Entangled Souls
It wasn't midnight anymore, it wasn't dawn either, a momentary transition, and Anirudh was half seated on his bed, his eyes closed and head held back, lost in deep contemplation.
Where did he go wrong?
How could Bondita not understand his emotions?
How was she deviating from the path that was meant for her?
But, was she meant for the path too?
Was he imposing his ideas on her?
Was she...
Anirudh couldn't think anymore, as a nagging throb inside his head made him feel dizzy.
If he had been imposing his ideas on her, then he'll have to apologise...
Or else...
He had sank back in his pillow, the sleep felt restless, agonizing, and along with it was the agony of his broken leg... to which he felt oblivion all these time.
His eyes were fixated at the slowly rotating ceiling fan, and if he could have had supervision, then he would probably have been able to see the reason of his heartache lying inside their bedroom, just above his head, and in the exact same pose as him.
Anirudh got up from the bed and dragged his casted leg down.
The night hadn't treated Bondita well too. For a long time, she had buried her face in the pillow shedding tears.
How could he do this to her?
How could he accuse her of a crime that she hadn't committed?
She did try to seduce him unknowingly that night, at the picnic, inside the tent, but he too had responded. How could he just pin it on her entirely?
And, vulnerability? Was she not vulnerable at that moment, too?
Bondita sat upright, her head still cupped in her hands, and as she finally looked up, with a loud sigh, her eyes fell on the political science textbook that lay abundant on her study table, in need of an immediate attention.
Her eyes had narrowed. It's been more than two weeks that she hadn't touched them, her books, and the moment this realisation dawned upon her, she felt a cold sweat sweep down her spine, the examination chills!
Getting down from the bed, she touched the book, running her fingers through its cover, before she sank down on the chair to flip through it's pages, her mind slowly able to divert from the emotional crisis that her heart had experienced that night. It was the perfect distraction!
The night was thickening, and around quarter past two, standing outside the half closed door of the second floor bedroom, Anirudh heard his wife reading aloud, the difference between a Democracy and a Republican form of government.
He smiled, the sharp pain in his leg much bearable, suddenly!
........................................................
Batuk was getting ready for college, hurrying his way out.
"Boudi... Boudi... My breakfast!" He almost shouted his lungs out standing outside the kitchen window.
"Stop yelling."
Batuk turned around to find Bondita standing behind him, with Rudhi in her arms, a feeding bottle pressed to her tiny lips.
"Boudi I'm getting late... What's for breakfast!" Batuk asked enthusiastically, sitting down at the dining table, and checking his bag for a few last minute arrangements.
"Make your own." Bondita replied plainly and turned to leave.
Batuk looked up.
"But..." He was suddenly dumbfounded.
"How can I... I mean, it's your kitchen... and, Mani Kaki?"
"She called in sick. And, this is your house too, so how is this only my kitchen?" She looked away. "And, guess what, I probably have some world savings to focus on, so make your own food, all of you." She had forced on the last three words of her sentence.
Batuk had a gaping expression, his frown reflecting his cluelessness. He wasn't prepared for this early morning squabble, and was incognizant to this sudden bitterness of his sweet natured sister-in-law. He simply let out a sigh and got up from the table.
"Here!"
Bondita kept a glass of milk infront, noisily.
"It's alright, I'll eat in the..."
Bondita didn't respond, instead she rolled her eyes at her baby, who was gurgling the milk in her mouth playfully.
"You dare not do that again young one", she snapped, "else I'm going to put you down right here!"
The baby was staring at her mother's large eyes, before she pouted her lips, almost prepared to break into loud wails.
Batuk gulped, his eyes shifting from the brawling baby to her raged mother, and without any further dissention, he quickly chugged the milk in one breath and almost ran out of the house.
Rudhi started screaming loudly.
.......................................................
Around midday, after attending three consecutive classes in an empty stomach, Bondita started to feel nauseous. It was after long twelve days that she had drove to her college, and the immediate urgency of catching up on her pending lessons made her focus a little more than necessary.
"Won't you eat?" Beenapani was happy to see her friend. She too, was sitting beside Bondita inside the library, helping her with the pending notes.
"I'm not hungry."
The unnecessary rudeness that she had showered on Batuk and the baby that morning made her feel guilty.
"Are you alright?"
Beena asked.
"Why won't I be."
Bondita's eyes were still buried in the pages of the book, the whole world suddenly started to appear bleak, meaningless. She hadn't even seen Anirudh that morning, and had quietly kept his medicines on the dinning table with a simple note for Trilochan.
'Respected KakaSasurji,
I'm going to college. Rudhi is sleeping. His medicines are on table, blue one before food and the two white ones after. Mani Kaki has called in sick.'
She hadn't undersigned, at that moment, she didn't feel the need to. But sitting inside the library and recalling her unnecessary hastiness, she felt another sharp pang of guilt conscience overwhelming her mind.
"Beena, can I come with you to your place after college today." She had suddenly asked, her words were a little wet, and Beena couldn't help but place a caring hand on hers, pressing her gently.
"What happened Bondita, you can tell me." Her voice had a sense of compassion, tearing the last veil of Bondita's self restraint, her eyes pouring down the pain that her heart had bored.
She was a strong woman, composed, caring and ready to face the vastness of the world ocean, and Anirudh was her boat, her steady constant. She could fight the entire world with him by her side, but even a slightest quake in that boat of love had the capability of rocking her whole existence upside down.
Bondita was weeping silently, and Beena had held her hands in a gentle compassion.
"Tell me when you are ready." Beena sighed. "Is it Anirudh?"
Bondita nodded her head, at that moment completely oblivious to the fact that even her dearest friend wasn't aware of the true identity of her husband.
Beena had meant the young handsome lecturer, who had smitten Bondita with his magnetism, and Bondita thought the reference to be directed to her personal life, her husband.
"I knew it... I knew he would hurt you." Beena clenched her jaws and pressed her hands tighter in camaraderie, and Bondita although frowned at her words, didn't object.
"Anirudh looked too good to be true, and I'm glad you have finally understanding your true calling."
By 'true calling' Beena meant the old man whom she had identified as her friend's husband, however, what Bondita's muddled mind registered was the 'bigger picture' that Anirudh had lectured her the night before.
"What if I'm not prepared Beena... What if I don't want it?"
Tears were rolling down her cheeks.
"What do you mean by you don't want?" Beena blurted out. "he is your destiny Bondita... he is the one for you."
Again, by 'he' Beena referred to the old man and Bondita thought it to be Anirudh.
"He was really mean to me last night." Bondita had finally shedded off all her inhibitions and cried like a child.
"I can tell no one... I have no one to confide to", her words were a stutter and Beena felt a wretch in her heart.
"Anirudh should understand... He shouldn't get away with this." She was sighing and Bondita looked up, confused at this sudden change of opinion. Just a moment ago, she said Anirudh was her destiny, and now she wanted him to suffer? Bondita couldn't think much, as a sharp infliction in her stomach was making things a little difficult for her to comprehend.
"But, I love him Beena... How can I see him suffer?"
What Beena meant was the suffering that the handsome lecturer Anirudh should receive for playing with her friend's emotions, however, what Bondita understood was that Beena wanted her husband to suffer for hurting her, and his suffering would mean her own pain in turn.
"How can you still love him? Didn't you already have enough?" Beena had held Bondita by her shoulders, shaking her into realisation, both dwelling in different realms of reality.
"Beena he's my life... I'll always love him... I know he has hurt me, but, it doesn't mean my love for him would diminish! I probably won't seize loving him even after I'm dead."
Bondita wiped her eyes, as the nagging pain inside her abdomen increased all of a sudden. She prepared to leave, a little taken aback by this sudden rage of her friend on her husband.
"I can't believe this!" Beena followed her out, into the openness of the campus,
"How can you love him like this and not be guilty even a bit?"
Beena sighed in vexation, at the outrageous proclamation of extramarital courtship, and Bondita sighed at the futility of explaining her heartbreak to her friend.
Why on earth would she ask her to stop loving her own husband?
How was that even justified?
Bondita and Beenapani stood there, in silence, staring at each other, an unwritten anger fuming in their hearts, an anger whose roots were based on a camouflaged cover, but it's branches had spread in two different directions, with no hints of any immediate convergence.
"What you are doing is wrong, Bondita... It would only increase your suffering! It's a sin!"
Beena had raised her voice as Bondita opened the door of her car before turning around.
"A sin? You are insane!" Bondita huffed.
"Why are you after my love, Beena, is it because you never got yours?"
The car door had slammed hard, and a teary eyed Bondita sped out of the campus, leaving Beenapani numb for a moment, before she sank down underneath the blooming Krishnachura tree, silent tears concealing the loud sound of her shattering heart.
"Beenu?"
A hand had pressed her shoulder, and she looked up slowly.
"Dada!"
She broke down.
...............................................................
Raimoti was standing by the large netted window in her room, as she saw Dr. Sarthaki Sen geared up his black motorcycle, speeding out of their large iron gate.
Raimoti was smiling. He hadn't made her moan the codes that morning, instead had placed two soft kisses, first on her forehead, and next on her nose, making her look away bashfully. His eyes were intensified on hers, and as his lips had inched closer, a loud shattering sound emerging from the adjacent study room had made them jump, startling them both in unison.
He had rushed to that room at once and came back with a crumpled chit wrapped around a small uneven stone.
"Your comrades?"
Raimoti had asked, as he nodded, his eyes narrowing down on the letter.
"I've to go Rai." He had looked up at her, his eyes meeting hers in a plea.
"I need your help. Your father has some very influential biased British confidants. The ammunition and weaponry stored inside your basement would be used against the protestors of Non Cooperation moment, during their silent March this Sunday. And, Anirudh Babu's second court hearing is on Monday. He would probably be your father's target too." He had moved a little closer to her, his hands had picked up her hands, clutching them close to his chest.
"I need to do this by Saturday night, that is tomorrow, and it would be difficult to do this without you."
Her hands were now held near his lips, as he planted another kiss on her knuckles.
"Please... Consider once."
"Is Anirudh Babu aware of your plans?"
Her eyes were sharp, her face thoughtful.
"Yes... And, he's expecting you to keep his words, the letter..."
Satya didn't complete as they both heard footsteps nearing her room, the sound of shattering glasses might had attracted the attention of a servant in her household.
"I'll have to leave now. But I'll wait for your decision." He had let go of her hands and walked towards the door.
"Will I see you tonight?"
She asked, and witnessed a sudden change of expression in his face. His lips had quivered once, as he swallowed down an unsaid word.
"I'll come... Promise." He murmured instead.
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