Prepare my dear readers, things are gonna get hot in here ;3 

By the way, Baby_Muffy, I cracked up when you said you had expected things to get heated in the last chapter because things did get heated xD I wasn't going to tell you that though :P I hate spoiling the fun of waiting for the next chapter for you guys. 

So yeah. Nothing left to say except for the usual thanks for everyone that votes and reads this story :3 I really love you guys!

Let me know what you think please. I think every writer likes comments better because it's feedback, and any type of feedback is really good.

Added note: Fellow writers that read this story, don't you hate having to change to advanced options to put the copy rights on your story? I personally think it's a drag, but oh well, nothing to be done about it.

Anyway, hope you enjoy the chapter ^^

-> Desyre

Salvador

                I pulled Ollie into another kiss, resisting the urge to just get him naked and put my hands on him. Right now I was riding on the edge between feeling like I would explode with pride and wanting to make the guy beside me mine and just mine. The latter scared the mighty fuck out of me, to be honest. Ollie tucked me into his side when I ended the kiss, and that’s how we walked out of the backstage. I had been expecting a few of Ennie’s friends or something but instead there were about half a dozen people waiting for us. They were mostly girls and squealed as soon as we stepped back into the dinner, surrounding us quickly.

“You’re so cute together!” A girl said.

“Yeah, you two look so fucking hot!” Her friend, I guessed, agreed.

“How did you meet?”

“How did you start dating?”

“How long have you been together?”

“Since when have you known each other?”

“Are you like serious and everything?”

“Of course they’re serious! I wouldn’t dedicate a song in front of a crowd of people to someone I wasn’t serious about!”

“Well I was just asking!”

“Did you really sing for the first time for Sal?”

“How was it?”

“Yeah and how did it happen?”

                Holy fucking shit. Holy fucking shit. Holy fucking shit.

                It was like a litany going on in my head. It was great that people liked our music so much, but I thought this only happened to famous bands who had groups of fans and everything. This was barely our second gig, and we were already being attacked by fans. We were so not ready for this. I could feel Ollie’s breath start to get faster and knew without him having to tell me that he was starting to panic. I really wasn’t any better than him, I was only riding on adrenaline and fear for him.

                I made a signal for the girl to hold on a little second and grabbed Ollie’s hand, bringing him back to the backstage with me. Once there I grabbed his face with my other hand and made him look at me. I looked into his eyes, trying to communicate and transmit, the burst of strength I was feeling, and slowly his breathing started to slow down again. Finally he took a deep breath and closed his eyes for a few seconds like he always did when he wanted to calm himself down. Then suddenly he pulled me right into him and held me tight, knowing right what I needed before I even knew so.

                The adrenaline rush started easing off now that I knew he was ok and my body started shaking uncontrollably. Neither of us did well with attention and in a situation like this, we both had to look out for each other. I kept shaking, riding off the feeling of panic that was going through me. How in the hell were we ever going to do this if we got like this with just six people? He held me all through the panic attack, whispering into my ear that it was alright. Finally the shaking stopped, until there was just a little trembling left and I couldn’t help the long breath that pushed out of me.

                With that I felt the panic recede and pulled back to look into Ollie’s eyes. We had to head back out, we had to face all that attention, together, being there for each other and giving support and strength. Ollie nodded and gave me a small smile, and I grabbed his hand, holding onto it for dear life. We walked back out and the group was still there waiting for us. They looked at us expectantly and I felt another breath push out of me. They were only three girls, they just had suddenly multiplied in my mind with all the questions and the panic.

“How about we go sit with everyone else and order something to drink? If I’m thirsty I can’t even imagine how Ollie must be feeling.”

                I smiled for them, trying my best to act casual. The girls gasped and ushered even closer.

“So you’re really mute?”

“Were you born like this?

“Was it an accident or something?”

                I felt myself shrink back a little and felt proud for not running back into the backstage.

“How about we go sit down?” Ollie said his voice sounding a little too raspy, probably from singing, and I knew it had to be hard as hell to talk to strangers.

“YES!” The girls squealed at the same time.

                We went down to sit with the guys then, the girl flanking us all but bouncing with excitement. The rest of the guys had pulled a bunch of tables and chairs together and were sitting there with even more people around them. When we were seated both Ollie and I let out a relieved breath. When we sat down we put the table between us and the squealing girls, which meant we finally had a little more space and could breathe. I recorded this on a little mental note for the future, when we got more gigs, or something.

                Everyone was bombarded with any question you could imagine; some we answered and some we didn’t. We never blatantly said that we wouldn’t answer a question but, in my case, I answered with other questions, which Ollie passed on to the group of people since they didn’t know sign language. Generally, though, someone stepped in to save anyone who was stuck on an uncomfortable situation. Em, Dust, Kev, and Ollie knew me like the palm of their hands and so knew what I could and couldn’t talk about. I knew that too so I watched their backs for them too. I seriously didn’t know how Ollie knew when to step in to save Kev, Em or Dust, and vice versa, though. I thought that in Ollie’s case it was all intuition and observing, but how everyone else did it, I had no clue.

                Time flew by and before we knew it, it was time for us to go and everyone whined about that. Everyone being a group of about six people that had stayed talking and hanging out with us. Those were more normal civilized people, less like the squealing girls from earlier. We said our goodbyes to Ennie and Drew and told everyone else that we would be seeing them later. They all cheered when they heard that and promised to be here to listen to us whenever we came back.

                Ollie and I walked with the rest of the guys towards Dust’s car, and I thought that, taking out the crazy, squealing people that had attacked everyone as a whole, the night had been pretty great. We all said goodbye and told Em to save herself from getting pissed and not to bother us tomorrow. Em was pissed as hell about that, telling us we were all a bunch of lazy bums and shit and we all just laughed at her. When Ollie and I walked back to his car, she had moved to sulking. Once in the car, I had to admit the silence that surrounded us was like heaven; after all the talking and yelling that had been going on around us I was ready to spend days in silence.

                We decided that the silence was appreciated and left the radio off, enjoying the ride back to town in silence. I looked out of the window only to look somewhere because I wasn’t really paying attention to the scenery. I was instead relieving tonight’s show in my mind, it was after all the first time Ollie sang with us as the official vocalist, and it had been perfect. From the way he introduced us all to the public, making the little jokes and talking to the crowd to the way he ended it telling the people when we’d be back. I had thought during the whole gig that my chest would explode with how big my heart felt.

                I turned to look back at Ollie, looking at his profile as he drove, and saw that he still had sweat dripping from his hair. I bit my lip as I watched a little drop make a trip from his hairline, sliding slowly down the side of his neck, and then going into his shirt. I swallowed the moan that wanted to push out of me. I wanted so badly to get my hands on him, that it was almost physically painful. Ollie turned to look at me with a confused look, for a few seconds before he looked back to the road. I smiled and shook my head knowing he’d see me from the corner of his eye. Nothing was wrong. In fact, if things could be any more not wrong they’d be perfect.

                We got home and Ollie parked the car in front of our houses, getting out and going to open my door. I smiled at him as I got out and kissed him quickly as a thank you. I grabbed my bass and we made our way up to the house. Everything was silent, and there was a soft glow coming from inside the house. Mina was probably already asleep and left the lamps turned on for me. I opened the door slowly not wanting to make any sounds and wake her up. I let Ollie in and closed the door just as slowly. On the hooks were we hung our keys there was a little sticky note and I had to lean closer to read what it said. I blushed and pulled it off quickly before Ollie could read it.

                It said, “Went to sleep, to let you have some privacy ;) Be sure to be done by noon tomorrow. And be safe.” Mina was seriously something else, Ash would’ve been waiting for us in the living room, probably glaring at the door since we called saying we were already on our way back. She also would’ve found some way to ruin the whole night by scolding us for not breathing correctly. I sighed, remembering my problems with my mother. She really had to understand that Ollie was here to stay and that he wasn’t going to hurt me, at least not on purpose.

                Ollie grabbed my hand, pulling me away from my thoughts and bringing me back to the present. I turned to look at him and he was giving me a concerned look that spoke volumes. Of course, he knew that something had suddenly ruined my perfect night, and wanted to know if I was alright and what was it. I smiled at him and leaned in to kiss him, pressing my lips to his and starting to move them in delicious slowness. He placed his hands on my waist and I wrapped my arms around his neck, my hands getting lost in his hair as I continued to torture him with the slowness.

                He whined after a few more moments of that and bit my lip asking for entrance. I smiled against his lips but opened nonetheless. He bit my lower lip again and pulled it into his mouth, playing with the snake bites. I had learned with time that he really did love my snakebites; the tunnels, he liked, but the snakebites, he loved. He kept sucking and playing with my lower lip, taking his time probably just to teach me a lesson. He gave up, though, and pushed his tongue into my mouth, rubbing it against mine and exploring every part of my mouth, starting with the roof and ending it back on my tongue. He kept it slow and sensual, building up the heat until I couldn’t take anymore and pulled back panting. Ollie looked at me with a smug smile and I raised my eyebrow at him. Oh it was on bitch.

                I grabbed his hand and pulled him quickly but silently up the stairs and into my room, where I all but dropped my bass on the floor and pushed him into the bed. I climbed on top of him and leaned down to kiss him, pushing my tongue into his mouth and showing him just who was in control now. That’s what he got for pushing his luck, next time maybe I’d let him be the top but definitely not tonight. Not that he was making any attempt to take control, to be honest he was anything but pushy.

                I pulled back to take off his shirt and quickly took of mine before I latched onto his mouth again. My hands wandered down his body and stopped to play with his nipples for a few seconds, making him moan when I pinched them hard. I smirked against his mouth but kept on kissing him as my hand kept going downward. Finally I reached his jeans and caressed the front of his jeans. I put a hand on one side to support myself as I pushed up to give him and myself some space. I left the other hand on the front of his jeans, though, rubbing it roughly against his hardness.

                He went crazy, bucking and pushing himself into my hand. When I felt a little wet spot spread on the front of his jeans I decided to have some mercy on him. I pulled off of his mouth and sat back as I made short work of his jeans, opening them and pushing them down and off of him. I did the same with mine getting them quickly off. I had wanted to tease him and torture him but I had to admit that I was a little desperate and frantic with need. I stopped for a few seconds, though, thinking that I was a genius for not buying lube. I looked around my room thinking of something use as a substitute when Ollie grabbed my hand to pull my attention back to him. I could barely see him in the darkness of my room but I knew that he was nervous by the way his hands shook a little.

“I have some,” he said.

                I stared at him not understanding for a few seconds and then it hit me. Oh, he had lube and who knew what else. I leaned over him to turn on the lamp by my bedside table and when I pulled back, I knew I had to have my devilish smile on me. I sat back and raised my eyebrow at him, somebody had known exactly what he wanted, before even I knew it.

“You can never be too sure, right?” He asked, his cheeks the color of tomatoes.

                I laughed and leaned down to kiss him, wanting to ease some of the nervousness out of his system. Then I pulled back and looked at him with a questioning look, he was sprawled on the bed looking satiated and I thought that I had pushed the nerves out of him, alright.

“In my bag,” he said smiling up at me.

                I got up and searched through his bag finally finding a little plastic bag with a tube of lube and some condoms. I brought it all back with me and put it on a side, getting the lube out in the process. I made quick work of slicking my fingers and pressed them against his entrance, not pushing in but just rubbing and spreading the lube around. I finally pushed in a finger and Ollie moaned as I wriggled it and pushed it in and out. I loved the sounds he made and felt a need to hear more burn deep in my stomach. I pushed a second finger into him and Ollie all but writhed and danced on them.

                He was so sensual and so desperate with lust, with need for me. I moved my fingers, scissoring them inside him to stretch him, and moved them in and out. When Ollie was pushing back into my fingers, I moved the third one close to the other two so that he eased himself into it. When the three fingers were in, he hissed and clutched the bed covers, his breathing getting labored, I quickly found his sweet spot and just like that I had him writhing on my fingers again. When I thought Ollie was stretched enough, I pulled the fingers out, making him whimper at the loss, and reached over for the condoms. I couldn’t hold back much longer.

                To say that I don’t remember, very clearly, HD clear in fact, what happened after that would be a lie but to try to explain it would be futile. It was a tangle, a mess of limbs and kisses, two bodies trying to become one but not really knowing how to do so. It was ungraceful and hurt at some point, but was just perfect nonetheless. And all through it I really couldn’t think much more than three simple, little words that rang through my mind in an endless litany, as I pushed in and out of him: I love you. When I finally decided that I couldn’t hold back my climax much longer, I felt Ollie tense under me for the God-knows-what time, clamping down and shouting as he came, pushing me over the edge at the same time. I froze right there feeling the pleasure overflow my body and then fade, leaving me panting with absolutely no strength.

                I, ungracefully, collapsed on top of Ollie, almost all my strength leaving me suddenly. I felt his chest rise and fall under me and heard his labored breath slowing down after a few seconds as I tried to build up strength to push up and go to the bathroom to dispose of things and clean up. I sighed and pushed up going quickly to the bathroom, wanting nothing than to be back in bed with Ollie cuddling. I disposed of the condom and grabbed a small towel, wetting it slightly and cleaning myself quickly. I walked back out with the towel still in hand and sat on the edge of the bed, planning to clean Ollie too, but freezing in place. His eyes were closed and he had a blissful expression on his face, his chest falling and raising slowly. He had passed out right after it. I couldn’t help the stupid, goofy smile that spread my lips when I realized that simple little fact.

                I slowly and carefully cleaned him not wanting to wake him up but knowing that it was necessary. I threw the towel towards the general direction of my hamper and slowly climbed onto the bed. I pulled the covers over us and cuddled into him, sighing happily. Ollie turned around and wrapped his arms around me, pulling me tightly to him. I froze thinking that he’d woken up but then smiled as I realized that he hadn’t, it was just natural for him to pull me into him. I sighed and laid my head on his arm, closing my eyes and feeling about as happy as I had ever felt in my life. I think I haven’t slept better in my whole life.

                The next morning I woke up to a rather slow and sensual kiss, hands roaming my body, and a body writhing and rubbing against me. I smiled and pulled back, looking at Ollie’s heavy-lidded eyes. Well it looked like someone was up for round… which was it? Whatever round it was, the point was that he was up for it again. About an hour later when I collapsed on Ollie’s chest panting and fighting to catch my breath, a pair of arms wrapped around me and kept me right there. I took a slow breath and cuddled into Ollie’s arms, enjoying the warmness, not caring if anything other than us got dirty.

                When I got my strength back and could breathe normally again, I pushed out of his arms, reluctantly, mind you, and went into the bathroom again to dispose of the condom. I went to the hamper and discovered that I had a better aim than I’d thought because the towel had landed right on top. I grabbed it and hid it in some clothes, God knew what Ash was capable of if she knew what we’d already done. I turned back to Ollie and found him looking at me like I was the most delicious dish in the world. I blushed and he smirked.

“Want to take a shower?”

                He raised an eyebrow at me and gave me an amused look. Right then I realized what I’d said and blushed even more. He chuckled and got off of the bed, coming over to me and pulling me into his arms, hugging me tight. I pushed into him even though I was embarrassed, and wrapped my arms around him. He pulled back and leaned down to kiss me for a few seconds, before pulling back again and smiling at me.

“I’ll go in first,” he said before kissing me again and pulling away.

                I watched him walk into the bathroom and sighed contently once the door was closed. I threw myself into my bed and laid there happily remembering everything that had happened. I remembered the gig, the song, then getting home and everything in between until right now. I felt the, now almost perpetual, goofy smile spreading on my lips, and didn’t even try to stop it. I closed my eyes just reveling in the memories and thinking about yesterday, right until I realized what I had been thinking last night. I sat up on the bed my perfect moment of happiness popping.

                I loved him? No, no way, no, I didn’t love him, but then, what was it? Everything we’d done yesterday and even now, I had done it to make him mine. I didn’t just want to fuck him and leave it there, I wanted to make him mine, cuddle, sleep together, and even enjoyed just holding each other. Whenever I wasn’t with him every nerve in my body ached for him, all my thoughts were for him, no matter what they were about; they always had to do with him in some way. I wanted nothing more than to spend days on end with just him and me, not just doing it but talking, messing around, joking, and just revel in the sound of his voice. Oh God, I did love him.

                The realization hit me hard in the stomach and I almost felt like puking. I loved him. What if he left me? What if he didn’t love me back? Would I tell him? Well, obviously, I’d tell him someday but the good question was, when? Right then the door of the bathroom opened and I jerked, turning around to look at Ollie standing there with nothing but a towel wrapped around him. He gave me a confused look, when he saw the look on my face. I bet I was a real piece of art, confused and scared. I forced myself to smile at him and shake my head, telling him silently that it was nothing.

“You just scared me, that’s it.”

                He narrowed his eyes for a few seconds before he shook his head and smiled at me. I could’ve sighed with relief. I got up and off the bed and made my way to the bathroom, trying as hard as I could to act casual. Ollie grabbed my arm before I could go in, though, and pulled me into his arms to kiss me. I kissed him back, feeling as my body relaxed, all thoughts pushed to the back of my mind. He pulled back and I just stared at him kind of dazed for a few moments.

“What was that for?”

“Just because,” he said pushing me towards the bathroom.

                I turned to look at him with a frown on my face. He was crazy, definitely and totally crazy, and not even normal crazy, he was coo coo crazy. Ollie laughed and flipped me off, which in turn made me laugh. I walked into the bathroom, warming the water and stepping in to wash the sweat off of my body, still smiling like an idiot. By the time I got out of the bathroom the smile was long gone and what I’d been thinking before was back in the front of my mind, torturing me. I looked around my room and saw no sign of Ollie, so I went to my closet glad to have a few moments of privacy, still thinking about what I’d realized before. I loved him, great. What now? I had to tell him, obviously. I wanted to be together with him for a long time, forever if possible and obviously had to tell him, the good question was how and when. What if he didn’t want anything that long lasting with me? What if he hadn’t thought that far? What if he didn’t love me back? What if he left me? What if I ruined this?

                I got dressed as all this thoughts buzzed through my mind, and absently went down the stairs and sat on the island in the kitchen. I grabbed my fork and started shoveling my scrambled eggs into my mouth, not really listening to what was going on around me. There was a throat being cleared right after I put in the first bite of egg, though, and that brought me back to the present making me look up from my plate and noticing my mom glaring at me. When had Ash come back? Why was she here so early? Where was Ollie? Was he alright or had she found him and killed him? I looked around and noticed Mina shaking her head behind Ash. So he was gone?

“Nice of you to grace us with you presence,” Ash said raising her eyebrow.

“I was sleeping, I only woke up about half an hour ago and went immediately into the shower, wanting to wash the sweat off of me. Yesterday was rough on my body.”

“Really? Why?” She asked eyeing me.

“Because the gig went on for thirty minutes longer than expected again and a part of the crowd stayed behind to attack us with questions. They wanted to know every single stupid thing we did, how we knew each other, how we had gotten together, why the band was named Tainted. I was even expecting them to ask me how often I breathed.”

“Well, you wanted attention, didn’t you? You got it now, you should be glad,” Ash said and then her eyes narrowed. “At what time did you get home if you spent so much time answering questions?”

                I gritted my teeth and tried my best to remember that she was my mom and I couldn’t tell her to fuck off.

“Mina told us we could arrive around eleven after I explained the whole situation to her. We were back here around ten thirty because Ollie didn’t want us to be out so late.”

                Ash stared at me for a few seconds and stared back at her. Ollie had been really careful lately not wanting to get on my mother’s wrong side and get me grounded.

“And at what time did Oliver leave?” She asked still eyeing me.

                I hesitated at that, when I went into the bathroom half an hour earlier he was still around. I really didn’t know when he’d left.

“Oh, he left about two hours before you got here, said his parents wanted him back because he was on chore duty,” Mina said taking Ash’s plate from in front of her and turning to wash it and the other things she’d used to cook.

“Hmm… Fine. You’re on chore duty for two weeks,” Ash said getting up and off the bar stool.

                Mina almost broke the plate she was washing and I might’ve screamed or groaned very loudly.

“What? Why? What the hell did I do?”

“Keep talking to me like that and you’ll get a month,” Ash said glaring at me.

“Ash, honey, what did he do to earn that?” Mina asked clearly not understanding either.

“He arrived after curfew,” she said simply. “You should be glad I’m not grounding you.”

“But I didn’t arrive after curfew. I arrived before curfew even.”

“No curfew is at ten and you know that, you just took advantage that I wasn’t here and knew Mina would let you do it,” she said glaring at me.

“Now Ashlyn, you don’t get to override my authority just like that, if I say the curfew moves to eleven then it moves,” Mina said putting down the plate and drying her hands furiously.

“Override your authority? You overrode mine by moving that curfew without even telling me!” Ash yelled angrily.

“You were miles away in the city or have you forgotten that?” Mina said looking angrier per second.

“Then you should’ve called me!”

“I needed to make a decision right then I didn’t have time to call you!”

“Then you just leave the curfew as it was and that’s it.”

“But they had people wanting to know about them Ash, they are going somewhere, people are beginning to like them!”

“Yeah? So what? It’s not like they need the attention or anything, it’s just a hobby thing. It’s not like they’re planning to go anywhere with their fucking, stupid band.”

                At that moment I thought I was seriously going to kill someone. Mina’s eyes widened when she saw me and I had an idea of just how angry I was. Ash turned around and took a little step back. Oh be scared woman, because I am seriously angry and someone is going to pay for that.

“Just a hobby thing? Where have you been for the past year of my fucking life? We’ve been talking about being professional, recording, and making our first EP for the past year. We’ve been talking about going to gigs, gaining popularity, and praying some record label will notice us and sign with us. Where you not listening when I was saying all this, telling you about the four songs we had written and about thinking of recording them independently and showing them around? A hobby thing? Really? You think I’d put three fucking hours of my life every single day into a hobby thing?”

“Now, you don’t get to talk to me…” Ash started saying, trying to regain her normal control of conversations.

“If you’re going to talk about my band however the hell you want, I think I can talk to you however the fucking hell I want. You don’t get to call Tainted a fucking, stupid band because you haven’t even heard us play. In all the four years since we started Tainted you have never even stepped a foot on Em’s garage to hear us play. So don’t talk about something you don’t fucking know.”

“Sal, come on…” Ash started saying, her mean front dropping and her mellow core shining through. I stepped on it.

“Oh, you don’t get to do that. You don’t get say you didn’t mean it or whatever. You don’t get to ever talk that way about something I love and then take it back like it’s nothing. I’ve put sweat, and tears, and time into this band. Worked my ass off to be in the place where I am right now, and you call it not only stupid but fucking stupid?”

“Would you let me just…?” Ash started saying again.

“No, you know what? I won’t let you just anything, because you never give anyone the same privilege. You go around with this scary mean front, ignoring other people’s opinion, and disregarding whatever they say no matter if they’re right, just to show people that you aren’t weak or something. You know what? I think that’s fucking stupid. If you need to fake, lie, and be something you’re not for people to respect you then they don’t really respect you. And anyways people don’t really respect you they just fear you, because you’re just oh so pleasant towards them when they’re here. Not even Em and Dust like to hang out here because you’re too much for them, and they’re scared shitless of you.”

                I was breathing hard now, my arms aching with how much I’d talked and how fast. We were all in silence for a few seconds, Mina and Ash just staring at me in shock. Ash was the first to recover.

“Really?” She asked in a little broken voice.

“Really what?” I was getting kind of nervous knowing I had to have stepped over the line at some point, and waiting for the rimming I’d get for that.

“Is that really why Em and Dust won’t come over anymore? I thought it was because you were always so busy with the band,” she said after clearing her throat but her voice still sounded as broken as it had before.

                I felt a tug in my stomach. Oh God, I had been too harsh on her. Everything I’d said was true but that didn’t make it any more pleasant to hear. I groaned and closed my eyes.

“Was I really that unpleasant to be around?” Ash asked again, her voice sounding even worse.

                I grimaced and sighed, finally nodding to answer all her questions. She turned to look at Mina who had a grimace similar to mine. She nodded as well and I felt another tug on my stomach. Ash’s face fell, her shoulders slumping forward, and just exuding a broken and sad aura, and it was almost physically painful to be around her.

“Wow,” she said before leaving the kitchen and walking up the stairs slowly.

                Both Mina and I listened in silence until we heard a door close and both of us sighed at the same time. I turned to look at Mina, she had her eyes closed and was pinching the bridge of her nose. I reached slowly to her hand and grabbed it. She opened her eyes and she must’ve seen how sad I felt because she didn’t say anything, she just opened her arms for me. I stepped right into them and started to cry, the sobs raking my body like waves. I hadn’t meant to say all that, I had just exploded. It was all true, like I’d said, but that didn’t make saying it any less wrong.

                I had been fed up of her front and her moodiness and just the way she did and said whatever the she wanted, stepping right over other people’s opinions. And then when she called Tainted stupid it had all just been too much for me. I hadn’t meant to hurt her or anything. I continued sobbing into Mina’s shoulder and she made slow circling motions on my back and whispered soothing things into my ear. Finally, after calming down little by little, I took a deep breath and pulled away from Mina’s arms, rubbing at my eyes to dry the tears that were still on them and wiping my cheeks.

“I really didn’t mean to sat all that to her. It was the truth but I didn’t mean to say it.”

                Mina gave me a sad smile and caressed my cheek.

“I know Sal. But sadly she stepped over the line when she called Tainted a fucking stupid band and a hobby thing. Even I was angry when she said that,” Mina said sighing. “But you are right it was the truth and honestly she was even getting to be too much for me.”

                I slumped back on a stool and Mina gave me another sad smile.

“I’ll go on up to see how she’s doing,” Mina said. “Are you alright?”

                I nodded and Mina leaned down to press a soft kiss into my forehead.

“Why don’t you go on over to Ollie’s? He left in quite a hurry when I told him that Ash was almost here,” Mina said smiling weakly at me.

                I nodded and stood up, kissing Mina’s cheek and thanking her. I grabbed my keys and left the house closing the door behind me and making my way absently to Ollie’s house. I rang the doorbell and stood there waiting for a few seconds, until finally the door opened. Ally’s smile faded when she saw me.

“Ollie! Come here immediately! Oh, don’t just stand there, come in, come in. Are you alright sweetie? Did something happen?”

“Ally, honey? Is everything… Oh God,” Jerry said as he walked into the living room. “Oliver, son, you need to get right the fuck here, now!” Jerry yelled up the stairs. “It’s Sal!”

                I had a pretty good guess of just how broken I must’ve looked.

“Son, what happened? Are you alright? Did Brent do something to you? Did someone else?” Jerry said seating across the loveseat Ally had sat me on, on the couch in front right next to Ally.

                I shook my head not really wanting to talk to them about it.

“What’s all the yelling…?” Ollie started saying until he saw me.

“Sal,” was all he said before practically running and dropping to his knees in front of me. They made a loud painful sound as they hit the floor.

“Are you alright? You hit your knees pretty hard.”

                He stared at me for a few seconds.

“Am I alright? Have you seen yourself lately?”

                I chuckled humorlessly at that. Yeah I had to be a fucking piece of art right now.

“I have a pretty good idea of what I look like right now. I bet the snotty nose and the red-rimmed, puffy eyes are making you fall for me all over again.”

“Sal, what happened? Please just tell me. What made you like this? You were alright when I left you in the bathroom before Ash could murder me.”

                I hadn’t exactly been alright but let’s just put that little fact aside for a bit. I shook my head again and looked at both his parents before looking back at him, hopping he’d get the message.

“Come on, get up. We’re going to my room, alright?” He said getting up and pulling me up too.

                His parents nodded looking at him with wide eyes and I guess he really didn’t talk much to anyone that wasn’t me. He pulled me up the stairs quickly, then into his bedroom and closed the door behind himself before pulling me over to the bed. He sat me down and pulled me right into his arms, wrapping them around me and hugging me tightly. Almost as if he was squeezing them out of me, tears started to run down my cheeks again, the memory of what I’d done to my mother returning to the forefront of my mind. I pulled back still sobbing but wanting to explain so Ollie didn’t think I was crazy or something.

“Ollie, I’ve done something terrible, and I mean really fucking horrible.”

                I continued crying as I explained how all the fight with Ash had started and how it had ended. By the time I was done, the sobs took control over my body and rolled through me in waves that left me shaking and undone. Ollie pulled me back into his arms when I was done and didn’t say anything, just held onto me, letting me cry myself dry. He pulled us back until he was sitting with the wall supporting his back and pulled me tighter into him. For the longest time I just cried and cried, letting myself work everything out of my body without any restraints. Slowly, the sobbing turned to just crying silently, then the waves of tears started to come less often until finally they stopped. We just sat there, me cuddled tightly into him and him just holding me, for a few minutes. Then he took a deep breath and I knew he would start talking.

“You really did do something terrible,” Ollie started saying and I felt myself tense. “It wasn’t exploding because you’re human. You only have so much patience. What you did is being here with me instead of being there with her. What she wants the most in this moment is to know that you don’t hate her. She needs to know that you’re not scared of her. That you know who she truly is.”

                I thought about that for a second and decided that Ollie had gone mad. Why would she want me there? She probably didn’t even want to see me right now.

“More than angry at you, she’s angry at herself for doing something so stupid. She’s scared she lost and hurt what she cares for the most. I think you should go back,” Ollie finished simply.

                We stayed silent for a few moments. If what Ollie was saying really was true, then I should probably be in my house hugging Ash instead. I had nothing left to lose in this situation, I mean what could I do to make things get worse? I sighed and pulled back looking into Ollie’s eyes and seeing how much he cared for me right there. I leaned in and kissed him slowly, not wanting to get things heated but just needing the support and strength his kiss would give me. I finally pulled back again and gave him the best smile I could muster. Ollie kissed my forehead and got up, pulling me up with him. We went down the stairs, his parents looking at me and looking back at Ollie with a confused look. I bet that if anything I looked even worse right now. Ollie walked me to the door and opened it for me, letting me walk out in my own pace. Once outside I stood on my tiptoes to press a small kiss on his lips before hugging him and going over to my own house.

                Once there I could hear the sobs from the landing and I felt my stomach wound up even tighter with guilt. I climbed the stairs one by one, making my way slowly to Mina’s and Ash’s room. The door was ajar so I just pushed it, poking my head around it. Mina was there with Ash on the bed, trying to get her to calm down, but it didn’t look like it was working. I stepped in and the floor creaked. Mina looked up and gave me another sad smile, Ash obviously knew who it was and turned to face the other way. I got closer to the bed and went to my knees in front of Ash, grabbing her hands and squeezing them trying to get her to look at me. When she didn’t I sighed and started making the signs in her hand knowing she’d be able to read them. This was really a drag, tactile sign language required some signs to be changed and a slower pace. But well if she wasn’t looking at me, what could I really do?

“I’m sorry for what I said, even if it is true, it just wasn’t the way to say something like that to anyone, even less to you. I will be honest here, I had gone over to Ollie’s to cry and explain things to him, thinking that you probably didn’t want to see me right now. I had even planned on staying there tonight, to give you some time to work out your anger towards me. But once he listened to everything he told me something really weird. He said that you weren’t angry at me, but just angry at yourself for hurting the people you love. He said I had done a terrible thing and that was leave instead of staying here with you.”

                Ash turned to look at me then with an expression on her face that I couldn’t really describe. It was like a mix between fear, anger, and sadness. I let go of her hands and went on.

“Now, I think he’s just crazy because really, you’ve been my mother for seventeen, almost eighteen years and you have to know that I would never hate you. You’ve been putting up a front for the past eight years and got even worse four years ago. I thought to myself that you had to know I would never put up with anything from anyone I didn’t love or care for. I also thought that you had to know that no matter how much you insulted Tainted and Ollie, that I would never stop loving you. I might get angry and annoyed but we would just have one of our usual fights and work it all out like we always did. I’m only here because I thought there was really nothing I could do to make things worse and decided to give it a shot, but I still think that Ollie lost his mind.”

                Ash stared at me looking just plain sad, and I felt another tug in my stomach. I would really wind up with and ulcer after today.

“You love me? After everything I’ve done, after what I said about Tainted, after how I’ve treated Ollie, you really still love me?” She asked in a little broken voice.

“You really thought I hated you or something? Of course I love you, you’re my mother. Short of killing someone there’s really nothing you could do to make me genuinely hate you.”

                Ash broke down crying and wrapped her arms around me, telling me how scared she’d been that with her stupid behavior she had pushed me away from her forever. She told me she thought that I wasn’t going to forgive her this time and that our relationship was broken and couldn’t be fixed with anything, ever. I looked at Mina and she gave me a real smile this time.

“You have a good man,” she mouthed at me.

                I blushed and she chuckled. She leaned in to kiss Ash’s forehead and a sole lone tear rolled down her cheek as she pushed closer and joined the group hug. One thing about Mina. She doesn’t cry. She hates to cry, in fact. And if she cried, even if it was one tear, then she must’ve been either really sad, or really happy.

                As I sat there sandwiched between Ash and Mina I thought that maybe now that Ash was back to being her normal mellow self, things would finally start going right around here. I sighed and relaxed into the embrace, I just needed to figure out my whole issue with the L word and things would be practically perfect.