I smiled to myself as I stared at the ceiling while I laid down on my bed. All I could think of was the kiss and how cute Shuichi was today. I couldn't get any sleep because all I could think of was Shuichi.

Shuichi the breath of fresh air I need in the morning to get going. The sunset that ends my terrible days. The sky that covers me all the time. I feel love?

I don't really know what love is...but I think that's what this is right? The feeling of your heart beating out of your chest. The feeling of craving your time with that specific person. The feeling of only having them on your mind. Consuming your thoughts and feelings making you feel whole.

Felt my smile increase as a blush cane to my cheeks. Usually, I would try my hardest to hide a blush that came to my cheeks but right now I was by myself and I was just so genuinely happy and embarrassed that I couldn't stop it.

"This isn't something I have felt before," I whispered looking over at my whiteboard. I got up off my bed slowly watching the indent from my body disappear before I walked over to the whiteboard.

I held my hand over Shuichi's picture with the word 'trustworthy?' On it. I smiled to myself. Maybe it could happen...maybe he can be the one person I really trust?

"Who knows? I want to see how we play around next time~," I whispered to myself bringing my hand over my mouth. I looked over at my desk with some papers scattered across it. I had a sharpie I would draw with and some of the pages had sketches of DICE.

How are they doing without me? I felt my shoulder slump. They are like my family...and I just left them behind. I'm trapped in this killing game and I didn't have any choice in this...but it is something that I have to deal with.

I have to make it out of here. I have to go back to my family. "Because they need me as I need them," I placed my hand over the drawing.

"I miss you guys," My face went down into a frown. Why does this make me so sad? We have all those memories of laughter of all the pranks we have done together...so why when I think of them it makes me feel like crying? Maybe the fear of them getting hurt while I'm away...they fear of them abandoning me...

I have always hated being alone and having to be left with my thoughts. When I was younger people would always throw me into small closets when I was being too annoying. They would leave me in there for hours...or even days...

I shuddered and went back over to my bed. My insomnia made me feel uncomfortable about sleeping. I want to be able to just sleep without having these crushing thoughts fill my mind.

Me being cold and alone in the closet all over again. I just want to be free and be able to run around. Be able to genuinely smile and laugh with my real family! But sadly for the time being I have to just keep my focus on making it out of here...and beating the game so Shuichi can be safe.

I have always been watching over Shuichi and making sure that no one hated him or held any grudges against him. Because if I have to I will intervene and make sure he is unharmed. I held onto my arm and bit on the inside of my cheek with a frown.

"I want him to make it out of here even if I don't," I said looking over to the board again. I know we aren't dating or anything...but I care about him more than anything else...and I have never been able to feel this way about someone and I want to be able to protect him so I can feel at ease...knowing he is safe.

I closed my eyes and let my eyes play memories through my memory. Small happy moments with my family. My real family! And the moment I had with Shuichi moments ago.

I really hope that he knows I like him at this point. Or he is just super dense...I'm sure he will be able to figure it out. Hopefully.

I groaned and turned to my side. "Shuichi? Would you like me? The real me?" I scoffed and held my pillow against my chest.

"He wouldn't...who would?" I said to myself before letting some tears fall out of my eyes. I knew no one would be able to hear me if I keep my sobs muffled...

That's how it always works right? When I was younger if I covered my mouth and cried into my hand they wouldn't even notice. And even if my eyes still looked red I would just fake more tears so they wouldn't suspect anything.

I just felt useless and weak when I cry. That's why I would never let anyone see it.

.   .   .

Never let anyone see it darling

Know you are mine always

Because they don't know you lovely

And they only want to stay away

Don't take these words for granted

Because I'm sure you need them

Because baby I need them

Baby, I need them

Don't let this break you

Cause they all just take from you

They all just take you

They all just fake you

Don't be the fake you

Cause I love the real you darling

So don't hide it lovely

Because I love you baby

You still drive me crazy

.  .  .

The song kept playing in my head and some unknown voice kept singing the words hitting my heart like the beat of a drum. Moving my body with the vibrations of the sounds. They hit hard into my heart with every word.

I love you

If this is love I don't want to let it go, darling

-Here it is! Poetry of mine again! Having a weird-ass day...anyway, thank you all so much for reading!!-

-ShuichiOuma010-