A not so nice thing however, was getting back there.

Despite what Anthony had claimed, by the time they'd reached his house and hurried inside, Lucius was out of breath and his limbs were somehow both numb and burning at the same time. It was almost infuriating how unbothered Anthony seemed to be by the cold, though at least his frown of concern was present for Lucius' sake.

"What happened?" Tom looked aghast at the sight of them, quickly aiming his attention at Lucius' condition. "First you willingly empty out your blood while heavily intoxicated, and now this? Do you want to die?"

"I've actually decided recently that I do not," Lucius muttered with a clenched jaw, wobbly legs making their way towards the drawing room. "So if you'll excuse me I'm gonna go throw myself into the fireplace."

"You will do no such thing." Tom seized his arm, quite pitifully as it made little difference regarding Lucius' stride forward. "Heating up your body quickly in a state like this could kill you."

"Is there anything I can do that will not kill me?" Lucius groaned. "I'm supposed to not be cold but can't warm myself up either?"

"Not with fire." Tom's shoulders slouched, and he gestured up and down. "First of all, you need to get out of those."

"Wow, what a shock."

"And warm yourself slowly." Tom's expression did not appreciate the sarcasm, but he promptly pulled Lucius' coat off. "With the same heat as your body should have."

All the other three in the room looked awkward, but Lucius who found his brain working awfully slow only gave Tom a tired frown.

"Such as?"

Tom adjusted his glasses with a look suggesting Lucius really was as slow as he felt.

"Body heat. Body to body."

It took some time, but the words finally seemed to make sense in Lucius' poor head.

"But..." he whispered, body feeling even colder than before.

"He shouldn't have to," Anthony whispered to Tom so no one would hear, which was unlikely since Lucius did, and Richard had the perk of being a werewolf. "He's not comfortable with intimacy."

"Well it's discomfort or potential death," Tom said, rather cold-heartedly while untying Lucius' boots. "And it certainly isn't helping that you're just standing around while he's still in those clothes. Now get going."

Anthony still looked awkward as Tom shoved him towards Lucius, and he received a frustrated sigh.

"Fine, Richard will do it."

Richard gawked at Tom.

"Why me?"

"Anthony's a coward and if you revert back, perhaps it's not as bad as human contact. Plus fur is warmer, but not so warm that it should hurt," Tom reasoned. "And I'm not doing it."

"No, I'll—" Anthony pursed his lips with a brief glance at Lucius, who couldn't quite follow the discussion. "I'll do it."

"Oh goodie," Tom concluded and turned around to mark the end of the conversation. "Lucius' bed is still a bloody mess, by the way."

"Right, so... We'll go to my room." Anthony's face was one big apology, and Lucius' lips trembled as they headed upstairs. His legs were heavy, and his mind spun around from pain and fright.

"Anthony, I—" He tried swallowing his distress, but all it resulted in was his words disappearing.

"I know, but we'll figure something out." Anthony squeezed his hand reassuringly, but Lucius had doubts.

Why, though?

They'd come further than that. He'd managed to disregard bad memories before. Anthony had never tried to push or abuse him, and Lucius had even managed to kiss him before without the past disturbing his mind.

He wrapped his arms around his cold body.

But it was different this time.

It was his body. His body, that people had wanted to change because it suited them better. That people had called 'wrong'. That people had demanded access to in so many ways, no matter how many times he'd said no.

"Here." Anthony snapped him out of his thoughts and held out a shirt from his wardrobe. Lucius had completely missed the fact that they'd entered his room. "I'll look away, so undress and put this on."

Lucius stared down at the shirt as he received it.

"I... Don't think I'm supposed to wear clothes."

"One piece of clothing shouldn't matter," Anthony argued, attempting a nonchalant shrug. "I... Don't want to ruin things between us for something like this."

Lucius managed a weak, shivering smile.

"Saving me from death?"

"Hurry up now," Anthony urged before turning around.

To Lucius' horror, his fingers weren't working. Just touching his coat burned, and as he reached the buttons on his waistcoat there really was no denying that he couldn't do it.

"... Anthony..."

Anthony cautiously turned his head to glance at him, quickly understanding the situation as Lucius begrudgingly held up his reddened hands, gaze averted to the floor.

"Oh..."

He walked over, and gently pushed Lucius' shoulder.

"Turn around." His voice was calming. "I promise, I'll look away as much as possible."

"I feel stupid," Lucius whispered as his waistcoat was removed. "It shouldn't be this difficult. Not now."

"Feelings tend to have their own will," Anthony said as he untied Lucius' cravat, but the latter shook his head.

"Feelings shouldn't exist if I don't want them."

"Yes, but... That's not how it works."

Anthony stepped away to fetch a thin blanket.

"I'll take off the rest, and then we'll dry you off with this."

Lucius sucked in a breath, but nodded slowly. His heart wouldn't stop racing as Anthony's hands grazed his cold skin, carefully sliding his fingers down the sides of Lucius' thighs to remove the pants, and then up over his ribs to pull the drenched shirt over his head.

Perhaps there was a moment of silence. Perhaps it was just what Lucius expected and somehow conjured in his head, not that his pounding heart would have allowed him to hear much to begin with.

Then the blanket landed over his shoulders, and he tried to let his breath of relief out as quietly as possible.

"I'm sorry, by the way," Anthony whispered as he began drying off Lucius' upper body. "See, that's another downside to being with someone like me. No matter how I try, I always forget the mortal limitations, and look what happens."

Lucius was still too shaken to answer, but he would have told him that even though some would beg to differ, he was an adult as well, and should be able to take care of himself.

He noticed Anthony's drying progress had come to a halt at the waist, and his face scrunched up.

"It's alright," he managed to croak, and let the blanket slip down to cover his lower body instead. "I can barely use my hands anyway."

Anthony still took a more gentle, cautious approach as he continued, especially around the hips and thighs, but at last it seemed like most of the merciless rain had disappeared.

"Let's go," Lucius said unceremoniously and turned towards the bed.

"What about the shirt?" Anthony said and held it out, and Lucius looked at it longingly, but ended up shaking his head.

"Upper body is— Well... Should be fine. I'll just wear the blanket like this."

Then he noticed the flushed look on Anthony's face, and amidst the storm of thoughts and feelings, he still had to narrow his eyes.

"... Did you look?"

"No," Anthony denied, a little too quickly, and Lucius sighed on the inside.

"I'm going to lie down," he said, heading towards the bed again. It seemed easier to leave the rest to Anthony.

"Right... I'm just... Gonna undress." Anthony took off his coat, and Lucius' face took a red turn as well. He hadn't even considered that part. He'd been so fixated on his own situation that it had completely escaped him that Anthony was in for the same thing.

"And you're... Alright with that?"

"I guess." Anthony's words lingered. "Are you?"

"Oh, uh... It's just... new." Lucius swallowed as he sat down on the bed. "But it's— I mean, it's necessary."

"Well, feel free to look away."

"Right..." Lucius nodded slowly, with no intention to heed the suggestion.

It was mostly out of curiosity. He'd rarely gotten a good look at someone's body. There had only been the occasional glimpses during washing at The Hydrina, and Phil had been very shy about it while they shared rooms. Watching Anthony undress, body glistening from remains of weather as well, felt like a whole different thing.

"I like your back," Lucius said, genuinely finding the sturdy frame impressive, and Anthony turned around with a pout.

"You are looking."

"You didn't say I couldn't." Lucius protested, pulling the bed's quilt closer to his skin. "And, well... You're nice to look at."

It was an embarrassing thing to say, Lucius admitted to himself, but it was true after all.

Anthony's reaction didn't correspond with the compliment, to Lucius' dismay. He undressed the rest of himself in silence, a wrinkle having formed between his eyebrows and jaw seemingly clenched.

"... Thanks," he then mumbled, and gently shoved the pile of clothes on the floor to the side with his foot.

Lucius was about to ask if something was wrong, but Anthony's face quickly returned to normal after that and he sat down on the bed as well, borrowing part of the quilt.

"Well... Shall we?"

"Oh—" Lucius had been so occupied with studying Anthony's face that he'd forgotten to observe the rest. "... Yeah."

Damn it.

Still, he put his legs up to lie down, with Anthony doing the same, and after some awkward fumbling with his arms and a deep breath, Lucius choked his hesitation and slowly pressed his body against Anthony's.

Anthony instantly drew a deep breath as well, and his entire body seemed to tense up.

"I'm— I'm sorry," Lucius hurried to whisper. "It's a strange situation, but—"

"No, just... You're so horribly cold."

Lucius grimaced. Of course, that could hardly be a comfortable embrace.

"Well, you're not so—" He paused. He would have expected Anthony to be equally cold, but with their bodies tight together it almost burned. "... You're warm..."

"Most things are warm compared to you right now." Anthony wrapped an arm around him and squeezed him even closer.

"I guess..." Lucius' voice was barely audible, eyes wide and face persistently red from their intertwined limbs. The thin blanket served as a barrier around Lucius' nether regions, but their legs had still ended up skin to skin.

To his surprise, Lucius didn't really mind it. They were just lying still. Things had never been still before. Anthony's heartbeat against his ear calmed his previously racing thoughts, and him being in an equally, if not more, vulnerable position was a comfort as well.

"Dare I ask what you're thinking about?" Anthony asked while Lucius was still processing the warmly welcome sensation of pleasant intimacy.

Lucius gave it some thought.

"Your legs are hairy."

"What a nice observation."

"It's just..." Lucius' gaze lowered to Anthony's chest, confirming their difference in hair growth there as well. "... New."

His hand reached up to his own chest without thinking, only for him to flinch as he felt the veins and the wooden necklace. He'd almost forgotten.

"Sorry about the vein thing," he therefore mumbled, attempting to put some distance between their bodies again, but Anthony held on tight.

"You're not even remotely warm yet," he said. "And the veins don't bother me. If anything, don't they bother you? You said they hurt before."

"Yeah, but it's actually better now." Lucius' voice brightened. "The necklace really is helping."

"Say what you will about Catherine, but when she decides to help someone she never disappoints."

Lucius managed a smile, but couldn't quite let go of his worries. He carefully placed his arm back around Anthony, and drew a calming yet trembling breath.

"What... About the rest of me?" he whispered. "Does it bother you?"

"What's there to be bothered about?" Anthony's voice almost sounded exasperated. "And if I had been, especially vocally, then shoot me and dump me in the water again."

"Adrian said my body's wrong." Lucius' voice had lowered even further, and he adjusted the blanket to cover more of him.

Anthony clicked his tongue.

"I thought we'd already established Mr. Gashcrow's status as a backstabbing lowlife."

"It's not just insults." Lucius shook his head. "Even Tom has pointed out that it's different, and Ethan could tell right away as well."

"You know Tom has no social skills, and Ethan is social to an extent where he can't stop running his mouth."

"Still—"

"And why should you care anyway?" Anthony talked over him, to Lucius' big surprise. "What does it matter if people judge you by your looks? If they do, fuck them. What matters is how you feel about yourself, right? But you're letting others decide how you should feel."

Lucius frowned, biting the inside of his cheeks to stop the trembling.

"Maybe it's easy for you," he said, trying to mask a bitter tone. "You're beautiful. No one can point at you and count flaws in a heartbeat. I don't think I've even seen a scar on you. No big ones at least. And you're not gonna deal with wrinkles, and—"

"I know." Anthony's voice trembled, to Lucius' horror. "I know what I look like, and what I've looked like before, and what I'll look like in a hundred years."

Lucius turned his head slightly at that. Into the room, on the opposite side where the mirror was. The mirror that had been broken and turned to face the wall, and pieces began falling into place. Why Anthony never cared about what he was wearing, or bothered with his occasionally frizzy hair.

"So... I guess you're quite aware of your looks too, huh?"

"Very aware." Anthony slowly increased his hold around Lucius. "I'm... Sorry. I got worked up over nothing."

Lucius shook his head.

"Believe me, I know what it's like to have a nerve struck."

"For what it's worth, I find you very beautiful as well," Anthony said. "I know I went on a rant about appearances not mattering, but... It's mostly a bitter attitude I've picked up over the years."

"Hypocrisy," Lucius exaggerated a gasp in an attempt to hide his nervous smile. "But, uh... Thank you."

"And don't try to tell me you don't know it as well," Anthony continued, and Lucius blinked.

"I... What?"

"You know what you look like. You know you're attractive, and I imagine you've heard it from others as well. Just... Maybe not from people you trusted, and their opinions are the ones you cling to. Especially if they're negative."

"Well, it... It's always been about what others want with my body," Lucius managed to whisper in agreement, voice not very interested in playing along. "My value, that is."

"Yeah, I've guessed as much." It was hard to see Anthony's face from where Lucius' head was resting, but he'd be willing to bet that his worry-wrinkle had appeared on his forehead, unless it had been there for the entire conversation.

"I would have been nothing to my parents if I'd managed to refuse the... Cutting," Lucius mumbled, turning his head to more or less bury his face into Anthony's chest. "Adrian left me to die when I wouldn't do what he wanted, and my broth—"

He swallowed his words.

"I— I mean..." He tried smiling, not sure Anthony could see it. "... Even some unholy power took the opportunity to be handsy."

He received no response to the joke, not that he minded. It was no laughing matter after all, and his attempted smile faded.

"... It's always been painful, and always people I thought I could trust," he whispered, with a hesitant reach for Anthony's hand. "That's... Why I can't. Of course I think you're different, but... I— I don't think I can let someone that close in a very long time, if ever. Not even with you."

"I understand." Anthony closed his fingers around Lucius'. "And I'd never demand something like that either."

Lucius still frowned to himself.

"Are you disappointed?"

"Well, I... Already suspected as much, I suppose," Anthony said with a lower voice. "It's rude to jump to conclusions, but after what happened with Gashcrow I imagined it would at least be a sore subject."

"It's not even just about the bad experiences— Or, in a way maybe." Lucius pinched his lips together, face reddening at the thought of bringing something like that up. "I— I can't really... Feel much, anyway, and never get this supposed urge others do."

Anthony hummed, seemingly in thought.

"None at all?"

"I've still tried on my own," Lucius confessed, heart entering a panicked state immediately after. "I— I mean, I had to, right? Figured that just because I don't feel like it, it could still feel good."

To his remorse, Anthony didn't say anything, and he weighed the options of just shutting up before spilling more embarrassing facts or keep talking to avoid the uncomfortable silence.

It turned out to be the second one.

"Uh, so anyway, I— I should have realised it was pointless. I don't have the parts to reach that... Final sensation, to begin with."

Then Anthony reached a hand up to gently run his nails through Lucius' hair.

"Oh..." was all Lucius could utter with a trembling breath as goosebumps prickled his skin, and the tension in his shoulders collapsed.

"Doesn't have to be about lust, you know?" Anthony said as he freed his other hand to massage Lucius' head. "To feel good."

"I guess not," Lucius mumbled as he gratefully melted into Anthony's touch with a trembling breath. "This is incredible."

Anthony moved his hands along Lucius' neck and down to his shoulders, increasing the pressure of his touch to massage them.

"It's a bit awkward from this position," he admitted, and though Lucius shook his head in response he still wandered down to trace his fingers along the spine instead.

Lucius shuddered in pleasure.

"I could get used to this."

"That's good to hear." Anthony turned the stroking into a slow, firm embrace. "I'm hoping you will."

"So do I." Lucius smiled and moved up in the bed to lie face to face with Anthony. "There are a lot of things I'd like to get used to."

Then he cupped Anthony's face in his hands and kissed him.

It was a longer, deeper kiss than before. One without blood-stained breaths or freezing rain crashing down on them. It was warm, pleasant, and only grew more intense as they both pulled each other closer. Anthony went back to running his nails down Lucius' back, gently beginning to trail kisses along his neck, and Lucius shuddered again.

He almost refused to believe the feeling. To think that he could be touched by someone like that without the slightest discomfort. That he could place that much trust in someone again.

Then he chuckled.

"How's it feel kissing where your brother's gone to town on blood?"

"Doing my best to ignore it," Anthony mumbled, though his kisses weakened around the bite marks at the end of Lucius' neck.

"Isn't it sort of one of those indirect kisses?"

"Don't be gross."

Lucius was still wearing an unbecoming, smug look as Anthony made his way back up.

"Stop that," Anthony said and decisively pulled the corners of Lucius' mouth down. "You're becoming just as bad as him."

"Well aren't we fun to be around, though?" Lucius shrugged, and Anthony rolled his eyes.

"If I want ink for breakfast, I suppose."

"Shouldn't be that much worse, what with your kitchen—"

Anthony shoved a pillow in his face.

"Suffocate," he demanded, and Lucius flailed his arms around to get away.

"And after I dared to let you touch me," he complained with a melodramatic voice as Anthony finally removed the pillow, only to have it shoved in his face instead. "Murder attempts within the hour!"

He still let Anthony go after some struggle, unable to keep up his offended facade.

"So that's a no on rude behaviour, then?" Anthony raised his eyebrows, and Lucius made a face.

"Death threats might just be a tiny bit worse than 'rude'."

"Then maybe 'rude' is alright?"

Lucius clicked his tongue, but let Anthony kiss him again. He didn't actually mind rudeness. It had played a big part in how he interacted with the Reapers back in the day. Mockery and sarcasm had been expected. It was how he'd gotten close to people.

The kiss suddenly stopped, and Anthony pulled away slightly to look at him with a questioning frown.

"Something wrong?"

"No..." Lucius grimaced, feeling bad about once again letting his mind ruin things, but unexpected memories were coming forward from the pillow fight and teasing back and forth. "... Just remembering something— Or... Someone, is all."

"Want to talk about it?"

Lucius sighed. He wasn't thrilled by the idea of ruining the mood, but the mere comfort of being able to open up, if just a little, was too tempting.

So he rested his head on Anthony's shoulder.

"There was... One person actually, who I knew wanted more from me, but who actually respected my boundaries," he said, eyes narrowing as his heart stung.

"Ah, the bare minimum."

"Maybe." Lucius laughed softly. "We were always at each others' throats, bickering most of the time. That's how I came to think of him now. And the fact that we shared a room didn't help. Still... There were times when we could actually talk and confide in one another, and, well... His feelings got increasingly obvious."

Anthony nodded slowly, and opened his mouth to utter the question Lucius would have preferred to avoid.

"What happened to him?"

Lucius drew a shaky breath.

"Same as anyone who's ever been nice to me."

"I'm sorry."

"It— It's alright." Lucius shook his head, blinking away some persistent tears in his eyes. "It's been almost four years now."

"And let's not forget you were reunited with Mr. Faal," Anthony pointed out. "So some nice people from then are still around."

"Words can't describe the joy I felt." Lucius smiled again. "Say what you will about Archons, but they really are on his side."

Anthony nodded again.

"Shame he doesn't like me."

Lucius snorted, and Anthony faked a scoff.

"I mean, I understand it. I do." He sighed. "I guess most people around The Entrails must feel the same way, but... He means a lot to you, so I really would have wanted him to be an exception."

"Wish I could say he'll come around, but..." Lucius shrugged. "... It's alright for people not to like each other."

"I like him," Anthony protested.

"Well, yes, why wouldn't you?"

Anthony sighed.

"Hopefully I'll win over your other friends then."

"That'd be Eliza." Lucius smiled. "Aside from her and Sam I don't really have other friends that aren't already yours."

"How about your family?" Anthony asked, and Lucius tensed up, a chill instantly finding its way along his spine. "I know your parents are... Gone, but you have a brother, righ—"

"We're not close." The chill had turned into a blooming pain over Lucius' abdomen and stomach. "We haven't spoken in years, and I don't think we will either."

Anthony blinked, clearly not oblivious to the panic in Lucius' voice.

"Guess I won't have to worry there, then," he said, thankfully leaving it at that.

"Best not to care so much about our families' approval, I'd say." Lucius gave Anthony a sheepish smile, and the latter returned the gesture, with the addition of a troubled look in his eyes.

"I'm... A bit worried," he said, though Lucius was hardly surprised. "After everything that happened with my supposed death, Damien's been talking about me working elsewhere."

Lucius recalled the conversation he'd had with Damien as Lucia. The whole marriage thing had made him forget about that part. That Anthony wasn't a suitable husband not just because of his preferences in people, but because Damien was considering sending him away.

"So... We'll find something for you to do here." He tried shrugging it off. "If you ask me, just the fact that you want to stay should be enough, but since it's him I guess it isn't."

"It's not that easy to just stumble upon things to do that others can't handle, whether it's about trade or about supernatural management."

I guess 'management' is one word for it.

"You could help Sam and me," Lucius suggested. "We still haven't gotten anywhere with Mabel's disappearance. I don't think there's any doubt that something supernatural was involved, and I'm not about to ask Mr. Kilgrave for assistance."

Anthony still grimaced.

"... Maybe."

Lucius found himself mimicking the worried frown. He didn't want to be intimidated by Damien, but regardless of how he felt, the fact that the man had power enough to ruin things still existed.

"How are you feeling?" Anthony suddenly asked. "Getting any warmer?"

"I think so." Lucius smiled weakly. "Maybe you should tell me though."

"You feel warmer, but I think your general condition matters more."

"Nothing I'd worry about, at the very least." Lucius lowered his gaze to the blanket and slowly sat up. "I... Guess I should head to my room then."

"No," Anthony said, grabbing Lucius' hand to the other's shock before retracting it just as quickly. "I— I'm sorry. Of course you can. Just— I just figured... It'd be nice if you stayed. It would feel... Safer."

"Safer?" Lucius had to quirk an eyebrow. "I doubt I'd freeze to death at this point."

He wasn't sure why he questioned it. He wanted to stay after all, but Anthony's reaction seemed off.

"That's... No, that's not it." Anthony turned his head away. "I'd just feel better if I had you close."

"Are you... Concerned I'll disappear?"

"You don't have to stay," Anthony mumbled, and Lucius shook his head.

"No, I— I want to. I was just surprised. Didn't think you were this concerned." He smiled. "Then again, how could I imagine you not being concerned at all times?"

Anthony didn't smile back, so Lucius sighed and leaned over to kiss his cheek.

"I promise, you're not getting rid of me that easily."