𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐑𝐄𝐃 𝐀𝐂𝐄 : 𝐀𝐋𝐈𝐁𝐈

❝ I'm bigger than my body❞

xxv. kicklighter: wish me a heart

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The dark abyss was extended from everywhere to everywhere as if it was an extension of enticing beauty. The millions of silver-plated stars were dancing on the night sky; the moon was proudly shimmering as if it was the only source of light in the whole wide world.

Under the night breeze, Jin was standing completely worn out. His jet black hair was gently moving and dark blue eyes were highlighted due to his fair skin; he was serene as if he belonged to the dusk.

His eyes traced the color pallets and the brushes his mother stroked on the canvas. His mother portrays art and sells them to make a livelihood. They both lived peacefully in a small cottage; even though they didn't meet any adequate needs of a proper family, they were content.

"My baby, I'm sorry. It was because of me that you can't even have a proper meal. If only these paintings could be taken to the cityside, maybe we will get more purchasers," His mother stated, her eyes were shining like diamonds under the rays of the moon. "Mother, it's fine. As long as I have you, and you have me, I need nothing else," he responded wiping her tears, smiling to ease her pain.

"What would I ever do without you?" her hands wrapped Jin's waist and pulled him closer, giving him the biggest hug ever recorded. "I promise you, one day we'll get rich. And then, help all those people like us," she tightened her grip on him.

The colours and combinations on the white canvas were vivid and vibrant, more than the wings of a butterfly. She retracted the hands hugging him and caught back the paintbrush, picturing the image in her mind and started to pen down them. "You see, Jin. Art wakes up the subconscious part of the human and lets him make dreams into wonder. Even though it's leisure and dreamy, to me art is a nightmare," she spoke, digging the bristles into black paint.

Jin sat down on the damp and greasy grass, watching his mother's face soften into a horrible expression. Old memories surfaced in her mind, thinking back into them made her skin crawl. The brush ran abstract through the canvas without any direction, they were rummaging the white like scribblings.

"Mother, please calm down," his juvenile voice uttered, wishing to keep his mother's state sane. She tossed her head on the canvas, gripping tight onto the brush. "I'm sorry, dear," she apologized once again. But, no, Jin didn't want to hear her apologizes, piling upon. He wanted to see her smile genuinely, not forced or excused. 

He wanted her to be happy. Such an innocent thing a child's heart is. It's like a plain, white, canvas too and it all depends on the colours his life threw on him, whether he will grow up to be a fine young man, or a fine young nightmare.

They both could hear the rustles on the grass as if a heavy foot was walking on it. Jin and his mother gazed in the direction where they heard the noise, a black silhouette was approaching them. The picture became clearer and clearer when he grew closer to them. His black leather shoe was breathing on the damp grass, he lowered his hat down slowly and looked at them.

The mother's face grew wider and wider.

"What the hell are you doing here, coward?" she yelled in anger. Jin looked up at his mother in fear, he has never seen her act in rage. The man seemed to be at the fault, with all his sulking frame and pleading cast. She threw the paintbrush on the ground, rushing to him and grabbed him by the collar.

"How dare you show your face to me after all you've done?" her voice knitted with agony screamed at his soul, his drowsy eyes looked down guiltily. "I'm sorry, my love. I know what I did, and that's why I'm here seeking your mercy. Tell me what should I do, to see you smile again?" his erring tone entreated.

"You left me alone with him, you coward! Throw your apologies in the trash can. You don't deserve any of my mercy," she cried out loud. Jin was motionless, he didn't know what he was supposed to do. "We were seventeen. Young and stupid. I shouldn't have left you, but the taste of money was too addictive. And now I understand, my love. Please come back to me," he stated.

"Please come back home."

***

Luxury, money, servants, gold, diamonds and what not? He was welcomed to a home that was beyond his young heart and mind. He didn't care about them though, it wasn't the goal he always seemed. He had what he wanted from the start but now, it seemed to change.

The one he wanted to be happy with, his mother, has changed abruptly. She gave into the trap of what money offers, spoiled and lost. She became the sole thing she despised, everything she never wanted to be. But, Jin still stayed the same, hoping that the old her would come back again.

There were many things that were buried deep inside her heart, many things she forgot, but the one thing which didn't change was the passion for her art. They were beautiful but hideous, only black and white were slashed on the canvas.

"I have been fooled again, Jin," the whiskey in her throat forced her to speak the words she refrained to show, the side she was afraid of the person she once was and becoming. "First, I fell in love with a madman who loved money. And once again, I fell back into his arms and all he wanted was you, my one and only son, an heir to his empire."

"You're the cause of all of it!" she banged her hands on the canvas, the black paint covered in her fists. Jin flinched at the sudden reaction, watching fireworks blasting in anger inside his mother's eyes. "If it wasn't for you, he would have only loved me! not a stupid spawn for an heir. I wouldn't have been fooled," she gritted her teeth, lugging Jin's hair. 

"M- Mother, stop," he screamed grabbing her arms. "It was you. It was all because of you!" she yelled like a madwoman, pulling his hair harder and hear him wail in pain. "You're an ugly painting, portrayed by the hands of the devil himself. No- No, I don't want to be your canvas. You're better off dead!"

"Mother. Please stop, you're hurting me!" this time his voice came out as a cry for help, drowned in fear and his eyes looking at her as if she was a psychopath. "Oh my, Oh my, darling. I- I'm sorry," she flipped a switch, transitioning into a sweet mother. She cried hysterically hugging back her son, "forgive your mother, please, my dear child."

This wasn't the last time he was her mother like this. This became an everyday scenario, but the more the days went, the more rotten was her heart. Her mood swings were drastic, her paintings were parched down into slithering. He understood one thing, she let him go when she noticed the fear in her son's child.

And Jin started to act as if he was afraid of her abuse, and his acting filled out more realistic each time. He started to change like the seasons, adapting to the shrill coldness and the warm summer. His mother's condition worsened, she became skinnier to the point she looked like a skeleton wrapped with a layer of skin. Her eyes were dim and grey, dark circles underneath. 

It was roughly 6 months since their life opened a new book, and Jin saw his own mother drenched in her own pool of blood, her wrists cut open and fresh wounds. Jin didn't quiver in fear, he was numb. He didn't have to act either, after all, there is no one around to watch his show.

"Oh, mother," he spoke emotionlessly walking next to her and sat down, brushing his hands on her pale cheek. He saw a canvas drenched in blood, his mother must have tried to paint this last drawing with her very own blood and flesh but, instantly died due to the heavy blood loss. "You became your very own end," he added gazing upon the painting.

It was a jail, souls trapped into the skeleton bones as they pleaded for freedom. The painting was nothing but, insanity. "This must be what your heart felt like, all this time," he inclined his head towards the canvas. "Then I will make your heart a reality mother, I will keep you breathing." 

"And I will stay in your heart, as you reside in mine."

──

❝ I'm colder than this house❞

+ the characters chap got deleted and 300 views were deducted. Idk how this happened :"") oh and they rhyme lmao. deleted deducted.