So I'm two weeks late with this update :/ I'm really very sorry about that. It's just that, like I said, I've been short on time lately, going to other towns and all that shit and yeah, I haven't had much time to write... Next update should be up earlier than this was because I'm already starting to write it and I have more or less half of the chapter written so yeah, the next update should be up soon. Soon being in a week or less. 

Thanks to all the people that are reading his and putting up with my shit :3

Please let me know what you think! ^^

I hope you enjoy,

-> Desyre

Nathan

                I was so confused. And so angry. And sad. And so fucking lost! Where in the fuck was I?! I looked around trying to identify where I was or at least something that told me in which direction the house was. I had spent a grand total of three months, tops, in this city and I had only walked the streets near Danny’s apartment and nothing more. Now in another part of the city that I had never been to I was as lost as Adam in mother’s day. Why the fuck did I leave the restaurant like that? Why didn’t I stay and yell at Danny? Why did I think that walking away was the best option? The thing was exactly that, I wasn’t thinking, all I could really think of was Danny’s face as he told me that he was sorry for kissing me. WHY IN THE HELL DID HE KISS ME IF HE WAS GOING TO TAKE IT BACK?! Didn’t he know already that I was interested in him? Did he think that it was really funny to kiss me like that, like he had been wanting to kiss me for a long time now, like he meant it, and then take it back? What was I to him? Did he see me as a play thing? As someone he could mess with and then throw away like it meant nothing? Did he see me like that? Did I make him think that he could do that? Did I make my attraction to him too obvious? Did he think I was easy?

                I stopped and shook my head trying to get all this confusing thoughts out of my mind. I needed to figure out where the fuck I was before I figured out what to do with Danny. I looked around squinting at the signs trying to see if one of them jumped out at me or if I saw something familiar. It was getting colder and colder as afternoon turned into evening and the jacket on my back was turning out to not be enough to keep me warm. I was just fine a while ago when I got out of the car with Danny but now that the temperature was lowering I was starting to feel the chill. I wanted desperately to call someone and ask for help but just who would I call? Paul? My mom? My dad? Claire, who wouldn’t even hear the phone ring? Right then my mind zeroed on a little fact that I hadn’t noticed before then. Claire was in the car with us on the way to our state, and then when I woke up in the restaurant she wasn’t. Which meant that she had to have something to do with this. Just what was she thinking? How could she agree with something like this? Did Danny lie to her? No, that wasn’t possible. Claire could catch anyone that lied at her. She would’ve known that Danny was lying. But then why had she agreed to step out of the car and let Danny take me to this restaurant? I shook my head again trying to clear it. It didn’t matter why Claire had agreed to this, the fact was that she agreed and for that she was dead as soon as I saw her. I wrote out a short text message for her to see whenever she remembered her phone.

“You’re dead.”

                I pressed send and was about to pocket my phone again when it started ringing in my hand. Without looking at the screen I picked up.

“Yeah?” I snapped into the phone.

“Nate?” Danny asked tentatively.

                I groaned and seriously thought about hanging up the phone. I wouldn’t do that to him, though. No matter what, I wouldn’t hurt Danny. He had already been hurt so much by Kyle and I didn’t want to add more to his misery.

“What do you want Daniel?” I asked and I heard my voice break, the tears threatening to spill again as I remembered everything that had happened tonight.

                I cleared my throat and cursed myself.

“What do you want?” I asked again this time managing to keep my voice from breaking.

                Danny was silent for a few moments and I had to look at the phone to see if he had hung up.

“I’m sorry.” He said again and this time his voice broke like mine had done. “I’m sorry I kissed you Nate.”

                I swallowed back the fresh batch of tears that wanted to spill, why was he calling me to tell me this? I heard him loud and clear back in the restaurant.

“I didn’t mean to hurt you. I thought… I thought it was what we both wanted.” Danny said and his voice sounded haunted, like something was eating him inside.

                What? What was he talking about? What we both wanted? How would I want to be used and then thrown away?

“I thought that you felt the same… connection, attraction, I’m not even sure what is it that I feel every time I’m near you. But the point is that you clearly didn’t. And I’m sorry…” Danny continued and I had to interrupt because I wasn’t getting anything of this conversation.

“What are you talking about? What made you believe that I don’t feel the same way?” I asked feeling even more confused than before.

“What do you mean what? Your face when I kissed you. You had this… shell shocked look in your face.” Danny said sounding confused and then sad. “I didn’t mean to…” But I interrupted him again.

“What face did you expect me to put when you suddenly kissed me, without any type of explanation, and then when the waiter caught us and I realized that not only did you kiss me but that you kissed me in public? Until right then I didn’t even know that you liked me like that.” I said in a defensive tone that sounded like we were arguing instead of apologizing and explaining what seemed like a big misunderstanding. I didn’t know why I felt so defensive. I think I just didn’t want it to be my fault.

“Well, I don’t know, I just know that it wasn’t the shell shocked, horrified, scared-out-of-your-skin look you had on our face! And what do you mean you didn’t know? Didn’t you see the way I got when I was around you?” Danny shot back.

“I was just a little surprised and taken aback! Not horrified, or scared out of my mind, or any of that. And well yeah I had my suspicions but you never said anything! How was I supposed to know for sure when you don’t talk and you don’t say anything?” I asked back.

“You can’t know what you looked like! I was the one that saw you, I know what you looked like. It may not have matched what you were feeling but you did look like that! And well, that was what the kiss was for! Haven’t you ever heard that actions speak more than words?!”

“Yeah actions speak more than words but words are still needed! How was I supposed to know that you were over Kyle? That I wasn’t just a rebound? That you weren’t using me to get over Kyle? That you weren’t just taking advantage of me because you already knew that I liked you? You need to fucking explain yourself Daniel!” I yelled into the phone, exploding.

                The line went silent on the other side and I started to regret what I’d said, thinking that I had said too much or stepped over a line.

“You really think I would do that to you?” Danny asked in a small voice sounding more broken than I had ever heard him.

                I swallowed and tried to keep myself from crying because I had just managed to screw this thing Danny and I had before it even started.

“I… I don’t know… I don’t know Danny. There is a part of me that tells me that you would never do something like that to anyone but there’s another part of my that tells me that I still don’t know what happened between Kyle and you, and that I’ve only known you for about a month or so. And I don’t know who to listen to Daniel, I don’t know what to believe and you don’t tell me anything about you and Kyle and that seems suspicious. And…” I said babbling, letting everything that had been tormenting me flow out of my mouth until Danny stopped me.

“Kyle and I broke up because of a mutual agreement. He didn’t really love me. He had just been going along with the flow. I on the other hand had been seriously and really in love with him, something that he would never feel for me because he loved me as a best friend, as brothers, and not as a boyfriend. So we agreed that the best thing was to break up and go back to being best friends. That’s what happened to us. But even if it was a mutual agreement it was still a very bad break up because we had been together for four years, and then from one day to the next we weren’t. It was like my whole world had suddenly been destroyed. I had set my life around Kyle. If my life was a solar system Kyle would’ve been my sun and then in the blink of an eye he wasn’t there anymore and I no longer had anyone to rotate around. But then you and Claire came along and taught me that I didn’t need to be together with Kyle to go on living. That I could find other suns to rotate around. I started to focus on my studies, planning what I was going to do once this senior year ended, where I was going to go and all the things that I hadn’t thought of because I was going to follow Kyle no matter where he went. But you Nate, you have helped me so much, you have taught me that I’m not really alone, that it only seems like I am. Thanks to you I have relearned how to do many things, smile, laugh, eat, you have even taught me how to cook, and I owe you so much. Enough that I would never use you to get over Kyle, that I would never use you as a rebound, and that I would never get involved with you if I wasn’t completely and totally over Kyle. I would never hurt you like that.” Danny finished his voice sounding sad.

                I didn’t know what to say to this. I didn’t know what the correct answer was. Should I apologize? Should I tell him thank you for telling me? Should I tell him that it was alright? What was the right thing to do here?

“Where are you?” Danny asked suddenly, filtering through my thoughts.

“What?” I asked taken aback because that had to be the one question that I absolutely did not expect.

“Where are you? I was calling you to know where you were, but we got into this whole… thing, and I kind of forgot. Where are you?”

“Uh…” I said looking around trying to spot one of the signs I was squinting at earlier but as it turned out, now there weren’t any signs around me. “I don’t know.”

                I felt panic make my body tense and my breath suddenly came up short. I didn’t know where the fuck I was and the evening was progressing into night and the streets where never a safe place to be at night.

“Nate.” Danny said pulling me back to the present. “I need you to stay calm.”

                I nodded already feeling my body relax a little. His voice was calm and firm and safe. I wanted nothing more than to kiss him right then, thank him for helping me stay calm. Then I noticed that I had nodded and that Danny couldn’t see me.

“Alright.” I said as I continued walking.

“Now I need you to look around, look really carefully, tell me any detail that you find particular, and if you find a sign all the better.”

“I see a post office, next to a pizza restaurant, and across the street there’s an Anglican church and…” Right then I saw a sign that read Rose Street and I felt my heart beat quicker. “A sign that says Rose Street, I’m in Rose Street right in front of an Anglican church called…” I squinted at the letters. “Saint Anne.”

“Right, I’ll be there in five. Don’t move alright? And don’t hang up, I need you on the phone with me.” I heard the sounds of a car being pushed to high speeds and knew that Danny would be here in no time. I also heard the relief in Danny’s voice and I thanked him silently for keeping it together just for me. It had to be really scary, losing someone in a city as big as this one and on top of it all in the night.

“Nate?” Danny asked filtering through my thoughts once again. “Are you there?”

“Yes, sorry, I just… Nothing. Thank you Danny.” I said looking up and down the street watching patiently for Danny’s car. I don’t know what I was thanking him for, for telling me about Kyle and him? For coming to get me? For being so patient? For staying calm just for me? I wasn’t completely sure. Maybe I was thanking him for everything. I hope he understood, though. That he understood what I wasn’t saying.

“You really have nothing to thank me for, how could I just leave you in a place where you don’t know your way?” Danny asked sounding taken aback.

“I am eighteen, you know? I’m big enough to take care of myself.” I said stating the obvious.

“But, still, you don’t know anything about this city. No matter if you’re eighteen or fifty, wandering alone in a city you don’t know is not… good.” Danny finished.

                But I knew what he was going to say. He was going to say that it wasn’t safe and in this hour of the night, in this cold, and in this dark street I couldn’t say that I didn’t agree with him. But I silently thanked him, nonetheless, for not saying it out right and frying my nerves a little more.

“Still, thanks Danny.” I said quietly into the phone feeling the sentiment all the way down to my heart. I wanted to say something else, something that meant a little more than thank you but what could I possibly say that didn’t sound like I was leaping into the deep end of the pool in this relationship? It was too early to even think about the four letter monster much less talk about it. I just stayed silent instead waiting ‘til I had Danny right in front of me to show him just how grateful I was.

“Like I said, you have nothing to thank me for. I’m turning to Rose Street right now. I should be by the church right… now.” Danny said and I saw his car coming down the street.

                I felt my heart skip another beat and I thanked whoever had put Danny in my life for the I-don’t-know-what time. The car stopped right in front of me and I got into the car quickly, the car already in movement before I could close the door.

“Hey.” Danny said turning to give me a smile.

“Hey yourself.” I said smiling and wanting to throw myself into Danny’s arms and kiss him silly.

“Are you alright?” Danny asked sounding very worried.

“Yeah, now I’m alright. Just perfect, in fact.” I said and again I could feel the smile splitting my lips.

                Danny smiled a smile that I had never seen before when I said that. It was a mix of happiness, warmness, and just a spoonful of goofy.

“Who was it that said he didn’t turn into a complete sap when he was dating someone?” Danny asked teasingly.

                He was aiming for a joke and teasing me but I had realized what he said, and even if it was going to ruin the moment, I just had to ask to be sure.

“Are we dating then?” I asked quietly.

                Danny’s smile slipped right from his face and he gave me a quick look, I’m guessing to gauge my reaction and my face and my expectations, before answering.

“I would like us to be.” Danny said, and I thought that was a very diplomatic and vague answer, but that it saved him from looking like a fool in the worse-case scenario, so I forgave him and made this easier for him.

“I would like that as well.” I said nodding and smiling at him reassuring him and trying to tell him that it was alright, that we were both on the same page here.

                Danny seemed to relax a little before he tensed again and turned to look at me.

“So, since we’re dating and this failure of a date does not count as our first date, do you want to go out for dinner tomorrow? I promise this time there will be no misunderstandings.” Danny said giving me a quick nervous smile.

                I couldn’t help but chuckle at that.

“Alright, I promise not to look shell shocked when you kiss me this time.” I said smiling at Danny.

                Danny turned to give me that new smile again and I could already tell that I was beginning to love that smile, especially because I hadn’t seen it on his face ever before for anyone other than me.

“I think I’ll kiss you again way before that but I promise to tell you before I kiss you.” Danny said chuckling along with me.

“Oh, I don’t know about that, it would take the fun right out of it.” I said teasing him.

                We continued teasing each other the whole trip back home and I liked it a lot, there was no need to have deep meaningful conversations, we had time for those later. Once we got home Danny parked and we got off of the car getting on the elevator to ride to the penthouse. The need to touch and kiss and do… something, was palpable in the atmosphere around us in the elevator. I wanted to kiss Danny and get my hands on him and do many things to him. Once we got to the apartment we walked in and right there in the living room was Claire. She turned towards us, sensing the change in the atmosphere, and frowning at us. She got up and walked towards me, frown still in place.

“What happened? I read your text from earlier.” Claire squinted at Danny and then turned her concerned look to me.

“Nothing… or maybe I should say everything? I’m not sure.” I just couldn’t help but smiled at Claire when I thought about how crazy and how wonderful this whole day had been.

                Claire frowned even more and stared at me like I had maybe lost a few screws.

“What in the hell are you talking about?” Claire looked at me like I was some weird bug. “Since when are you poetic and vague and all this crap? Since when do you smile this much? Who are you and what did you do with my brother?”

                Claire squinted at me then and I chuckled, deeply tickled by Claire.

“Since today.” I gave her a smile and Claire looked even more confused. “Don’t worry about it, I’ll explain it all later sis. I love you. Thank you.” I pulled Claire into a tight hug and then kissed her cheek.

                Claire scrunched up her nose and rubbed at her cheek furiously giving me a disgusted look.

“Don’t kiss me, I might get your weirdness.” Claire gave me a mock glare right then and I chuckled.

“Its genetic sis, you already have it.” I gave her an evil smile and Claire gave me a mock horrified look.

“No! Anything but your weirdness! I might even prefer your stupidity over your weirdness.” I glared at Claire and she laughed.

“I’m not stupid.” I glared even harder.

“Tell that to the stupid smile you had on your face earlier.” Claire chuckled even harder and I rolled my eyes at her feeling my cheeks turn red.

“Whatever, just go to sleep already.” Claire gave me a knowing smile and I felt myself blush even more.

“Fine, but I want details tomorrow. Lots of details.” Claire winked at me before turning around and leaving the living room.

                I glared at her as I watched her leave. There was no way I would give her any details tomorrow. Right then a throat was cleared and I turned to see Danny giving me a questioning look.

“What was all that about?” He asked, giving me a knowing smile that told me he was only asking to tease me.

“Nothing.” I said blushing.

“It didn’t seem like nothing.” Danny said smirking.

“Neither does this and I said the same to Claire.” I said stepping closer to Danny turning my head up towards him asking for a kiss.

“Fair enough. But you’re telling me later.” Danny said smiling and leaning down to press his lips against mine again.

                God, if there was a heaven, kissing Danny had to be the nearest you could get to it on Earth, and now I could feel that whenever I wanted to. Things seriously could not get better than this. Who would’ve known? Once you’ve hit rock bottom there really is no other way but up.