Look to the right, there's someone waiting there for you ;3

I hope you enjoy,

-> Desyre

Daniel

                I tried my best to drive with the tears that were making my vision blurry. It should be forbidden for people to drive around while they were crying. If I wasn’t a tiger I think I would’ve smashed into something by now. I finally got to the building I was looking for and parked the car before going up to the intercom and punching in the apartment number. I waited for a few moments and I thought no one was going to answer but then a sleepy voice picked up and said, "Hello?" I breathed in and out trying to calm myself down and finally said, "Open the door please." I heard a gasp on the other side of the line and then a buzzing. I pushed the door and got in the elevator pressing the button for the 6th floor. I tried my best to hold myself together but when I got to the 6th floor and went around the corner to the apartment, I saw her there waiting for me. I couldn't hold it in anymore and I just collapsed to the floor right in front of her, crying like I had never done before and clutching my aching chest.

                Sarah came up to me and hugged me tightly before whispering, "Danny. Daniel. Is everything alright? Is Kyle…? Is he alright?" I nodded silently, not trusting my voice. “Then what…? Oh.” I didn't even have to explain it to her, she already knew what happened and that it was all her fault. I hated the woman, but she was still something like my sister, and I didn't have it in me to yell at her. I had enough yelling with what Kyle had told me.

"We should go in. Come on." She said pulling me up and into the apartment.

                She sat me in the couch and just sat next to me her arms still around me as I continued to cry my eyes out. At some point I started telling her what had happened, and she said that she was really sorry again. I just continued crying. I can’t remember the moment I fell asleep on the couch, my dreams filled with the memories of the years that Kyle and I had been together. He was sick of me? What was he sick of? What was he talking about? We had been together since middle school, and he still doubted me. Why? What was going on in his head? I woke up a number of times during the night but I just kept crying myself to sleep right after waking up. Sarah wasn't with me in any of those times, my was that she just gave up and decided to let me cry it all out before trying to have serious conversation. And I didn't blame her. Unlike Kyle, I didn't care to show what I was really feeling. I wasn't embarrassed of crying or of feeling weak or anything like that. I wasn't embarrassed of what Kyle and I shared, or... used to share, I guess, even if we were a hound and a tiger. So I just cried to my heart’s content that night without feeling any embarrassment at all.

                When I finally woke up I could tell I had puffy, red eyes and I felt like my head was about to explode. I sat up on the couch and noticed there were voices coming from down the hall. I got up still sleepy and headed to the entrance hall. I could hear the voices pretty well now and even distinguished what they were saying.

"How could you do that…?! What were you thinking?!"

"Please, lower your voice! You're going to-."

"I don't care if I wake whatever guy you have in your apartment right now, I'm asking you why in the world you thought that drugging me was a good idea!"

                It took me a while to finally come to my senses and realize that it was Kyle and Sarah talking. They were talking about what had happened last night and I started to notice things. Kyle always referred to me as his best friend in the whole world, not his boyfriend and not his lover. His best friend. Suddenly things started to become clear in my mind. I felt my eyes sting and I was tempted to just turn around and pretend I didn’t know anything but I forced myself to bite the bullet. I came into the hall and they both stared at me with wide eyes. I saw the look in Kyle's face, he hadn't slept at all, his eyes were bloodshot and he had deep purple bags under them. I just couldn't resist it as another wave of sadness went through and the images of yesterday came flooding into my head. I felt my eyes get watery and my throat clog up. I felt a low whimper escape my throat as I began sobbing uncontrollably once again and fell to the ground clutching my chest.

"Great... Well done you fucking genius! You woke him up!" Sarah said in an annoyed tone and I didn't have to look to know she was shooting daggers at Kyle.

"D-Danny...?" Kyle asked in a voice filled with surprise.

"No, it's the fucking Virgin Mary, you idiot! Of course it's Daniel! Where the fuck did you expect him to go so late at night?!"

"What... What's he doing here...?"

"I'll give you one chance before I reply sarcastically again... Look at him very well and tell me what you think he's doing here."

                Kyle took a while to answer to that and when he did he said, "He came to you...? After what happened, he came here...? After what you…" Kyle stopped before he said anything else.

"Oh that’s rich… Finish what you were going to say. Go on, finish it.” Sarah said in a deadly tone. “After what I did is it? He came to me after what I did? You’re one to be saying that. I may have made a mistake but you, you destroyed him! And you know what? For once in your life you’re going to deal with your problems! I am sick and tired of picking up the pieces after you wreck and destroy the people that love you! Maybe this is for the best, God knows Danny doesn’t deserve someone like you!" Sarah said leaving and slamming the door shut.

                The room fell silent after that. Was it for the best? Should I just give it up? I continued crying, I just couldn't help it. The thought of throwing so many memories and so many years to the trash seemed too sad. He was sick of me. Sick of us. I had to wonder silently if he had enjoyed anything during all the years that we spent together. If there was something he had truly done because he wanted to. I had given up so much for him, I had waited for years, having blue balls, and forgiving him for pushing me away every time. I had just wanted everything to be perfect. Now I wondered how many things I had forced him to do. He wasn’t comfortable going out on dates or anything of the sort and I remembered how many times convinced him to go out with me, how much I pushed him until he finally gave up and said yes. He wasn’t even comfortable about us acting that close in school, yet I was always with him, ate with him, walked him to class, and other types of PDAs. Whenever things got heated it was because of me, I always started it, looking to give him pleasure and not minding my own, and he just went along with it. Had I… Could it be? Had I forced my love on him too? Suddenly my sobs died in my throat. Did he really love me?

"Danny..." I heard him call me softly.

                I suddenly realized that he was right beside me. His voice seemed calm. I looked up at him I saw again his tired eyes and the bags under them.

"Danny I'm sorry. I over-reacted yesterday. It wasn't till later when I realized you had been saying the truth. I shouldn’t have said that I was sick of you."

"Did you cry?" I asked in a low tone, I needed to know, for some reason. If the idea of not being with me and breaking up had torn his heart apart like it did mine.

"What...? Um, no... I didn't cry..." He said not understanding my question.

"Weren’t you sad? Didn’t you cry at the thought of not being with me anymore, of not having me in your life, of us breaking up?” I asked.

"Well, no not really. I knew we were going to work things out eventually. We always do. I mean I knew it wasn’t something permanent.” Kyle said after a while.

“You thought that it wasn’t something permanent? After you told you never wanted to see me again and told me that you were sick of me? I don’t know about you but it felt pretty permanent to me.” I said bitterly.

“Danny, I don’t get where you’re going with this.” Kyle said clearly confused

                I knew it... He just hadn't realized it yet. And I needed to make him realize it. It was time I faced this. I had known this would happen for a while now, but I didn't want to face it. The old doubts that I had pushed to the back of my mind so many times during all these years came back to the front. I had been deceiving myself for a while now but it was time I faced reality.

"Do you love me Kyle?” I asked quietly.

                I looked up at him and saw he was hurt by this question. I was doubting his love for me, after all. I didn’t blame him. My heart ached when I saw that expression in his face but it wasn't because I was hurting my boyfriend, it was because I was hurting my best friend whom I loved like a boyfriend. And the worst part is, said best friend only loves me as a best friend.

“What are you talking about Danny? Of course I love you!”

“No Kyle… I want you to think real hard about that one, before answering. Do you love me as a friend or as a boyfriend Kyle? Did it feel natural for you to be with me, or did I force my love on you? Did you participate actively in our relationship or did you just let me do whatever I wanted to do? Did you just go along with everything I did?" I asked in a quiet voice.

Kyle

                When Daniel spoke those words they took me by surprise. Of course I loved him as a boyfriend! What was he thinking?! Why was he doubting me?! Just because I wasn’t comfortable with PDAs, and dates, and sex didn’t mean I didn’t love him. But I felt a little tug on my mind and the memories of last night came flooding into my mind. I remembered that weird feeling I had been having and I discovered it hadn't been there before we spent that week apart. Suddenly I came to realize what that weird feeling was. It the feeling of wrongness... Being with Daniel now felt forced. It felt like I was just going along with whatever he wanted to do. I wondered then for long had it been like this before now? How come I had never realized it?

                Daniel must've read my face because he said, "Yeah I thought so..." I just stared at him with wide eyes. Just what in the world was going on? Again he must've read my face because he sighed and began to explain.

"It came to me when I remembered that you said you were sick of me, and how whenever you mentioned me you said your best friend and not your boyfriend or lover. I thought back to the years we’ve spent as a couple and how I was always pushing you to do things like with the dates and us acting close in school. And thought that maybe I had forced my love on you. And well, it seems I was right. You were just going along with whatever I wanted to did. You’d be really stubborn at first but then in the end you’d back down and I would say to myself that I convinced you. You hadn't realized it yet and you just treated me like you always did, mechanically treating me like a boyfriend but when it came to more than that, the conflict started, right?" He asked in a bitter tone.

                I stood speechless right there next to Daniel as I stared into his sad eyes looking straight into mine. I had promised not to hurt him ever again, yet here he was with the saddest face I had ever seen on him. A pang of guiltiness hit me in the heart, how could I not have noticed I didn't love my best friend as a boyfriend anymore? I thought about it and he was right, it was all just mechanical. I had spent so many years kissing him and being his boyfriend that I didn’t feel that forced when I was kissing him, hugging him and stuff. But when it came to something more serious as doing it with him, the wrong feeling increased. And even then, I realized as I thought back to all the years we’ve been together, whenever we were together the last thing in my mind was doing it with him. He was always the one to start things, and then last time the aphrodisiac was the one to push that idea into my mind and of course it took the image of what had been engraved into my mind as right: doing it with Daniel.

                I wrapped my arms around him tightly and he just hugged me back. I couldn't do more to comfort him. The sadness of what we both had just discovered would hit him later, I knew it pretty well. But for now, just like a best friend would do, I hugged him tightly to myself and lost count of the times I whispered that I was sorry. After a while of this it seemed to finally sink in for him because he began crying again. It would be tough for him to get over me, his only and first crush from childhood. After all he had always believed that we belonged together. I sighed making soothing sounds to calm him down as he cried. Somehow had a feeling that everything would work out.