(Trigger warning possibly)

He was confused. He was so confused and upset... No, not upset. Upset isn't a near good-enough word to describe how he felt. He was confused and heartbroken.

"I love you, Arthur. More than anything."

His heart had been torn in two. His mind was a train wreck. He found it so difficult to breathe correctly.

Arthur smiled and looked up at Alfred. "I love you, too."

The one person that truly cared for him was gone... No, not gone. Left him. The one person that made life worth living left him for another, and hadn't had the decency to tell him good-bye.

"You mean everything to me, you know?"

The tears were endless, it seemed, but the alcohol always ran out. He had tried to stay away from it, but it seemed to have called out to him. It beckoned him into it's grasp, and now that it had him, it wouldn't let go.

Arthur giggled; something he's only ever done around him. "That makes me happy, love."

The pain never seemed to want to let go either. He's tried forgetting, tried getting past it, but the memories were always there; haunting his mind and showing him that he truly was worthless... That truly... No one really cared about him.

"I love making you happy. Your smile is the most beautiful thing this world has to offer."

He gasped for breath as the memories seared his heart; twisting and tearing and crushing. It was so overwhelming. He couldn't take it all at once.

Arthur blushed, looking down. His ears were red with embarrassment. "Don't say such ridiculous things, Alfred."

He reached out for the bottle of whiskey on the kitchen counter and opened it.

Alfred laughed, wrapping his arms around his smaller boyfriend. "But it's true!"

The liquor burned his throat as it went down, soothing his pains. He never was a drinker before. He used to be so optimistic; so cheerful and happy. He refused alcohol, but now it was his safe haven. It was only temporary, but it saved him from the pains of heartbreak.

"Don't be an idiot, Al! Nothing about me is beautiful." Arthur pouted, looking up at the younger man.

He gave him everything... All of that was gone, now. His heart, his mind... Everything belonged to Arthur. All of him.

"Don't say such things," Alfred murmured sweetly, kissing Arthur's forehead. "No matter what anyone else says, you are beautiful in every way."

Arthur knew about his past. Everything in his past. No one in school ever liked him because he was the too-cheery-and-stupid-chubby kid with glasses. His younger twin was the favorite child. No one ever returned his smiles or so much as acknowledged his existence unless necessary. But, despite all of that, he kept that grin on his face. All he's ever wanted was one person... Just one, to just smile and wave back.

The Brit smiled, his fingers weaving through Alfred's. "I want you to come to my house, tonight."

However, Arthur did more than just that. He sat across from Alfred at a café one morning, complaining about how his boyfriend was always standing him up and cheating on him. Alfred had been so stunned. Someone actually talked to him. They engaged in conversation, and agreed to see each other again. They did for weeks, which turned into months. Alfred finally felt something he'd never thought he'd ever get the chance to feel.

Alfred smiled. "Of course. I'm off work at eight, so I'll be there at eight thirty." Arthur grinned and nodded.

Loved. Alfred felt loved, and he almost started crying when Arthur confessed to him. They finally made it official and became boyfriends. Alfred, from there, gave Arthur everything, despite having so little.

Once work was finished, Alfred drove straight to Arthur's house; picking up Arthur's favorite flowers on the way. He parked his car and made his way up to the door. Alfred paused when he heard voices inside.

But...

"I have a boyfriend now, so leave me alone."

Arthur left him.

"You know you miss me, Arthur." There was a pause. "I'm sorry for treating you so badly. It was wrong of me. Just give me another chance."

Not one goodbye was said.

"I... No. Stop it, Francis. I'm with Alfred. I'm not like you."

Arthur never checked up on him.

"Arthur..." Alfred looked through the window. Francis placed his hands on Arthur's waist, but Arthur didn't resist. "With just one kiss, you'll know who you truly belong with."

Arthur never asked about him when he saw Matthew.

Alfred felt his heart rip and shatter as Francis kissed Arthur. Alfred couldn't see Arthur anymore because Francis was blocking him, but he couldn't spot any struggle.

Alfred was left in the dust once-again. He was a disappointment again. He had gone against his parents to be with Arthur, and Arthur left him.

Alfred dropped the flowers on the porch and turned around. He kept a straight face as he walked back to his car, got in, and turned it on. He sat for a moment before tears finally fell and he sobbed. "Damnit," he whispered, then shouted as he hit the wheel. He pulled out of the driveway as the front door opened, and drove off.

Everything was taken from Alfred the moment he looked through that window. He was cursed. He was cursed to be alone forever. He didn't know what he's done, though. He could never figure out what he had done so bad to have all of this happen to him. Was he really never meant to be born like his mother and father have told him all his life? Was he really never going to be truly loved?

Alfred moved soon after to a new house. He didn't tell anyone where he was moving. He still worked at his same job, but not as cheery anymore. All his coworkers noticed.

Not even by one single person?

Soon, people he worked with gave him gift-baskets. He smiled each time he received one, each one making him a little more happy. Each basket had a note. Some only had one word, some had whole paragraphs. Maybe someone did care for him.

He was so alone.

However, the gift-baskets soon turned to joke-baskets. They'd have rotten food or broken toys with awful notes. All the happiness he had gained from the gift-baskets- which was little- was squashed.

No one was with him. Not once in his life except for Arthur, but he left him.

Not long after, Alfred would show up to work, awfully hungover and a complete mess. He started drinking every night.

The now-empty bottle slipped out of Alfred's fingers and fell to the floor. It didn't shatter. The bottle didn't even crack. It didn't have much of a fall and it landed on the stained carpet. The bottle was opposite of Alfred's fragile heart.

His boss realized how bad of a time Alfred was going through, and had him work from home.

Alfred worked everyday in his office, completing it quickly to return to his drinking. He always payed his bills before buying liquor; he hasn't lost his common sense. He's just heartbroken and no one will take the time to heal him.

Couldn't Arthur have just told him? Told him that he was still in love with the man that had broken his heart instead of holding Alfred's and tearing it when the other man came crawling back? That would have been easier.

So much easier...

... Wouldn't it be?

Or would it still feel like hell? Would he still be so confused and heartbroken? Would he still wonder why this was happening to him?

Alfred sighed, listening to the tv go on about weather.

"Tomorrow will be slightly cloudy with a 20% chance of-"

Knock knock.

Alfred blinked and sat up straight. "Who is it?" The American raised himself to his feet, staring at the door.

The person on the other side hesitated. "A-Are you Alfred Jones? I-I am s-searching for an Alfred Jones."

"What's it to you if I am or am not?" Alfred slowly made his way over to the door.

They paused for a moment. "Please, sir, do you know him if you're not him? I've been searching for him for just over four months now! I asked his family, I asked his coworkers, and grocery store workers, and his old neighbors, everyone! Please, sir, I have to find him! I'm scared!"

Alfred paused by the door. "What was he to you? What does he mean to you? Why are you scared?"

He heard a soft sob on the other side of the door. "He was everything to me. He meant the world. I'm scared because he's never had someone that truly cared for him. I'm scared that he might hurt himself because of something I did!"

Alfred's eyes widened and he stepped back. "What... Did you do, exactly?"

They sniffled. "I told him to come to my house after work, one night. My ex just so happened to want to come by as well. I tried getting him to leave, and while I was doing that, Alfred came by. My ex was trying to get me to go back with him, and Alfred heard. Then he kissed me. I was shocked and-and scared and, I just couldn't move! Alfred... He-he saw... I know he did. He left before I could explain to him, he blocked me from everything, he moved, he... He..." Sobs started to spill from the other side of the door. "I don't even know if he's still alive, sir... I just-just want to see him once more... Explain to him, tell him that I love him. I love him, sir. I'm sorry if you don't like gay men, sir, but I love him. So if you know anything... Anything at all, please, tell me." His voice cracked repeatedly as he wept.

"You..." Alfred furrowed his brows, his hand wrapping around the knob. "You weren't kissing Francis back?"

"No, I wasn't- wait... I didn't say his name, did I?"

Alfred cracked open the door. "How did you get to this neighborhood?"

"Uhm," they muttered in thought. "I remembered that Alfred had been looking into getting a new house and this was one of the neighborhoods he liked the most. I asked around out here this morning and they said someone new moved in about four months ago in this house, so I had hoped... I'm sorry for bothering you, sir."

Alfred opened the door fully to see their back turned. "Don't leave," he whispered. They paused. "Please, don't leave... Not when you just got here."

Quickly, the visitor whipped around and gasped, tears continuing to stain his pale cheeks. Sky blue and emerald green met before Arthur cried and threw his arms around Alfred. "Alfred! Alfred, I'm so sorry! I should have just pushed him away the moment he touched me and this wouldn't have happened! This is my fault! I'm horrible!"

Alfred wrapped his arms around Arthur. He still fit perfectly in his arms. Alfred buried his nose in Arthur's hair. He still smelled of tea and vanilla. "I shouldn't have ran," he muttered, squeezing Arthur, "if it caused you so much pain and grief." Arthur shook his head, clinging to Alfred. "You really... You've really been looking for me all these months?" Arthur nodded, attempting to calm himself. "I'm sorry... I shouldn't have shut you out... I thought you left me."

"For Francis!?" Arthur jerked back, eyes wide. "Hell no! You're better than him in every way possible! He may be a good guy, but he's a cheater and a liar and will do anything to get a quick fuck out of someone that isn't his boyfriend." Arthur cupped Alfred's cheeks. "After having been with you, I don't want anyone else. Especially not a cheater. Please stop thinking so little of yourself. I know things haven't been good for you, I know. But I also know that I'm going to help you, okay? I'm going to help you smile truly." Arthur smiled.

Alfred returned the smile and yanked Arthur back into the embrace. "Just stay with me, and I won't be able to stop smiling."

"You smell like Whiskey."

"I probably do."