Even a worm will turn. Marley used to tell me that all the time. The expression, a favorite of hers she claimed to have gotten from the old man who lived in my apartment before me, was one she had used to make fun of me when we were little, and a way for Marley to remind me of what she thought of my passive disposition. Marley always said I was too nice for my own good. Too meek and acquiescent. But she always said that eventually, even I would turn. Even worms can only take so much. Everyone has a breaking point. Some of us are just better at hiding when we've reached ours.

"Izzy, come pick rooms!" Emma's shrill command had been the start of my unprecedented panic. The request, innocent and almost kind, should have sent the same spark of joy through me that I saw glimmering in my twin sister's eyes. But it didn't. Instead, a sharp twinge of fear and worry traced my veins as I turned towards her and the rest of my family that followed her. She stood on the stairs grinning at me, Finley standing beside her, his own childish excitement just barely more contained than his little sisters.

It should have been reassuring to see how happy and content they were here. If they can feel comfortable, why shouldn't I? Their happiness should have made me feel better. But it didn't.

Finley waved me over from the bottom of the stairs, a cheshire cat grin on his face. "We're gonna pick rooms then we'll take you out to the slopes." He said, glancing behind me, I assumed towards Logan, who I saw smile and nod out of the corner of my eye, a similar look on his face to Finley.

Of all my brothers, Finley and Logan looked the most alike. Most of the time, they looked more like twins than me and Emma did, which I supposed wasn't hard to do considering me and my twin looked almost nothing alike. I'd noticed a few weeks ago, while occupying myself with minuscule observations as Emma rambled on about some boy at school I couldn't care less about, that my sister shared a lot of features with our brothers, specifically the oldest two. With their matching blue-ish gray eyes and dark brown hair, it was unmistakable that they were siblings, and the rest of my family didn't fall too far behind either.

With the exception of Henry, of course, who as far as I could see didn't share much of a resemblance with any of our siblings. I suppose me and him had that in common at the very least. Neither of us fit the mold. But I doubted he thought about that fact half as much as I did. I jumped when I felt two hands grab my shoulders from behind. A spike of panic brought me back from my moment adrift as I tilted my head backwards to see Logan standing behind me, his expression more curious and scrutinizing than it had been a moment ago.

I realized quickly that I had gotten lost again. Although, one could argue that you can't lose what you've never found. I sighed, my gaze ticking from one sibling to the next, taking in their similar looks of worry, curiosity and confusion. Jace had appeared beside Finley at some point during my lapse, Liam and Nolan not too far behind him. My pulse quickened in embarrassment and frustration. They all watched me like I was a puzzle that couldn't piece together. I felt small under their gazes. Like a worm that couldn't turn.

"Sorry," I signed quickly, turning towards Logan, whose hands remained firmly on my shoulders, keeping me in place like an anchor in space.

Logan shook his head, clearly rejecting my attempt at reconciliation and nodded towards Finley and Emma standing on the stairs. "Go up the stairs. Pick rooms." He said, a blatant attempt to distract me from the situation, as I'd once overheard-overheard being relative, considering I couldn't hear much of anything, even when I had my hearing aids in. Most of what I heard was when they thought I wasn't listening or couldn't hear them-Teo tell Logan to do, when I 'had an episode'.

I hated that term. It made me feel like an anomaly. Like I had already lost what little sanity I had left. I hadn't told Teo that though. The worm doesn't turn unless it has to, and if you ask me, that is almost never.

"Izzy?" Emma's voice cut through the beat of silence that followed Logan's instructions. All of my brothers, with the exception of Tyler, were now watching me. I was all too aware of how quickly the room had filled. They all watched me, like they always did, they all waited for me to respond, like what I said or did next would mean something.

"Okay," I signed quickly, pulling out of Logan's grasp, swallowing the increasing panic and discomfort rising in my throat and scurrying past the onslaught of people and gazes filling the room. My cheeks were red with embarrassment, but I tried not to let it show as I followed Emma up the stairs and towards the hallway, where I assumed the bedrooms were. A clump of emotion settled inside my throat but I shoved down what I could, hoping it would all disperse soon, like it usually did.

Emma was rambling about something as we walked down the hall. Something about how things had been done in years past. How me being here changed things. I didn't tune in to what my sister was saying. I didn't see much use in doing so. My eyes darted around the house as we walked, taking in the clean, simple decorations lining the walls, making me once again think of the home magazines that'd once littered the floor of my Brinley apartment. I tried to ignore the bitter wave of nostalgia rushing through me at the unpleasant memory.

"Me, you, and Finn are gonna share a room this year." This caught my attention enough to turn towards my sister, who slowed to a stop in front of one of the final doors in the long hallway. She was grinning again, the excitement and joy resettling in her features. In one swift motion, she pushed the door open revealing a crisp, pristine looking bedroom that looked like Martha Stewart herself had had a hand in decorating it.

The walls were clean and white, adorned with images of the mountain that I could see peeking out from behind the matching white curtains draped in front of the window. A desk a dresser sat on one side of the room, looking so perfect, I feared I would ruin them if I wasn't careful. But those things weren't the first to catch my attention. No, the first and only things I registered in that beautiful, perfect, picturesque room were the two twin sized beds sitting in the middle of the room.

Two beds. Three people.

The solution was clear. And it made my skin crawl with discomfort and anxiety.

"Where will all three of us sleep?" I signed, already knowing the answer. Emma shrugged. "I guess you and I can share a bed. Or you and Fin," I inhaled sharply at the tail end of her suggestion, but she didn't seem to notice.

"I've been told I'm pretty annoying to share a bed with. Apparently people don't like it when you kick them in their sleep." She rolled her eyes, flashing a small, amused grin in my direction. I didn't reciprocate. I didn't even try.

"Me and Finely?" I signed shakily.

Emma nodded. Perhaps my fear was more well hidden than I'd give myself credit for. Or maybe she was choosing to ignore it. But either way, she didn't seem to let it bother her. "Yup, I guess so." She shrugged, turning back towards the other side of the room, and away from me. A lump formed in my throat.

It felt like I was trying to swallow a rock. I hadn't even entertained the idea of having to share a bed with anyone, not even Emma. It had been years since I'd shared a bed with someone. I could barely remember the last time I even shared a room with someone, prior to Logan's stay on my floor a few nights ago, and even that had made my blood pressure spike too high and my heart beat too fast. My stomach constricted with sudden fear as I stared at the empty, pristine bed sitting in front of me, with hardly enough room for two people to sleep comfortably. We would be close. Too close. My throat tightened as I stared at the bed, as if my gaze could make it grow, or make it disappear.

My heart slammed ruthlessly against my ribcage, making me feel physically ill as the painful sensation resonated through my whole body. I tried to swallow the lump. It swelled in my throat like a kitchen sponge, absorbing any air I tried to push towards my lungs. The world began to blur in a spinning motion, as I grappled with my surroundings to find something else to focus on other than the suddenly shrinking bed. I tried to swallow. I tried to breathe. I tried to think. I tried to be okay. But I hadn't been able to do any of those things in a very long time. I suddenly felt a pressure on my shoulders, shoving me down until my thighs connected with something underneath me, hands gripping onto my wrists almost desperately as someone tried to pull me from the depths of the rabbit hole I'd fallen into.

"Izzy," A soft voice cut through the blaring noise ringing in my ears. "Izzy, take a deep breath and focus on me," I didn't even try to match the voice to a face yet. It didn't matter who it was. All that mattered was that it was working. "Slow, deep breath, Belle," I did as they said as best I could, taking in a shaky gulp of air that slid down my throat like molasses. It hurt, but one painful breath was better than the none at all I'd managed to collect just a moment ago. "Good girl. That's it. Slow, deep breaths, I'm here baby, I'm here,"

Logan. Of course it was Logan. It was only ever Logan. I would only ever want it to be Logan. Selfish as it seems. I opened my bleary eyes, looking down at my brother crouched in front of me with that same, unwavering look of worry etched into his features.

"Hi baby," He said softly, forcing the tiniest of smiles onto his face. I didn't bother to hide my frown as I swiped a string of tears off my cheeks. I breathed in again slowly. It hurt just as much. I took in a few more before I dared to look at my brother again. He was on his knees in front of the bed, two hands holding me under my arms to keep me upright in my seated position. I could see Emma's blurry figure in my peripheral vision, but I didn't need to see her face to imagine what her expression was; confusion, shock, worry, sorrow. The same as always.

Always the same emotions. Always with the same validity.

"Izzy, are you alright now?" Logan asked. I just stared at him for a moment. I wasn't alright. I never was, but this was hard to hide. All the bad inside of me was stitched into my skin, woven into the tears in my eyes and the air in my lungs. I frowned, and almost shook my head. But I knew better than to think that was what he wanted to hear.

I nodded my head slowly, gently taking his hands off of me, unable to bear the feeling of his warmth when I knew that I was lying to him. It was for his own benefit, but still, I didn't deserve the comfort or warmth of someone who I'd just lied too. Logan frowned deeply, sitting back on his heels.

"What happened?" He asked softly. My gaze rested on him for a minute more before I shook my head, turning my head away as I wiped away another onslaught of tears running down my cheeks. They burned my skin like acid as they dripped down my chin, but I ignored the pain as best I could. "Baby, talk to me, please," He tried to catch my gaze but before he could, I turned my body sideways so I didn't have to see his face anymore.

Emma stood motionless on the other side of the room. After a beat of silence, she slowly found her way towards the door, leaving me and Logan alone.

Logan, my savior, my protector, my kryptonite. He wanted me to talk.

They always did. But they didn't understand what they were asking me to do. They weren't prepared for what would come out if I dared to try and make sense of my feelings aloud. I couldn't explain what I didn't understand, and I was certain I wouldn't ever understand the things they so desperately wanted to hear.

"Isabelle, tell me what happened," His voice was soft and pleading, like it was a last ditch effort to climb another impossible wall. The truth was, I had no idea what happened. I never did. One minute I felt fine, or as fine as I ever felt. The next minute, I can't breath and my head is spinning, and whatever made me feel like that in the first place bleeds into the whirlwind of emotions inside of me.

The bed. I knew it was the bed. But that was all I knew, besides the fact that I couldn't give Logan the explanation he was looking for.

We sat in silence for a while. Then, without a sound, Logan stood up, leaned down to press a gentle kiss to the top of my head and left the room to join the rest of our family down stairs, leaving me all alone in the bedroom all alone. And suddenly, it was quiet. And empty. And suddenly I was alone.

Completely and utterly alone.

And for once, I thanked my lucky stars for the hollow feeling that settled in my chest.

THE WORLD THAT WAS MINE

"Are you sure you're feeling well enough to try this?" Jace asked skeptically as he strapped the boots onto my feet tightly. I'd tried and failed to get them on myself a little while ago, but evidently, I was bad at all things snow related, the attire included. I shrugged, staring down at my foot intently to avoid looking at my brother. He sighed, tugging the laces snuggly around my calf in an effort to keep the shoe from sliding clean off my foot. The only pair we could find for me before vacation happened to be a set of hand-me-downs someone had dug out of the attic sometime last week.

They were in good condition, and would serve their intended purpose, but they were at least two sizes too big and ugly as sin, with the army green and neon orange color combination covering them. Tyler assured me that next year, we would make sure I had boots of my own, since this wouldn't be the last Christmas I would be skiing with them, as he had put it.

He had seemed so certain when he said it. So sure that things would be better next year, that I would be better next year. I suppose his optimism was admirable, but I couldn't help but feel a little sad for Tyler knowing that there was a chance better wasn't in my future. "Iz, if you don't want to ski today, I totally understand. No one would hold it against you if you wanted to just stay here and chill out." Jace said with a hint of warning in his tone.

My hearing aids were still firmly in place in my ears, despite the brain numbing headache they were giving me. Tyler, of course, had insisted that if I was going skiing with my siblings that I had to wear them on the mountain, to make sure I was safe and able to follow instructions. It was a logical reason, of course, but that didn't numb the growing bitterness I felt towards my older brother with every moment of pulsating pain.

He'd been the first of my brothers to come and check on me after my panic attack earlier this afternoon. He had tried, to no avail, to get me to talk to him, and though eventually I relented enough to assure him I was alright, I'd mostly managed to avoid any clear answer to the question he and everyone else kept asking me; what happened? What didn't happen was probably an easier question.

Luckily, I hadn't needed to avoid Tylers pressing for long, because a few minutes into his attempted interrogation, a woman had come into the room and introduced herself as the elusive aunt I had heard about earlier today. Kasey was nice. I could tell that from the first moment I'd met her, after she'd come in announcing that she was saving me from the scrutiny of my older brother. The way she'd smiled when he scowled at her for her cheeky comment had reminded me of Marley. I liked her. I liked her a lot. Maybe too much.

"What do ya say, kiddo? Me and you, stay here in the heat, drink hot chocolate and watch a movie?" Jace tapped my knee to get my attention when I didn't answer him right away. He was trying to act like everything was normal. They all were. And they were all failing miserably. I looked down at Jace. The heavy glint of worry in his eyes betrayed the smile on his face. I sighed and shook my head.

"Maybe tomorrow." I signed in compensation.

Jace's smile faltered but he nodded slowly and stood up, offering me his hand so that I could do the same. I hesitantly took it and allowed him to pull me onto unsteady feet. The boots really were too big, but I guess they would have to be for right now. It wasn't the worst thing I'd dealt with today, and it wouldn't be the worst thing on this vacation for certain.

"Well actually, miss birthday girl, we have some very special plans for tomorrow, and unfortunately staying held up in the cabin all day is not part of that plan," He wiggled his eyebrows at me, and I couldn't help the small, weak smile that stretched on my face at his feeble attempts at making me laugh, even if laughing was the very last thing I felt like doing right now. Jace grabbed two hats off the table behind him and began securing them on my head as snugly as he had done with the boots. "Unless of course, that's what you want to do, honey. Then, we will happily oblige." He muttered more to himself than to me.

I had almost forgotten it was my birthday tomorrow. It didn't mean much to me, but I knew it was a big deal to Emma and the rest of our family. They kept saying they wanted to celebrate me, and even though I couldn't for the life of me tell you why, I wouldn't be the one to put up an argument.

Jace tugged the second hat over my ears, making sure to secure my hearing aids underneath, and handed me a pair of waterproof gloves to slip on as he gave me a gentle push towards the front door, where Nolan, Liam, and Henry stood in a circle, dressed in similar gear to mine, minus Henry, who was still in the same clothes as earlier.

Nolan smiled when he saw me. "Hey kiddo, you ready to get out of here?" He asked softly. Everyone was waiting for me. Emma and the rest had gone outside 20 minutes ago, saying that they all needed to help pack the car and get themselves ready.

I knew they wanted to give me space. I could see it on their faces when they pushed my sister out the door while she protested, and directed their words solely towards me. They thought they were doing me a favor. They thought they were doing something good for me. And I guess they were. In a very unconventional, and unwanted sort of way. I never asked them to leave me alone. I never wanted them to either. But I didn't say that. I didn't say anything. I shrugged, trying to bend my hands enough to be able to tug the gloves over my stiff fingers.

I saw Nolan and Jace share a look over my head. I chose to ignore them. I didn't need to see their faces to know what they were saying to one another. It was always the same thing anyway. Liam smiled softly and gently took the gloves from my hands and cautiously slid them on for me so I didn't have to struggle anymore.

"It'll be better when you're more used to the cold. I promise. And when we get back, you can take a long hot shower to warm up, okay?" He whispered just to me.

I nodded automatically, only half listening to what he was saying to me as his hands worked over mine to slide the glove onto my icy fingers. I wondered briefly if there was any danger of my fingers falling off, like in the movies, if I managed to get cold enough. With the warm clothes and extra layers, it seemed unlikely, but not impossible. The idea was worth entertaining for at least a little while.

"Henry, you should really come with us, you know?" Jace prodded at his twin, who rolled his eyes, clearly unimpressed with the former's attempt to get my most mysterious brother to spend some time with us.

"I don't do snow," He scoffed haughtily. Henry looked down at me, his eyes scanning over my layers of clothing and rosy cheeks. He frowned "And I don't do the cold either. You all are crazy for going out there in this weather." He said bitterly, as if someone had told him he wasn't allowed to come with us.

"It's not that bad out," Liam said seriously, brushing off his little brother's snippy comments. "And there's no better place to be when it's cold than the peak of a beautiful mountain."

"Actually I can think of several better places to be. Namely, inside."

It was Nolans turn to roll his eyes. "Whatever, H just scrounge up some dinner for us while we're out, yeah?" He put one hand on my shoulder and began gently guiding me past Liam and Henry and towards the front door, Jace following closely behind us, laughing at something Henry had said that I hadn't heard.

Soon enough, I found myself shoved in the back seat, beside Logan and surprisingly Tyler who apparently was taking a turn in the back seat with us so that Nolan and Jace could sit up front 'like real grown ups' as they'd put it. Emma was in the way back with Finley and Liam who were squashed like sardines in a can because someone had come up with the idea that we should only take one car down to the mountain-Kasey had left an hour ago, apparently so that she could call her boyfriend without our entire family breathing down her neck while she did so. I didn't blame her for wanting privacy.

"Everyone all set?" Nolan asked from the front seat. Everyone nodded, but I hesitated before shaking my head. I had forgotten my hearing aids case and I didn't want to risk them getting lost or broken should I have the chance to take them out before we got back.

Before anyone could ask me what I had forgotten, I practically jumped over Logan, pushing the door open in the process and landing expertly on my feet on the solid ground underneath me. I rushed off into the house, not wanting to keep anyone waiting, shoving open the front door and racing up the stairs and into the bedroom I'd already spent most of our vacation cowering within.

After only a second of searching, I found the blue protective case on my bedside table and shoved it into my jacket pocket, running back out of the room at full speed, so quick that I didn't have time to stop before I slammed into someone's torso like a wrecking ball. Two hands instantly reached out to steady me as I rocked backwards towards the hardwood floor underneath me.

"Easy, easy," Henry commanded, holding me up right. I planted my feet and looked up at him apologetically, taking my hands out of my pockets so that I could keep my balance on my swaying feet. My head reeled from the impact it had encountered slamming against Henry's chest, but I still somehow managed to sign a profuse apology as he stared down at me with confusion and slight anger. "What did you forget?" He asked, clearly having deducted the reason I'd come back inside at lighting speed. His hands were still on my upper arms, but I didn't shake him off as I reached into my pocket and pulled out the case.

He nodded in understanding, his gaze suddenly turning softer and more curious. He made sure I was standing up right before he dropped his hands from my arms. I took a step back, but didn't immediately bolt for the stairs, mainly because he was blocking the necessary path and I had no intention of pushing past him or trying to go around him. His gaze scrutinized me, like I was an alien species in front of him. I supposed I might as well have been. I'd only met him a few times since I had moved here, and none had been notable enough for the two of us to be more than acquaintances, if that at all.

Strangers who shared DNA. Though one could suggest that's all any of my family was all but a few months ago.

"You had a panic attack earlier," He stated, like it was a conclusion he had come to and not a fact. I nodded slowly, eyes darting from side to side to look for an escape. He crossed his arms over his chest, staring down at me with a borderline angry expression. I wondered for a moment what I had done. How I could have possibly made him mad when I'd barely moved an inch in the last several minutes. Sure I had run into him, but one could hope he was a more rational man than to be mad about that. But often, rationality and anger were mutually exclusive, and I feared this may have been true this time too. I shrunk into myself-the worm took over. The worm always takes over when a shadow is cast on her-and stepped back again, my gaze sticking to the floor between us rather than my brother's face.

"You look exhausted," He made another statement, this one just as undeniable as the first. I nodded again, wary and unsure of where this was going. He leaned down to get a better look at my face. I flushed in embarrassment and curled my arms around my stomach as I shifted my gaze to the wall instead of the floor. I sucked in a sharp breath of fear and discomfort when his fingers grazed my chin and ever so slightly moved it so I was looking right at him. But he wasn't quite looking at me. He was looking through me. Like he'd seen all he needed to see of me for the time being.

"Way too exhausted for a 12 year old," He muttered, a small amount of venom seeping into his voice, like somehow, my exhaustion made him angry. "And they want you to go skiing." It was clear now that Henry wasn't talking to me. He hadn't been from the start.

His jaw clenched as he moved his hand away from my face. "Do you even want to go? Or are they forcing you?" He asked, the anger in his voice more thinly veiled than it had been before. I shrunk even further, staring up at him with a mixture of uncertainty and surprise. Of all the ways this conversation could have gone, this was far from what I had expected. He was angry. I had assumed his anger was directed at me, but it almost seemed like his anger was aimed at someone entirely different; our family. His face was twisted into a scowl, jaw still clenched and arms still crossed.

Naturally, I shrunk even further into myself, feeling about the size of a worm in comparison to Henry. He didn't react to my retraction, but I saw a flicker of discontentment in his eyes as he watched me. "They're not forcing me," I signed, unsure if he would even understand me. He frowned, giving me the answer to my question. "Why are you mad at them? I signed again, knowing he couldn't answer my unspoken question.

His frown deepened. "What are you saying?" He whispered to himself.

I frowned right back and glanced behind Henry at the staircase that he was still blocking the way too. He glanced over his shoulder too, like he was just remembering how we'd ended up where we were. He exhaled loudly, shaking his head. "Izzy, come on!" I heard Tylers impatient voice cutting off the momentary silence between me and Henry. I had forgotten they were waiting for me. Henry didn't move. Neither did I. The door creaked down the stairs, but I didn't see Tyler enter the foyer so I assumed he had gone back outside. Henry regarded me with steel cold eyes for a second longer.

"You don't have to, you know. Tell them you're okay if you're not," He muttered softly. "It won't do you any good. I promise you that." He stepped aside to give access to the stairs, and after a moment of quiet consideration, I slowly made my way down, glancing over my shoulder cautiously to see Henry retreating down the hall towards the bedrooms.

The front door was ajar, a sign that I hadn't imagined Tyler's presence a few minutes ago. I stumbled outside, dazed and off put by my conversation with Henry.

My heart was in my throat, an inexplicable emotion rushing through me like a tidal wave. An odd feeling settled in my chest. A sick, muddled feeling that made me feel more human than I had in a very long time.

The world is full of unexpected occurrences. Unexpected, unpredictable, unwanted things that remind you of how little control you truly have over it all. Things you can't foretell or plan for. The good and the bad alike. And the unexpected good is always something to treasure and something to hold onto for as long as you can.

Because in this world it will always be few and far between.

A/N-My gift to you is the Izzy/Henry scene you've all been wanting for so very long :))

So what did we think? What do we predict? Did Henrys attitude surprise you? Did anything else surprise you? Tell me your thoughts please I want to know what you all think!! Also, I know that Izzys getting a little annoying with the way she acts but I promise, it is intentional on my part and serves a purpose in the end.

The purpose of this chapter was to remind everyone that there are parts to Izzys past that we don't know about yet (Well I do but that's beside the point) I've sort of hinted at the idea very vaguely in the past, but with what Izzys going through, I thought it might be a decent time to start to reveal some more of what had made Izzy the way that she is now.

Soooo anyway, I'm back at least for now and I'm going to try my absolute hardest to update more often because I'm actually the worst author ever and I'm so sorry I suck at this so much. I miss you guys and talking with you and writing for you but school is just so stressful and I keep thinking I know what I'm doing but then something happens and I realize I really really don't. But I'm getting it under control better than I have in the past few months so hopefully with the right steps I can make this work and do this for you and for me because writing and publishing work is one of my favorite things in the world.

Also side note who else has mid terms this week? Anyone else feel like they're dying? No? Just me? Okay