"Have you visited her yet?" Dr Marr asked as Gavin languished on the sofa in her office. He'd been having regular sessions every few days since returning to work just over a week ago. He shivered a little in the cool air of the small room, wishing he'd thought to grab his jacket. Marr's office was always cold. He didn't know what temperature she chose for her AC, but it was too low for his body to handle. Outside was like a furnace, so coming inside made the small room feel like an icebox. He wrapped his bare arms around himself and turned on his side, frowning a little at the question. It made him feel like an asshole, even though he knew she wasn't judging him for it.

"No." The simple reply was all she'd asked for. She hadn't asked him to explain himself. She was looking at him knowingly over the top of her rectangular glasses, dark eyes waiting for something more. Gavin sighed as he shuffled onto his back and looked up at the faded ceiling. It had been white once, but time had left it washed out and slightly grey. "It'd be weird," he excused quietly as he hunkered lower on the leather material. If he stayed still too long, it would start to feel sticky against his neck and bare arms. Marr scribbled something down as she came to her next question.

"What would be weird about it? You've already been through something similar with Colin." That was a pretty good argument. His relationship with Chloe was different though. Closer. He didn't see Colin every day. He didn't interact with him on a regular basis, and he hadn't before the incident either. They knew each other, and he liked him well enough, but they weren't friends in the same way as he and Chloe. Had been with Chloe..."Or do you still see Colin as a copy?" Marr watched a flicker of guilt creep across Gavin's features. Bingo.

"I can't help it! They literally had to change his head!" He didn't know where they'd gotten that head from, but it wasn't Colin's. From what he understood, they'd kept most of his old body intact, replacing only the most damaged parts. That still didn't mean he was the same person. They'd literally had to download a backup copy of his brain. A backup copy that didn't remember a fucking thing because it had been stored the night before. "I can't just...change my mindset! Doesn't it feel like copying to you? If you can have two of them existing at the same time, then they're not the same person, right?" he asked as he looked at Marr for some sort of agreement. She hummed thoughtfully. It was certainly a conundrum. Androids were a relatively new species, with different biology and abilities. What humans saw as a copy wasn't a copy to an android. It was all data, so it was all the same.

"I understand it feels that way to us, as humans. We can't store ourselves the way they can. The idea of being able to exist in multiple bodies at the same time is outlandish for us, but androids are different. Their minds are just data to begin with...From their point of view, the same data is the same individual. It's something that humanity is going to have to accept and come to terms with. Death isn't death to an android unless all copies of their system are erased. Chloe, Colin, Connor, and Nines all backup their data on a daily basis in the event that something like this happening." He understood why they did it. From their point of view, it made sense. Three of them had dangerous jobs. Their bodies were likely to be damaged from time to time. Chloe was Elijah's most trusted assistant, his lover, and the Cyberlife mainframe. She needed to be backed up regularly, and there were even multiple versions of her active at the same time. What he couldn't handle was knowing that, in these two cases, Colin and Chloe had both been killed. Their consciousnesses had been lost. That meant that it was a new copy of their personality. A clone that had been downloaded to pick up where they'd left off.

"I get that's what they believe, but I just can't..." Gavin trailed off with a sigh. He didn't need to finish the thought. Marr understood he was having trouble coming to terms with the fact that he'd watched two people die and then come back as if nothing had happened. He wasn't sure which part got to him more. That they were clones, or that he'd been left alone to carry the memories by himself. No one else remembered what he'd been through, or how they'd died. Colin had seemed pretty nervous about not knowing what had happened. It was probably like having partial amnesia. A whole day of his existence was just gone. But from my point of view, that day isn't gone. Colin died, and then this new guy came and took his place!

"Will you continue to avoid her?" That was another thing Gavin was struggling with. He hated this whole conversation. He heaved himself into a sitting position and crossed his legs, keeping his head low as he glanced across at her. She seemed sympathetic. She wasn't judging him for how he felt, and she didn't need to tell him it would hurt Chloe's feelings. He was surprised she'd given him this much time already. Elijah had messaged to check in and tell him about Chloe's recovery. The new Chloe. He couldn't even think of her as just Chloe.

"I don't know." His response was at least an honest one. He felt like an asshole, even though he wasn't sure it was fair to himself to think such a thing in this situation. He was only human. That was probably why Nines had been so quiet about it. They couldn't blame him for seeing the world in simple human terms when he was a simple human being. The way he felt about Chloe also made him worry more about Nines. The Hickory Killer had already proven that he knew how to damage him. His targets were also hitting closer to home now. He may have started out with a substitute for Simon by picking up a random PL600, but this latest incident with Chloe had been deliberately planned. He'd intended for it to have an impact. The only logical target after Chloe was Nines himself, unless he switched to humans. Or comes after me directly...

"This is a delicate situation, Gavin. You're not wrong for feeling the way you do. Feelings are something we have no control over. It may take time to come to terms with it, or you may never come to terms with it...We'll talk about this again next time. Before then, do a little research and talk to your brother. Maybe there's something you haven't learned yet that will help." Her soothing tone was reassuring. He wasn't sure he'd ever change his mind, but her suggestion was a good one. Maybe there was something Elijah could tell him that would convince him, though it seemed doubtful at that moment. But I used to think I'd never see androids as people at all, so there's that...

It was about time for them to wrap up their session. Marr seemed pretty happy with his progress so far. He was beginning to think he was becoming numb to trauma at this point. Chloe's death had been horrendous, but it didn't linger the same way Aaron's had. Memories of Aaron's death had followed him for weeks. Months. He still dreamed about it sometimes. That room. Those clocks. The deafening noise. He couldn't stand cuckoo clocks. Chloe's death should have been worse. It should have left him traumatised, but it hadn't. Am I too fucked up to care at this point? Maybe it was because Aaron's had been the start of it all. Since Arron's death, he'd been plagued with incident after incident. It was a wonder he'd stayed employed, considering the amount of medical leave he was taking. Each time something happened, he was off work for a few days and then remain on desk duty for at least another week afterwards. Thank God for employment law...

He returned to work and thanked Nines with a nod as he handed him a bottle of water, allowing him to sink into his chair with a tired sigh. Sessions were always draining, and Nines had learned a long time ago that it was important to give him time to process and rehydrate before leaping into anything. It was approaching lunchtime, so Nines started looking up various options. The day was hot and humid, but there were a few places with sheltered outdoor seating. He knew he liked to be out in the open air sometimes, but the humidity level was quite high. Perhaps some venues would have outdoor cooling systems. In the heat, Gavin would only eat lighter options. A salad would likely be enough. A salad bar then. It would need an excellent hygiene rating. Nines wouldn't allow him to eat anywhere considered subpar.

He raised a hand without blinking to catch the small plastic cap that had been aimed at his temple. His LED continued to blink yellow as he continued his internal analysis, though he shifted his outward attention to Gavin. Nines couldn't help giving him a smug smirk as he raised an eyebrow. Gavin was smiling lazily as he sat back in his chair drinking his water, feet crossed on the edge of his desk. He didn't do it too often these days, considering his recent promotion, but no one was around to reprimand him for it. Hank and Connor were out on a case, and Fowler was busy as always. No one else seemed bothered by it. They had their own work to do.

"I knew you'd catch it," Gavin mumbled as he lowered his bottle. It was almost empty. He must have been thirsty. Nines checked the temperature outside. Ninety-eight degrees. Sixty percent humidity. Gavin probably wouldn't want to walk far in this heat. It was sunny, too. Prolonged exposure would risk burning his skin. Nines added the parameters to his search. He knew their usual salad bar would suffice, but new places were opening all the time. Despite these thoughts, Nines remained focused on Gavin the whole time and didn't miss a beat in his response.

"Of course. I have one eye upon you at all times, Sergeant." Nines noted a small jump in his pulse at the admission. He waited until Gavin's guard dropped before flicking the cap back and watching it bounce off his forehead and roll somewhere under the desk. Gavin snickered quietly as he took his feet down and rubbed the offended area. It hadn't hurt, and payback was fair. "I have selected an appropriate lunch venue," Nines announced as he watched him finish his water. He voiced his agreement as he hunted for the cap and eyed the recycling bin. Nines calculated the distance and concluded he had a seventy-three percent chance of landing the shot. He watched Gavin lick his lips, carefully taking aim over his shoulder.

"He shoots..." Gavin mumbled quietly before launching the bottle and watching with balled fists. Nines followed the bottle as it sailed over his head, the cap end weighing it down as it tilted towards the bin. It bounced off the front rim, but tilted enough to fall inside with a small clatter. "He scores!" Gavin gave a small punch to the air as he rolled his chair back and got to his feet. He didn't bother with his jacket, stuffing his phone and wallet into his tight denim pockets instead. Nines also left his jacket behind. He'd noticed humans would often give him strange looks when they saw him wearing his jacket in this weather. It was mid-August. The height of summer. Apparently, people felt hotter when they saw others wearing too many layers. It made little sense to him, but humans had many such quirks. He also rolled his sleeves up to the elbows. There was no real reason to do so, but he had noted Gavin's eyes drawn to forearms more than once. He seemed to enjoy tracing the veins and watching the muscles move as he worked.

"There is a new eatery ten minutes away," Nines said as they walked down the front steps and into the blinding afternoon sunshine. For Gavin, it was sweltering. His light T-shirt offered little relief in the humidity. There were two spares in his locker. He hated being sweaty. He closed his eyes and tilted his face up to the sun, enjoying the light warming his skin. Phck, I hate summer...Nines paused beside him, allowing him to think over the suggestion. He assumed he was weighing up whether it was worth walking a whole ten minutes in this heat.

"Sure. It's been a while since we tried somewhere new," he agreed with a sigh as he waited for Nines to lead the way. They didn't rush. Rushing would only make him feel hotter. Nines worked out the route that would offer the most shade, taking them down whatever side streets he could and crossing to the other side of the road where the buildings blocked the sun from view. Come on, roll on September! Gavin knew he'd complain again once winter came, but at least autumn would come first. Autumn was probably the best season. It was mild without being too wet, and there was no pollen to make his eyes itch, though his allergies were only occasional.

"I have...been in contact with Chloe," Nines broached cautiously as they ambled along. The streets were pretty busy with the afternoon rush. Early afternoon was when most people took lunch. It was a disadvantage of having the standard morning to evening shift. Nines stepped closer as a group of office workers walked by, talking happily about their latest meeting. It seems their sales had gone up, so it would be a celebratory lunch that day. He held back from slipping his arm around Gavin's waist. They were on duty, in public, and close to the precinct. He settled for allowing their arms to brush as they walked. Gavin was quiet. Nines noticed a certain amount of tension enter his shoulders as his back straightened and his stress spiked.

"Yeah?" He tried to sound casual about it without seeming uncaring. He did care. Nines knew he did. He also understood his issues where replacement bodies were concerned. It was such a human concern. He knew that Gavin had tried his best to accept Colin's return. He never treated him any differently than he had before, but he also understood their interactions had always been brief and limited to a few hours. Gavin and Chloe were much closer. He viewed her as his sister-in-law and treated her as such. Nines knew his LED was spinning yellow as he considered how to proceed. He didn't want to press a response, or pry too much into his feelings. That was Dr Marr's territory, and he didn't want to upset him.

"Yes..." Nines was unsure what else to say. An awkwardness settled between them. Was this what it would be like every time one of them upgraded their bodies? What if his hardware was seriously damaged and needed to be replaced? It had almost happened once. He wasn't invulnerable. The weaponry that could cause him fatal damage was rare and hard to come by as a civilian, but the Hickory Killer had already proven it wasn't beyond his means. If he suffered a fatal shutdown and came back, would he be accepted? His thirium pump stuttered at the thought. How Gavin overcame the situation with Chloe would likely reflect his own future treatment should the same happen to him. The thought was painful.

Gavin still seemed on edge about the topic as they arrived at the venue. It was small. Tucked away in a little side street that had been blocked off for pedestrians only. There was a small outside seating area with tall box plants surrounding the edge and red canopies above. Around the edge of the canopies was a series of condensing units billowing out clouds of cool air. The tables were fairly low, and the outdoor seats were cushioned and comfortable. It seemed very much like a bar as opposed to a restaurant, and the crowds of people inside suggested that was the case. Outside was fairly quiet. They took a table, one for four since that's all that was available, and looked over the menus that had been left out.

There was an assortment of bar food available, including steak and fish and chips, but Gavin was more drawn to the lighter options. He glanced over the burgers and sandwiches before predictably switching to the salads. He took his time as he looked through the short list, indecisive as ever. Nines' lips quirked as he looked through the few thirium options available. They had thirium shakes, slushies, or cold thirium for the summer. Hot thirium was likely available, but cooler liquids would be easier to process in this weather. He settled on a slushie and waited a few more moments.

"Would you like me to choose you an appropriate salad?" he asked as he noticed Gavin's emerald gaze flick up hesitantly. His expression softened somewhat as he nodded and lowered the menu. Nines already had an internal inventory of the items he'd been considering. He often ate Caesar salads with chicken. That would be a safe option, and would also give him an idea of how good this establishment was compared to others. He could try the mango and steak salad, something sweeter for the summer months and different from his usual choices. He did like both steak and mango, so it wasn't an unreasonable choice. There was a plain salad with no meat. Perhaps not his norm, but he did eat less meat during the hotter months because it sat heavier in his stomach. There was also a tuna pasta salad available. Gavin liked tuna and pasta, so that was also a good choice, though perhaps a little heavy for the heat. He scanned Gavin as he considered. He wasn't deficient in anything, so it was really down to which he might enjoy more. Gavin had proven to be quite adventurous recently, so he opted for the mango and steak.

"What? You bought me a thirium slushie, too?" Gavin huffed as Nines returned to the table with two transparent takeout cups with straws. They were medium-sized to limit his sugar intake. He knew he didn't like large sweet drinks too often. Nines handed him his slushie and placed an extra bottle of cold water on the table for him. It was hot, and important for Gavin to remain hydrated. Adding their holographic number to the outside edge of the table so the servers could find them later, he took his seat. Gavin was still eyeing the cold blue drink distrustfully as Nines chuckled.

"It's raspberry flavoured, though I was confused when they returned with a blue beverage. I'd assumed it would be red." It made sense that he would think that, considering the fruit was a deep shade of pink, but commercial products often added blue colouring. Gavin sipped the drink and was instantly flooded with a sense of nostalgia. It tasted exactly as he remembered it. Artificial raspberry syrup and ice. It tasted like three p.m. on a weekday afternoon in the summer after kindergarten. His grandmother had often picked him up then, and there'd been a small newsagent on the corner. She'd always gotten him a Slush Puppie. He still remembered the loud grinding of that old machine, with the plastic dog in a blue shirt and hat standing on top with its tongue poking out. I wonder if you can still get those old machines...

"Is yours flavoured, too?" Gavin asked curiously as he watched Nines sip. He shook his head. The taste program had yet to go into mass production, though Elijah had ended trials. The results from their small group had been promising enough to start the rollout process, but it would take time for it to become widely recognised as a new market to tap into by the food industry. He couldn't complain. Thirium was thirium. Elijah had programmed that to be acceptable to all androids. It would be a major design flaw for thirium to suddenly become unpalatable to certain androids. With their sweet tooths, Connor and Colin would likely find the high salt content of thirium distasteful otherwise. "You're spinning again..." Nines blinked at the accusation.

"I was processing." It was a weak excuse, and Gavin's expression was clearly calling him out on it. His eyes fell. He couldn't help it. Their earlier topic of conversation had made him anxious. They hadn't spoken about it. Gavin had avoided it. He didn't want to force the topic, but he couldn't help his LED giving away how he felt. He also couldn't help that his thoughts were now spiralling a lot more than they used to. Deviancy had brought emotional clarity, but also a new sense of vulnerability and insecurity. He didn't doubt that Gavin loved him, but would that love continue if his body was damaged beyond repair? Would his love remain the same? Was his love unconditional? What if he was transferred into a new body, but Gavin didn't-

"Phck, Nines!" Gavin's voice had risen in pitch to sound softer, thick with concern. Nines blinked as he felt Gavin's fingertips press against the LED that now span red on his temple. "Hey, it's alright, calm down! I'm here..." he soothed as he circled his fingers around the red ring. It was rare for Nines to hit red like that. Gavin couldn't help being worried as he leaned over the table. He paused as Nines' hand reached up to take his, blue eyes closing as he leaned into the touch. "You good?" Nines nodded, but didn't let go of his hand. It was risky, he knew. They were in public, only ten minutes from the precinct at lunchtime on a weekday. There was a good chance that some of their colleagues could stop by. They could be recognised.

Gavin seemed less than concerned as he got to his feet and circled the table without breaking contact. Nines watched vulnerably as he stepped around the small table to sink into the seat beside him, turning himself as much as he could in the large chair to face him. He left one hand in his grasp while resting the other on his knee and soothing the joint with his thumb. It was comforting. Nines felt his insides warm from the contact and followed the urge to shuffle closer, forgetting himself as he leaned in. Gavin allowed the barest graze of lips before drawing back to look around. They were still alone outside. The heat had taken most people indoors. Nines lowered his head in apology.

"Hey...What's going on in there, hm?" Gavin asked softly, letting Nines take the hand from his temple to hold it in his lap. He stroked and analysed his fingers. Firm muscles and tendons. Soft skin and light hair. The roughness of his fingertips. The smoothness across his palm. Jagged edges circled his nails where he caught and picked at them, with small flakes of skin at the edges. Gavin let him process patiently, green eyes still staring. Nines licked his lips as he finally raised his eyes, trying to hide his sense of vulnerability.

"Deviancy has caused me to feel with a lot more clarity than I used to, and...this...incident with Chloe...It has made me question..." His LED span red as he trailed off, eyes darting to Gavin and away again. Gavin's expression dropped a little. He didn't need Nines to clarify. It was a question he'd raised himself. He felt bad that he couldn't reassure him the way he deserved. "I understand that humans see things differently to us...I-know...I know you may not..." It hurt to think such things. That the time may come when Gavin looked at him like a stranger. Gavin turned his hand to grip his wrist before slipping lower to hold his hand.

"I'm sorry...I'm sorry I can't tell you it'll be okay...You deserve that, Nines. You deserve that, but I can't...I don't know how I'd feel. I can't process this shit the way you do. I wish I could..." He cut off with a worn sigh, feeling shitty. Nines tried not to look too crushed by his response, but it was somewhat what he'd expected. Honesty was better than a lie. At least he could trust Gavin to tell him the truth. "I know you want me to meet up with Chloe again, but...I-I don't think I'm quite there yet...I need time to get my head around it." He watched as Nines gave a small nod of understanding. It was a fair point. The incident with Chloe was barely three weeks old. Of course, he needed more time. It was unreasonable to expect otherwise. He'd watched her die in his arms. He'd pulled her power core out. Her thirium had stained his hands. His clothes.

"I apologise...I didn't want to burden you or make you uncomfortable," Nines murmured as he moved his leg to rest against Gavin's between their chairs. He'd tried not to raise the topic after Gavin first avoided answering. He wasn't the one who'd brought it up a second time, and he wouldn't have. Gavin's peace of mind was too important. Gavin almost looked offended as he jerked his head up with a small frown. Nines stiffened at the look, worried he'd said something wrong.

"You don't need to apologise. We should talk about this shit! We're partners. It's part of being in a relationship, taking care of each other. It's not just one way, Nines. I need to know how you're feeling. I need you to talk to me as much as I need to talk to you...Don't ever think a topic is off limits, especially not one this serious...This is shit we need to talk about." That was certainly the most talking they'd done for his benefit for a while. Gavin held his gaze, waiting for some form of acknowledgement. His lips softened as he watched Nines' LED spin yellow. He looked so fucking happy for that reassurance as he nodded his agreement. This was one of the times Gavin wished he had eyes like Nines' so he could take a picture. Unfortunately, reaching for his phone would ruin the moment, so he had to settle for looking really hard and telling himself not to forget how he looked in the moment.

"Thank you, Gavin."