A cool evening breeze hits against my dead skin. Not that I'm cold or anything, but I've been sitting here awhile now. Long enough for numerous thoughts and questions to drift in and out of my head. Long enough to where I felt guilty about wrecking the ceiling and then for that guilt to wash away.

Sighing, I look up to the sky. The sun's about to set soon, and I've been pushing my monster so much it has to sleep. I was rushing this way and that through the forest, hovering for spilt seconds to go the fastest I can without draining my energy. Making the most use of my claws and fangs, even figuring out that my kicks are a bit more powerful than my punches. Quite a few demons will fall prey to that one.

I should head back into the Order Hall soon, although part of me just wants to stay out here. No confinements, able to run and fly in any direction simply because I can. However the vast majority is ready to kick some demon butt. Well, get my friends accepted and whatnot then kick some demon butt.

A flicker of worry wafts through my skull, one that I only get when the monster is resting, about whether this is a good idea. I want it, oh I want it more than anything right now. Maybe because of that though, I shouldn't get it. What if I lose control? Who will I hurt? What will I do?

Groaning, I trudge through the forest back to the Order Hall. Or maybe I should just find something to eat out here. I already destroyed the ceiling so far, perhaps I shouldn't go back for dinner. Although Olivia's probably going to want to go over a few last minute things that I should be there for.

I brace myself, waiting for a spilt moment to feel frustration boil from my monster about bowing to someone else's wants. Only to smile and continue on my way when I remember it's resting. I should drain it more often, makes my life easier.

A worm of guilt crawls into my stomach when the memory of my first animal meal flashes before my eyes. I think I'm going to run out of forest if I constantly tire my monster out like this.

I should probably get some rest myself, it's not like I'm very energetic right now. After breakdowns and intense workouts, I could probably sleep for days. Not too mention all the thoughts plaguing me, wondering if I really even should be with my friends at all. Wondering if I can control myself around the demons.

Growling softly, I go to fiddle with my suspenders again, until I remember that slices the thin pieces of fabric. What can my claws not cut through? Maybe I'll have to wear spider silk clothes just so I don't cut up my clothes, but then I'd feel like Olivia might not like me for that.

The ladder back up to the Order Hall comes into view, and I climb up it instead of flying. I'm way too tired to do that again, and I need my monster to be fully recovered when this plan goes under way. If any demon tries to mess with my friends while they're trying to get their life back they are so going to pay. Severely. Most definitely with their life.

I wince, hating how much I've accepted life and death now. I once would do anything to stop death, I was a vegetarian before all this, even the lives of the bad guys. Now I hunger for their deaths. I would like to believe I still protect the lives of the innocent, but I did almost kill Lukas. The monster has dulled out what life means to me while glorifying how great death is. What a terrible trade off. If Beacontown is already convinced I've turned into some monster, I can't say I blame them.

Walking out of my room as quickly as possible, I head to the kitchen. I'll eat something there, make sure I understand what I'm doing. I should be good though, I'm just staying hidden. I'm the lookout, there to make sure everything goes smoothly for us.

Hmm, that just sounds like a lie. When does anything ever go well for us? We couldn't take a trip to Sky City without being kidnapped and warped into hybrids.

I lift my head at a door creaking, looking up to see Lukas shamble out of the storage room. Arms crammed full with vases, even his tail holding one in the air, completely blocking his ability to see. I watch, weakly fighting a smile, as his ears perk up on his head and I just barely hear him take a deep breath in to pick up my scent.

"Uh- hey Jesse!" The smile grows, although Lukas can't see it behind the wall of flower pots and vases he's trying to hold. "Do you mind making some noise or something so I can not hit you? Or maybe move-"

A breathy chuckle escapes me, and I quickly stride over to take half of the tower of pots. He gasps, but I can't help but grin more when the wall of vases finally lets him use his eyes again. Has Lukas heard of taking two trips?

"You didn't have to do that, I had everything-"

I snort, raising an eyebrow at him. Lukas huffs, blue eyes becoming pools of worry as he shifts the load to carry it better. My smile falters, especially has he continues to head to his room without saying another word.

Sighing, I really wish I could speak right now. The pen and paper has been nice, but I don't have it with me now. Even if I did, I don't even have the hands to write it. This is a rare opportunity where my monster is asleep, I can actually enjoy the presence of my friend, and something's up with him.

Instantly scolding that thought, I try to ward of weariness and gloom. Of course something's up with Lukas. Whether or not society accepts them will happen soon. That wears on anyone's mind. Besides, I know he heard me tear up the ceiling as if I had some grudge against it. That could also be a very valid reason he doesn't want to talk to me. Or that I can't even talk back to him without paper and feather, making whatever he says pointless. It probably feels like talking to a brick wall.

We enter his room, and something feels different about it. It has been a super long time since I've stepped foot in this room, but even then, it's different. For one, there's no light on the ceiling like the other rooms. That jungle desk with wirily legs is not the signature oak desk I remember being in here. Although has his bed always been like that? Is it strange for the window to be open? I can't remember.

"Can you just put those on the desk. Thanks."

I frown at his monotone voice, doing as he says. I don't leave, instead watching him place his pots and vases in various different spots. All over his dresser, on his bed, and other spots where his back is turned to me. Lukas knows I'm here though. I can see it in the way his tail snaps anxiously and ears flicker on his head.

He clears his throat, slowly putting the last vase down. "You can go now, if you want to eat or something."

I open my mouth on instinct, only to suck in a breath and shut it. It's not like I can talk to Lukas, and maybe it's not the best for me to comfort him. I can listen, but not counsel. I look like a demon, not exactly something anyone would want to open up to. Maybe I should just leave Lukas alone.

My stomach twists, unsettled by leaving Lukas alone. Alone, trapped with more emotions than thoughts, silent in conflict. I hated being trapped in that cell, alone. Whether Lukas likes it or not I'm going to let him suffer in that. It doesn't matter if his cell isn't a physical one, I can't let him toil in that anguish.

He's still turned away from me, very occupied with making sure the vase is at the exact right angle. His tail snaps in the air while I take a few silent steps forward. Very carefully, I have to make sure I don't cut him, I reach out and grab his shoulder, squeezing gently.

The muscles under my hand clamp up, the rest of him visibly tensing up and his tail even freezes in the air. Thousands of words parade in my mouth, if only I can say any of them! I just stand in silence as a tight sigh steams out of Lukas and he lowers his head down from me.

"Jesse, you really shouldn't be here. I don't want to upset you."

I squeeze his shoulder, still making sure I don't cut him, so many words bursting inside me. The monster's asleep, recovering for tonight, I wish I could tell Lukas that. That I'm mostly me again, that I'm Jesse again. I'm not some wither about to explode any moment, I'm his friend. I wish I could tell him that I don't want to be pushed away.

"Please Jesse," Tension tenses in my chest, I don't want to leave Lukas! No! "Just leave, go."

"Nrah!" Words break free, tinges of desperation bristling in my throat. Mutated into quiet wails, emotions burning without any form to take. "Nrah."

He whips to me, my hand falling from his shoulder as he takes a step back. Lukas's eyes narrow at me before they flicker away, tail curling around his waist. Opening his mouth for a quick second before shutting it, uncertainty flashing across his face.

"Look, I don't want to stress you. So maybe's if you just go. Please, I really don't want you to get worked up." An edge seeps in his voice, steadily rising in pitch. "Please Jesse. Let me be alone."

My stomach twists again, this time in the opposite direction. Maybe I should just let Lukas be alone. I can't communicate with him, I can't reassure him, I can't do anything that I used to do. What good am I doing here? I'm just making his life harder?

But....

But Lukas doesn't deserves to be alone.

But how can he be with me? I'm a monster.

Monsters can't help people.

I step away from Lukas, feeling disgust fester in my heart. Sighing, I turn and drag my feet out of the room. I begin to stomp my way to the kitchen, hands curling into fists. Hating my decision and hating that I can't do anything about it. I can't stop being this.

Growling, I swing my fist. The wall trembles, crumbs of it falling to the ground. My face breaks in revolt, horrified in the small shred of anger I used broke apart of the wall, just a whim without even my monster in the picture. A human couldn't have done that, a human would still be with Lukas.

But I'm a monster.

****

It's short, yes. I have no excuse, it's just the way the cookie crumbled. Probably the next one too, as it's about emotions and relationships too. Just so you know, that one will be over 2,000 words though.

But hey! Climax is fast approaching! I would like to say a set number until the end, but I tend to change my mind about things mid way through... so yeah. It's coming though!

Ah, well, I think that's all. I'll be back in another five days for the next chapter! Bye!