Jenna

I'm staring up at the building, petrified as the cab driver tells me my fare. I shake away the horrible memories of this place and pay my fee. I step out of the taxi and wipe away the rogue tear that's escaped my eye.

It's not the same. It's not the same.

Tanner is fine.

Breath Jenna!

I float wordlessly through the halls of the hospital, knowing exactly where to go. I've done this before. Tanner's doctor admitted him to the ICU, the same unit Justin was admitted to after his accident.

I'm having a horrible case of déjà vu. This is all too familiar. It's hard not to compare the two situations. There are too many similarities.

I can't do this again. I can't lose another person that I love.

The tears start to well again, and I try my best to keep them from falling. I try to tell myself it will be okay, that everything is somehow going to work out differently this time. I tell myself repeatedly that Tanner will be just fine. He's strong. He can survive anything. It's all going to be different this time around.

I won't lose him.

I can't.

I see the nurses' station just up ahead. Standing in front of the desk is Marcus, Tanner's agent. He's talking to the woman behind the counter. He looks the way I feel- like hell.

I pace closer to the desk. As I do, Marcus hears me and turns around. His eyes widen at the sight of me, and I can see the moisture starting to show in his reddened orbs.

Fuck! What have they told him? Is it bad? It can't be, right? Tanner's a fighter.

He has to be okay!

Just as I open my mouth to ask the question I dread hearing the answer to, another nurse comes over to us. She asks who I am, and I tell her, barely able to speak the words through my tight throat. She tells us that they just finished getting Tanner admitted, and his doctor will be through shortly to talk to us.

She gives us a sympathetic smile as she shows us to his room. "We normally only allow family back here, but since the two of you were his emergency contacts, we can let you see him."

I try to speak, but the words won't come. Marcus asks the question I cannot. "How is he?"

The nurse looks from me to Marcus. A wave of sadness showing in her eyes. "He's unconscious but stable. He hit his head pretty hard, but we're monitoring him closely. I'm afraid I can't say much more until his doctor arrives."

Unconscious but stable.

The words keep spinning through my mind.

Unconscious but stable.

So far, it's the one difference between the current situation and the one I lived through with Justin. He wasn't so lucky. Justin came in and was unconscious and unstable. He didn't stand a chance with the injuries he sustained.

Maybe Tanner really will be okay.

Marcus thanks the nurse as she tells us we've reached Tanner's room. My throat tightens up as I step inside. It's just like with Justin, machines, and tubes everywhere. Several different beeping tones are sounding around Tanner, letting us know he's still alive- for now.

I push the negative thoughts out of my head as I look down at the bed. Tanner is alive. That is what's important right now. He's still here, still fighting. We have to have faith in him. He will pull through. He will come back to us.

He has to.

I'm staring down at my battered, and bruised lover as Marcus slides a chair over to the bed for me. I whisper out a thank you before sitting down, grabbing Tanner's hand as I do.

He looks like hell, connected to IVs and machines everywhere, bruises on every inch of exposed skin, bandaged cuts on his face and arms. My poor baby went through the wringer. The tears start to fall as I sit there, stroking Tanner's hand, trying to will him awake.

Footsteps to my left alert me that Marcus has moved closer. He sets his hand on my shoulder and gives me a comforting squeeze. I don't have to look at him to know he's crying too.

Marcus is like a father to Tanner. After everything that happened with his parents, he needed someone to fill that role. And Marcus dutifully stepped in. Tanner told me about it one night when we lounged on the couch. He told me how Marcus was always more of a parent to him than his own. He'd always been there for Tanner, always answered the phone when he called, always tried to steer him in the right direction career-wise.

I imagine this is gut-wrenching for Marcus, watching your pseudo child suffer like this in a hospital bed. I know what that did to my mom, seeing Justin like that. It was hard on her even before he...

No! Don't think of that right now, Jenna. Tanner is stable! He's alive. He's not Justin. He's going to pull through. He's going to wake up.

I sniffle again, fighting another round of tears as my emotions start to get the better of me. A light knock on the door breaks me away from my dangerous train of thought.

I turn to see a doctor standing just inside the room. He nods politely and introduces himself. I let Marcus ask the questions, finding myself still unable to use my voice. We discover what happened.

The car Tanner was in was hit by a drunk driver, rolling the vehicle over in the middle of an intersection. The driver T-boned Tanner's car on the passenger side, near the back- right where Tanner was sitting.

He sustained several bruises and cuts but no broken bones. The worst of his injuries was a blow to his head. They think that the impact jerked Tanner's head into the passenger window, causing a concussion. If he hadn't been wearing his seatbelt, the doctor told us he likely wouldn't have survived the accident.

I let the information sink in as Marcus and the doctor talk about what to expect in the coming days and weeks. We're told that they are closely monitoring Tanner's brain function and, at this time, have no timeline of when to expect him to wake up.

The doctor, who I now know as Dr. Mullaly, looks from Tanner to me. "He's young and strong. We just need to help keep him stable until he's ready to wake up on his own."

I nod, giving Dr. Mullaly a tight smile as my hand squeezes Tanner's a little tighter. He answers a few more questions from Marcus before heading out of the room.

Just before he exits, he turns to look at us. "You can talk to him. We won't know until he wakes up if he was able to hear you, but it never hurts to talk to them. It may give him more reason to wake up."

Another stream of tears falls down my cheeks as Dr. Mullaly takes his leave. I look over at Marcus. He's taken the seat on the other side of Tanner's hospital bed, bracing his elbows on his knees, and his chin on his clasped fists.

After what seems like a lifetime, he looks up at me. "You should talk to him, Jenna. You're probably the only person he wants to hear right now."

My lip quivers as I try to keep myself from crying. I wipe the moisture from my eyes with the end of my shirt. My throat is still horribly tight, but I need to do this. I need to let Tanner know I'm here.

I swallow hard, hoping I've loosened up my throat enough to speak. Then, I lean forward, angling my face to his ear. I place a soft kiss on the side of his bruised cheek. As I pull away, I hesitate, just long enough to say what I need to.

"I love you, Tanner. Come back to me."