Author's note: it makes no sense. I know. It's probably the worst fanfic you read until this day. I know.

I also feel extra guilty for writing this after seeing Eddy looking like a cute baby in today vid.

If I'm a Christian, I'd be damned in hell later but since I'm not, and still very stressed from my exam. Here I'd post it.

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„What freedom men and women could have, were they not constantly tricked and trapped and enslaved and tortured by their sexuality!"

He had read it, somewhere in-between the stash of weird books he nicked from Belle at the tender age of 13. He was bored, and it was summertime, meaning that Eddy had nothing to do at home other than practicing violin, which he didn't have motivation to do till at least 9 p.m and chinese school, which, again, no motivation.

The 13 year old didn't really have friends out side of his classroom yet, still too shy to strike up any conversation outside the mandatory ones for their shared projects. When he gathered enough courage, he didn't really know which subject to board. It came so easily to other people, the small talk, but Eddy always felt his insides twisted and turned, his hands clammy and throat restricted at the thought people would look and talk. So he retreated and lost himself in the stash of books Belle left behind when she went to summer camp with her boyfriend.

That's when Eddy found the quote, just a series of squiggles on a slip of paper, carelessly tore out from someone's notebook. The young him had absentmindedly wondered who ever wanted to send such strange quote to Belle and should he be concerned. Over all, the quote felt morbid and ticked him off in strange places.

He can understand it, the quote, somehow.

Sex was gross. He watched it, once, under the safe cover of his blanket and remembered avoiding to see anything wet days after.

It felt disconnected, and repetitive. Lifeless.

How great the world would be, if humans were not limited by their desires, by the way he saw boy beating other up for ‚kissing the girl he liked', for Belle never again need to cry over her shitty boyfriend? Truly, how great would it be?

He remembered thinking like this, agreeing, living by a quote for quite a time before he met Brett and got caught up into the eccentric mind behind the wired glasses and poker face. Brett and their afternoon of violin practicing, of Barber on the street and Smash Bro on the couch whisked the shy Eddy away from his cocoon. Hence life before Brett came became just another distant memories in Eddy's mind, bleached and half-forgotten.

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To the presence, staring at his best friend of 15 years, body sprawling on the couch they hurled home from trip at IKEA, Eddy again gets hit at full force why he had liked the quote so much.

Back then, he was an abnormality, had always found boys somewhat more aesthetic pleasing than girls and less mean. But he had liked girls too, with their glossy lips and bell-chiming laughter. Sometimes, he looked at himself in the mirror and only saw the scrawny kid with awkward teeth and too large eyes. Eddy of his dark years admired them both and it scared him to the point he wished he had no libido-whatsoever anymore.

Being friends with Brett helped cutting his time on overthinking and his few relationships, especially the one with Toni, cleared the air. Eddy thought he has gone back to normal, being a little bit more open-minded in admiring beauty in everyone, but definitely only had sexual desires for girls. The world has no boundaries and sexuality is just another social construct.

Eddy can live with that.

Dreamt Brett with his pretty fingers must break it all.

Eddy's fragile balance between his perceived sexual tendency and the world's norm just got broken beyond repair from that day onward.

Now he can't unsee it.

Can't unsee the way Brett looked so cute and hug-able in the huge sacrilegious hoodie.

Can't unsee the way his slender neck stretched; Brett bended down to squint at some notes on the music and the collar of his shirt just hung, low, dangerously low.  Eddy can see it all, the stretch of white skin and something pink peaking out from the gray mass. He always wondered why they looked so pert. (Unlike his. He had tried, alone in front of the mirror in his room. They never looked pink and always felt taut).

Or right now, when Brett sprawls right beside him, cramming them in the two-seat IKEA couch they argued for 2 hours to choose, Eddy felt the heat in his body reared its head.

'Once man see it, he can't unseen'. How true is this quote. He feels his eyes glide along the length of the creature in front of him, drinking in every detail, every heaving chest and involuntarily licked his lips.

Brett is covered, of course. But Eddy knows enough to imagine what lays beneath the clothes. Has seen enough of it throughout their days stuck in the con dorm, their two single beds rooms during the tour. Or when he finished with his bath and shameless parroting around the apartment with only his boxer on - an image flares up in his inner eyes and imprints itself anew on his memories. His skins feels feverish on some contact with Brett.

He has seen. Oh he is sure. No one has seen this body as much as him, maybe, well, except its owner, watching it grow out and grow tall, from a teenager with awkward arm-leg disproportion to the man of his youth and de-age to the cutie beside him.

Eddy was fine with it. At first. Never thinking much about the strip of skin that's exposed to him when Brett's stretched up, or the way his lips were always pink from bite mark. They were just some the inconsequential thoughts from over hormonal teenagers.

It was fine, because he never felt the urge to act on it.

Now it's not enough.

They are both 27 and 28 respectively, moving together to the new country and staying at the same flat, sharing a same income and creating a community together.

The reality messes up with his brain.

In some intricate ways, Eddy's brain, the one that has had much sexual thoughts for years after his break-up with Toni, has decided to pump a great deal of horny hormones up and directed it all to the nearest living creature beside him.

Brett Yang.

His best friend who's completely unaware, unguarded, displays himself as a huge buffet, delicious, mouth-watering food in front of him. Oh god, Eddy is hungry. He is starving.

'And I just want to toss all these libidos out of window and be a turtle!' - With a violent shake of his head Eddy throws one last look at Brett, who's snoring quietly with his whole body curled up toward him. The freaking loose pants rides low, exposing around half of his boxer.

Fuck.

"What I'm gonna to do with you, Bretty?".

He whispers, unable to held himself back from lowering his head to warm place between Brett's neck and shoulder. His friend squirms at the additional weight and changes position to accommodate, too used to Eddy's tactics now to be woken up from it.

What can I do? When you're the source of my comfort and the temptation of my devils? Eddy knows he can't function without Brett, has said it out loud to the world.

But how longer can I resist? With all these of mess?

With that last thought in his mind, Eddy buries his head deeper in Brett, breathing in his friend's familiar scents and forces his body relax.

It will come, the day of his damnation.

But right now, please let him have his moment of peace.