You guys must know this already but I just wanted to remind you, most of the names I use for stuff like bands and restaurants are completely made up. But yeah, Breaking Benjamin and A Day to Remember and Pierce the Veil and Skillet and Seventh Wonder and all the other bands like those that I have named throughout this story are real XD I mean like Cinematic Paradise and Tainted, they're totally made up and there is no band, that appears in google, with those names.

I thank all of you guys that vote for every chapter that comes out and that always comment :3 I don't know what I would do without you guys. I swear you make my life happier ^^

Anyway, let me know what you think!

I hope you enjoy,

-> Desyre

Oliver

                Oh my God. This had to be the closest thing to the actual hell. It just had to.

                It was all a long list of mistakes and disastrous events that had been building up until they created hell. Or the next best thing. It all started about a week ago, right after the weekend of our second gig. The first big mistake on the list, going to school. School was just torture right now. I had even thought about skipping some days. This particular mistake was more like a routine thing that happened every day for the past week. It started on the morning when I, as usual, came to school with Sal. We walked together to the classroom, seeing as we had first period together. I had been holding Sal’s hand because I knew he needed the contact right now. He turned to look at me as if to tell me something, when a teacher cleared his throat in front of us.

“PDAs are not allowed in school,” the teacher said glaring at our hands.

“But it’s just holding hands. Many couples in school hold hands.”

                The teacher stared blankly at Sal, and it was obvious he didn’t understand what he’d said. I couldn’t help but shake off the feeling that he’d done it on purpose. Everybody knows by now that I can talk, but just prefer not to.

“Alright,” I said, nodding and giving Sal a look to shut him up.

“The next time, it won’t be a warning Oliver,” the teacher said before walking away.

                Sal turned to glare at me and I gave him a look. I didn’t want to get us in trouble. Sal sighed and just slumped back on his chair. He wasn’t particularly happy about that. I touched his arm to bring has attention back to me. I gave him a small smile. We would still be together after classes, during recess, and after school. Teachers couldn’t keep us from touching when they weren’t watching. Sal sighed again but gave me one of his lazy smiles. He still wasn’t happy about it but he knew I had a point. The class started and went by without event, the teacher didn’t bother neither Sal nor me. When the bell rang both Sal and I got up, picking up our stuff and walking together to the door. I was planning on walking Sal to his next class. The teacher called me up to his desk, though. Sal stayed there waiting for me and the teacher glared at him.

“Yes, Salvador? Do you need something?” The teacher said, as if he didn’t know that Sal was waiting for me.

                Sal stared at him for a few seconds before shaking his head.

“Well, what are you waiting for then? Don’t you have a class to get to?” The teacher went on.

                Sal’s eyes narrowed and I gave him another look. Just go on to class. I’d see him after his class. Sal looked at me, and then turned around stumping his way off to class. I turned back to the teacher looking at him expectantly.

“You should stay away from that kid Oliver. He is nothing but trouble,” the teacher told me.

                I took a deep breath, so as to not explode, and gave the teacher a blank look.

“Did you listen to what I said?” He asked glaring at me.

                I nodded and the teacher’s glare intensified.

“Why don’t you talk like normal people?”

                I just shook my head and the teacher looked even more pissed off.

“Go on to your class Oliver, but I warn you that not everyone is just going to let you go,” the teacher said ambiguously.

                Rather than staying to find out what he meant I just nodded and went off to my next class. Now this class was just plain hell. The teacher kept asking me questions every ten minutes, like every teacher had done on Friday. Instead of just leaving me alone when I refused to answer he kept pushing and pushing until he told me to answer or I would earn a week’s worth of detention. And it was then that I answered. I didn’t want to get in trouble now that Em wanted me for vocal training with her every day. She’d completely ignored Kevin’s command of having vocal training three days a week. When Kevin started to bitch she excused herself by saying they’d be shorter, like just forty minutes. That, unfortunately, left Kevin without an excuse to defend me and I was stuck with Em for forty minutes every day. By the end of that class I was wound up tighter than a drum. When the bell rang I was ready to just run and meet Sal after his class, needing a little time with my boyfriend. But the teacher had other plans.

                He called me up to his desk and did something similar to what the teacher of first period did. He kept me there, asking me stupid questions that I answered with either a nod or a shake of head, or a shrug. When I had just five minutes to get to my next class he let me go. Third period was something similar to second period. The teacher kept me in the classroom asking me questions for a big part of the recess. He finally let me go and I had just enough time to get to the music classroom when the bell rang and everyone was leaving. Everyone looked about as moody as I was. Sal stared at me with a frown. What’s wrong? Of course he knew that something was wrong. I sighed and thought about telling him for a few seconds. He already had enough in his plate with what happened with Ash and whatever had been bothering him on Sunday before I left. I just shook my head and opened my arms for him. He moved quickly into my arms and I let out a little sigh of relief.

                There was another throat being cleared and I already knew who it was. I let go of Sal and turned to see another teacher standing there.

“No PDAs in school,” he said glaring at each and every one of us.

                I could almost hear everyone gritting their teeth when he said that. It seemed that we all had been given the same treatment. Well, everyone except for Sal, it seemed, who stared at the teacher for a few seconds not understanding.

“Thanks for the warning,” Kevin said in a mocking tone.

“You are most welcome Kevin,” the teacher said in the same mocking tone.

“Now I believe you all have classes to get to,” the teacher said eyeing us.

                We nodded and got going. The teacher cleared his throat again and we all turned to look at him expectantly.

“I think your class, Oliver, is in the other direction,” the teacher said with a smile.

                Of course he knew that. I stared at him blankly.

“Are you going anywhere else?” The teacher asked arching his eyebrow.

                I gave Sal an apologetic look and shook my head.

“Then I think you should be walking in that direction,” the teacher said pointing down the hall.

                I sighed and nodded, waving at everyone before going off to my next class. The second half of the school day went something like the first half. By the time the last class ended I already knew what the teacher would do and texted Em telling her to come get me. The teacher had already kept me there for five minutes when Em barged into the classroom asking me what the hell I was doing that kept me from meeting her at the entrance. The teacher looked taken aback as Em bitched at me for not going to meet her by the entrance right after class. Finally taking mercy on me the teacher explained that he was the one responsible. He said he was just making sure that I understood something said in class. Em turned to glare at him but said alright and goodbye, as she dragged me out of the room.

“Thanks,” I whispered, finally taking a deep breath now that school was over.

“No need to thank me, teachers have been doing the same thing to all of us. Kev’s been getting shit for being gay, Dust because he’s too laid back and never takes notes, and me for my hair. And apparently you are getting shit for being Sal’s boyfriend. It’s just that they take advantage of you because you don’t talk. Grow a pair and talk would you? Maybe then teachers would leave you alone. It’s like Sal’s situation all over again!” Em muttered as she dragged us both off towards her house.

                I stayed silent and refrained from answering. I wouldn’t be bullied into talking, if I talked it was because I wanted to talk not because teachers forced me to do it. Only under the threat of going to detention did I answer today, and I realized that they had already forced me to talk. I gritted my teeth. I had to think of a way to avoid detention and answer the questions at the same time. Maybe I would use a notepad and a pen to answer. Or I could walk right up to the front and right the answer.

                No, the latter would get people’s attention and if there was something I hated it was attention. I decided to try Sal’s way tomorrow. When we got to Em’s garage she turned into full bitchy mode and, like before, bitched at me for any stupid reason, for an hour as I sang. When the hour was up, it turned out that Ennie was the first to arrive along with Drew. God. Ennie. I really spent too much time with Sal. Not that I was complaining, mind you. She looked particularly happy today. Maybe she had some good news?

“Hey!” She said when she walked in, coming up to me to hug me and then to Em to do the same.

                I felt a little weird about that, but did my best to not be that stiff. When Drew hugged me, though, I just plain froze. He had the delicacy of acting like nothing was wrong and went over to hug Em, who didn’t look all that excited about it either. It was kind of awkward with just the four of us there. I didn’t know what it was about Drew that made Em so moody around him, and even around Ennie sometimes.

“So, where are the rest of the guys?” Ennie looked around expectantly.

“On their way probably,” Em said shrugging and sitting down on the couch, pulling me down along with her.

“Why aren’t they here? I thought I was running late and it turns out I’m actually early,” Ennie said jokingly.

“Practice starts later now. Ollie and I have voice training for one hour before band practice,” Em said simply.

“Oh,” Ennie said smiling. “How is it going? His voice is totally awesome!”

“It would be better if he did what I told him to do,” Em said glaring at me.

                I really wasn’t in the mood to do this, so I just remained silent. Right then Dust, Kevin, and Sal came into the room. Sal looked around, a little taken aback at the amount of people in the room. His eyes came to rest on mine and he frowned, probably sensing my foul mood. I just shook my head and patted the space beside me on the couch. Sal hurried to sit there and I wrapped a hand around his shoulder. I pulled him closer to me, reveling in the feeling of his body pressed against mine.

“You’re all here, great!” Ennie said happily. “Gather around, I have some pretty good news for you.”

                Dust sat beside Em, on the arm of the couch, and Kevin sat beside Sal, on the other arm. I pulled Sal a little closer to me. I still didn’t trust Kevin all that much when it came to Sal. I felt a little too much affection coming from him. Maybe it was just his natural flirty attitude but it put me on edge all the same.

“So, what is it?” Dust asked.

“Yeah, what big news do you bring?” Kevin asked, and somehow he managed to make the question sound a little like he was mocking her.

                I took one deep breath. Kevin’s attitude always managed to get a rise out of me. He was just too cocky for my taste. Cocky and flirty. He was perfection made man.

“Well, you’re going to a gig next week,” Ennie said smiling.

“What do you mean? We’re not expected back in your uncle’s place for at least two more weeks,” Dust said sounding confused.

“No, yeah, I know that! But I got you a place as the openers for The Waiting!” Ennie said excitedly.

                What? Openers for The Waiting? Who’s The Waiting? What’s an opener?

“Openers?” I asked not understanding.

                Again everyone stared at me like I was stupid and I shrank back a little. I sometimes felt so out of my element with all this band things. Like I really wasn’t meant to be in a band. Sal glared at everyone before turning to look at me.

“The opener is what the band or artist that sings before an important band is called, the openers open the concert, so to say. The time they get on stage depends greatly on the band they’re opening for and in the popularity of the band.” Sal turned to look at Ennie at this point. “But we’re not opening a concert, right?”

“Well, no, not a concert as such, you’re only playing for about two hundred people or so. At first they had another band opening for them, but it seemed that something happened and that band had to pull out of the deal. So there was a free space there and no one to fill it. And well it turns out that someone from The Waiting heard you guys playing this weekend and suggested you open for them! They purposefully came to The Emporium asking for you guys! I told them that you weren’t here currently but that you would be glad to play for them!” Ennie explained quickly.

                After her explanation everyone stayed silent. Probably thinking about what that meant.

“How much time on stage do we have?” Em asked slowly.

“Oh not much, about half an hour. I was actually pretty bummed out when I heard it was only half an hour,” Ennie said shrugging.

“Half an hour, huh?” Dust said looking around at everyone asking the silent question that we were all wondering.

                How were we supposed to play for half an hour without doing covers? Our six songs took up about twenty minutes and we couldn’t really fill the other ten minutes with talk. We had to refuse. We had to tell them that we wouldn’t play for them. We couldn’t make this work. There was just no way.

“Gretchen!” Kevin yelled.

                And we all groaned. She was in for an earful.

“Do you have any idea of what you just signed us in for?!” He yelled.

                Ennie looked taken aback at Kevin’s sudden outburst.

“What do you mean?” She asked.

“What do we mean? Really? Even I think Kev is right this time! We’ve only played twice in front of people! We’ve never played for such a big crowd! We only have six songs! We have a new singer and a new guitarist! We’re not ready to open for a band like The Waiting!” Em yelled.

“Umm… But I thought…” Ennie started saying.

“We really can’t pull this one through Gret. It’s too much for such a new band,” Dust said rubbing the bridge of his nose, looking like he was trying really hard not to snap.

“You have to tell them we can’t be there,” I said.

“But I already told them that you would play for them, and it’s The Waiting. It’s really a blessing that you’re even getting a chance to play for them. They just released their first EP, and it was a total success. They even have songs being played on the radio. Having the chance to play for them is really not something you can refuse,” Ennie said frowning and looking at each of us.

                Everyone sighed.

“We can’t do it,” I said again. “It’s not a good idea. We’re not ready.”

“We should stop whining and begin writing,” Em said sighing. “We can’t refuse them now that Ennie said we would be there. They’re The Waiting, we can’t tell them we don’t wanna play with them, it’d be bad for our image, if we even have one.”

                I frowned not understanding why Em had given up. If there was one thing she did well it was being stubborn.

“It’s a bad idea,” I said again. “Just say no.”

“Give it up, man. We’re going to go to this thing anyways, you might as well resign and save yourself from losing your time,” Dust said sighing as well.

                The second and biggest mistake of them all, accepting this motherfucking gig or whatever the hell it was.

                I had this little feeling of deja-vu in my mind. But sighed and did as Em said. We all got to work after that. Ennie and Drew stayed there with us, watching the writing process take place. We decided our next song would be one about the way the people here thought. We had to add the prejudice for what was different, the strictness, and the narrow mindedness in general. We worked on the song together, everyone putting in something. By the time practice ended about half an hour later than normal, we were almost done with it. We all said our goodbyes and Sal and I walked to our houses. I really didn’t want to occupy the only time alone I had with Sal with whining about my day, so we stayed silent. I reveled in the silence, and Sal’s presence, my mood improving considerably. By the time we got to our house I didn’t even bother to ask Sal if he wanted to come to my house. It was really late, and I really thought that maybe he should spend some more time with Ash.

                I walked into my house and went straight upstairs into my room. I closed the door behind me and sat directly on the bench. I placed my fingers on the keys and sighed. I thought about everything that had happened today and like on Friday started burning everything with fast paced songs. By the time I ran out of songs I just kept playing, the notes coming to my mind and assembling together as quickly as I played them. I wasn’t composing I was just letting out my feelings, so I let my fingers fly on the keys, without caring that when I ended I’d have no recollection of what I’d been playing. This was different from when I was composing. I was improvising, pulling notes and chords out of my ass not caring if they sounded well together or not. When I was composing every note mattered, every note had a particular place, and I had to record them to remember where they were supposed to go.

                That’s why this I could do easily, and composing was hell. When I was composing I wanted everything to sound perfect. Every note had to be a specific note, and they had to go in a specific place. But every time I played a song I’d been playing before, the notes wouldn’t be in their perfect place anymore. I moved them around until it sounded perfect again and then the next time I played the song the same thing happened. It was an ever changing melody, the notes never finding their places. My mom used to help me out whenever I was stuck on a note, or whenever I wasn’t sure whether a note should be changed or not. My dad told me I should have more confidence in the decisions I made. But how could you? If what you said never mattered?  I frowned concentrating on what I was playing, on getting everything out of my system. Eight years doing what mommy and daddy told you to do. Pathetic. My frown deepened. No. I wouldn’t think about the past. I was trying to burn anger. You think you’ll manage something?

                I stopped playing abruptly, getting off the bench. I started undressing. I would take a shower and then go to sleep. Yeah. That’s it. Wash today’s stress down the drain and then get some sleep. I went into the bathroom and warmed the water before stepping in. I washed myself slowly, taking my time and clearing my mind. There’s only two weeks left. No, shit? I didn’t know that. You know, it’s not like I have been counting the days and minutes and hours. God. Sal’s sarcasm was really rubbing off on me. I shook my head again and got out of the shower, drying myself before walking into my room.

                I put on a pair of sweats and went to my bed. I got under the covers and took a deep breath before closing my eyes. Tomorrow would be better. Yeah, right, like hell it was. It didn’t help one bit that I wrote my answers down on a notepad because the teachers simply claimed that they couldn’t see. In the end I was back to being forced to talk again. I had to grit my teeth to stop myself from exploding every time a teacher threatened me. If you think that teachers can’t keep you away from someone that’s only because they aren’t really trying. Third big mistake, not getting any time alone with Sal. With voice training, band practice, and the teachers and their stupid questions, I had only spent an hour alone with Sal every day.

                Oh. Mistakes number four and five, voice training and band practice. Em was bitchier than usual every day now. In voice training she bitched at me even when I did what she was telling me to do. On band practice it was even worse, we practiced until later because it was now harder to convince her of changing things she had decided on. The only bright spot during practice this whole week was that when Wednesday rolled around we all came up with the idea of writing a song about how there was really no way to escape anything in small towns. Not the gossips, not the judgment, not the bullying, not anything.

                We finished the song, No Way Out, the same day we came up with it. It was the first song we finished that quickly, considering we were still working on Small Town Minds. It took us three whole days to finish that song. On our defense it was because Em was being particularly uncooperative about it. With those two songs we had eight songs, and that was about twenty-six or twenty-seven minutes. We decided to occupy the first minutes with introductions. I wasn’t particularly happy about that, because the introductions would be made by me.

                To keep myself together through that crazy week I kept on thinking about Sal. He was the only reason why I let teachers bully me into talking. If I didn’t I would wind up with detention and that meant that Em would have to move voice training and then move band practice, which resulted in us going home even later. Sal looked a little worse by day that went by and I thought that maybe his situation in the house wasn’t going all that well. I didn’t ask him about it knowing it was a delicate matter and that he’d tell me about what was bothering when he was ready.

                So for his sake, I spoke even though I hated every second of it. I lived through every day just for the half hour it took us to walk from Em’s house to our houses and the half hour it took us to get to school in the morning. We walked in silence, but it was something that I craved. All through the day my mind would be busy with thoughts of any kind. But when I was with Sal it was like everything was suddenly alright. With Sal I felt like I could endure the worse torture in the world and still be fine.

                With that thought on my mind, on Wednesday, as soon as I got home, I took out the sheet that Sal had told me not to touch so many weeks ago. We hadn’t had time to work on it together with the crazy schedule we’d been working with this past weeks. I read the music on the sheet. I thought that like always I would want to change everything as soon as I read it but as it turned out, everything was just perfect. I read the music, playing the notes in my mind until the end. There was only a chord missing. One single chord and the song would be done.

                I played the music on the piano this time, working my way through the notes slowly. Everything sounded perfect right until the end where I knew there was something missing. I thought hard and raked my brain and finally it came to me. A silence. There was a whole rest missing before the last notes of the song. I played the whole song to the end adding the whole rest where it had been missing. When I finished playing I took a deep breath. Finally after a long, a ten year long, winter, the spring was finally here. After ten long years, I was finally able to finish a song.

                My throat clamped up and I started crying right there on my bench. I didn’t really know if I was happy or sad that I had finally finished a song. It was something I had done with my parents before, and now I had done it without them. Again the feeling that I was forgetting them invaded me and I felt myself starting to panic. There’s little more than one week left. I got off of the bench and went to my bed. I laid on it and closed my eyes, playing the song in my mind. Interesting that the first song I finished was filled with silences or rests right until the very end. I smiled sadly at that, feeling a mixture of happiness and sadness.

                I hadn’t cared much for rests before, my mom said that a song shouldn’t have a rest if it was possible to avoid it. But now I lived through the days almost anxious for the rests, the silent minutes I spent with Sal. I had changed a lot throughout this past ten years. The most important thing I learned, though, was what mom, dad, and Sal taught me. To listen to the silence. The song filled my mind, pushing all other thoughts to the back. Listening to the Silence. That’s what the song would be named. I thought maybe it could be the extra song to end the coming gig with. Lyrics were already forming in my mind when sleep finally got the best of me.

                That Thursday was really the only bright spot when it came to school. I was so busy thinking up lyrics for the song I had finished the day before that I didn’t really pay attention to anything. My only thought was getting this song to someone to have them tell me their opinion. I even think that was the only day since voice training started that I was actually excited to attend. I all but dragged Em to my house wanting to show her what I had been working on. My mom was actually surprised when she saw me walk in. I made introductions quickly before dragging Em up the stairs to my room. I sat her down on the bed then sat down on the bench.

“Ollie, what the hell? Why did you drag me here for? We should be doing voice training!”

                I shushed her and started playing the song right away, singing the lyrics I had been making up all day on. It was a song about how I had learned to listen to the silence. It told the story of why I stopped speaking, how I had learned to talk with silence, and finally how I had learned to listen to the silence. I had never told anyone why I had stopped speaking. Having that story on a song I was planning to sing in front of people had my stomach tied in knots. Finally the song ended and I took a deep breath. I swallowed trying to work off the tightness in my throat, but stalling for time, really, before turning to face Em. She had tears in her eyes, and had her mouth covered with one hand.

“Ollie…” She began in a little broken voice. “I never knew…” Her voice failed her again.

“Nobody knows,” I said in a whisper that was barely audible.

“Why… why now? Why me? Just… why?” She asked taking deep breaths to settle herself.

“I want to sing it for Sal,” I said and I felt a tug on my stomach.

“Ollie.” Her eyes filled again and she simply came over to sit in my bench with me.

                She hugged me tightly and I hugged her back finally feeling everything push out of me. I let myself cry there with her, letting it all out. All the tension from the past week. We both babbled on about what a shitty week we’d had, and how we really couldn’t take it anymore. We both wanted nothing but to be done with this already. We needed to rest. Thankfully after this was done we’d still have two weeks of normal band practice before the crazy schedule started again. Once we got it all out of our chests, we pulled back and took a few deep breaths. Finally Em smiled at me, the first time in the whole week.

“I think the song’s great, Ollie,” She said smiling at me. “We should start working on it right now.”

                I looked at her and frowned. Start working on it?

“Start working on it?” I asked.

“Of course, working to turn it into something we can play. I don’t think we’ll have a piano available whenever we play that song,” Em said eyeing me like I was really stupid.

                Oh. Of course. How were we going to play this song if it was only on piano?

“So I think we should move our butts and start working on it. At least make it playable in guitar for this weekend and work from there,” Em said getting up.

                I nodded and got up, along with her. As we walked back out of the house my mom was looking even more confused. I told her I’d be back at the usual time and said goodbye. As we made our way back to the garage Em started working on translating the music from piano to guitar. By the time we got back to the garage she already had a large part of the song down. She grabbed her guitar and started playing the song telling me to sing along with her and to practice what she’d taught me. I did as she ordered. We spent the rest of the hour before band practice started working on the song.

                Dusty was the first to arrive and both Em and I could’ve kissed him. We showed him what we had started to work on and Dust too started crying when he listened to the lyrics. That’s how Kevin found us when he arrived. We were trying to get Dust to calm down so we could get something done, and Dust was sobbing really hard. Kevin asked what the hell was going on and Dust told us to play the song again. We played it again and earned us another sobbing guy. For once I had counted on Kevin’s pride and cockiness to keep him from crying, but that didn’t work worth shit. And that’s how Sal found us when he came in. The guys finally seemed to be able to calm down and said that there was nothing wrong, they’d just have a particularly hard day.

                Sal eyed us all for a few seconds before he shrugged it off and came over to me to give me my usual kiss hello. I kissed him with all the passion I had in me, pushing everything I couldn’t say into the kiss. By the time he pulled away we were both panting. The guys, in the light of the new song, instead of catcalling were just staring at us with stupid smiles on their faces. Or at least Em and Dust were, Kevin was back to being his usual asshole self and told us to find a room.

                Practice that day was particularly hard because we remembered that Small Town Minds wasn’t finished yet and we had just today and tomorrow until the gig. That was how fast the glow of the new song we had in our hands faded. We finally finished up Small Town Minds and moved on to practicing all of the eight songs we had finished. When practice was done, Em gave Dust, Kevin, and me a look that said we’d be in touch. She announced that band practice started later tomorrow and gave the three of us looks again.

                That night I stayed up until late working on the little scheme we would be pulling tomorrow to work on the song without Sal noticing. We told Ennie to entertain Sal during the recess and told Kev to bring his bass to school tomorrow. I didn’t even know he played the bass. Ennie agreed but asked why and we just told her she’d find out later. The next day it was a big production for all of us to get past the teachers when the bell for recess rang. We told each other on what classroom we would be before recess and decided that whoever was free would come rescue the rest.

                When the bell rang, the teacher, as usual, called me up to his desk. Almost as soon as I stepped up in front of it, Kevin barged into the room. He told me about how he’d been looking for me everywhere, saying that another teacher had been looking for me. Since a teacher looking for a student normally meant that student was in deep shit, the teacher let me go. Kev ushered me out of the classroom and then we practically ran to the music classroom not wanting to be caught by another teacher. Once there we walked in Dust and Em were already there, looking as winded as us.

                We took a few moments to calm down and then got down to work on the song. We spent the recess working on the drums, without the drum set, and bass of the song. When the recess was finished we already had most of the song finished, the only thing that was left was the drums and then practice it. We went off to class agreeing to meet after school to go to Em’s garage to practice the song before band practice. I endured the rest of the day just because I was thinking that after tomorrow we would finally have some peace. Today was the last day before we had to open for The Waiting and after that two weeks of rest were waiting for us.

                I was already thinking about all the things that I would do once this was done. By the time school was done I had two weeks’ worth of plans in my mind. When the final bell rang, Dust barged into the classroom saying we had to get going or we wouldn’t be in time for the party. The teacher asked where we were going and Dust told him about his second great grand aunt that was getting married in the city. He said we had to be, in the city, ready, and presentable by eight and that if we didn’t get a move on we wouldn’t be in time. The teacher let us go and told Dust to congratulate his second great grand aunt. When Monday came and all the lies where discovered we would be in deep shit.

                Dust dragged me to the front of the school where Em and Kevin were already waiting for us. When we got there we started walking quickly out of school, no wanting to be caught by any teacher or Sal. Once in Em’s garage we finished up Listening to the Silence and practiced it about a million times before Sal arrived. He came right over to me again and kissed me, and just like yesterday I kissed him with all I had in me. We practiced the songs we would be playing tomorrow just once and finished band practice for the day. For the first time in the whole week Sal and I walked to our houses early. Once we got to our houses I pulled him into my arms and kissed him again. Then I let him go and told him I’d see him tomorrow. The plan was that, to avoid arriving at different hours or late, we would all leave in the same car. We would also stay at Dust’s house to avoid leaving the place at different times. That was another big fucking mistake, not bringing my own car, my escapeway.

                The next day I slept right until I had an hour and a half to get ready. I went into the shower. Took my time to slowly work the tensions of the past week out of my mind. I concentrated only on the fact that I was going to sing Listening to the Silence for Sal. I dried myself when I stepped out of the shower and brushed my teeth. I walked out and into my room, going to my closet to put on the ripped shirt Sal had given me a long time ago, a ripped pair of jeans, a pair of boots my dad had discovered and given to me, and my favorite jacket. I fixed my hair to one side, wanting to look the best and perfect today. I grabbed my wallet and left my room right as I heard a horn honking.

                I ran down the stairs, kissed both my parents goodbye and grabbed my keys before running out of the door. I came out just as Sal was coming out to and arrived with enough time before him to open the door for him. He smiled at me and got in the car. I got in too, or more like squished myself in. To say that Dust’s car was small was a lie, but to say that five people fit into it was another lie. Em, Sal, and I were squished together in the backseat along with two guitars and one bass. When we finally got to the place where we were playing, we practically got out before the car stopped moving. We got there hours before the time the thing was supposed to start but it was alright. After all we had to do sound check and all that.

                Ennie was already there, along with Drew, having arrived about an hour earlier to work everything with The Waiting. We were all pretty surprised when we saw her there chatting with the four guys that conformed The Waiting. She introduced them to us and explained that their EP had gotten thousands of sells in just one week, which was something I did not know. For being a rising band and all that they were fairly simple and normal guys. I had expected more attitude from them, maybe even some bragging and showing off. But instead they were the goofiest four guys I’d ever met. They weren’t even a year older than us.

                The lead singer and lead guitarist, Jim Sills, was a tall, scrawny looking guy, with a face filled with pimples and a pinkish tone of skin, black messy hair, and dark black eyes. The rhythmic guitarist, Teddy Sarndal, was another thin guy, less scrawny this time, and with average height, with a pale complexion and cheeks filled with freckles, curly dark brown hair and brown eyes. Bassist, Artie Crichton, was the opposite of the last two, he was slender, with the swimmer look, with a natural tan, beautiful high cheekbones, gorgeous hazel eyes and light brown wavy hair. And finally, Geoff Tillotson, the drummer, who was more built than the other three, but wasn’t exactly buff, with a light tone of skin, delicious looking lips, olive green eyes, and spiky sandy blonde hair. They explained to us that they had been best friends since kindergarten and knew everything about each other. Even stuff they really didn’t want to know. They explained that the band was born years ago when one day they had been waiting for something, none of them could seem to remember what it was, and they started like playing and singing together to pass the time. So when they decided to create the band it was named The Waiting.

                They asked how we had come together and we proceeded to explain how our little dysfunctional group of five had come together. They were amazed about the fact that we had been able to pull a gig through with only one week of practice, a new singer, and a new guitarist. We all brushed it off as just practicing hard, but blushed all the same. They asked us about why the band was named Tainted and we proceeded to explain where we came from. We explained we were like the tainted ones where we came from, the different, the black sheep, and how we found an outlet through the music and our songs. The guys from The Waiting were really impressed with out back history saying that it must be cool to have such an interesting background.

                They asked us then to play for them and we accepted, stepping onto the stage. We decided to do the sound check at the same time. For the first part it was mostly just stopping to adjust the microphones and volumes. When finally it was all taken care of we began to play our songs, getting pulled into the music and concentrating on it with the lack of yelling crowd. When we were done, though, we were pulled right back to the present by the applauses and cheers from The Waiting. They jumped into the stage with us complimenting us and telling us how great we were. For the remaining time until the gig was scheduled to start we sat down and talked with the guys from The Waiting, just telling goofy stories and talking about nothing.

                Finally, though, the show was scheduled to start and we walked out into the stage. Instead of cheers we were met by silence. Next big fucking mistake, playing in the place another band. The crowd was silent as a cemetery when we walked out. Then as if a spell had been broken they all began talking at the same time. For all the noise they were making you would’ve thought they were screaming.

“Who the fuck are this?”

“They’re not Literally Slaves.”

“What the fuck are they doing here?”

“I came to listen to Literally Slaves, not some crappy band.”

                Of course, we were filling in for a band, and their fans didn’t know that they weren’t coming. Perfect. Really, it was just perfect. Peachy.

“Hey, guys,” I said taking a deep breath to settle my nerves.

                They didn’t even turn to look at me. I started getting a little panicky. The bad feeling I had gotten when we had accepted doing this coming back to me.

“Hey!” I said again.

                Some turned to look but mostly they just continued to talk among themselves. I swallowed feeling the panic start to rise, and my throat start to clog up. Memories started to run through my mind and I did my best to push them away. I looked towards where The Waiting was looking at us with a pleading look. Please come out here and help us. The dread was starting to grow and I felt like I was living a déjà vu. They made a sign as if to tell me to go on. I swallowed again feeling my breath get labored.

“We’re Tainted!” I yelled trying to get them to hear me above the sound.

“Where’s Literally Slaves?!” Someone yelled.

“Yeah! We came to listen to them!” Some other person yelled.

“We don’t want to listen to you! We want Literally Slaves!”

“Literally Slaves couldn’t come today,” I yelled thinking that maybe if I explained they’d calm down.

“Then get the fuck out of here!”

“We want Literally Slaves!”

                And with that said they started yelling Literally Slaves in a litany. I tried to talk again but my throat was all closed up. Vivaldi’s winter started playing in the back of my mind. They hadn’t listened to me. I told them I didn’t want to do this and they didn’t listen to me. Nobody ever listens to you. No Sal, listens to me. Does he really? Does he know what’s going on in your mind right now? Did he step up to defend you before? I turned to look at Sal who looked a little green. No, he didn’t listen to you either, did he? He doesn’t care about you. He does, he does care about me.  Then where was he throughout last week? Why didn’t he come to look for you? Why didn’t he ask you what was wrong? Why didn’t he listen to you? He was busy. He had a lot in his mind. He’s had problems in his house. He does care about me. You’re pathetic. Shut up. You don’t have an ounce of self-confidence in you. Shut up! You don’t know how to make decisions. You can’t do a thing on your own. You’re always doing what other people tell you to do. Your voice doesn’t count. It never counts. You never were what they wanted you to be. You never will be what Sal wants you to be. You’re pathetic.

“SHUT UP!” I yelled out loud, without realizing it.

                Everything fell silent around me as my voice magnified and echoed around the place. The people just stared at me. Great, now I had their attention.  I could feel the panic starting to take over my body. Memories we playing themselves in my mind. I had to get out of there. Run as fast and far away as I could. I had to leave. Right the fuck now. But I wasn’t pathetic. I had balls and decided this time around I wouldn’t break down in front of people.

“I’m sorry we’re not Literally Slaves,” I said into the mic looking through the faces of the people in the crowd. “But that doesn’t give you a right to call us a crappy band. We won’t stand it either. I hope you have a good night.”

                I bolted out of the stage so fast that I swear I left little flames. I ran to the bathroom and locked myself in there. My body started to shake and sobs started to push out of me as I let myself relive the memories.

                About ten years ago, my parents had been fixing to travel to some place out of the city, on another state for their anniversary. I was really happy because I was going to play on a piano concert all on my own for the first time of my live. But that same date somebody else wanted me to play on a Vivaldi concert along with a famous juvenile orchestra in another place. When my parents heard of it they said that I’d be going to the violin concert. I didn’t want to go, I had played with orchestras plenty of times, but it was my first time playing the piano all on my own. My dad hit me for taking back to him. He said that I was just a kid and couldn’t understand anything. He said that I was too young to be making decisions like that and that hence they were deciding for me. I would go to the violin concert.

                My mom watched without saying anything, but I knew that she thought my dad was right. I felt dread settle on my heart. I hated playing the violin and alone, even more. I asked them then, if they could stay and watch me play, the dread on my heart growing with each second. My dad told me that I was already a grown kid and needed to start building up confidence. He said I didn’t need them there and that they would be leaving after they left me at the concert. I had begged them to stay and watch me play, but they ignored me. It had been raining pretty heavily for the past week and the streets were a mess. I asked them again to stay to see me play and my mom told me that they would be back tomorrow morning.

                My heart felt heavy with dread as I watched my parents leave. I told myself that by tomorrow morning they would be back and I would tell them all about my concert and they would be proud of me, like they always were. I went into the place where the concert was taking place and we started rehearsing. It was a few hours before the crowd was due to arrive. The director told me that I wasn’t scheduled to come in until after The Four Seasons by Vivaldi, and I felt grateful. I had never liked that particular piece. The concert started and the opening song, The Four Seasons by Vivaldi, started playing. I listened to the song from the behind the stage, waiting for my turn to come.

                It was around the winter when mom’s best friend came running up the stairs with tears in her eyes. They were dead. Mom and dad. They were dead. They died about half an hour ago, right after they left me here. Mom had called her best friend telling her that they would be coming back, and that they would move their trip to another time. They died trying to make the turn to come back the way they came. Dad lost control of the car due to the heavy rain, and they had ridden off into a ditch. The car had smash into the side of the ditch and they had died instantly. They were found when mom’s best friend had called mom to see what was taking her so long, and then she went straight through to voice mail, she had called the police then.

                I knew it wasn’t my fault. I knew I couldn’t have done anything to stop them. But I couldn’t help thinking that I told them to stay. I had told them to watch me play. But they didn’t listen to me. If only they had listened to me. But nobody listened to me. I was just a kid in their eyes, I didn’t have a voice. I never had a voice. Nobody asked me if I wanted to stay with my mom’s best friends or something, they just put me in an orphanage without listening to what I wanted. Mrs. Corxton didn’t listen to me when I said I wanted a room all for myself. She decided later that instead of making anyone else be my roommate she would put me in the attic, where I could be by myself. She didn’t listen to me when I said that I wasn’t ready to start getting interviewed by parents. She just decided all on her own that I was. Nobody ever listened to me.

                Until the Andels came around. They were the first ones to ever ask me if I wanted to go home with them. Then there was Sal. And then there was everyone else around me, Em, Dust, Ennie, and even Kev. But what did that matter if in the end they hadn’t listened to me? The sobs and shakes continued running through my body, for what felt like ages, until I finally managed to calm myself down. I could deal with everything else just as long as Sal was there to listen. He listened, he always did.

                I took a few deep breaths, washing my face and drying it. Then I looked at myself in the mirror to check the damage done. Apart from puffy eyes, I was just fine. I walked out of the bathroom and made my way back into the backstage. And when I entered, I encountered the last and final mistake of the list: thinking that Sal would stay with me. When I walked in he was just pressing his lips against Kevin’s.

“What the fuck?!” I yelled, anger running freely through my body.

                I had lived through this once, and had thought that I wouldn’t ever again. But as it turned out, I would. Sal pulled away immediately. He turned to look at me with wide eyes and shook his head. It was not what it seemed? Really? Then what had he been doing kissing Kevin then, checking to see if his breath stank?

“Forget it,” I seethed, turning around again and making my way to the entrance.

                I would take the subway, stop a cab, whatever got me the fuck out of here.

“Oliver! Come back!” I heard Kevin yell.

                He better not come close to me or he would see how my fist tasted like next. He grabbed my arm turning me around to face him.

“I swear to God it’s not what it seemed. You have to listen to me,” Kevin said.

“Did you listen to me? Did you listen to Listening to the Silence? I practically told him that I loved him in that song and you kissed him! Why the fuck do I have to listen to you?!” I yelled pushing Kevin back a few steps, before turning back around and hurrying to leave.

“Oliver, please. Just stop and…” Kevin started saying, but he never got to finish his sentence.

                I turned back around and punched him in the face, not caring where the fist landed and not really aiming. I looked down at where Kevin lay curved up in a fetal position holding his face.

“Stay the fuck away from me!” I yelled before turning back around.

                I didn’t want to cause any more damage and to be honest I was about ready to start crying again. I needed my piano in the worst way possible right now. Maybe the eternal winter wasn’t over, it had just been a few sunny days before the blizzard continued.

Survey time! What do you think happened? Do you think Sal was cheating on Ollie? Do you think it's a misunderstanding? Who's side are you on? Ollie or Sal?