We where woken up by Julien's parents, we both would go to his house today and after a day his parents would take the plane to go on their business trip. 'Come on it's time to go.' His dad said. Julien's eyes grew wide. 'But what about Paper?' Julien asks and I hit myself on the forehead and laugh. 'Forgot to break the news, I can stay with you.' His mom laughs too and Julien rolls his eyes, but he has a happy glow in his eyes. I have not much to pack, but luckily Julien's parents bought me some clothes. We go in the car and when we are there it's a huge house. When everything is settled and I got a list of things I did make sure Julien did or take in his parents say goodbye and leave.

After they where gone Julien showed me the house. It was beautiful, old, antic, a one of kind sort of house, the warmth it seemed impossible, it was exactly like I imagined a home. I don't know why, but it felt too much, my breathing got heavier and it was like all oxygen where suddenly gone. I ran to the bathroom and locked myself up, I tried to calm down, to just breath, but I couldn't,  I was choking 'Help.' I tried to say it, but it was just a whisper, a cough. My longs hurt, and I heard Julien trying to open the door. After 2 minutes it still didn't stop and Julien burst into the bathroom, he ran towards me and held me. He took me in his lap so my ear could hear his heartbeat in his chest. 'You feel that?  You hear that? Breath with me okay? In and out, in and out. Keep going, you are doing great. Yeah, just like that, in and out, in and out.' He kept a strong hold of me after I calmed down. I almost fell asleep in his arms, it was so intense. 'Are you ready to tell me what happened?' Julien asked carefully while rubbing my back. I sight. 'It-it just, you live in the perfect home, with the perfect parents, probably perfect friends too, and I am so the opposite of perfect. I am so messed up. I never had a real family for most of my life. And your home, it's so warm, so welcoming, so cozy and beautiful, I don't deserve any of that.' I sighted and leaned into Julien's touch. It felt like I had known him for years. 'That's not true, you deserve all of it, every little thing. I am going to pick you up now, you have to sleep for a bit, panic attacks take lots of energy. I'll bring you some water and food.' Julien says while picking me up and carrying me to his room. He puts me down carefully and goes away, he comes back quick and has a glass of water and two chocolate bars in his hands. He gives the glass of water to me and also one of the chocolate bars. I throw the water down my throat and start nibbling at my chocolate bar. We sit down on his bed and I crawl under the blankets and we put our chocolate bars away, well I do, Julien already has fully eaten his. I smile at that and Julien crawls behind me. He puts an arm around my belly and warms me up like that. I can't help but fall asleep fast.

When I wake up Julien is gone, i panic at first, but when I walk to the living room he is sitting on the couch watching television. I look at him for a second before taking my paper and pen and start to write the next Chapter of my book.

Chapter 5. (The book.)

Xavier.

I was enjoying the food we had ordered, it was delicious and perhaps the first real meal I had eaten in a while. I was just throwing it into my mouth, one bite after another in quick succession. I had a large plate of spaghetti. "It's delicious!" I said, my mouth full of food. "I have to learn to make this." I mumbled, stuffing another bite of food into my mouth. Jason sat quietly next to me and was just eating, he laughed at me when I said something stupid again. Or when I cursed when I was almost choking.

Jason.

I enjoy the moment and look at Xavier and how he is gobbling his food. He looks at me with a smile and I quietly enjoy my croissant. We stare at each other and eat our food. I really needed this break. We have a balcony and on the balcony there are 2 sun loungers, I suggest you use them and enjoy the sun. I'm wearing shorts and soon my T-shirt is off, Xavier keeps it on because of his wounds. I grab the sunscreen and ask Xavier if he wants to apply it to me and he willingly takes the bottle of sunscreen from me. Xavier puts a dollop on his hand and starts to rub it gently over my back, the touch makes me feel that I really like it. He has soft hands and when he has finished my back, I ask: 'Can you do my front too? Your hands are already covered in sunscreen.' Xavier laughs and says: 'Are you just using me as a slave?' But he still starts to rub my chest and my stomach follows suit. When he's done we lie down and I quickly feel myself dozing off.

Xavier.

I watched Jason fall asleep and I looked over the edge of the balcony. I could have sworn I saw something move but I shook it off and stayed in my seat. I look at the sky and the gods above. Maybe they had listened to my plea after all, I could now just live like a normal teenager. Even if it was just for a little while. And yet again I see something moving. I rubbed my eyes and it was gone. Was my brain playing games with me or was it really bright red? I closed my eyes and decided I was just really tired. I curled up in the chair and fell asleep.

Jason.

2 hours later I woke up and yawned and looked to the side, but Xavier wasn't there. I got up and I walked into the room and Xavier entered the room enthusiastically. "The hotel is having a party and we can come too, shall we get ready?! " I am inspired by Xavier's enthusiasm and go to take a shower.

Xavier.

I walked to the closet that was full of clothes and took out a pair of black cargo pants and a white sweater. I quickly took off my shirt and threw it on the floor, almost wincing in pain as the fabric grazed my wounds. But I didn't care, I quickly put on the sweater and then did the same with the pants. "Are you almost ready Guppy?! " I shouted from behind the shower door. "Almost, almost!" Jason replied and I could have sworn I heard him laugh at the nickname. I sat on the bed and waited for Jason to finish.

Jason.

Guppy? I thought it was a funny nickname, but if he keeps calling me that I'm going to think of a nickname for him too. I get out of the shower and get dressed. I'm trying to get my hair into shape a bit and after half a pot of gel I succeed. "Guppy, will you hurry up?" Xavier asks. When I'm finally done, I walk out of the bathroom and Xavier walks in. I'm wearing simple shorts and a yellow short-sleeved T-shirt. I'm completely ready. I start a Sudoku and wait for Xavier.

Xavier.

I closed the door behind me and ran a hand through my hair, I looked at myself in the mirror and knew I had to find something to hide the scars. I sighed and started rummaging through the drawers and finally found some makeup, I let out a sigh and looked at myself in the mirror again. 'Okay-' I looked at myself, I should have done this more often so it wasn't that complicated to do it. I put a little concealer under my eyes and foundation on my face, then I took an eye pencil and drew a few freckles with it so it looked natural. I started straightening my hair a bit. My hair was getting quite long so I grabbed an elastic band and put it in a little ponytail, leaving the front strands out. I liked that better. I opened the door and walked outside.

Jason.

When Xavier came out of the bathroom he looked completely different, in a good way, except for the tail, which I don't like. "We'll go to the hairdresser soon." I say as I continue with my Sudoku. 'You're doing well by the looks of it, Gup.' He puts his hand on my back, but I immediately tense up. Startled, he takes his hand off my back and asks what's wrong. "Nothing." I say curtly. "Do you still want to go to that party or what?" asks Xavier. I nod and together we take the stairs down. The party is already in full swing and there are tasty snacks everywhere. First we hang out at the bar and chat with some guests and eat some snacks, then we go dancing together. At first it's very uncomfortable, but soon we're going crazy. When it is quite late we hear from someone that there is also a swimming pool and we go there. Xavier takes my hand and together we do a bomb.

Xavier.

I took off my sweater and jumped into the pool with Jason. I had completely forgotten about the makeup and the wounds and the people in the pool looked at me strangely when they saw the wounds on my back and the scars on my face. "Fuck-" I mumbled and quickly climbed out, I quickly looked at Jason but without another word I put my sweater back on and walked away. I heard people mumbling as I walked away and I didn't want to hear it. I heard Jason walking behind me, but I was faster and walked up the stairs to our room. "We have to go." I mumbled as Jason stood behind me watching me quickly put the things in the suitcase. "Xavier- wait a minute. It's probably not that bad.' Jason said and put a hand on my shoulder but I shook his hand away. 'What if they spread the word? Then they know I'm still alive.' I was useless without my powers and when they came I couldn't do anything. So it was best to keep running, far away from everything.

Jason.

I saw the panic in his eyes and how he packed all the things. "Xavier, please, just listen." but Xavier didn't listen. I became angry, irritated. I grabbed Xavier and turned him around, holding his wrists and looking straight at him. "We don't have to flee, we are safe, those people are strangers and don't know what is happening in our world!" I looked at him sternly and suddenly he seemed to collapse. He was crying and I didn't know what to do. "You don't know what they are like, and how much pain it hurts." Xavier sobs. I lower myself and sit next to him. I put an arm around him and give him a hug. "I know." I say and let him go.

Xavier.

I sighed and wiped the tears away with my sleeve. He didn't know how I felt. What it was like to always feel so unsafe. If anyone so much as looked at me I felt like I had to run. I sighed and stood up. "I'm going to sleep." I said quickly and walked out of the room to the bedroom. I lay down in bed and didn't bother to change, I just fell asleep.

Jason.

I also went to sleep, but in the middle of the night I was woken up by soft sobbing from the other bed. It was Xavier. I got out of bed and lay next to him. I put my arm around him and felt his warm body against mine. I ruffled his hair and spoke softly to him: 'You don't have to be afraid. It'll be fine. You are not alone. You're safe.' I felt him turn and press himself against me. He looked at me scared and I saw a tear welling up in his eye. He gave me a big hug and I couldn't resist tracing the scars on his face with my finger. We stared at each other and despite all his scars, he was stunningly handsome.

Xavier.

I held Jason tightly around his waist. it was nice to be close to someone for once, I looked at him with my eyes still filled with tears. "Thank you..." I mumbled and laid my head on his shoulder. I took in his scent. He smells like the sea. I closed my eyes and didn't let go of him.

Jason.

He presses his body against me and we stare at each other. Somehow this moment touches me deep inside. Time passes slowly and we stay like that. I notice that Xavier is falling asleep and that calms me down. At 5 am I get up and get dressed. I walk out of the hotel and jump into a river that takes me to a piece of forest with a meadow next to it. I prepare a circle of stones and place a pile of wood in the middle. And I prepare a picnic in the meadow, it seems simple, but it takes quite a lot of time.

Xavier.

I was sleeping peacefully and woke up around 8 am when I looked around and Jason was gone. I sighed and stood up. I put on a T-shirt and baggy jeans. When I was dressed I stood on the balcony, I leaned against the edge with my arms and looked up, I felt someone standing behind me and suddenly he put his arms around me. 'Hey.' Said Jason's familiar voice. 'Hey Gup. Are you back?' He let go of me and I turned to him. "Of course I'll be back, I wouldn't dare leave you alone." He laughed and I did too. And a small blush came over my cheeks. "I have something for you." Jason said mysteriously and a smile spread across his face.

Jason.

He looked up in surprise. And I smile. I blindfold Xavier and take him by the hand. He squeezes it and our hands become soggy and sweaty. I take it to the river and step into it. 'It will be a bit awkward and unstable, but you'll get used to it.' and I pull him into the water. I let us be led along and when we get there, we step onto the side and I take off the blindfold. Xavier looks around in wonder and I smile. "I'm going to give you your powers back." Xavier looks up in surprise. His look is one of surprise. "Really?" he asks. "Yes, you deserve it." We start a fire together and I tell him all he has to do is just stand in it. And he does, the job is done within 5 minutes. "Now we're going to have a picnic." He looks up again in surprise and lets me take him along after he has tested his strength.

Xavier.

I was testing my powers again, dancing with the flames rushing past me. And spun in circles as the flames danced with me. "It's working!" I laughed and the grass around me scorched as I shot a final blast of flame high into the air. The flames disappeared again in a flash and I dropped to the ground. Jason gave me some food. And I attacked. It was delicious. I sat cross-legged and the wind blew my hair in all directions.

Jason.

I was completely infected by his happiness and I felt like I could take on the world. I laughed at Xavier's jokes and we showed off our strengths to each other. I let myself go. When we were done and it was time to go, we were all dirty and groggy. We went to the hotel and took a shower, it was now evening so we went to bed, tomorrow we would leave. I couldn't sleep and I noticed that Xavier couldn't either, so he crawled into bed with me.

Xavier.

I couldn't sleep and got into bed with Jason. "You can't sleep either, can you, Gup?" Jason shook his head and threw an arm over me. "Is something wrong?" I asked, but Jason shook his head. "There's nothing." I knew there was something but I didn't want to ask further. I ran a hand through Jason's hair and started playing with it. I twirled his brown hair through my fingers and waited for him to go to sleep.

Jason.

He looks at me curiously while he plays with my hair, his hand over my head feels good and I almost blurt it out, but I'm not allowed to say it. I turn with my back to him. He's hurt, but he stays next to me and runs his fingers along my spine. I shake him off and he sits up. "What is it?" he asks with genuine concern. "Jason, look at me." I sit up and look at him with scared eyes. "Y-you, you're scared?" he says incomprehensibly, and I lower my eyes. I mumble: 'Yes, but it's trivial so it doesn't matter.' I look at him cautiously. "You mean you don't care about your concerns?" He looks at me questioningly and I nod in affirmation. And then I throw it out. 'You're leaving now, right? Now that you have your powers again, you will suffer your master and leave me. I don't want to be alone anymore.' I say, sobbing.

Xavier.

My eyes went wide and I gave him a tight hug. I stroked his back with my hand, even though it might be the truth, I didn't know it yet, I didn't know what I would do yet. 'I don't know yet, Jason. I don't know what I'll do yet.' I answered honestly and Jason wrapped his arms tightly around me. "I don't want you to leave." He sobbed again. I know that. But it's my choice to make. Not yours. And now I don't know yet which is the right one.' I put a hand on his head and let him cry into my shoulder.

Jason.

I felt like shit. He didn't understand me. He was honest, but he didn't get it. He hugged me and I shook him off. "Go away!" I snapped. And I wriggled free. He was leaving, I was sure of it. I felt an enormous hatred rising within me and I couldn't stop myself from saying this: 'So first gain my trust and get your powers back and then just leave me behind as if it was nothing?!' My voice was raw and cold and my eyes were full of silent tears, I stood in front of him, pressed my finger into his chest, looked down at him and said with such disgust in my voice: 'You're not worth it, Pierro.' He looked at me and a silent tear fell across his cheek. My face was contorted with anger, disgust and hatred.

I take a break from writing Chapter 5, I am crying right now, with those memories and I go to Julien to get a hug. He opens his arms willingly and  comforts me. 'I am okay, one of the main characters of the books is making a big mistake. I feel like I have to fix it right away.' I tell him. He nods. 'I am sure you will fix it soon and right, want to watch a movie?' He asks and I nod. He puts on a funny movie and soon  I am dying from laughter with my head in Julien's lap.