Several hours passed between the time Marlowe was allowed out of the room and the time he was actually cleared to leave. One of the healers had very kindly and calmly told him that Caiti had been here, that she had panicked and left, and Marlowe's head had been spinning ever since.

He did his best to answer their questions, allowed them to check and test whatever they needed to prove he was not about to display some terrible delayed reaction, sat through a discussion with all the participants where they were asked all the questions Caiti had planned to ask, and was informed that there would very likely be a follow-up meeting with the potion-maker at another time.

And all the while, Marlowe's heart was sinking deeper and deeper, imagining just how far Caiti could have spiraled in this time. She would take this so personally, blame herself, when really, it had been good news. It had worked, sort of. Physically, he had never felt so good after a full moon. And yes, he was shaken up, he felt a certain darkness cloud over him when he thought about the frustration he had felt all that night, when he thought about the things he knew he'd wanted to do. But ultimately, he was fine. He would move past all that.

He tried to make a list of where she could have gone. Home seemed like the obvious choice and yet he was certain she wouldn't be there.

He checked there first thing when he was finally released, but of course, she was not there, and this had her parents worried, too.

He checked at his house, Sean and Evelyn's, the library, Sean's store, her grandparents' houses, and she was not there, not there, not there. He started to panic.

It seemed so unlikely that she would have gone to the greenhouse. She would want to be so far away from anywhere she associated with that potion. He went to check anyway, just in case.

It was empty, absolutely silent.

Marlowe sat on the couch, put his face in his hands and thought hard.

There was Hogwarts. She trusted Professor Pym. But again, this was someone she would associate with this whole mess, and he doubted Caiti would have wanted to admit to her that things had gone wrong.

He doubted she'd have gone to her mentor for the same reason.

Who else did Caiti know? Who else could she fall back on?

If the owl hadn't arrived, Marlowe would likely never have come to the answer to this question.

It pecked at the window until he lifted his head and opened it, then it flew in, dropped a letter on the table, and swooped back out again.

It was just a folded over bit of parchment, no envelope.

Caiti is with me, it read. She's very upset. She doesn't want you to know she's here, but that's exactly why I'm telling you. She says she's afraid you'll be mad, but really, I think she's just mad at herself. She's feeling so guilty. She doesn't want to talk to you, but she needs to. Just if you come, try to make sure she knows you don't blame her. She's taking this all very hard.

Amelia

Then she had listed her address.

Marlowe's heart started pounding. Somehow knowing where she was was scarier than not knowing. He needed to handle himself just exactly right, to make sure she believed that he really wasn't upset with her. He needed her to come home with him, so they could talk, privately.

He folded the note into his pocket and disapparated at once.

—-

It was Amelia's boyfriend who answered the door.

Marlowe looked past him and saw Amelia sitting on the couch, her arm around a very red-faced, puffy-eyed Caiti, looking absolutely miserable. The moment she saw him, her eyes grew wide and she started to shake her head. "I'm so sorry," she said. "I'm so, so sorry. I'm so sorry."

She wouldn't stop repeating this, over and over, her eyes so full of desperation and fear it broke Marlowe's heart.

He went to her, and just wrapped her up in his arms without a word. Caiti sobbed, big heaving, shaking sobs, like she was trying to expel everything inside of her, force it up and out until she was empty and blank. She seemed to have very quickly progressed past the point of speech. So Marlowe said nothing at all, just held her and held her and didn't even rub her back or kiss her hair or anything. Just held on.

Caiti didn't even hug him back. She seemed almost limp in his arms. At some point, Amelia ushered her boyfriend out of the room leaving them alone and still, neither of them spoke.

They stayed just like that for so long that Marlowe was starting to lose circulation in his arm from the odd angle he was sitting at. It was only when her sobs had subsided to just sniffling and shaking that Caiti's arms finally wrapped around him. She didn't seem to have the strength to hold back tightly, but she clutched at the back of his shirt and pressed her face into his chest, and he felt more than heard when she whispered, again, "I'm so, so sorry."

"You have nothing to apologize for," Marlowe said quietly, so relieved she had spoken at all. "Nothing."

"How did you even find out where I was?" she asked, voice thick. She did not lift her face.

"Amelia sent an owl," Marlowe told her.

"I told her not to."

Marlowe gave her a little squeeze.

"I'm glad she did," he said.

Finally, she pulled back from him, looked at him almost warily. It seemed she could break down crying again at any moment. How she could have any tears left in her was a marvel. "You must have been so scared," she whispered. "I just can't stop thinking about it. I never wanted that to happen."

"I know that, Caiti. You don't need to say so. I know it's not what you wanted."

"I do need to say it though. I put you through that."

He shook his head. "I did. I chose to do it."

Caiti tipped her head a little to one side like this wasn't really how it had happened, like really it had been her idea all along even though it hadn't been.

"Come home," he said. "Let's go home and we can talk. I'll answer anything you want to know."

She swallowed, looked down at her knees.

Marlowe took both her hands.

"Look at me," he said, and she lifted her eyes again.

"I am not upset with you. I do not blame you. I am not angry with you. No one else is either. Did it work exactly how you wanted it to? No. But Caiti... I didn't transform. That's never been done before. This is a huge, huge deal. You figured out something big. And who knows. Maybe both potions can be taken at once, and they'll each do half the job."

"That's not practical," Caiti said looking down again.

"No, but it might be something in the meantime, while you figure out how to make one potion that does both things. You said it yourself, so many times. It might not work the first try. It would be shocking if it did. Quite frankly, I think this is more than any of us expected from a first try. You should be really proud of yourself."

"I'm not trying to make myself proud," she said stubbornly. She was about to go on, but Marlowe stopped her.

"Caiti, I know," he said. He felt so tired all the sudden. "I know. Just come home, okay? We can talk about everything."

She looked down again. After a few seconds, she gave the tiniest little nod.

Marlowe leaned forward, kissed her forehead, then stood. Amelia appeared at the end of the short hallway. He was sure she'd been listening, but at least she had sort of given them privacy. It was more than he'd have expected from her when he'd known her in school.

"Thanks," he said when they made eye contact. "For taking care of her. And your owl."

She only nodded, looking so genuinely concerned.

Caiti got up a minute after Marlowe did. She went to Amelia, hugged her, though weakly, and then turned to go without a word.

Marlowe took Caiti's hand, squeezing before he disapparated. Back at his house, he put his arm around her shoulders, steering her towards his bedroom. His mum was at the kitchen table and she stood up, concerned, but Marlowe just shook his head at her and she sat back down slowly.

He needed to do this on his own.

In his room, Caiti stood with her arms limp at her sides, staring at the floor. Marlowe put his hands on her shoulders, slipped her robes off and laid them on the back of his desk chair, then found a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt and handed them to her. Caiti clutched them but otherwise didn't move.

"Do you believe me?" he asked. "I'm not mad at you?"

Caiti just sort of shrugged at the floor. She nodded, too, though. "I'm mad at myself," she said softly. Her voice sounded so defeated.

He sat on the edge of the bed, reached for her waist and pulled her to him, wrapping her up in a hug again. It took a minute, but Caiti relaxed into him and he coaxed her further onto the bed, leaning against the headboards.

"This is so ridiculous," she said. She was hugging the sweatpants to her chest like a teddy bear, her head on his chest, and she had curled herself so small it didn't seem possible. "You shouldn't be comforting me. It should be the other way around."

"There's no rule for who gets to take care of who when," Marlowe told her. "You're upset and nothing about that is ridiculous."

It was a long, quiet morning after that. They didn't talk. Each of them had so much to think about.

—-

It was well after lunch time when Caiti finally started to relax a little. She had put on a dress that morning, but now she pulled on the sweatpants Marlowe had handed her hours ago, pulled the dress over her head and replaced it with the sweatshirt, then she laid down on her stomach, put her face down in her hands and said, "Are you honestly okay?"

She felt the bed depress next to her as he slid down, then his hand was in her hair.

"Caiti, I'm completely fine. Really."

She lifted her face up a little, but stared at her own hands, not at him. "What was it like? What happened exactly?"

Marlowe focused on her hair, letting it slip between his fingers. It was so soft. He wanted to be honest with her without scaring her. He didn't want that guilt she was carrying to expand. She needed to know. He knew that. But he didn't want to put more pressure on her shoulders.

"Well, really I don't remember much of it," he said. "I mean at first it just felt like nothing was going to happen at all. Because all the stuff I normally feel... it wasn't happening. And that was good. I mean physically... I feel great today. I feel a little achy maybe, but just like I do sometimes before a full moon, not how I feel after. After is always worse. So at first I just thought nothing was going to happen at all." He paused. Caiti pressed her forehead against her fists. He tucked her hair behind her ear.

"Then I just started to feel kind of foggy. Like I couldn't quite keep a thought in my head. It'd be there, and then it was sort of gone before I could really focus on it. And I think I knew what was going on for a minute. I could tell what was happening. But it happened so fast, you know? And then I just... like I said, I don't really remember. I kind of have a sense of being really frustrated and angry and like... wanting something but not being able to act on it. But I didn't have thoughts like I normally do. It wasn't like I was thinking in words. Just sort of feelings and flashes of things."

Caiti was taking these really slow breaths like she was trying to keep herself calm. He just kept running his fingers through her hair, again and again, but he kept going. Better to get it out at once.

"Then in the morning, it was sort of like the reverse. Like things were getting less cloudy. And I remember feeling so relieved at first, because I had been so frustrated and all the sudden it was like I couldn't remember why I'd even cared, because whatever it was can't have been that big a deal if I didn't even know what I'd been so upset about. And then it sort of just hit me. What had happened. And honestly, yeah, that was kind of scary at first. Like I knew this thing had taken over me and I had just lost like nine hours of my life, no idea what I did or what had happened. And like, I knew it wasn't anything really bad because I'd been locked in that room and no one was going to let anything happen, but it was just scary to know that I'd wanted something bad, you know?"

Caiti lifted her head again, but still wouldn't look at him. From the little he could see of her face, she was crying again.

"I was just sort of shaken up. But I kept thinking about you and they'd told me you'd been there and you'd left, and I just knew you had to be so upset, and really I wasn't thinking about how I felt any more. I was just worried about you. Like no, it wasn't ideal, but really... I'm not traumatized for life or anything. I'm okay. I was just worried about you," he said again.

Caiti didn't seem able to speak. He waited a long time, still smoothing her hair. It was calming him down, too. Eventually, she turned onto her side, facing him, but not really looking at him, and she curled up, bunching his comforter under her head.

"Caiti, it kind of worked," Marlowe said, laying down opposite her.

"I know," she whispered.

"I mean, really. What you figured out is a huge deal. It's never been done before."

"I know," she said again. "I know." Then she looked at him, finally, touched his cheek. "I just wanted it to be more than that. I wanted it to be more than kind of."

"It will be," Marlowe said. "You figured that much out that fast. You'll get it."

She continued to look at him sadly.

"The others..." Marlowe added. "They were kind of excited. I mean, really. The healers asked us some questions and everything, and they were all saying it had worked. I don't think they realized you wanted it to do both things at once. They just thought you wanted to stop them transforming, and it did. They were all buzzing about it."

She gave him a very weak smile, the first one all day.

"Are you okay?" he asked. "Like really, actually?"

She smiled a little tiny bit more. "Yeah," she said softly. "I am."

Marlowe pulled her into his arms again, her weight on his chest grounding him. He took a deep breath, smoothing his hand down her back.

"You know what I said earlier? About trying both potions together?"

She made a little noise to show she was listening.

"I mean it might not work, but it's worth trying... maybe they'll work together."

"They might counteract each other," Caiti said into his shoulder.

"They might," he agreed.

"But I guess it is worth trying. I'll just have to think about what might cause them to react poorly together. I want to make sure it's safe."

"Of course."

She was quiet for a minute, thinking. "I'm glad you don't feel as terrible today," she said.

Marlowe smiled a little. "Yeah," he said. "Me too."

She lifted her head and looked at him. Her eyes still looked so busy and sad, but they had cleared, just a little. Just enough to notice.

"What?" he asked when a whole minute had passed and she still hadn't said anything.

"I was just making sure you were okay, too," she said.

"I am," he promised.

"Really, actually?"

He smiled, small but a real one. "Yeah."

Caiti kissed him and then she laid her head back down on his chest and put one leg over top him. They continued to talk quietly for a while, but Marlowe started to fall asleep eventually, worn out from a mostly sleepless night. Caiti was very still. He hoped she'd sleep too.