I have good and bad news...

The good news is... Look! Another chapter published! :D (Yes seriously that is the good news)

The bed news is that there's only three more chapters left :c

Nooo! *hides* Don't kill me! It's a story! It has to come to an end! >.< Plus if you kill me who will publish the chapters and let you know what happens! See? See? You can't kill me! Not yet at least... 

I will let you know more about what'll happen when this story's done, in the last chapter of the story. NOOOO! *runs away* Remember you can't kill me yet! The chapters! The end! No! Have mercy!

Hope you enjoy! *yells from far away, only a dot in the distance*

Kyle

                I wanted to kill Nate. I wanted to. I wanted to kill Danny too, though Nate was the one being stupid. Danny was being a drama queen as well, but it was all because of Nate. Maybe I could smother him in his sleep. I’d have to be sure to use gloves so that I didn’t leave any of my finger prints in the pillow. The idea had merit. But then Danny would be sad because the big idiot loved Nate. I sighed. How come I had gotten caught in the middle of other people’s drama when I could barely deal with my own drama?

                And talking about my own drama, I heard my mom moving around the house. I had been lying awake in my bed trying to sleep but not really trying at the same time, when it happened. I listened for a little gathering my courage, and then I got up and walked out of my room. It was nearly four am on a school night and I was going to be falling asleep more often than I already did in school but I needed to talk to my mom. I needed to set things straight with her. I couldn’t go on like this. I needed her. It had always been us two against the world but now it was just me and I missed her. I wanted her back.

“Mom.” I called softly.

                She startled and turned to look at me. For a few seconds her eyes got bright and I saw love in them but then the brightness died and they turned dull, hurt replacing the love I’d seen.

“Kyle.” My mom said simply going to walk around me.

                I grabbed her arm, though, not letting her walk away from me this time.

“Mom, I need to talk to you.” I said softly.

                My mom stopped for a few seconds before she yanked her arm out of my grasp.

“Yeah? Well, I don’t want to talk to you.” My mom grounded out, the hurt plain in her voice.

“Mom. You don’t understand. I need to talk to you.” I said, following her as she made her way up the stairs to her bed room.

“I said I don’t want to talk to you Kyle.” My mom said again, more firmly.

“Mom, but you have to hear me out. I need you to.” I said, trying to keep my voice from breaking.

                My mom didn’t answer. She just continued walking to her room and I helplessly followed her. She was about to step into her room when something in me broke and I grabbed her again.

“Mom, please. Please. I need you to hear me out. Please. It’s important.” I said softly trying to keep myself from breaking apart right there.

                My mom turned to glare at me and I took my hand off of her arm without her having to tell me. The hatred and hurt I saw blazing there burned a hole into my already torn heart and I felt my walls fall, and whatever I’d been keeping myself together with just gave away.

“Mom.” I whispered brokenly.

                The door closed in my face and I leaned against it. My chest grew tight, my breathing got shallow, and a fist-sized lump formed in my throat, my eyes stung as I felt myself falling apart, the depth of what I had done feeling like a knife in my heart.

“I’M GAY!” I roared as I pounded the door with frustration. “I’m gay alright?! That’s what I wanted to tell you!”

                My voice broke at the end and I slid down the door crying. I pulled my legs up into my chest and rested my forehead on my knees. I wrapped my arms around my legs and hugged myself tightly, trying to keep the few pieces that hadn’t fallen apart yet together.

“What?” I hadn’t even heard the door open. “What did you say Kyle?” My mom asked softly.

                I swallowed and took a deep breath trying to get my voice to work.

“That I’m gay.” I managed in a broken whisper.

“Kyle.” That was all my mom said in a strained tone of voice. She hated me. She had to hate me.

“I’m sorry, mom. I’m sorry for everything I’ve done. I’m sorry, for what I told you during winter break. I’m sorry I treated you like I did. I’m sorry I’m gay. I’m sorry mom. I’m sorry.” I said sobbing as a fresh batch of tears poured down my cheeks.

“No.” My mom said in a harsh tone, and I felt my chest tighten even more.

“Yes, mom. I’m gay. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” I sobbed.

“No, you don’t apologize for being gay, you hear me?” My mom said firmly grabbing my face and making me look up into her big brown eyes. She looked so earnest.

“What?” I asked dumbly, not understanding.

“You apologize for anything, anything but being gay. Apologize for what you said, apologize for being a jerk, apologize for treating both your sister and me badly, apologize for letting that kid change you, but you don’t apologize for being gay.” My mom said firmly. “You understand?”

                I nodded numbly, not really understanding what was going on. She stayed silent for a while and I saw the anger slowly gather in her face.

“How could you keep something like this from me Kyle?!” My mom yelled and I flinched by her tone. “I’m your mother! You’re supposed to trust me! Since when have you known this?!”

                I swallowed and tried to find my voice again. I wanted to answer, I really did, but I just couldn’t seem to find my voice.

“Well?” My mom inquired firmly.

“A lot.” I answered feebly.

“What’s a lot?” My mom squinted at me.

“Since I was… twelve? I’m not sure.” I answered softly.

“Since you were twelve?!” My mom yelled at me and I flinched again. “Kyle you’ve known you’re gay for going on six years and you didn’t think it was important to tell me?! For six years! You’ve hid this from me for six years!”

                I wanted to hide, go somewhere, anywhere where her screaming wouldn’t reach me, but I welcomed it at the same time. At least she was talking to me.

“Danny.” My mom said suddenly. “You and Danny.”

                I stared as realization seemed to hit her like a ton of bricks.

“You and Danny were together.” My mom said weakly looking at me.

                I nodded slightly thinking she was asking me, or looking for confirmation or something.

“You and Danny were together?!” My mom yelled again.

                I really wanted to hide, go to my room and stay there for a few years, run away, something, anything but having to be here dealing with all the shit I had done.

“And Sarah knew. That was why you made that comment in winter break. Sarah knew but I didn’t?!” My mom yelled at me again.

                I nodded slightly again. I felt so stupid just sitting there listening to her yell at me.

“But that Paul guy…” My mom started and then her eyes turned cold and she focused them on me. “Did you cheat on your boyfriend, Kyle David Harwood?!”

                I shook my head quickly. I didn’t cheat. I wasn’t a cheater. I never would do that to Danny, or to anyone.

“We broke up last year.” I said softly. “Paul and I got together after we broke up.”

                That seemed to calm my mom and then she just stayed quiet, saying nothing, probably turning all this information over in her head. Then something went off in her head, I guessed, because she gasped and turned to look at me.

“Kyle! Danny’s a tiger! And that Paul guy was a wolf!” My mom hissed like it was a big secret.

                I nodded slowly not knowing where she was going with this.

“Kyle, you had an interracial relationship and you didn’t even think to tell me?! You know how taboo those are! How could you keep something like this from me?!” My mom yelled again.

                I flinched once more, but this time not because of her yelling but because of what she’d said. I felt a fresh batch of tears make my eyes sting, and my throat got tight again. I was an abomination. I was not only gay but didn’t care about the species of the person I dated.

“I’m sorry.” I said brokenly.

“What? For what?” My mother asked and she sounded taken aback.

“For being a freak of nature.” I said between tears.

“Oh no. No. Kyle. It’s alright. It’s alright. I don’t judge you. I don’t think you’re a freak of nature. I’m just worried about you. I’m worried about what you went through all on your own. I haven’t had an interracial relationship in my life and I’m about to turn forty five. You’re barely eighteen Kyle, and you’ve already had two interracial relationships. I’m just worried about you.” My mom said softly hugging me to her. “You’re so strong, you’ve been dealing with all this on your own and God knows with what else. But it’s alright. I’m here. I’ve got you. I’m here for you. I love you Kyle. I will always love you.”

                Right then whatever pieces of myself I’d managed to stick back together crumbled again as I broke down crying in my mother’s arms. It was alright. My mother was with me. She loved me. She would always love me. After that break through I slowly, whispered between sobs and tears, told her the whole of what had been going on in my life. That brought on more yelling and more anger as she found out the screams she’d been ignoring while I was asleep were nightmares of something so serious. She was even angrier that I’d kept something like that from her, that I knew I needed help but hadn’t reached out for it. But all through it I was happy, and felt like another weight had lifted off of my shoulders. My mom may have been yelling at me that I was a selfish, arrogant, idiot that paid too much attention to his pride and any other name under the sun but it could’ve been a bunch of pillows for all they hurt me. All I heard was my mom telling me that she was with me and that she’d always love me. Danny had been right, things would be alright, maybe not in the immediate future, but at some point they would.

                No matter how much I told my mom not to do it, or to do it at another time, she made me go to Sarah’s with her, and apologize and tell her the whole thing again. Needless to say I got another round of yelling and angriness and slaps on the side of the head, and got called many, many names. But the one thing that stuck on my mind was that Sarah told me I was an idiot for thinking that mom or she would stop loving me for what I’d done. She basically told me that short of killing someone there was no way that they’d stop loving me, ever. That settled me some too. Sarah loved me. My mom loved me. They would always be here for me, no matter what. I hadn’t lost them, like I’d thought I did. Things weren’t perfect but they were getting there. Mom had told me that after spring break I would start seeing a shrink that was a friend of hers and that she would help me out with my nightmares, the flashbacks, and everything that the incident with Liam had left behind for me.

                But while on that horizon there were hints of the sun wanting to come out after the storm, Danny’s and Nate’s horizon was looking cloudy with a chance of heart break. And it was all because of Nate. Well. Not all of it. Danny was being a big drama queen, but it was all because of Nate. It had all started a day when Danny was acting weird and looking more quiet than usual, and Nate looked more annoyed than usual. I got that he didn’t like me, but I no longer understood why. I mean Danny had to have told him that he was over me and that he had never loved me, and that he loved Nate, and all that complicated stuff, so why was he still treating me like dog shit? I had no idea. So anyways, Nate normally looked annoyed that I was spending time with Danny, but that day he had looked at me as if he really, really hated me. He had muttered that he was going to his room and left. Danny had watched as he left, his heart in his eyes while he looked at Nate leave without saying anything. Danny sighed and I asked him what was the matter with him, and Danny, strangely enough, had just shook his head at me.

                I let him be for the time being, I never liked pushing people for answers. So I continued cooking the dinner, and asked Danny to set the table. I had been plating stuff up when there was suddenly the sound of glass and stuff shattering. I had raced out of the room and gone to look for Danny thinking for sure that he’d dropped something. In turn I found Danny looking at me with concern.

“What was that?” I asked him, more than a little wild around the edges. Something had broken in the apartment and if it wasn’t me or Danny it had to be Nate or Claire.

“I don’t know. I thought it was you.” Danny said looking towards the hall that led to Nate’s and Claire’s rooms.

“Go check on him.” I said, quickly leaving everything. “I’ll go check on Claire in the living room.”

                Danny nodded quickly and was out the door before I could even finish talking. I’d walked quickly to the living room and saw Claire looking around confused. She looked at me and when she saw the look on my face, understood that something was wrong. She quickly grabbed the notepad she never kept far away from her and wrote something before turning the notepad so I could see.

“What’s wrong?” She’d looked concerned, not understanding what was wrong, and feeling nervous.

“Something broke somewhere and it wasn’t neither Danny nor me. Danny went to check on…”

“I’m gonna forget you. I’m gonna forget you and concentrate on that new person. I’m gonna get over you!” The yell rang through the house and I’d known immediately that Danny had heard it.

“Shit.” I muttered.

                Claire grabbed my arm and tapped on the notepad impatiently.

“It must’ve been Nate I think. I’m not sure. But he just yelled something about forgetting someone and concentrating on a new person.” I said looking at Claire.

                Her eyes widened and right then Danny had entered the living room looking like his heart had just been torn out of his chest. Poor guy. All this time thinking and pinning on Nate and now he went and said that. But I didn’t understand, why he would do that? Danny hadn’t done anything. Why was he saying he’d get over him and focus on a new person? Could he have met someone else? So quickly? No way. Just a week or so ago I had seen the love in his eyes, how could he get over Danny so fast? It was a bluff. It had to be. Either that or it was just a patch, some substitute for Danny. But I somehow didn’t think that Nate would do something like that. Claire had bounded up to Danny and signed at him some stuff, looking angry as hell while Danny looked taken aback. I wondered as I just stood there what was wrong now.

“I didn’t do anything to him!” Danny said defensively. “I just went to check on him and before I could even get to his room I heard the scream.”

                Right then there were more sounds of things breaking and thuds on the floor as stuff was thrown around and to the floor. Claire signed something at Danny and Danny signed something back to her. They talked and I just stood there like an idiot not understanding shit of what was going on. Finally the sound of things being thrown around stopped and nothing was heard. Danny signed something at Claire and went to get up but Claire pushed him, hard, back to the sofa before glaring at him and walking out of the living room. Danny had just sat there looking stupidly as Claire walked out of the living room. Everything stayed silent and Danny looked like he was on cloud nine, far away from here.

“Danny?” I asked softly. “Danny what happened? What was all that about?”

                Danny turned to look at me and I saw slowly as the sadness grew in his eyes.

“Claire just told me to stay the fuck away from his brother.” Danny said numbly. “She told me he deserved better than me, and that I should leave him alone for once and for all.”

                Danny’s eyes watered and I felt even more lost than I had been before.

“Why did she say that? What did you do to him?” I asked softly.

                Danny just shook his head as he started sobbing. He hid his face with his hands and I saw his body moving with each wave of sobs.

“Danny.” I said softly going to him, and hugging him tightly. “It’s alright. It’s going to be alright.”

“No!” Danny yelled at me. “No it’s not going to be alright! It will never be alright! I lost him Kyle! I fucking lost him! For once and for all! I’ve been so stupid. I should’ve told him before. I should’ve just told him earlier instead of being the idiot I was. Now he’s gone, he doesn’t want to have anything to do with me. Now he has a new person he likes. What am I gonna do with myself Kyle? I loved him. I love him.”

                Danny dissolved into tears again and I made circle motions on his back trying to calm him down. Finally it seemed he was calming and I took my chance.

“You have to fight. That’s what you need to do. You want that guy, you fight for him, you don’t just sit here and cry, you think up ways to get him back, to make him fall for you again.” I said firmly and earnestly, trying to convey my strength and resolution to Danny.

“But that’s useless. He doesn’t want to be with me anymore.” Danny answered brokenly. “I just need to give up and forget him.”

“No, Danny. The boy loved you. Loves you. You need to make him look at you again, you need to make him want to be together with you again.” I’d said trying to make Danny see stuff my way but I knew it was useless. He’d already made a decision.

“No. He doesn’t want to be with me. I need to forget about him.” Danny said getting up, tears still running down his cheeks. “Thanks Kyle.”

                And just like that he left. He turned around and went up the stairs and into his room. I sat there for a few moments thinking about what had happened. Then I had marched up the stairs and into Danny’s room. Danny was in his bed crying desolately. I slowly took off my jeans and got in bed with him hugging him tightly.

“I thought you’d gone home.” Danny said between sobs.

“You just got me back, you’re not going to get rid of me that easily.” I said as I hugged him even tighter. “I’m not going to leave you alone when I know you need me. I won’t ever leave you again Daniel, no matter how much you push me away, so get it through your thick head.”

“Thanks.” Danny whispered brokenly as he turned and hugged me tightly hiding his head in my chest and crying.

                I don’t remember when I fell asleep but I remember it was after Danny’s breathing had evened out. I woke up with Danny wrapped tightly around me like a little kid who’d had a nightmare. I wanted nothing more than to kill Nate when I saw the tear stains in Danny’s eyes and the way he still sniffled in his dreams. I saw the look in his face, the bags under his eyes, how broken and fragile he looked and got a glimpse of what I may have looked like when Paul broke up with me. I wanted to kill Nate. I really did. Anyone that put that look on Danny was an asshole, including myself, since I knew I’d put it on him when we broke up. I somehow understood why Nate seemed to dislike me so much. I didn’t really dislike Nate until right then, when I felt the urge to go down the stairs to strangle him. I slowly and carefully disentangled myself from Danny’s arms and went down the stairs to grab a glass of water.

                I remember I was thinking that my mom would be worried about me because I hadn’t gone home yesterday but then I remembered that she probably had gotten home a few hours ago and went right to sleep. I’d felt really lonely back then thinking that my family didn’t care about anything that happened to me, if I stayed out or not, had nightmares or not, was about to have a mental breakdown or not. Right then I heard something and turned to see Claire standing there looking taken aback at first and then glaring at me. The thing was that her glare was almost as filled with hatred as Sarah’s had been back in winter break. I didn’t have time to ask her what her problem was before she turned around and walked out of the kitchen. I remember I wondered, what I’d done now as I drank my water quickly before going back upstairs with another glass of water.

                Danny woke up looking like he’d been drinking all night but without the fun. He thanked me for the glass of water and I told him that I was going to go grab a shower first. I went to the bathroom, showered quickly, and brushed my teeth before walking out of Danny’s bathroom. Danny went in right after me and I saw some of the clothes I’d left here back when Danny and I were together laid out on the bed for me. I got dressed and went down the stairs, nearly running into Nate and Claire. Nate stumbled back a little but instead of giving me a sarcastic remark or annoyed look, he just stood there, looking at me and at the stairs. He opened his mouth and looked like he was going to say something before Claire pulled him away and out the apartment, glaring at me the whole time. Danny had come down a few minutes later asking where Nate and Claire were and it nearly broke his heart all over again when I’d told him that they left already.

                Since then I’ve been wondering what the fuck I did that was so bad. I made my way slowly to the school from Sarah’s apartment. I yawned widely, not being able to stifle it. All that talking and yelling had emotionally and mentally wrung me out, I had absolutely no idea how I’d be able to stay awake during classes. Luckily tomorrow was the last day of school before spring break and I’d have a whole week to sleep and doing nothing. And spend some time away from Claire’s glares. I was fucking tired of feeling the hate of her glare on the back of my neck. It was growing old, quickly. Since that day when everything fell to pieces again for Danny, Claire had done nothing more than glare at me. She didn’t even glare at Danny, no, she glared at me. How was it that everything was always my fault? And just what was I being blamed for now? I didn’t have the slightest idea.

                I sighed as I got to school and went to my locker leaving my stuff and preparing myself for the day that awaited me. By the time the first break rolled around I felt like I was dead on my feet. I could barely keep my eyes open while standing. I felt like I had been awake for days on end and I’d just lost one night of sleep. In Sarah’s I’d gotten an hour or two of sleep, but that wasn’t nearly enough. I walked to the cafeteria as I entertained the thought of pretending to be sick to sleep for a while in the infirmary. When I walked into the cafeteria and sat at the table, though, I remembered why I couldn’t do that. Danny stared firmly at the table as he nibbled on his sandwich. And Nate just talked to Claire, pretending none of us were there, and Claire took turns looking at Nate and glaring at me. I wanted to sigh again but didn’t, there was enough gloom in the atmosphere without me adding my own into it. I’d asked Danny before why in the fuck we didn’t sit in another table and he’d said that it was because he wanted to be friends with Nate, he didn’t want to lose him completely. I’d asked him then, once more, why he didn’t fight for the guy if he really wanted him, and he insisted that Nate didn’t want to be together with him anymore, and that pushing him would be wrong because he was trying to get over Danny.

                Like I said. A BIG fucking drama queen. And Nate acting like he didn’t notice anything was making things even worse. I wanted to kill them both. I wanted to lock them both in a room and leave them there until they talked their shit out. I thought of something to distract Danny with, like his birthday, and helped him forget about all his worries for a few moments, as long as the recess lasted. But it was something, after all right now we couldn’t really hope for more than small mercies. Once the bell rang we all got up and Danny and Nate walked to the class they shared. They both seemed fidgety, and that at least made me feel better. Nate was being affected but he just pretended he wasn’t. I was about to turn and go to my classroom when I caught Claire’s glare. Once she saw that I noticed she was glaring at me, she turned around, in that way women have that said you were less than shit for them, and walked away. Really, women. I’ll never understand them. I sighed for what seemed like the millionth time and turned around to go to my classroom.