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chapter forty

Warren

"Christ," Easton says.

After lunch, Nova and I decided to spend the day at the beach. She dozed off under the big beach umbrella about fifteen minutes ago, so I decided to come back up to the house for a bit.

"I know," I reply.

"Man," he says. "I never thought I'd say this, but I kind of admire her for getting through that without averting to something else."

"Join the club," I say.

East stares at me for a few seconds, and then looks down at his feet, shaking his head. "Still can't fucking believe you two are dating now. I mean, even I noticed the chemistry, but I thought she was just like super horny or something, y'know?" He smirks at me. "What are the guys gonna say, Warren?"

I roll my eyes and punch him in the arm. "Shut it, East."

He laughs, and I shake my head. Though I'll never admit it aloud to him, the whole idea of being in a serious relationship scares me a little. There's a lot of pressure on me because I don't want to hurt Nova – the last thing she needs is another broken heart.

"So," I say, "when are you and Julia leaving?"

"As soon as she finishes packing," he replies.

For the next four days, Easton and Julia are heading over to Lunenburg to visit his parents. It's about an hour away from here. This morning, after our conversation, Julia practically dragged Nova up the stairs to talk about how she was losing her shit over meeting East's parents.

When Nova came back downstairs, she smiling. She even laughed, wondering if that's how she acted before meeting my parents. I, of course, told her no. She was calm and, well, perfect when she met them and Hazel.

"And," Easton continues. "We'll be back on Tuesday evening."

I blink, quickly realizing I've missed out on whatever he was saying. I was too busy thinking about her smile and her being happy to register anything else. So, all I do is nod.

"Okay, cool." I pick up the thermos of lemonade and a container of watermelon. "Well, have a good time and we'll see ya then."

East shakes his head at me. "You are so whipped, man."

"Hey," I joke, shaking my buddy's hand. "You were whipped before I was – now we're in the same boat."

"You know it, Warren," he laughs. Glancing over his shoulder, East takes a step closer to me. "Take good care of her. If you don't, Julia will be pissed and probably try to chop off my balls. And then go after you."

I don't speak, scared that I'll reveal the underlying insecurities; all I do is nod to show him I'm on the same page.

We go our separate ways after that, and as soon as I'm back beneath the yellow and blue beach umbrella with Nova, I find myself staring at the scar above her ribcage. It makes me feel stupid. How did I not notice this earlier? Part of me feels like I should have – I was checking out her body while she was wearing that bikini. But I know that if I would have noticed and said something, she would have denied me any information.

Unable to stop myself from resisting the need to touch her, I reach out and touch the scar. Its texture isn't much different than the rest of her skin, minus a couple odd bumps here and there.

"I hate it."

I blink and quickly retract my hand, watching as Nova slides her sunglasses up. She props herself up on her elbows and looks at me. "I hate it because it's a reminder of what happened. There are so many things that could have gone differently. If I hadn't ridden my bike to work that day, I wouldn't have needed the pills. He might still be alive if I'd walked or asked him for a ride."

While I like that she can be open about it with me, that she's no longer afraid of what I might think, I despise the fact that she still feels this way. I guess a part of her will always feel the pain.

When our earlier make-out session ended, Nova told me more about the aftereffects of Carter's death. She saw numerous counsellors, had her family to back her up, and even started working out for therapeutic reasons.

So many things make sense now. I wish she would have told me because I still feel like an ass for the things I said, but I can't complain anymore. She told me what happened, and then some.

"Have you ever thought about getting it covered?" I ask, thinking about Greyson's job. "With a tattoo. Maybe a saying? Or something that represents strength?"

"I know I said I hate it, but why would I do that?" she asks. "Besides, I don't know if I could handle the pain of the needle."

"I don't know," I shrug. "But I've seen Greyson's work – he's amazing. Maybe just think about it. There's nothing sexier than a girl with tattoos, after all. Ah, the things I could do with my lips if you had one." I shoot her a sly smile and wink.

"Well if I had one, maybe you'd talk less and put your mouth to good use," she retorts, blushing redder than a sunburn.

I laugh. It's good to know she has a humorous side to her. I know it's been there all along, hidden behind the walls that have finally been broken down.

"Damn, Nova. You can be a feisty little thing."

She turns back to the ocean, and asks, "Do you want to go for a swim?"

I look at the water with her. It's in the thirties and even though I'm sitting in the shade, it feels like the sun is beating down directly on my skin. The water looks cool and inviting.

"Sure," I reply. "I promise I won't drop you into the water again."

Nova chuckles, and then tosses a bottle of sunscreen to me. "Could you put some of this on my back first?"

Fuck yeah is what I want to say. Rubbing sunscreen into her back? What a dumbass question to ask me. Of course. It's every man's summer fantasy to rub sunscreen into their girlfriend's back. It's basically an excuse to touch her.

"Yeah," I say, popping open the lid.

"Thanks." I can hear the smile in her voice.

After my hands are slathered in sunscreen, I begin to rub it into her back. Her shoulders stiffen the slightest bit at first, but when I start to knead her tight muscles she relaxes, releasing a sigh that almost drives me insane. I start thinking about how else I could make her sigh...or moan. Specifically, my name.

When I'm finished purposely taking my time with the job, Nova gets to her feet and walks down to the shore. I watch helplessly, obsessively as she does so. There's a certain sway to her hips, and the curves of her body are perfect. And the bikini? Don't even get me started. Damn. I could stare at her for hours.

As soon as her feet are in the water, she turns around and looks at me, a sly smile on her lips. "Well, are you coming?"

Oh, I think to myself as I get to my feet. This is going to be fun.

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