"AH!"

My claws burst out and dig into the blanket I'm holding, my breaths short and pained. All the fur I have bristling and even my tail is coiled around Olivia's waist, at first to push her away but now just something to squeeze when a wave of pain hits.

"Agh! It burns!"

I don't mean to cry out like this, I know Olivia shouldn't hear it. But I can't help it, the words just flying out of my mouth as she tries to clean the wounds on my back. My entire back feeling so raw and busted up.

"I'm sorry Lukas, but I promise it will help them heal." Olivia scrubs some more water over them with her one arm, and my gasps stagger into a growl.

"Yeah, I- ah- know." I hiss when Olivia repeats this process, having to go slow since she as to suck water out of the tank. It's far from the cleanest way to clean wounds, but it is the best we can do here.

"Just give it a few more minutes and the sedative should kick in."

I kill the very bitter sarcastic remark I was about to throw at her. Olivia doesn't need that, she's just trying to help. I need to be at the top of my game at all times. It's going to be really hard to look for a way out of here if all my wounds get infected and I can barely move.

Taking deep breaths, I manage not to make any cry of pain except for a low growl as Olivia keeps cleaning my wounds. After this, I'm drinking some water and will have to lay on my stomach. Hopefully I'll still be cognitive to be able to talk with the others though.

She sighs, completely relieved. "There, I'm done. It's far from the best, but the best I can do. I hope it's good."

I nod, a bit too eagerly, and try to make my way towards the tank as carefully as possible. "Thank you Olivia, I'm sure you did a much better job even with your one arm than what Axel and Petra could do."

Olivia chuckles quietly before it suddenly cuts off. Those two are sleeping, so it's not like she doesn't want to get caught laughing. No, it's not that unfortunately. It's because she probably thought that a wolf or an iron golem might be really bad wound cleaners. Laughed at the thought, and then remembered how strange it is for a one armed spider to do that.

I bend, mewling in pain as the burn marks stretch, and begin to drink. The fierce instinct to just deny it and spit it out digs into me, but I ignore it. I have to stay hydrated, I have to. These stupid cat instincts can take a hike, the human instincts come first. So just move aside cat impulses.

With water slouching around in my stomach, I pull away. Feeling quite sick knowing what I just drank but feeling better with some water in me now. I glance at Olivia, who has returned to her bed, and quickly decide she's not up for talking about anything. She looks asleep if she isn't already.

I follow her lead and slowly lower myself onto my bed, my back shrieking at me about what poor choices I'm making. But at least the sedative is kicking in, the pain slowly dulling out. As if simply moving away from me.

A heavy fog drifts over me as I sigh, my body burning and sore while my mind frets. How long will it be until my friends have to go through that torture? Will I be strong enough to help them as they helped me? Will they even be punished? They won't be punished because of what I did, right?

Hissing, I discard the thoughts. No more sulking, no more of it. If I can go through this stuff and remain hopeful, that might help the others stay positive too. Maybe not positive, but at least determined enough to shove it in these monsters' faces.

So maybe I shouldn't be laying in bed at all, I'll end up falling asleep if I'm laying down. With the sedative flowing through my body again, it won't be long until my mind gives away into the exhaustion.

But there's not much to think about anyway, not counting the depressing topics. I've done enough of stewing in hopelessness. I've been laying down and watching us suffer for way too long now, I should actually learn something.

I force myself to sit up, ignoring the tightness all throughout my body. Thankfully that pain has been subsided, I should be able to focus more because of it. Although what should I do? They're still watching us I'm assuming, and I wouldn't want them to know we're stronger than what we seem.

My tail flickers in frustration, nose and ears twitching as I begin to descend down into restlessness. Which gives me something to focus on. I can't even do anything physical anyway, not unless I want to injure myself, so why not learn more about the limb I have?

I extend my claws, squinting as hard as I can and able to see their outline. I can't see colors or any fine details, there is only a bit of light that leaks in through the door, but my claws do appear sharp. Sharp enough to dig into the wooden frame of this bed perhaps?

A flicker of doubt reaches my mind before I do that, maybe something even less physical. I would need to use my arms to apply strength, and my arms want to be completely dead to the world for weeks. Not too mention that tearing into wood will probably be somehow spotted by our watchers.

And note to self: tell Olivia and Petra about that. I haven't yet, Axel might have, but I really need to check up on that. It's quite an important piece of information, they really need to know that. It hasn't been important yet, but if we're breaking out, it will be.

I still have ears and tail that I know next to nothing about. I haven't even been controlling my tail every much at all. Any time it moves is not out of conscious will, and I only notice it if it's in pain or something.

So I really think about moving my tail, making it curl up in front of me. I really put a lot of slightly sedated thought behind it, and of course, nothing happens. Even when my eyebrows scrunch together in effort, not so much as a twitch.

Growling quietly, I realize that this is not the way to move limbs. This isn't how I move my arms or anything, so the tail is no exception. Thoughts don't control limbs, new way of thinking about this then.

Forcibly reliving that torture the demons beat me into. The burning marks of the whips and the crushing blows on my arms and stomach. The fury of being so helpless in their grasp, blood pounding as I simply tried to live.

A sharp hiss bursts out and my tail snaps with my fur and ears getting all relied up too. But I hold onto that, getting familiar with moving my tail back and forth. Continuing the momentum left and right at every simple movements.

After getting used to it a bit more, stopping and moving it again without having to make myself mad, I try something a bit more complex. Moving the entire limb, or moving the tail more fluidly instead of so staggered.

It works, kinda. I'm really glad the others are asleep, or if they aren't, then I hope they forget about all the weird queasy moans I make as I try to do this. The noises just come out as I try to do this, and as get frustrated over this. None of the others though got a new limb that they don't consciously know how to control.

Once I go through a few trial runs, I finally get it to move gracefully. Having it sway and wiggle and curl up like how tails look like on regular ocelots. I don't want to say I look like an ocelot or anything, but just that I know how to use my own limb correctly. Still a human, not an ocelot.

Still a trapped, starved, extremely fatigued human trying to fight off the cat aspects of me that have been torturously been shoved into me.

Shaking my head, I'm trying to avoid those types of thoughts, I curl my tail around me. Quite shocked to actually learn how long it is. It coils farther than I thought, and I guess I haven't been thinking about it. But now I have plenty of time to think about because I am NOT thinking about ANY depressing junk.

I stretch my tail as tall as it can go, and flick the tip towards my head. To further my shock, I don't feel it. So I turn it a bit more to see if it really is above my head or just couldn't reach. Then I finally feel it brush across the top of my head. Which means that the tip is actually slightly higher than my head since I had to bend it a bit.

Although I'm curious as to how strong my tail is. Can it pick up objects? Could it at least wrap around someone's throat and make them faint? Can I move it really precise with more practice or is there a natural limit with the joints and muscles? Perhaps I could strengthen the tail like how I would strengthen my arm.

What do wild ocelots use their tails for? They definitely don't use their tails for anything I just thought of right now. I never really thought about it, I really had no reason until now, but they must serve some purpose.

Perhaps these insane scientists know, or will talk amongst themselves about it while I eavesdrop on them. Then all they would suspect is that my tail is only really good for one thing when I have made it into something much more purposeful.

I let my tail curl around my body again, I actually kinda like how that feels, but it's time to focus on some other new weird cat thing that I can use to my advantage. The tail and unfortunately untestable claws were two big things that seemed like the most helpful to know right now, but there are other things. The fur and ears for example.

There's not too much about the fur that I can figure out right now though. Right? Fur is meant to keep the creature warm, that's it's purpose. It bristles when I'm angry, but other than that it doesn't really serve a purpose.

I lift a hand to pet my own fur, sighing lightly at the insanity of that, seeing if I'll learn anything new. It turns out that my fur is actually quite silky, much more like my hair than I expected. Although why would I expect some rugged rough fur like that of a wild wolf? I've never petted an ocelot that had coarse fur.

Maybe that could be helpful, being slicker than normal skin. Of course, someone could grab my fur and that would then be a disadvantage of mine. But that's assuming my fur will just keep on growing like how my hair does. I would definitely have to find some way of cutting it before it starts to drape over my skin, if that's the case. I don't need to look even weirder.

Is that why they didn't bother giving me a new shirt? Out of everything that has happened, I didn't care at all, much worse things were occupying my mind. But I haven't felt colder than what I did with a shirt. Or maybe these demons just want to dehumanize me, or are treating me according how they thing a 'subject' should be treated. Or maybe that's just a part of the punishment.

A soft growl resonates throughout my chest, and it takes a few moments for me to calm that down. Yes, I am super angry at these people and I would love some revenge. However, I need to get out. And I need a clear head in order to get revenge.

Taking a deep breath, my attention flickers down into my mouth. I have fangs, but it was another one of those things I didn't care about due to the whole bigger problems to worry about thing.

Running my tongue over my teeth, I nearly cut my own tongue but just having it glide over without really any kind of pressure. I guess my mouth is suited for the carnivore diet of an ocelot, although nothing is going to stop me from having cake or cookies once we get out of here.

But does that mean my digestive system has changed too? I've been more concerned with getting food into my digestive system more than how it's digesting, but it is a valid point. Can I even eat vegetables without getting a stomach ache or some other form of pain?

I groan, not wanting to think about it. I'll come to that hurtle when I get there. Besides, I'm sure my stomach can adapt somehow to eating an omnivore diet if I start small. That is if my digestive system changed in the first place. There's still a chance that it's still the same, still human.

So my focus goes up to my ears, and I have them twitch as new thoughts plough into my mind. How good are they? I know for a fact that they are better than my former human ears, the cracks of emotion in my friends' voices are much more clear to me than beforehand. Almost painstakingly obvious at times.

But I haven't really tried to strain them yet. Well I have, but I don't think being either sedated or dehydrated should count. Even if the ears were picking up more sounds, my brain was not in the right place to properly hear them.

Sighing, another ping of hopelessness hits my heart. I brush it off, but there's no changing the fact I really can't do much with my ears. I am sedated, if I wasn't I'm sure most my thoughts would be very strained or nonexistent by all the agony in my body. Plus, there isn't anything for me to hear.

What if there is?

That one question perks my head up, and even gets my lips to twitch into a small smile. I glance around the room, not moving my neck, trying to determine if the watchers are near me. I know my eyes can't do it, but perhaps my ears will be able to pick up any sounds from where they are.

Letting the smile fall back down, I resolve to try in the morning. Or whenever I wake up and my friends aren't being taken away from me. Then I'll check on about that. But I'll just have to think of something else for the time being, when I can focus on that for a longer amount of time.

If I'm thinking about heightened senses though, why not my nose? It has definitely improved since the agonizing transformation, but I'm still relying more on my eyes and ears instead of my nose. I guess my human instincts and preferences are still working at least.

My nostrils flare and I actually take note of what this room smells like. The sharp bite of blood, or maybe that's just what my wounds smell like, coming from me. A musky scent drifting from where Petra's sleeping, although there are traces of it everywhere. Like how the metallically, almost tangy like smell from Axel. Although Olivia's scent is a bit different. I can definitely tell its her, but she doesn't smell different. I can smell a normal human scent not mixed in with anything else, I guess spiders don't produce much of an odor then.

Heighten sense of smell is pretty helpful, but it might take awhile to get used to. I'm used to relying first on sight and sound, so smell will be put on the back burner for awhile. Same thing with all this cat stuff, I'm a human. And I'll be acting human and probably won't be using my tail as effective as I can.

So maybe that's the problem, or at least one of them. I'm trying to be a human, completely human. I haven't been trying to use my improved sense of smell at all, I've been completely ignoring my tail as much as possible, and I absolutely hate every single non human noise that I have produced.

In order to get out of here though, a place designed to capture and contain humans, I have to use everything I got. But I don't want to, my stomach churns at the thought of being an ocelot. I want to be a human, I don't want these ears, tail, fur, claws, fangs, none of it.

I glance over to my friends, my stomach now folding into itself. This place isn't going to give us anything we want, I better just learn to deal with that. I'm getting us out of here, with everything I got. If that means using inhuman limbs and senses to do that, then so be it. I am getting my friends out of here.

That's where I'll start then, now that I can at least move my tail I should try being more... ocelot? No, I still want to be human, that has not changed. I'll just be using my cat features to my advantage, that's it. Nothing more than that, I'll still be human. I am human, I will be human.

My eyelids droop, a yawn forcing its way out of my mouth as my back slouches. I growl softly, the sedative is finally kicking in to the rest of me or I'm too tired to fight it anymore. I do need the rest anyway, I have to heal. I have to be at my strongest.

Although I can't feel any pain, one good thing that has happened to me, I'm very careful when I lay down on my stomach. I don't want to make any injury worse, one thing that is slightly in my control.

Sighing, I let my eyes flutter close. I know there's a good chance I'll forget a few things when I wake up. But I know I'm going to carry my fury at being trapped in here, my fury at my friends being trapped in here.

And that fury which will destroy everything, including any fears, that gets in its way.

****

I'm SO sorry, I generally post hours before this. Updating this just completely slipped my mind.

Moving on, I know this book is going kinda slow. And I don't want to shorten it, since the mental fatigue amd distress I want the Order to have takes time, get ready for some combined super long chapters. Which I'm sure none of you are sad about, but as great as darkness is, I'm yearning for some action.

Well, since I'm out of things to say, I guess I'll see you in another 5 days!