Mentions of DRUGS AND SUICIDAL THOUGHTS. Nothing too graphic I just wanted to warn you all

Lucia has been on the psyche ward for 6 days and it was now Tuesday. As promised Amelia visited on Friday and they had a little meeting type thing but just the two of them. Lucia needed it more than anything, she hadn't slept much with nightmares and flashbacks happening almost every night.

Every day was practically the same on the ward, the only difference for Friday and Tuesdays for Lucia was between 6-8 she was having Amelia visit.

7–7:30 - wake up
7:30-8 -  get ready for the day & morning medication
8-9 - breakfast
9-10 - craft therapy
10-11 - gym & free time
11-12 - one-to-one therapy
12-1 - lunch
1-2 - process therapy
2-3 - group therapy
3-4 - personal assessments- journaling, education, phone calls
4-5 - hygiene & free time
5-6 - Dinner
6-8 - group therapy
8-9 - goal reviews & setting goals & night meds
9-10 - Wind down, reading, journaling, tv
10 - lights out.

Lucia was sat on the bed cross legged at 7am, she wanted to go for a run but she couldn't, running stopped her thinking of using, it stopped her from the flashbacks, their was the gym which was on the unit but that was only allowed to be used between 10-11 which was 'gym therapy' or outside time. Lucia had always been a sporty person, in middle school she did cheerleading and Soccer, high school she did soccer and ran, she always ran before school and before bed; it was something that she did to try and stop herself from thinking and using but they didn't exactly work perfectly.

Lucia wasn't allowed to go out of the ward, not even with one of the mental health nurses or doctors due to the fact that she was sectioned, she was allowed into the small fenced balcony conjoined to the lounge or the craft room but as for going outside like to the yard, that wasn't allowed until Lucia came off section which could be anywhere between a month to 3 months, she was aiming to only being on section for a month which would mean she could have a chance with being discharged.

Lucia heard people moving about which told her that other patients were now waking up. Lucia had been awake for hours thanks to the nightmares and flashbacks that take over her mind. She climbed off her bed and grabbed a pair of black leggings from the door-less wardrobe that sat in front of her bed, she grabbed a tank top which she threw onto the bed. Once she had her outfit on her bed she went into the bathroom which consisted of a shower, toilet and sink, there were not any plugs for the sink for safety reasons too.

"Lucia" the voice of one of the ward staff called doing her 15 minute checks. She was still a high risk patient which meant her checks were 15 minutes apart but as long as she sticks to behaving the checks will slowly move m
to 30 minutes and then hourly.

"I'm changing" Lucia called so she wasn't walked in on, which was what the ward staff would do if you don't show signs that you haven't done something, Lucia was topless so she couldn't exactly poke her head out of the door.

"Okay, I'll come back" the woman called back to Lucia who rolled her eyes, she had been sticking her head out the door if checks were done when she's changing but unfortunately this check was when she hadn't even gotten her top half dressed yet. Lucia pulled on her bra and then the tank top she had chosen for the day.  Once Lucia had finished getting dressed she brushed her hair and left it down not bothering to do anything else with it since she couldn't go anywhere. She then took herself to her window, it only opened an inch for safety reasons but just feeling the slight breeze that came through the small gap briefly made her think less.

At about 7:45 there was a knock at her door. It was either another member of staff coming to check on her or it was one of the two inpatients which Lucia had met, Lucia turned around and saw a brunette stood in the doorway, Daisy

"Hey Lucia, want to come to breakfast with me?" Daisy another inpatient on the ward spoke poking her head into the room.

"Sure Daisy, but don't you need to go get your meds first" Lucia asked, she knew that everyone took mets between 7:30-8am and between 8-9pm. Lucia however was refusing any medication because she didn't want to have to become reliant on the meds or addicted.

"You don't take your meds" Daisy groaned

"I have my reasons, but you should" Lucia shrugged.

"You know that the doctors and psychiatrists will file for permission to force you to take them" Daisy exclaimed, she had experienced that as a teenager when she first was sectioned.

"They are not forcing me to take any pills. They should know why I'm not taking anything and to be quite honest with you I don't believe I need anything" Lucia sighed, she didn't think she needed anything to help her, she had been through trauma and pills would never help with her with trauma

Lucia was running on the treadmill in the wards gym at 10:15, she was the only one on the ward as everyone else weren't in sections any more which meant she had the whole gym to herself. She cranked the speed up and pushed herself harder. Her head was busy with constant flashbacks and she just wanted to scream and cry. She was going to tell Amelia about the whole reason she's having the flashbacks, she was also going to ask Amelia a favour, she wasn't too sure if she'd be able to help. She probably wouldn't be able to report it now but she had the clothes she was wearing in a sealed bag but she doubt anything can be done now as it's been months since the assault.

"Stop!" Lucia thought to herself as the flashback continue playing in her mind. She closed her eyes as she ran, her feet taking charge. She was trying to imagine being out on the street, running down the sidewalk or through the park instead of being cooped up in a psychiatric hospital.

"Lucia, I need to lock up the gym now" Mera Guerrero spoke to Lucia pulling her from her thoughts at 10:58, she hadn't even realised that it was almost 11am, she had to go to her one-to-one therapy.

Slowing the treadmill down Lucia slowed down too before she finally hopped off the treadmill and wiped her forehead which was beaded in sweat.

"Go and change and I'll take you to Melanie's office." Mera spoke to Lucia who nodded. Melanie was Lucia's one-to-one psychiatrist, she didn't hate her but she was pretty pushy, constantly wanting Lucia to tell her about her
reasons for trying to end her life

It was around 5:50 and Lucia was waiting for 6 o'clock to come so she could see Amelia and just talk to her. It seemed like it had been a long 4 days since she saw Amelia for the meeting type thing. Lucia was wandering around the ward, she hated the food so she had only eaten an apple since breakfast and the doctors, nurses and psychologists were all starting to worry about her seeing as she had done the same since being sectioned.

Lucia found herself stood by the door of the ward at almost 6pm. She was bored. She was leant against the wall having the same argument with herself weather or not she should tell Amelia the whole truth, what she had only told Andy. The brunette saw Amelia buzz to be let in and smiled.

"Come in" one of the psychiatrists spoke to Amelia as she let the neurosurgeon into the ward.

"Could we possibly talk to you before you have your session with Lucia?" The psychiatrist asked Amelia.

"Sure, Lucia. You go to your room and I'll come find you when we've finished here" Amelia told the woman who was still bored.

"Okay" she answered before heading off to her room. She sat herself down on her bed and sighed. She had guessed that Amelia was being told that She wasn't taking any of the pills that she was prescribed.

"What did they want?" Lucia asked once Amelia had joined Lucia in her room.

"Apparently you're refusing to take your meds" Amelia said and Lucia rolled her eyes.

"I am. I'm don't need them. I can't take them, I don't want to become addicted to them. It's so easy to get addicted and if I have to be on them for a long time I know it's possible to become addicted" Lucia complained

"That's understandable but maybe they would help? If they don't help then maybe more talking therapy would work?" Amelia soft of asked and suggested at the same time. Lucia wasn't too sure.

"Do you want to know what caused this. What I've only told Andy and I'm terrified to tell anyone else?" Lucia spoke anxiously.

"Only if you want to tell me. I'm here when your ready" Amelia informed Lucia.

"I'll tell you" Lucia nodded

"A few months ago it was my friends birthday and we were celebrating at a bar, I hadn't drank a single drop of alcohol knowing that I would go down a dark spiral but it's too late now. I decided I would walk home as I was on shift the next morning so I left earlier. So I walked down a back ally which I had taken many times before, maybe it wasn't the best way to go but I always walked that way. I got back to my place and he pushed me inside, my boss pushed me inside and he raped me. I didn't even know he had been following me, maybe if I got a cab instead of walking it wouldn't have happened" Lucia admitted as she relived the night which always played in her head.

"He said nobody would believe me because he would make out I had been drinking and I consented which I didn't, I wouldn't never have consented. I'm gay and I have known that I like girls since I was a teen. So I didn't report it but that lead to me using again, I'd never use when I'm on shift. I wouldn't put my paitents through any of my fuck ups. I would never go to work high. But even with proof I wasn't under the influence while at work they fired me all because I forgot I had a stash in my bag one morning and it fell out. I even did a drug test to prove I wasn't under the influence" Lucia said to the brunette neurosurgeon.

"Well thank you for trusting me with this." Amelia began as she looked towards Lucia.

"I should have reported it so he couldn't do it again, if he has done it again or even in the past. But it's too late now. I wouldn't be believed now anyway." Lucia mumbled tears now falling down her cheeks.

"I believe you Lucia and I know that isn't much but I believe you and I am going to help you through this as much as I possibly can. Even if that means visiting you more often, getting you off the ward during the day and letting you watch a surgery. Meredith told me that Dr Bailey has agreed to give you an interview and if you need me to I'll even sit in on it, for extra support because I would never let you go through it alone, not now" Amelia reassured Lucia who gave a small smile.

"Would you possibly be able to get me an ultrasound or pregnancy test? It's going to sound strange but I didn't think of it then but I haven't had a period in months. I thought that it was stress or something but I guess it might not be but I didn't think of it until now that I might be pregnant" Lucia said biting her lip anxiously. She didn't want a baby if it was his a she knew it was too late for a adoption so she would have to go through with the pregnancy and then she would put the baby up for adoption.

"How about I go talk to whoever is in charge for the night and get you out of here for a bit and we can go and get you a scan now. It might help with you not having to wait" Amelia offered.

"Please. I don't think I'd be able to wait to find out if I'm pregnant. I need answers but I know it'll be too late. But I would be surprised if it's still alive after everything I've put my body through the last few months" Lucia sighed

"I'll be right back." Amelia nodded. The doctor in charge for the night agreed for her to go off the ward but she wasn't allowed any longer than a hour. Amelia and Lucia went to Arizona Robbins before she headed home for the night. Arizona had agreed to do both a pregnancy test and ultrasound and Lucia cried when she found out she was pregnant, she's around 25/26 weeks which she kind of expected but she hadn't even realised she was getting a baby bump. Of course she'd started to notice she was putting on some weight but she didn't think she would be pregnant.

"I'm not keeping it. As soon as it's born it's going into the foster system. I can't keep it. I don't even want to go through with the rest of the pregnancy. What if he finds out I'm having his baby, what if he takes the baby and hurts it.  I... I.... This can't be documented on my notes. He'll find me, he'll find the baby. Amelia please don't let him find me" Lucia cried. Amelia wrapped her arms around the younger woman who just cried. Lucia was scared, terrified in fact.

"Don't worry Lucia. You have a whole army of doctors and firefighters  behind you even if you haven't met many of us doctors here yet. We will all have your back. We will all be here. I promise" Amelia reassured Lucia who forced a small smile onto her face.

"Now I have a reason not to take any of the medication they want to prescribe me" Lucia laughed lightly which made Amelia roll her eyes.

"Okay, you have a reason but talk to them. You don't have to tell them what happened to you but do talk" Amelia spoke softly to Lucia who agreed. She had a baby to think of now after all.

A few weeks had passed and Lucia was over a half a week from being discharged. She was getting better and today she was experiencing a visitor from not only Amelia but Dr Miranda Bailey, she had asked Amelia to ask Lucia if she'd mind having a interview while she's on the ward and Lucia agreed almost immediately. Lucia also got Amelia to pass a letter on to Andy, she said wanted to tell her sister that she's pregnant but she didn't want to keep it. She wrote the letter to also ask her older sister if she would break the news to their father. Andy was always good at that sort of stuff.

"Lucia, you coming to group therapy?" Daisy asked finding Lucia in the gym doing a light jog rather than full on workout which she would have done before she figured out she might be pregnant and actually found out she was pregnant. Amelia and Miranda were coming at 2 unless they had a surgery, if they did then they said they would come after that but they were both coming together.

"I might as well come sit there until Amelia comes in with the chief of surgery." Lucia answered the brunette who she had became good friends with.

"How did your one-to one go this morning?" Lucia asked the woman as the two of them headed into the group room where group therapy and Craft therapy were as held.

"Same old crap, different day" Daisy shrugged. Lucia could tell that Daisy was struggling more than usual, she was even worried about the slightly younger woman, Daisy had became one of Lucias good friends while being on the ward. they could often be found chatting and sitting together during group therepy, Daisy had been on the ward alot longer than Lucia and she didnt think shed be leaving any time soon but Lucia was already thinking of promicing to visit and have calls with her when she herself is discharged, whenever that would be.

"tell me about it, i swear this place just makes people feel worse rather than better. which is ironic, you come into any hospital to feel better, even a mental health ward but you end up feeling like shit and bored out of your mind all while you have to talk about your feelings and all that crap" Lucia rolled her eyes as she spoke her mind

"so fucking ironic" the two women said simultaneously. the two of them finally made it to the room for group therepy. Lucia and Daisy sitting in the circle closest to the door, mostly so Lucia didnt have to walk through the whole room when her visitors arrive.

It was 2:35 when their was a small knock at the door making the room go quite. Luica knew immediately it was for her so as soon as her name was said she quitely stood up and left the room heading out to head to the conference room which was situated by all the offices.

"sorry were late" Amelia was first to speak to Lucia.

"its fine. i understand that you cant help having to be in surgrey. i was just joining in group. thought i might as well make a effort if i want to get discharged when im off section" Lucia shrugged with a small smile on her face. she was trying to hide the fact that she was anxiouse about having this little interview thing with the chief of surgery.

"let me introuduce you to Dr Bailey" Amelia then changed the subject and Lucia just nodded.

"Dr Bailey this is Lucia Herrera, Luci, this is the chief of surgery Dr Miranda Bailey" Amelia then introduced the two women to one another.

"its nice to meet you Dr Bailey, sorry it had to be here of all places" Lucia said with a little laugh, Amelia smiled at the wounger woman making the joke, something that she had came to learn about Lucia was that she tried to make light of things, the key word in that sentence being TRIED.

"Nice to meet you too Lucia, your sister has told me all about you. so had Dr Shepherd and Dr Grey." Bailey told Lucia as they shook hands.

"so id like to get to know you first, ive read what your ex employer has wrote but from what ive heard, you wouldnt do what they are saying" Bailey informed Lucia who mentally cringed, she knew it would have been on her notes. yes she was an addict but she never used at work, she would never use at work.

"What they are saying isnt true. i wasn't high or using at work, i made one mistake and that was leaving the drugs in my bag, i never intended to bring them into the hospital with me but i hadnt beem sleeping so i did what i thought i should do and i went for a run, i lost track of time during my run and rushed out the door after i showered the morning of my shift. i hadn't used in 4 days which was good for me, especially after everything i had been through. but anyway i was looking in my bag for my name tag and as i pulled it out the drugs came out and fell to the floor right infront of my boss but i was fired straight away, even before the drug test came back,  it was clean but they didnt want to hear it. so moving on i admitted myself into rehab and then i tried to take my own life so i was sectioned. then i 'broke out' of the psych hospital and travelled here, i had to get away, then i ended up here thanks to Andy but that story isnt important. what im trying to say is i would never use when im working and i never want to use again. i know i cant say i wont relapse but i can assure you that if given the opportunity i wouldn't let you down" Lucia spoke as her knee bounced over and over again as her anxieties took over her body and she tried to keep her breathing calm. Amelia shot her a smile which made her relax a little, maybe not fully but she was still a little calmer.

"thank you for being honest with me about your struggles with drugs. i understand that was problem hard for you to do" Bailey spoke to Lucia who nodded. the meeting continued for another half an hour and to Lucias surprise Bailey was giving her a chance.

"once your getting discharged get Dr Shepherd to inform me and we will get you on the books straight away. if that's what you want" Bailey asked just to make sure that it was fine with the younger woman

"that's fine with me. and thank you again for the opportunity. i wont let you down" lucia spoke as she thanked Bailey for what felt like the  millionth time. the two woman said their goodbyes leaving Amelia alone with Lucia.