I'm really sorry about the very, very late update you guys >.< I've just been having trouble concentrating and on Sunday when I was supposed to concentrate and write this chapter I didn't feel very well and then today I went out and spent the day out and yeah. I've been busy and short on time :/

With that said, I'm gonna have to warn you all that the updates for this story won't be up every Friday, Saturday, or Sunday (depending on the country you are in and the time it's there when I update) like they normally are. I'll try to update weekly but I don't guarantee anything. I'm not gonna take like a month or so either, just expect the update to be up about two or three days later than usual, or maybe, if I found time to write, it will be up earlier. But I can't tell you when the next update will be. I'm sorry guys.

Please let me know what you think!

I hope you enjoy the chapter,

-> Desyre

Kyle

                I looked at the clock, anxiously wondering if Paul was going to come or not. He would be here any minute now… if he was going to come. I tried to concentrate on what I was reviewing but I kept glancing at the clock. Finally my doorbell rang and I jumped about three feet in the air, managing to get myself off of the bed in the process. I stood there looking around wondering just what I was going to do if that wasn’t him. The doorbell rang again and I told myself that I would cross that bridge when I got to it. First I needed to open the door and find out if that was him or not. I went down the stairs and went to the door. I took a deep breath and opened it. I felt like screaming and dancing around and doing all kind of goofy things because Paul was standing right there in front of my door. Albeit looking a little skittish and not looking at me directly but standing there nonetheless.

“Hey.” I said with a smile.

“Hey.” Paul said softly. “Can I, eh, come in?”

                Right then I noticed that I was still standing there, blocking the path to my house.

“Oh, sure.” I said stepping aside and letting him come in.

                He brushed right past me and went right up the stairs. I followed him and closed the door of my room, to give him some kind of… something. As he went up he looked around the house like he was waiting for someone to kill him or something.

“Is your…?” He start to ask but I already knew what he was going to ask.

“No, my mom is working the night shift in the hospital today.” I said watching as his shoulders slumped a little, losing some of the tenseness in them.

“Alright. So I don’t really know how to do this but, I’m sorry for kissing you. I shouldn’t have done that. You probably didn’t see it coming. Hell, you probably didn’t even want to kiss me. Like I said I shouldn’t have done that. I should’ve asked you or something. It was wrong of me to just assume I could kiss you, but it’s just that I was afraid that if I asked you would say no or something. But that would imply that I wanted to force the kiss on you and I didn’t. I just suddenly felt like kissing you and I thought it would’ve been too much hassle to ask you first and the moment would be gone. Not that I was assuming there was anything going on it’s just that…” I cut him off before he started another round of explanations by putting my hand on his mouth.

                I didn’t know if I could stand to listen to more of his aimless rant so I decided to stop him before he apologized for breathing or something.

“There’s nothing to be sorry for Paul, or didn’t you notice that I kissed you back? I like you Paul, I’m attracted to you, and I don’t regret that kiss. If you do, it’s too bad, but it’s not something you need to apologize for.”

                Paul looked taken aback by my words and to be sincere even I was more than a little taken aback. I wasn’t one to admit my feelings for people, the only people I ever told I love you to, where my mom and Danny, and it wasn’t even that often. I was the type of guy that thought that admitting your feelings to other people was showing weakness, it was giving them something to use against you. I learned that from my mom’s exes. So I didn’t admit my feelings to anyone on principles. But somehow I found myself admitting that I liked Paul. Well, that was out there now, nothing I could do about it. If Paul was going to beat the shit out of me or laugh at me, or something like that then let him try, he would have one hell of a hard time if I had any say in it.

“So you’re not mad at me for kissing you?” Paul asked once I took my hand off of his mouth.

“What part of I kissed you back didn’t you get? That means I’m not mad. I was confused when you turned tail and ran away but now that you explained I’m not confused anymore. The point is, I was never mad.” I said.

                Then, suddenly, Paul was suddenly all over me. He grabbed me and pushed me against my door, effectively trapping me there. Before I could ask what was wrong with him his mouth was on me and all thoughts were pushed to the back of my mind and right in the front was the feeling of Paul’s lips on mine, again. He kissed me with urgency, moving his lips fiercely against mine, but not abusing or being too rough. I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him even closer to me, moving my lips against his. He licked my lower lip, asking for entrance and I opened happily. Once his tongue was inside my mouth things got a little rougher and heated. Our tongues danced together and I loved the feeling of his tongue against mine. I wanted more, I wanted to feel more of him. I hadn’t ever felt like this with Danny. Kissing him had feel normal, common, nothing like this passionate, arousing, and heated kisses. Paul pushed a moan into my mouth and I felt myself burn with desire inside. I wanted Paul’s hands on me. No, correction, I wanted to get my hands on Paul. For the first time in my life my own pleasure wasn’t as important as getting more moans and whimpers from Paul. I wanted to show him how good it could be, I wanted to do all kinds of things to him.

                Paul moaned again and leaned a little more into me, pushing me a little more into the door. And suddenly instead of passion, and desire, and pleasure, all I felt was blinding pain. I gasped and pulled back, screaming as pain spread through my ribs. Paul was off of me as fast as he was on me. He asked any kind of stupid questions. What happened? Are you alright? Was it something I did? Kyle? What’s going on? I raised my hand telling him to stop asking questions and just let me get my bearings back. Once the pressure of Paul’s weight was off of me my ribs seemed to breathe a little sigh of relieve and the pain started to recede. Finally all that was left was my pounding heart and my shallow breaths. I looked up and gave Paul a weak smile.

“Probably should take it easy. My ribs are still not completely healed and when you put your weight on me like that… well, it was too much. Sorry for the scare there.”

“Oh, Kyle I’m really sorry. I should’ve known about your ribs and I should’ve been more careful about them. I’m sorry I put my weigh on you like that, I shouldn’t have done that. I can go if you want to. I’ll understand. If you’re mad, I’ll understand that too. In fact you know what? I’m going to go. Yeah, I’ll go. I’m sorry about…” But I cut off Paul’s incessant apologies once again.

                This time, though, I pulled him down into another kiss. This one was more like me, calm, sensual, slow. I moved my lips slowly against his, nibbling and licking and sucking, showing him how good kissing could actually be when you were not in a rush. I licked his lower lip and Paul opened up allowing me to push my tongue into his mouth and show him even more goodness. I moved my tongue against his slowly, enjoying the feel of it, taking my time to explore every part of his mouth, the bumpy roof, his teeth, the inside of his cheeks, and then testing to see how far my tongue could go down his throat. Paul moaned against my mouth and I pulled back with a smug smile on my face. Who would’ve known that making your partner feel good would be this great?

“I’m fine Paul. We just need to take it easy. But I’m alright, we can still do stuff and enjoy ourselves.” I whispered before pressing my lips against him again.

                Paul’s answer was only a moan, a very needy lusty moan. And it was all I needed. I got up locking my door on the way and pulled Paul up with me from where he’d been crouching in front of me. I pulled him along with me to my bed and once there I pushed him into it and then crawled over him. I leaned down and kissed Paul again, this time letting my hands wander and feel all of his amazing body. I got my hands under his shirt and purred into the kiss when I felt his steel-hard eight pack under my fingers. Paul trembled under me and I wanted to get more reactions from him, I wanted to have him moan and whimper and writhe under me. I moved my hands upward feeling Paul’s chiseled and muscled chest until I found what I had been looking for: his nipples. I remembered the way Danny touched them for me and did the same with Paul, rubbing them and pinching them with my index and my thumb. Paul moaned into my mouth and I felt my body burn with desire. But not desire to get my release, desire to get more sounds from him, desire to give him more pleasure. When had my pleasure taken second place in a relationship?

                Paul gasped and pulled back throwing his head back into the pillow and moaning loudly when I scraped my nails over his buds. Oh so he liked that, huh? I smiled and tugged the shirt completely off of him, wanting to get my mouth on his nipples. Paul let me take the shirt off of him and once it was gone I felt my mouth go dry. God. I wanted to taste those pale pink buds right now. I lowered myself quickly and got my mouth on them, feeling Paul moan under me once again. I sucked and licked the nip I had in my mouth, running my tongue all around it and then rubbing it. Then I scraped my teeth against it as a test and I felt Paul’s back arch in the bed, pushing the nipple even more into my mouth. I bit it gently then, playing with it between my teeth and Paul cried out, trembling under me. I wasn’t completely focused on Paul’s nipples, though. I was rubbing myself against Paul’s hardness and giving him even more sensation, wanting to drive him mad with pleasure. My unoccupied hand moved between Paul’s and my writhing body and got to the hem of our pants. I quickly and swiftly undid Paul’s belt buckle and zipper and suddenly I felt Paul’s hotness push into my hands. I felt myself moan at the same time as Paul did, making the bud in my mouth tremble with my moan. I wondered silently just how often Paul went out without underwear. I got my jeans undone as well and pulled my boxers down. We were rubbing together now and as much as I wanted to keep control and focus on Paul’s pleasure only, I could feel myself rubbing against him like a dog in heat.

                Paul suddenly got his hands in my hair and I moaned again, making him whimper and buck in the bed. Paul’s hands continued their trajectory downward, feeling my back and my sides and making me writhe with the need to feel his hands against my skin. I wanted to know what they would feel like, if they would feel normal, and common, just plain good like Danny’s had felt, or if they would feel as good as his lips against mine earlier. He got his hands under my shirt, caressing the small of my back and making me gasp with pleasure. His hands felt incredible against my skin, everywhere he touched it felt like my nerves had all suddenly accumulated there. I moved to the other nipple and repeated the same process and torture as with the other, making Paul writhe, buck, and moan under me. I felt so close. I was so close to just losing control, so close to tumbling over the edge now. I moved faster sucking and biting harder wanting to bring Paul with me. It was so close. I could feel it now. I was just seconds away. And I could feel Paul tensing up under me. He was just as close as I was.

                Suddenly his hands where moving under my jeans and grabbing my butt, squeezing it and running his fingers along the crease rubbing accidentally against my back entrance. It was nothing more than something done to get me closer, to get my hips to press more into him, to get more sensation. But to me it was everything. Memories of blinding pain, and blood flowing down my thighs, and tears, and the blood-curling screams, and something hot pushing into me came back to my mind. I heard screaming in the distance as I felt my body move without my command. I knew I was moving, I felt myself moving, but all I saw was that day. All I saw was Liam’s sick smile as I begged him to stop. All I felt was the pain of delicate, sensitive, skin being torn when something pushed in forcefully. Then my vision returned and I saw blue-green eyes staring at me with concern. I looked around feeling disoriented. I was in the floor. How had I gotten to the floor? I was by the bed, curled up on the floor. I logically thought that I must’ve fallen or pushed away. Then I forced myself to understand that it was all memories and that it was all in the past. And then the screaming I heard in the background faded. It was then that I noticed I had been the one screaming. I pushed up off the floor not meeting Paul’s eyes. What had that been all about? Paul had just touched my butt, touched my asshole by accident. He didn’t even try to push in or anything else. Moreover, how was I going to explain this all to Paul without sounding like a mental case?

“Kyle?” Paul asked gently. “Are you alright? Is everything alright? Are you in pain? Is it your ribs again?”

                Right then I thought of a convincing excuse and wanted nothing more than to kiss Paul.

“Yeah. It was my ribs again. I think that maybe we should really take it easy. Until we’re absolutely sure that they’re healed and that they can’t interrupt us anymore.” I said with a weak smile.

                Paul chuckled and helped me up. I forced myself not to flinch with his touch. It was just Paul. I had loved his hands on me before, why did I suddenly not want them on me?

“Yeah, I think we should wait until they’re completely healed.” Paul said with a smile. “I don’t want to hurt you.”

                Right then something eased inside me. Paul didn’t want to harm me. Of course he didn’t want to harm me. But for some reason I had needed to hear that. I had needed to know that he wasn’t like Liam and Ryan and those guys. I felt a tremble go through me at the memory and I pushed the thought to the back of my mind.

“I think maybe we should start studying now. I think I heard your mom start to climb up the stairs with that last scream. I don’t know why she isn’t here already.” Paul said shaking his head, like the thought was enough to baffle his mind.

“You couldn’t have, my mom’s working the night shift and anyways, my mom just knows me.” I said simply.

                I didn’t want to explain that my mom knew that I didn’t like having people around me when I was sad or scared or whatever. I didn’t like doing that, and I liked even less having people watch me doing it. It was weak. Crying, screaming, being afraid, and having nightmares, that showed weakness, and it gave people leverage to do bad stuff to you. If the wrong people found out about your fears you were screwed. I learned that at a young age. Paul gave me a weird look but he didn’t say anything. Instead he gently guided me to the bed and looked for my books and notebooks and we started to study just like that.

                For the rest of the night I tried my hardest not to think about my reaction to Paul’s hands on my ass and why I had done that. It was just so weird. I knew I had nightmares, but remembering that day and reliving it just because Paul touched my butt was something else entirely. It was no longer just nightmares, it wasn’t just… whatever the fuck it was. Remembering implied something else, something that I didn’t want to think about at all. I instead concentrated on what I was studying and what Paul was trying to explain to me for what had to be the third time already. After we were done studying Paul and I went down to raid the fridge and I cooked dinner for us. There had only been a handful of times when I had cooked for him but the few that they were he loved. He absolutely adored my cooking, but he too agreed that my mom cooked better than me. It is very frustrating that I learned to cook from my mother yet I haven’t been able to match her cooking.

                Paul went home after dinner, no matter how much I begged him to please stay and keep me company. He may have stood up to his father and joined the football team but that didn’t mean that he didn’t still fear him. I think that the fact that he didn’t join the swimming team and joined the football team instead is a very big step, so I’m still pretty proud and happy. After he was gone I went back into the kitchen and started washing the dishes, thinking about what had happened with Paul today.

“There’s none left for me?”

                I think I jumped about three feet into the air when I suddenly heard my mom’s voice behind me.

“Mom!” I yelled turning around to see her standing in the doorway.

“Hello.” She said smiling.

“What in the world are you doing here?” I asked outraged and confused and a bit of everything really.

“They changed my shift, but I didn’t want to disturb you guys, so I went right to my bedroom.” My mom said coming into the kitchen. “So? Is there any left for me or not?”

“They changed your shift? And you don’t think that maybe you should’ve told me?” I asked still confused and a little angry.

“Well, you guys were in your room and you sounded like you were busy studying, and like I said, I didn’t want to interrupt.” She said frowning. “Why is it such a big deal?”

“It’s not, it’s just that… Forget it. Yes, there is some left, do you want me to heat it up for you?” I asked turning around and dropping the sponge on the sink.

                I wondered when my mom had arrived and what she had heard. Maybe Paul was right and she had been climbing the stairs early.

“Yes, please.” My mom said smiling at me.

                I dried my hands and got to the task of heating the food for her. What if she heard us while we were getting it on? What if she heard me screaming? Both times.

“So, did you understand everything Paul… taught you? Reviewed with you? I’m not exactly sure what you’re calling it or what exactly it is.” My mom said frowning.

“He’s tutoring me mom, so yes, he is teaching me stuff. And well, I understood most of it, you know I’ve always been bad at biology.” I said distractedly as I served her food.

“Yes, you’ve always leaned more towards the arts.” My mom said smiling. “One day my son will either be a famous writer or a famous chef.”

“Or both.” I said chuckling as I placed the plate in front of her.

                My mom said thanks and dug in, eating like she hadn’t eaten in weeks. I wondered silently how long she had waited in her room waiting for Paul to go so she could come out. And why she did that in the first place. Why did she think that she couldn’t come in and tell us she was back? What did she hear that made her think that?

“So how’s it going between you and Paul?” My mom asked suddenly pulling me out of my reverie.

“What?” I sputtered, and I was sure my face had just gotten a little paler.

                Oh god. My mom knew about me and Paul. She heard us getting it on. That’s why she didn’t tell us she was back. And now she wants to know how things are going.

“How are things going between you and Paul?” She asked again looking up from her food briefly. “You weren’t exactly friends before this whole tutoring thing started right? And he just moved here and all that. How are you getting along? Are you friends or something?”

                I internally sighed with relief, the tightness in my stomach easing. She was just wondering about how we were getting along as friends, because we met about a month or so ago. It hit me then, the newness of this whole thing with Paul. I had just met Paul a month ago and now I was thinking that maybe I loved him? How could that be? In just a month? That was simply too short a time for me to fall for him! Right then I remembered that my mom was still waiting for an answer.

“It’s alright, we’re getting along just fine. And yes, I think we’re friends now.” I said thinking in the back of my mind that we were definitely more than friends if today was any indicator.

“I’m glad then sweetie.” My mom said looking up from her food again and giving me a smile. “I always get happy when you make new friends because I know how hard it is for you to do that.”

                That was very true. People tended to not like me and I had absolutely no idea about why that was like that. I just knew that people simply didn’t like me. Like my many step-fathers, the people at my school found it hard to get along with me. And I didn’t really care about that, I didn’t need to have a thousand friends, with just Danny I was alright for many years of my life. People said that friends were a vital part of a teenager’s life, but I just thought, why did I need to have that many friends? If I had a handful just with Danny I didn’t want to imagine what I’d do with that many friends.

“I don’t need that many friends, with the few people I have around me I’m good.” I said smiling at my mom and then suddenly yawning.

                I felt exhausted. It was like a magic act, the tiredness hadn’t been there and then suddenly it was. I was awake and alert one moment and the next I was practically falling asleep on my feet.

“Why don’t you go on up to sleep honey? I’ll finish cleaning up here.” My mom said giving me that warm mom smile that told you they thought you were the most adorable and cutest thing ever.

“I’m not a fluffy bunny mom, don’t look at me like that.” I said to my mom yawning again and rubbing my eyes.

                My mom chuckled and got up, coming towards me.

“Sorry baby, I just remembered when you were a kid and you wanted to help out in the house and in the kitchen after dinner but you could barely keep your eyes open. You would be so stubborn, telling me that you were awake and alert and weren’t going to fall asleep but yawning big like a hippo and rubbing your eyes with your little knuckles at the same time. We would be talking and I would turn around to leave something in the counter and then, when I turned back around, you would be asleep with your head resting on the island.” My mom said smiling and running her hands through my hair, combing it to one side and running her hand through it. She loved to do that, just pet my hair for hours on end, combing it to one side, then to the other one, then all back, through the middle and so on. When I was a kid she would sit right next to me on the bed and pet my hair while she told me stories, sang, told me poems and other things until I fell asleep. Now I was like Pavlov’s hound, when she petted my hair I would get really sleepy and today was no exception. I yawned so big that my eyes got teary and I rubbed at them to dry the tears.

“Go on to sleep sweetie. I’ll finish up here. I love you.” My mom said kissing my forehead.

“Fine, I’ll go to sleep. Night mom.” I said turning around, planning to go to my room but turning around to look at my mom again.

                My mom looked at me expectantly with that warm smile still in place.

“Love you.” I said quietly and my mom’s smile got even warmer.

“I know baby. Now go to sleep before you fall asleep right here. You’re no longer the 70 pound toddler you used to be and I can’t carry upstairs.” My mom said chuckling.

“Gee, thanks for calling me fat.” I said and my mom chuckled some more.

                I told her goodnight again and went up the stairs to my room. I loved that my mom already knew me, that she knew I wasn’t good at admitting my emotions. She never made a big deal out of it when I told her, always taking it in stride. I turned off the lights and went to the bed. I got under the covers and cuddled into my fluffy pillow. My mind, as it always did when I went to sleep, started working through the day’s events. I thought about my ribs, how I needed to be careful around them. I thought about how Paul’s hands had felt on me compared to Danny’s and how good what we had been doing felt. Then I thought about what happened when Paul touched my ass. What had that been about? Why did that happen? Why did I get reminded of the incident just by Paul touch my ass? Was that normal? Was that alright? I pressed my eyes closed tighter and told myself that I needed to go to sleep. I took a deep breath and made my brain think about something else. I thought about parks, beaches, jazz, soul, books, and things like that and slowly fell asleep.

                The guy who was holding me, Ryan I guessed, moved the knife down my body and I gulped as I felt it trace my neck. I was blatantly trembling in fear now, all traces of my earlier bravery gone. He continued to move the knife downwards until he reached my shirt, and then he pressed harder cutting my shirt away at the same time it cut my skin. I could feel blood flowing freely out of the cuts he’d made and I thought that maybe I would bleed to death before they did anything. But Ryan didn’t stop with just my shirt. He pushed me backwards and I fell to the floor hitting the ground with the back my head and I saw black for a few moments. When I returned to reality I gasped in pain when Ryan pressed the knife against my jeans and cut me around my waist. Panic flooded my body again when I realized what he was going to do and I started to struggle again. That is until I felt him cut hip near the place where my privates where. I gasped and tried to back away but Liam’s voice stopped me.

“I think it would be best not to struggle, you don’t want him to cut away something important do you?" He said in a sick little amused tone of voice.

                I saw the way Paul’s eyes were glinting when he moved the knife to my jeans again and pressed my eyes shut. Right then my brain paused for a little. Paul was cutting off my clothes. Paul was going to do whatever he wanted with me. I shivered in fear again and again as I felt the knife cut my jeans open as well. When he was done I felt like the tightness in my chest increased even more. Now I was right in front of Liam, scared, shivering and naked. I don’t think I had ever felt this vulnerable in my entire life. Paul pulled me up to a sitting position again and Liam tried to get me to suck him again. Even with the prospects of what could happen to me, I still refused to open my mouth and cooperate with him. Liam backhanded me and nodded at Paul again. Suddenly I was pushed forward and saw the floor come closer and closer to my face. I pressed my eyes closed bracing for the impact but other hands caught me. I looked up and saw a guy that had been standing a few feet away, watching the whole scene with an amused expression. When had he moved? Paul yanked down my already ripped jeans and once again pure terror shot through me when I guessed what he was going to do. I started to struggle, kicking and trying to get out of my bonds but more guys came forward and helped the first to hold me in place. I shivered in fear again. There was just something about having a bunch of guys holding you down that had the power to scare the shit out of you, even more if they were holding you still so that someone could rape you. I heard a belt buckle open and my heart slammed into my chest, beating wildly.

                I suddenly felt something hot press against my back entrance… I jolted awake right then sweating and panting and screaming in fear, looking around my room and trying to understand what was going on. Slowly my brain started working and my eyes adjusted to the darkness. I recognized my room and realized I’d had another nightmare. If what I had could even be called a nightmare. It was another level of nightmare, something even worse and more terrifying. I pulled my knees to my chest and hugged them to me tightly, pressing my eyes closed and trying as hard as I could to just erase the image of Paul’s glinting evil eyes as he prepared to rip off my clothes from my mind. I wanted to erase the sound of a belt buckle opening and knowing it was Paul preparing to rape me. The feeling of knowing that it was Paul that was pushing into me. I ran a hand through my face wiping the sweat and pushed my hair back. But I couldn’t. I just couldn’t. I couldn’t erase the images from my mind. I pressed my eyes closed so tightly it hurt and tears started to run down my cheeks.

                Just what the fuck was wrong with me?