Tanner

I feel strange like I've been stuck in a haze for the longest time. The fog is starting to lift, and I remember something. I remember a loud crash, pain, and darkness. I try to move my body, but it feels so stiff. It's hard to make my limbs do anything.

The frustration inside me starts to build, and I feel myself starting to panic. Then, I hear something- I've heard that noise before. What is that?

I hear it again. It's not a noise but a voice. Someone is close by. They sound so sad. Are they talking to me?

The voice keeps talking, sounding sadder and sadder as she goes. Her words stop, and she makes a strange sound. Is she crying?

No, please don't cry, angel. Your voice is too beautiful to sound so sad. Please, don't cry.

The voice keeps saying, "Come back." She's so close. I have to find her. The haze is getting thinner. I have to keep trying. I have to get to the owner of that voice.

I'm fighting hard against my body, trying to win the battle, trying to move so I can comfort the angel who keeps speaking to me. That's when I feel it, something so soft, so sweet against my knuckles. The angel- she kissed me! I have to get to her!

I try to move again. This time, I win the battle. I feel my fingers twitch. The fog is almost gone now. I'm almost out of the darkness.

Come on, Tanner. One. More. Time.

I try to move again, and I do! I have control of my fingers. Now, it's time to see if I can open my eyes...

It's harder than moving my fingers, but I need to do this. I have to lay my eyes on the owner of that beautiful voice. I need to see my angel.

I try to open my eyes again. After what feels like a lifetime, they cooperate. My eyelids peel open, and I can see only brightness at first. I blink a few times, hoping this isn't a dream, praying that I'm truly doing this right now.

After the third blink, I see a face. It's a woman. My angel? She's beautiful, but she's been crying- I can tell by the redness in her eyes and the dried tears trailing down her face. I smile up at her- at least, I think I do. Then, I'm flooded with memories.

So many voices, talking to me, begging me to wake up. So many hands, holding mine, lending their strength to my ailing body. I've been unconscious. I left them all, made them worry for me. None more than the woman staring down at me.

No, no one tried harder than her. She stayed. Every day she was here. She fought for me, for us. My angel called me back from the darkness. Except, that doesn't sound right. Not my angel. No, that's not her name. She's my Jenna.

I look up at her and see the fresh tears starting to well. Oh, no, she's going to cry again! No, baby, don't cry. I'm back, and I'm never leaving you again! Jenna. Jenna, please. Jenna, don't cry.

I open my mouth to speak, but before the words can come out, a flurry of doctors and nurses rushes in. They start checking me over, shining bright lights in my eyes, asking questions, talking about tests and scans that need to be run.

It's overwhelming, and they're making me angry. They made Jenna move to a chair by the door. I didn't even have a second to talk to her before they bombarded me. All I want is to see my girl, talk to her, and hold her close.

I hear one of them tell Jenna she has to leave, that they need some space to check on me before I have visitors. That pushes me over the edge. I find my voice.

"No!" It comes out more ragged and weak than I hoped, but they all heard me.

One of the doctors turns to me. "Sir, we need to run some tests to check on you. We need to see if anything is going on that will affect your healing going forward."

He approaches me like a wild animal, one that's easily spooked. "We just need her to leave while we do this. We need- "

"No! Everyone out! Everyone, but Jenna!" I don't want to hear him anymore. There's only one thing I want, and I'm going to get it.

He looks at me for a moment, studying me, deciding if it's worth the fight. I win in the end. He ushers his staff out of my room, leaving me with the only person I care to see or hear right now.

Jenna carefully approaches my bed. Even now, looking worried and worn with dark circles under her eyes, she's gorgeous.

I swallow, trying to will my voice to be stronger. My eyes meet Jenna's, and I can't help but smile. "Jenna."

She covers her mouth as the tears start to fall. My girl rushes to my side, curling up in my open arms. Her head rests perfectly against my neck. I don't care that her tears are soaking my skin. The only thing that matters is that I have my girl in my arms again. She called me out of the darkness. She called me home.

"Tanner, I was so scared. They didn't know if you were ever going to wake up," Jenna says through strangled sobs.

I try to soothe her as I plant kisses on top of her head. "Shhhh, baby. I'm right here. I'll always come back to you, Jenna. I'll love you forever, remember?"

I feel her pull away and look up at me. When I look down, she smiles as she cups my cheek. "I'll love you forever, Tanner. More than you could ever know."

A chuckle escapes my throat. "I think I have an idea."

Jenna's thumb strokes my face as I glide one hand up to her neck. I hold her there for a few minutes, memorizing her sweet face before pulling her close, stealing a far overdue kiss.

It's sweet and tender and lasts far shorter than I wanted it to, but it's enough to remind me where I am, that I'm alive and awake, and I'm right where I'm supposed to be. I'm here with the woman I love, holding her in my arms. And I never want to let go.

When we break the kiss, we sit there for a while, foreheads connecting as we breathe one another in, letting ourselves see that this isn't a dream.

Once her tears have stopped falling and she trusts that she's not imagining this, Jenna squeezes my hand. "They really do need to check on you, Tanner. They need to run some tests to make sure you're okay."

She's right, of course. I just hate the idea of being away from her right now. I just got back. She's the only person I want to see or deal with right now. But if it will ease my girl's mind, I'll do anything she asks.

I slowly nod, pulling her body a little closer, trying to prolong our moment just a little longer. "Okay, baby. I'll let them check me out."

Jenna plants a gentle kiss just under my jaw. "I'll go let them know. I'll be right back."

She breaks away from me and makes her way to the door. Before she opens it, she looks back at me, checking that I'm still here, that this is real. I smile back at her, promising not to go anywhere. She returns my smile with one of her own before disappearing out the door.

When she returns, there is a team of people behind her. They're the same ones from before, but I'm not angry and overwhelmed this time. I'm ready for whatever they have to do, even if it's only to make my girl happy. I'd do anything to make that happen.

~

It's been a few days since I woke up. When I finally let the medical team back into my room, they asked several questions, drew my blood, and insisted that I have some new scans done. I cooperated with everything they wanted.

After all the results came in, my primary doctor explained the findings to Jenna and me. Dr. Mullaly explained that the tests all came back normal. The scans all showed that there appeared to be no existing damage to my brain, and the concussion I sustained in the accident had completely healed.

He said I would still have to have additional testing done in the months to come and several more check-ups before he would even consider releasing me to play hockey again. He told us with my initial head injury, he has to be cautious, and he won't clear me to play again until he is 100% certain that I am out of harm's way.

That was a tough pill to swallow. I was pissed at first, but I understood where the guy was coming from after talking to Jenna. And knowing how uncertain everything was while I was unconscious, I can't put Jenna through that again. Not if there's a possibility that something small was missed, and my next concussion could be my end.

No, I won't do that to her. If it takes months and months of testing and scanning to make sure I'm safe to play again, so be it. If something comes up and I'm never allowed to play again, well, I'll deal with that too.

The important thing is, I'm alive- alive and awake. And I have my girl by my side and my team- my friends- my family at my back.

That's what they are- all of them. They aren't just my team or my friends. They're my family. The only real family I've ever had.