I snarl, rolling my eyes the moment I open them up. My monster's pissed at me, I could even feel it in my sleep. This thing is more ornery than a sleep deprived Petra.

Strains of bristling anger slither in my muscles, thoughts burning at the thought of revenge against the demons. Hate at them for their actions, rage sniff in my heart at running into them again.

Violently shaking those thoughts out of my head, the wrath permanently etched into my face though, I devour the mutton that I spot near me. I vaguely pick up the Petra's scent along with Lukas's, but I'm thankful I can eat. Food and revenge are the two things the monster only seems to care about.

It's cooked, and amidst the growling monster in my head, I try to figure out if I like raw or cooked better. Raw kinda tastes better, but eating it cooked makes me feel more human. Less. . . uncontrollable raging monster.

Muscles clench and relax rapidly inside me, both them and my monster begging me to take action before they rip control out of my hands. Furious energy pounding through my veins, and this has to come from somewhere. It's so strong to just spring up.

Grabbing the book and ink pot, I stand up. Stiff as I march up to the door, cursing my monster and trying to think about how I'm leaving the library. The library which has been my sanctuary for the past day or so.

Growling, I fling the doors open. I'm not afraid of my friends. I'm stronger than the monster, I can control myself. I can't keep running from everything all the time, I have to rise to my problems. For my friends' sakes if nothing else; they've been trying so hard to reconnect to me. The least I can do now is give the same effort back to them, and then some.

A barge of scents and sounds bombard my head as I further away from my library. The Old Order, they were all here but not for the last twenty fours. Except for Ivor and Gabriel, I think they're still in the Order Hall. Axel's definitely in the kitchen at least, I can hear him, and Olivia too. Her scent is strongly tied with his; have they been together a lot because of what has happened?

Almost cautiously I make my way to the kitchen. My monster's still throwing a fit, screeching and hollering at me to do something. To go and hunt down demon after demon, doesn't matter if my friends help or not, I need to kill them. Enough is enough, it is time for them to die.

Huffing, trying to push the thoughts out, I continue to the kitchen. Olivia and Axel are my two oldest friends, I am not pushing them away because of this thing. I'm sure they've had a really hard time as it is, I'm not going to make it worse by intentionally closing off from them.

My talons tremble, hovering right above the handle. Taking a every deep breath, I try to soothe the monster as much as I can and scoot the rage out of me. It half works, I release some of the negative emotions but I still fail to calm down the monster. It still wants to see every single demon dead. Right now.

Delicately, I grab the handle. Almost immediately wishing I could just let it go and flee, escape back to the forest. My stomach churning at the fact I'm a wither monster, which kinda vaguely looks like what I once did. Goodness, how do any of my friends even bare to look at me? I have hallow white eyes, my teeth all sharpened, dead skin all dry and coarse stuck to me-

Growling, I push the thoughts away and open the door before I can convince myself otherwise. My heart winces the moment I hear Olivia gasp, my legs tensing up on the instinct to just bolt away from them. If I run then I can't hurt them anymore. The forest will shelter me from all these problems.

"Whoa dude, you're up?" My monster growls at Axel and I have to work hard not to glare at my iron golem friend. "Lukas made it seem that'd take awhile."

I shrug, gulping as muscles continue to tense. I'm sure Axel probably also wants to pound me for being a monster, I can't want to kill him simply because he's part iron golem. I do not want to hurt Axel. My monster only hurts demons, never friends.

Olivia glances between us, a forced smile springing up. "Say Jesse, are you hungry? We made egg just now."

She gestures over to the remnants of breakfast. I hesitantly nod, almost tip toeing over to make myself a plate. Gritting my teeth when I take in the mess, Axel must have done all the cooking. Olivia can't exactly cook very well anymore. Not with her one arm.

My talons strain in my hand as I pick up the fragile plate. How did I let this happen? Why did I think I could ever en éter that stupid hallway without something happening? I thought we were safe, and this happens. I lowered my guard, and we're kidnapped. I trust that no one would mess with us after what we've done, only to be experimented on because of all the things we've overcame. Why was I such an idiot!?

With my appetite officially dead, I take my food and sit down. Still shuffling uneasily when Axel continues to look at me. I know I shouldn't, but it kinda feels like when Aiden would stare at us in public. That my existences wrong, that it's my fault. That everything is my fault.

My monster sneers, scolding me for even thinking about eating this fluff. Maybe if I was hungrier I could convince it to eat, but I just ate that mutton. Maybe if I didn't feel so self conscious with Axel and Olivia here, I could ignore the monster. Maybe if those stupid demons never-

Growling, I slam a fist on the table. The gasps Axel and Olivia made only serves to push my heart faster. Muscles shaking with too much energy, hate at the demons pouring out from my monster. Guilt screaming at me to mend past actions. I have to fix this! I can't let anything like this ever happen ever again!

"Jesse? Do you, uh, do we need to leave?" Olivia squirms in her seat as I very slowly grab the book, trying really hard to not shred it to pieces and then go murder a demon. "Because we can leave. We don't want to-"

I hold a hand up for silence, forcing all of my attention into creating words without ripping through all the pages. Maybe there's a reason I'm so filled with guilt and rage, half of me so desperate for revenge and the other mourning what I've done. And if there is a legit reason for this, another one at least, then I'm ready to burn the world.

I end up just writing one word, since the monster claws at my control, so desperately trying to take it for itself. But I have to remain in control. I'm not letting the monster know it can beat me and I am making sure that I stay myself with my friends.

'Demons?'

Axel sharply inhales, wide gray eyes staring at me. "You heard us last night? I thought we were being-"

"Axel." Olivia elbows him with her one arm, a strained smile tight on her face. "What did you hear?"

I don't respond. There is something about the demons, they did do something! Or we're going to do something against them. Either way, they need to die! Right now! They've been living on borrowed time for too long now, it's about time they feel the same suffering-

Panic drills into me, and I screech as I crumple up. The monster, oh I can feel the last shards of my will turning to dust. The rage, the hate, the bloodlust, all of it tearing me apart. Morals shaking and cracking apart. I need to do something to redeem myself. Something that forgives, even just a bit, for letting my friends go through this.

A frantic idea pops from the panic, and I instantly begin to levitate. Even then though, strength pours from the monster. The sweet smell of death enticing me, my heart joyfully drumming at the terror I can inflict on those demons. Olivia's one arm jumping out in my sight, Axel's freakish size and pale iron skin burning at my eyes.

Wailing, I push myself higher from the ground. Ripping the anger from the monster away, shoving it into my shaking muscles. The muscles shaking with strength, not even flying can sap up enough energy in time.

My glare snaps onto the ceiling and I let go. Screaming, I launch up at it. My talons stretched out as I claw at it. The quartz instantly baring thick and deep cuts as I slash at it. Blocks crumbling apart the moment they're put under my raw strength. My monster and I screaming as the ceiling breaks down. Screaming and screaming, ringing in my ears. Ringing and ringing, buzzing in my head. Buzzing louder and louder, drowning out all else.

At some point, flying takes too much, and the monster fades away. With an exhausted wail, I stop. Not caring when my body collides into the ground, leftover adrenaline and mental exhaustion numbing out everything. Leaving me panting on the floor, a complete and utter mess. This is why bad things keep happening to my friends, I can't keep myself together. Too much in the present, stuck in what's happening now.

But I just wanted to be with my friends, I just wanted us to be happy. Why does this need to happen all the time?

My eyes close, but I don't think I'm tired enough to actually fall asleep, not when I just woke up. I kinda want to mope, wallow in what I've done. My monster, mostly occupied with the stress of flying I just took, bitter that it couldn't kill anything and I'm so disappointed that I couldn't control it. I don't want to face my friends after that horrendous spectacle.

"Jesse?" I moan, curling up away from Olivia. My monster horrified at this, but I can't care. Not when I also smell Petra in here too. "Are you okay now?"

Petra huffs, and I barely taken into account that she doesn't seem sure of herself. Another thing I've done, add it to the pile. "We can put you back in the library if you want. If you pass out anyways."

I'm not sure what I was expecting, that maybe they would all just leave and I would pick myself up and shuffle out in shame. My monster though, after quickly recovering from the flying, growls at me. Not in a vicious way, but more like a snort to get moving away.

Grumbling, I climb back to my feet. The monster gets a little blurry, its emotions blending into mine. I don't want to be weak anymore, I don't want anything bad to happen on my watch. While the monster couldn't care less about my friends, I can't exactly kill demons if I'm breaking apart every time I lose control.

Petra, Olivia, and Axel all glance at each other, uncertainty shinning through their eyes. But I'm not losing control. Not again. My monster doesn't seem interested in them anymore, it has its glare fixated on the demons. They are the ones who did this. They forced all this on us. I may not have stopped them, but I'm going to damn well make sure it never happens again.

They are all going to die for what they've done.

"Here dude." Axel offers me the book and inkpot. I blink at it, grabbing only the book. Turning back to the page, and pointing at it.

'Demons?'

I stare as Axel quickly glances at the others. Energy building back up again, resolve burning in my heart. I will make sure I will drag every single demon down into the hell they dragged me into.

Axel coughs, scratching the back of his head. "So, uh, well we caught them scouting. We're trying to figure out what to do next. But dude? You're... could you just, uh, relax? I'm getting really tense just watching you be tense."

A grim and excited smile crawl onto my face, the thrill of another adventure streaking through my veins. The monster all primed and ready to take them down. I smile at Axel, knowing full well my smile reveals sharp and pointed teeth. It's time for me to stop being some wishy washy weeny. It's time for me to do something.

The demons will suffer for what they did to my friends, for pulling us apart. I will see to it that not one of blasted scientists survives to carry on their experiments.

"Okay, I'm really hating this silence." I turn to Petra, my heart thumping excitedly inside my chest. "Are you good or not Jesse?"

I nod, opening back up to the page again. Pointing at the word demon again, but before they can say a word, I trail a talon across my neck. Grinning when Petra huffs, a slow smirk growing on her face.

"Freaking finally. I was wondering when you finally decided to get your priorities straight." I shrug at her, a casual smile on my face again. Oh boy, those demons are going to suffer. For everything.

Olivia coughs, red eyes flickering around wildly. "Jesse, that doesn't seem like a good idea. You need to stabilize first. Besides, we've mostly thought of how to tell Beacontown what happened. We can't declare war quite yet."

For a moment, I spilt. The monster growling at her and I consider her words. But just as quickly I realize that isn't a problem and the monster lines back with me. Beacontown can wait. We can just go to them or lure them out. They don't need to die here, that seems like a terrible idea.

"I'm with 'Liv on this one, you're still freaking me out dude." My monster starts to bristle, but I soothe it quickly. When it comes down to it, I'm sure Axel will decimate any demon that gets in his way. I let him down but he's still going to be on my side.

I gesture to Axel to put down the ink, and I begin to write again. Maybe one day I'll learn to speak again, that would be helpful in battle, but I suppose this will just have to do for now.

'Fight 'em away from BT.'

Olivia sighs, rubbing her forehead with her arm. "If it were that easy, I'd agree. But we can't fight them in that prison, they'd be too strong. Besides, they know this is our home. Even if we leave, every citizen here is in jeopardy of being captured."

"Where are they getting in the world anyway?" Petra crosses her arms, growling softly. "Once we figure that out, we could stop them from hurting anyone in here."

"I don't-"

"Hey guys?" The door creaks open, two ocelot ears twitching fervently as Lukas pokes his head in. "Ivor and Gabriel have been pelting me 'What's happening now' questions, can they come in or should they stay out?"

Lukas stares at me when he says it, and with a shrug I nod. They're going to be helping us kill demons, so there shouldn't be a problem. But I wonder where the other Old Order people are, they can kill demons too. Never let it be known I'm not inclusive, even with a monster I'm willing to let others join in on the fun.

Lukas's head disappears, and within a few moments they all come in. Gabriel, who has a curious and stunned face, and Ivor, who is grinning like a madman. No big reaction from the monster, as long as they keep their distance anyway. There is this twinge of uneasiness with them here, but that's all.

"Wow Jesse! You aren't as terrifying when you aren't about to kill someone." Ivor promptly steps up to me, which I can't say I like, but I can keep my cool. "Although the white eyes are strange, how do you see with no pupils?"

Olivia groans, but I don't look away from Ivor. "Is that really appropriate right now Ivor?"

"Of course! We need to convince people that he's not as monstrous as he looks. It's-"

I snort, waving him off. Olivia's right, it's not important. I finally take a seat again, shoveling the forgotten eggs into my mouth. Hovering and tearing up a ceiling really makes me hungry again. But I tap the table, long black talons clacking on the wood, gesturing for everyone else to settle down.

It's about time we make our move.

****

Would you classify unity through war as a bad thing?

I'm curious, and this chapter was inspired by a discussion we were having about it in History. Because it's a good thing when people are united and it's a bad thing when they're at war. So it makes the question paradoxical, which are hard questions to answer.

And hey, if you do comment about it, I can finally rest easy knowing you're not PAMA.

Personally, I would consider it a bad thing. The whole 'the enemy of my enemy is my friend' only works if you have an enemy. When the enemy is gone, are you still friends? I just feel like that would be a really unstable relationship. Someone always waiting to backstab.

Tons of fun to write about though! And with that daily dose of philosophy out of the way, I'll see you all in 5 days with the next chapter!