This was such a fucking disaster. Why had I been so stupid?! How could I fuck up things like this?! The guy had someone else he liked goddammit! How could I give my consent to do this type of thing?! Yeah, ok, we were drunk out of our minds, I was depressed, and he had practically begged me to do it. But still that was no excuse for doing this! My first day as an eighteen-year-old and I’m already fucking up my life. Great. I ran my hands through my hair trying to think. I really, really didn’t know what to do.

                I couldn’t run away ‘cause that would make him feel cheap and that would make me a coward. And I couldn’t to wake him up ‘cause I was scared shitless of what his reaction to this whole situation would be. In other words, I was completely and totally screwed. I pressed the palms of my hands into my eyes. God all that time and effort, all that work to forget him and here I was fucking it all up.  But… could it be that… maybe… we belong together?

                Right then I felt him stirring next to me and the next thing I knew he was yawning. I froze right where I was. He started stretching and propped up on his elbows, looking around as if trying to place his surroundings. I closed my eyes ‘cause I really, really didn’t wanna see his reaction when he saw me right here, next to him. “God… Please… I don’t want to lose him…” I prayed silently in my head.