. I need to…

“So what’d you get him?” Claire looked still excited. If there was one season she loved it was winter. She adored the presents, the celebration, the family, the dinner, the snow, the cold everything.

“Something.” I answe­red ambiguously.

“What?” Claire looked at me expectantly.

“What, what?” I answered playing dumb.

“What do you…? Nate, what did you get for Danny?” Claire was starting to frown now.

“I already told you, something.” I said taking up my tea and seeping it again.

“Yeah, I got that, I’m asking you what exactly it is.” Claire looked at me now, squinting, trying to read me.

“I need to start cooking dinner.” I turned around, hoping to avoid any more of her questions that way.

                But of course, Claire was having none of it. She walked up to me and turned me around, glaring at me.

“You don’t turn your back on me when I talking to you.” Claire was glaring now, getting angry because I was avoiding her questions. “Nate you did get something for Danny didn’t you?”

“Of course.” I pretended to be indignant to see if she backed off but Claire wasn’t buying it.

“Right. What is it then?” Claire looked right into my eyes with her piercing green eyes and I just had to look away.

                She grabbed my chin and made my eyes meet hers.

“You haven’t gotten him anything?” Claire’s gaze had softened some, searching my face.

                The tightness in my chest increased and I felt like I couldn’t breathe. Tomorrow was Christmas, and I still had no fucking idea about what I was going to get Danny.

“Oh Nate.” Claire said letting go of my face and looking sympathetic now. “Tomorrow’s Christmas, what are you going to do?”

                I felt anger flare inside of me.

“Thanks for reminding me, it’s just what I needed.” I glared at Claire venting my own anger and frustration on her.

“I’m only trying to help you asshole.” Claire glared right back at me. “Don’t take your shit out on me or you’re fucking alone in this.”

                I sighed and grimaced. She was right. I shouldn’t take my frustration with myself out on her. It was not her fault that I was absolutely useless in anything made with hand, and my wallet was so empty it probably had moths living in it.

“Sorry.” I sighed and leaned against the counter feeling the tightness in my chest increase. “I’m just so fucking frustrated. I want to get something for him, something that means something, something special, but I can’t because I have no money, and can’t do anything with my hands. I just feel so useless you know? Like I should be able to do something, to think of something but I just can’t.” I hit the counter as my anger flared inside me again.

“Easy, tiger.” Claire grabbed my arms and rubbed them up and down trying to get me to calm down, before she stepped away again. “It doesn’t necessarily need to be something bought or made to have meaning, Nate. It could easily be something that is precious to you, something that means a lot to you that you want to give to him.”

                I had entertained that idea but I had nothing like that. I had no gifts that were important to me from anyone, I wasn’t a material person, so I didn’t really think that things could have all that much meaning. I treasured memories more that I treasured stuff. I had nothing I’d inherited, nothing of that much value anyways. I had clothes and shoes I’d gotten from cousins and other familiars but nothing that valuable. I had nothing. Absolutely nothing.

“I have nothing like that.” I sighed once again feeling how stuck in this situation I was.

“Are you sure?” Claire looked at me hopefully. “Think hard and well, Nate.”

                I glared at Claire. What did she think I’d done all this time? Sit on my thumbs? I’d been thinking since winter break had started and I still hadn’t been able to come up with anything. Claire sighed and looked at me with sympathy.

“Just, think alright? You’re really smart, I’m sure you’ll be able to come up with something.” Claire turned and walked out of the kitchen then, leaving me alone with my thoughts.

                Well, I had to deem myself lucky, at least I didn’t have to worry about Claire’s gift this year. We both knew that we had less than no money and decided that we would excuse each other from exchanging gifts. Later next year, when we each had money and were in a more stable living situation, knock on wood, we’d buy each other something. But for now, we both agreed that we would concentrate on giving Danny something for Christmas. They guy deserved it. I mean how often did people just take two siblings in and not ask them for rent or anything other than cooking and keeping the house clean? They guy was a saint and the best part of it was that he didn’t even realize it. Which brought me right to where I was. What the fuck was I going to give Danny for Christmas?

                I raked my brain trying to come up with something, anything that might be a good gift but I just didn’t have anything like that within my stuff. I didn’t have any gifts from anyone that had meant a lot to me or passed away or…

                Right then the figurative light bulb turned on in my head. I did. I did have something I’d gotten from someone that had both passed away and meant a lot to me. I did! I ran out of the kitchen and right into my room going right to my almost empty closet and starting to go through drawers and boxes and clothes and just anywhere I could’ve put that in. Where was it? I started throwing clothes and stuff out of the closet. The less stuff there was in the closet the better the chances that I’d actually find it in time to go get it wrapped. Clothes, notebooks, watches, caps, hats, sweaters, jackets, and even shoes started to litter the floor of my room as I got more and more desperate. Had I lost it? Had I left it in my parents’ house? No. No. I had brought it with me. I remembered grabbing it in the flurry to put everything into the boxes to leave. It was here somewhere. I knew it was. It had to be. So then, WHERE THE FUCK WAS IT?!

“Nate… Whoa.” Danny said sounding somewhere between amazed and taken aback. “What the fuck is going on here?”

“I’m looking for something.” I said distractedly, as I continued to vacate drawers and throw stuff in the floor.

“No shit? I thought we were brushing your teeth.” Danny said his voice dripping with sarcasm. “What are you looking for? Why are you throwing all your stuff to the floor instead of looking for it like civilized people do?”

                I really had no time for his sarcasm.

“I already tried that smartass. The less stuff on the closet the more the chances that I’ll find it.” I said as I started into another drawer. When did I get so much fucking stuff?

“Just tell me what you’re looking for alright? I’ll help you look for it before you tear your whole freaking room down.” Danny said and I heard him trying to get to where I was without stepping on all the clothes and stuff that littered the floor.

                Shit. I couldn’t have that. I was looking for something for him, I couldn’t let him help me look for it.

“Don’t worry, Claire said that she’d come help me out.” I said still focused on the drawer I was going through.

“Yeah? I somehow don’t see her here.” Danny said from somewhere behind me.

“She told me she’d come in a bit but I think she forgot you smartass. Go look for her yeah? Tell her that she was supposed to come help me about ten minutes ago.” I said knowing that Claire would cover me.

“Sure.” Danny said and I heard him walk out of the room just as carefully.

                I turned my full focus on the drawer I was emptying. God, I only had a few drawers to go, and if it wasn’t in this closet then it just wasn’t here. It was my only chance. I needed to find it. I just HAD to find it. My chest constricted painfully with the thought that I’d lost something so precious to me. Then I saw it. I had just finished emptying the drawer I had been going through and was about to go through another one when I saw the box in a dusty corner of the closet. I went to my knees immediately and grabbed it polishing off the dust quickly and opening it to look at the insides and examine them. I needed to be sure that it was alright and not broken or anything.

                I heard more steps and knew that Claire had come into the room. I turned to look at her with a smile that had to be just this side of manic.

“Nate what the… Ok. That’s enough Gollum, you’re scaring me.” Claire looked at me like I’d grown another head. “What’s going on? What’s this about you expecting me to help you look for something? What are you doing? Why is your room such a mess?”

                I just showed her what I held in my hand and Claire squinted from the other side of the room, trying to distinguish what it was.

“What’s that?” Claire looked around at the floor before she carefully stepped over my stuff to get to where I was kneeling. “Isn’t that… Oh.”

                It seemed that Claire had finally understood why I had been so frantic to find this. She smiled at me and hugged me.

“See? I knew you’d think of something.” Claire pulled away and winked at me. “You might not be all that smart under normal circumstances but when you want to be you sure mange it.”

                I glare at her and Claire cracked up.

“Go wrap it before it gets too late.” Claire pulled me up and off the floor and started directing me through the mess on my floor and out of my room towards my living room where I’d left my now slightly dryer thick wool sweater, gloves, scarf, and parka. “I’ll tell Danny you needed to buy some last-minute things for tomorrow’s dinner”

“Wait.” I tried to get her to let me put on my own clothes since in her hurry she was just making a mess. “What about dinner?”

“I’ll manage it.” Claire winked at me as she gave me my keys and a few bills that were lying around on the small table beside the door that lead to the elevator. “Plus, we both know I make a better stir-fry than you do.”

                I glared at Claire, and she chuckled again. Once the elevator arrived she pushed me in and used my key to punch in the lobby floor.

“Now go. I’ll cover for you.” Claire could barely hold still with excitement.

“You just love drama.” I squinted at her, giving her an accusatory glare.

“No.” Claire stuck her tongue out to me. “I just love romance. There’s a difference.”

                I rolled my eyes at her and she let go of the button that was holding the elevator door open. She gave me one last wink before the elevator door closed and I could finally take a deep breath. I had finally found something to give to Danny and it was absolutely perfect. It held promise, and meaning, and was very pretty and nice all at that same time. I could not wait until tomorrow when Danny opened his gift from me. I already imagined the words I’d tell him once he opened it and turned to look at me. I wrinkled my nose when I realized what I was thinking. Danny was right. I did turn into a complete sap when I had a crush. Let’s just hope Danny liked my sappiness.