Faces are fading fast,

What did you look like last?

The glass has misted over.

I may have a photograph,

But if I break this branch,

I'm falling.

-"Safety Net," Natalie Holmes

July 2018

When the alarm went off on Friday morning, Elise rolled off James' arm - which was very much asleep - and said, "I'm not used to you being here on a weekday." She had always been the sort of person to wake up quickly, jumping right out of bed when the alarm went off to get in the shower. But she had also liked, when they had the time, to wake up and be up but not get up. She liked slow Sundays under the covers and trailing fingers and discussing new plans to vanquish darkness from the wizarding world, one case at a time. The girl loved her job.

Given that he'd only really been coming round on weekends, and that he hadn't been to work the day before, James had sort of forgotten that today was Friday and he still had to go into the office. He was supposed to be back to tailing Anniston today, which was sure to be as riveting as it was the first few weeks of the summer, so truth be told, he wasn't much interested in getting out of bed yet.

At about the same moment that James finally started to regain feeling in his arm - he had progressed from a fifty pound weight dangling from his torso to the pins and needles feeling - he realized that Elise hadn't yet gotten up either. He looked at her. She stared straight up at the ceiling with her lips pressed together and her forehead creased.

James flexed and gripped his fingers a few times and said, "What?"

She opened her mouth and inhaled, shut it again, rolled to her side to face him and said, "I don't know."

"What time is it?" asked James. He rolled towards her too and reached out to tuck her hair behind her ear.

"Five," she said.

"I forgot how early you get to work," said James. She didn't say anything, but she continued to look conflicted. "What if," he said slowly, picking up the ends of her hair and letting them fall out through his fingers, "we hang out here for another hour and then at six, we'll get up and you can get ready and I'll run home to change. And we'll get to work at a normal time that's still earlier than anyone else."

Elise smiled a little bit. "I don't know," she said.

James shifted a little closer. "Come on, E. You don't want to get up anyway."

She sighed through her smile, closed her eyes, and said, "Convince me." When she opened her eyes again, he thought he saw a little bit of a dare.

"Easy," said James, closing what little gap was left between them to kiss her.

"Okay," said Elise when he'd pulled back to breathe, and she kissed him again, but only for a few seconds before she stopped to say, "How did we used to do this every day? Actually get to work on time."

"I don't know," said James. "I guess we didn't have so much catching up to do back then."

Elise smiled like she was trying to hold in a laugh. She tucked her face down into his chest.

"What are you doing tonight?" he asked, smoothing his hands down her back.

Elise popped her head back up. "Not hanging out with you," she said seriously. So seriously that James really didn't think she was kidding. Surprised was an understatement.

His expression must have given him away because she began to explain before he'd asked. "I want you to talk to Raigan tonight," she said. "Figure it out."

"Oh," said James. His stomach twisted at the very thought of seeing her again. "Yeah," he said and swallowed hard. "You're probably right."

"I know," said Elise. James laughed.

"Alright fine. I'll talk to her tonight. But for the next..." he paused, peering over her to see the clock on her bedside table, "forty seven minutes, you're all mine."

Elise pursed her lips and gave him a pointed look. "Lucky you," she said.

---

Tailing Anniston again seemed possibly even more boring than It had been already, given that James was coming off a rather long run of excitement. He'd forgotten how dull this part of the job was. He couldn't work himself up to making it feel important.

Still, maybe it was better his way. He had a lot to distract him and something high-risk might not have been in his best interest. So here he was, striding through Diagon Alley in the lukewarm morning light.

It was easy enough to take a swig of polyjuice potion and show up behind Gringotts first thing in the morning because it had been a pretty long period of time since the collapsed ledge incident. The initial risk of being recognized had subsided. So James strolled the area, stopping today at a muggle gadget resale stand for collectors that was always getting in trouble for selling enchanted goods. They claimed they were sold these things from wizards who didn't disclose that the items had been tampered with, but the investigation always proved that false.

While he waited for Anniston to arrive, James fiddled with an antique toy plane, a bright red yo-to, and a broken mobile telephone that didn't look much at all like the ones he saw muggles carrying around now, but that James recognized from the textbook he had purchased for his one mandatory year of muggle studies (needless to say, as it had been taught by a Carrow, they hadn't used the book much.) He put the phone down and did his best to brush off the owner of the cart who was eager to make a sale.

Except for the vendor's unfortunate chattiness, James thought he had a pretty good lookout point. He had a good view, was within earshot, had a proper disguise, and the goblins didn't even look suspicious, but James heart just wasn't in it.

Admittedly, a lot of this was because he would so much rather have still been lying in bed with Elise. He was tired still from the emotionally stressful day before, and anyway the bed had been so warm and comfortable.

But it was more than that.

James knew Elise was right. He had to talk to Raigan that night, sort things out. He wasn't so worried about their friendship. They had an unspoken agreement not to stay mad at each other about much of anything and they had been friends so long that it worked. There was enough history to back them up. It was Piper he was worried about. He hated that she was in the middle of all this. Indirectly the cause. And he hated that he and Raigan weren't on the same page about her. Not that James had ever had much say in anything to do with Piper before, but he'd always agreed with Raigan anyway. She was not an unreasonable person.

He wondered how much more often they would disagree as Piper got older. Whether Raigan would ever take into consideration his ideas and opinions. Probably not, given what she had said last night. She didn't want James to be a father-figure to Piper. That wasn't his place. She just wanted them to be buddies. The trouble was, buddies had grown into something much deeper and he couldn't look back. He was in it too far.

James got so wrapped up trying to plan out a gentle yet firm explanation for why he had said what he'd said, along with a proper apology for hurting Raigan, that he nearly missed Anniston's arrival. He looked more pompous than ever in purple robes and with his beard impeccably groomed.

"Morning gentlemen," he said, tipping his pointed wizard's hat at the two goblins. James noticed for the first time that they were not the same goblins at all. He wondered whether Grapfort and Riglock had requested a change of position due to harassment. He would have to look into it.

But then Mr. Anniston has gone inside and that was that. James had nothing else he could witness until lunch hour.

He picked up a stuffed frog which immediately came to life and bit him on the finger. The attendant pretended not to notice. James checked the tag and pulled five knuts out of his wallet.

"Need a receipt sir?" asked the man.

"Yes, please," James said. The man looked very nervous all of the sudden but he conjured a slip of paper with his purchase details and passed it over. James would ask Gillespie to send one of the auror administrators back to issue the fine later.

He turned and walked back to the main part of the alley, disapparating when he had passed he bank.

---

When James arrived at Raigan's that night, she was sitting at the table with her parents eating leftovers from the day before. She jumped when he stepped into the kitchen and said, "Oh," her hand flying to her heart.

"Sorry," said James quickly. "I thought you'd heard the door."

Raigan reached up to tuck her hair behind her ear and looked away from him. "Just didn't know you were coming tonight," she said quietly. Apparently she felt as awkward as he did about leaving things the way they had.

"I'll make you a plate of something," said Mrs. Woodley. "We've got out the potatoes... some kind of chicken casserole... rice... mushroom soup... what do you want?"

"Surprise me," said James. He squeezed Raigan's shoulder as he passed her and sat himself down in Piper's usual seat. Which reminded him: "Where's Piper at?"

"Sleepover," said Raigan. "Lilliana McSorley's having all the Gryffindor girls over tonight. Bonfire and all that."

"That'll be fun for her," said James. Raigan smiled but it didn't make her face look any happier. She just looked tired.

"Anything new down at the ministry?" Asked Mr. Woodley.

James shook his head. "Not that I know of. I was out all day trying to get something on someone but it's been slow-going."

"Pretty big breakthrough a couple weeks ago though, wasn't it? Clean sweep. Can't believe it."

"Yeah," agreed James. "It's really a shame. Good old company."

"Hopefully new management can get things back in order."

Mrs. Woodley returned to the table with a heaping plate for James.

"That's perfect, thank you," he said.

She sat back down at the head of the table. "That Charlotte really does outdo herself doesn't she? We've got enough food in there to last the rest of the summer. On top of all this there's still everything from breakfast and there's American barbecue and potato salad and macaroni salad and who knows what other kinds of salad. It's like she was cooking for a group of fifty and at least eight meals."

"She does go a little overboard," said James. But he was looking at Raigan now, picking at her food.

"Good cooking though," said her dad. "That Southern food really hits the spot in the summer, doesn't it?"

"Certainly does. Lord knows our English foods better suited to the winter," said Mrs. Woodley.

They continued to chatter on and all the while Raigan didn't say a word. She took maybe two bites, but mostly she just twirled her fork around in her potatoes and blinked a little too often.

"Rai," he said quietly.

She lifted her eyes to his but only for a second.

He tried to get her attention again, but couldn't. After a minute, she said, "Excuse me a moment," and pushed back her chair to stand. Mrs. Woodley stopped talking mid sentence and they all watched her walk away.

"Poor dear," said her mum when she was gone. "It's been a really rough couple of days."

"Has she been like this all day?" asked James.

She nodded. "I really thought she was doing better too. It's been so long now."

"I know," said James. "Sometimes I think that makes it worse."

"Thank goodness you two both work up at the school really. We need that eye on her, make sure she's taking care of herself."

"She does," said James. "You know Rai. She's practical. She just keeps going. It's really the company she needs."

"Really is an awful set of circumstances," said Mr. Woodley. "She sure didn't deserve it."

"No," agreed Mr. Woodley. "Not a bit."

James dropped out of the conversation and watched the clock. The Woodleys continued to expound on all their worries for their daughter but neither of them seemed aware that minutes were passing and Raigan's "moment" was growing longer and longer.

He had a feeling Raigan had had no intention of coming back down. "I'm gonna go check on her," he said. He had probably waited too long already. He pushed his chair back, hesitated, and then got up and headed up the stairs the way she'd gone.

Sure enough, when he got upstairs, he found her in her room. She'd left the door open and James wondered if she'd been expecting him to come up. She lay on her back in the middle of the bed with her knees pointed at the ceiling, hugging a pillow on her chest.

"Four and a half minutes," said Raigan when she heard him come in. "Even less time than I expected."

Now that his suspicious was confirmed, he wondered if perhaps she hadn't wanted him to come up but had known it was inevitable anyway.

"Sorry," said James. "If you want to be alone, we can.... we can talk later."

"It's fine," she said. He almost wished she would have asked him to leave and sit the door behind him, but then James knew he'd done that too many times in the past, asked to or not, and Raigan was still sad. His approach had been more to save himself than to help her. He was dreading the tears already, but he crossed the rest of the room and sat down next to her.

"What did you do today?" he asked.

Raigan shrugged and shook her head. "No one left until after lunch so not that much. Just cleaned things up."

"Busy couple days," agreed James. She bit down hard. He saw the tension in her jaw. "Just tired?"

"I guess," said Raigan.

They fell quiet. It was pretty clear she wasn't going to contribute anything to the conversation that she didn't have to. He wasn't sure this was really the best time to discuss their disagreement the night before, but he also knew leaving it was a bad idea. If they didn't talk about it now, they would never talk about it. And this mattered, in the long run. Only trouble was, he had never managed to come up with anything suitably good to say to her and in the moment, nervous as he was to upset her again, all that came out was: "Listen I'm really sorry about last night. I wasn't thinking and... you're right. I shouldn't have said that. That was out of my boundaries."

"Don't lie," said Raigan. "You don't believe any of that." She turned her head away. He thought she was about to say that he was the one who'd been right, but she didn't.

Now James really didn't know what to say. "I'm still sorry," he said finally. " I didn't mean to hurt you. It's just I've watched her grow up, and I've been around her so much for so long... I know we're not like a conventional family and I know technically she's not my daughter at all but... it feels like it Rai. It really does. I would do anything for that little girl."

"She not that little," said Raigan. "She's all grown up."

"Not all grown up," said James, "We're not even done growing up yet. And anyway, she'll always be little to me."

Raigan looked up at the ceiling again and managed that same sad smile from before. "Me too," she whispered.

She squeezed the pillow tighter, held it a second, and relaxed again. "I'm sorry too," she said. "I know you were right. It's just... I mean sometimes I think she loves you more than me. And then to hear her say she doesn't love her dad-" Raigan broke off. He could hear the tears threatening again.

"But she's trying to Rai. She wants to. And maybe she'll grow into it. Remember she's still little, sort of." He reached out and took her hand. "And for the record, she definitely loves you more."

"It's probably pretty even to be honest..." she said softly. She took a deep breath, looked up to stop the tears from coming. "I just hate that she can't remember him at all. I know it's not her fault- I- I don't know. It's stupid. I'm glad you've been around and I'm glad you two have such a special bond, but if I'm being honest, selfishly, it's not what I wanted for her. I mean you're right, you've never tried to replace him."

"And I couldn't," added James.

"Right. But like... you did fill that gap, and I know that's a good thing, I really do. But I still sometimes wish you didn't fill it quite so much. She has nothing to miss. She pulled the pillow up over her face. "God, I shouldn't say something so selfish. I sound like a horrible mum."

"No, it's more complicated than that," said James. "Maybe a little bit selfish, but you're trying to be loyal to two people you love who are connected but almost exist on separate timelines in your life. There's barely any overlap there. That's not easy to do. None of what you've had to do is easy." He stopped. He didn't know where this was coming from. "But you're doing it. And I think you're doing a pretty damn good job of it too."

"I mean she's still alive so that's something."

James grinned. "Alive and kicking." Raigan laughed. He barely heard it, but the pillow shook. She uncovered her face.

"She does have some spunk," she agreed. Then she smiled for real and almost at the same moment, she started to cry. She squeezed James hand a little tighter and said, "I'm just so ready to be happy again but I'm so scared to let go." Her voice shook and the tears continued to fall but it was nothing like the previous morning.

"You'll get there, Rai. No one expected you to be one hundred percent overnight."

"Yeah well it's been a little longer than that," she said. But she smiled through her tears again, another real one, and James knew they were okay. Each a little broken maybe, but together, they were okay.

She took a long shaky breath and turned her head towards him.

"What happened to your finger?" she asked.

James looked down. He had nearly forgotten. The stuffed frog bite had turned out rather nasty and though it didn't bleed much or even really hurt, it had turned an odd greenish shade that definitely didn't look healthy.

Gillespie had tried to send him down to the on-site nurses at the ministry to get it checked out, but truthfully, James didn't much trust anyone but Raigan to tend to his injuries anymore. And it hadn't felt like a dire situation so he waited.

"Oh," he said. "I caught a guy selling an enchanted muggle toy this morning. Stuffed frog. It bit me."

Raigan pushed herself up and reached for his hand. She pulled it close to her face to examine and then said, "Give me a minute," and she got out of bed to go look for something.

James smiled it himself when he had gone because somehow, he knew this meant that Raigan would be alright too. Always a little hurt maybe, but not broken forever.