2. Total Siyapaa (Total Chaos)

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Vikram is my best friend. Not by choice, of course. I will have to be reborn again and get an Alzheimer's to even consider this good-for-nothing piece of breathing furniture as anything more than a passing face. So you get the gist. It was on pure accident. He was my senior in school, older than me by two years. I was on the school ground, heading for the library to prepare for my finals when he excused himself from his not-so-loud friend group saying he needs to help this chashmish nerdy with some revisions. That was me by the way. The chashmish nerdy. He needed to get away from them and used me as a scapegoat. I haven't forgiven him for that, will never do. I'm petty.

"This one's good, but she has a long nose." He said, discarding another photo. I already have limited options and he has already rejected five of them for the stupidest reasons. I wonder how he fell for Nisha, his wife. She also has a long nose. Selective blindness, maybe.

"Okay," he scrutinized the next photo. Mr. Sir has the looks of Nawazuddin Siddiqui and the standards of Hritik Roshan. "She is good. Her hair...." I snatched the photo from him, took a careful look, and approved it.

"She is in," I said, putting the photo on the nightstand.

"Her name," he scrolled through my phone. "Preeti Mathur," he looked up with a smile. "She is pursuing her master's-" I grabbed my phone, cutting him mid-sentence to read about my potential wife with my own eyes. "Compatible?"

I shrugged. "She has the looks. Let's see if she has the personality to compliment them." I answered.

"Mil gayi ladki? (Found the girl?)" Meghna sprouted in my room out of the blue, just like her existence. "Let me see," she bent to take the picture, shooting me a glare when I snatched it from the nightstand before she could get her dirty paws on it. "Show me!" She demanded.

"Nikal na, (Get out)" I scowled, waving her off with my hand.

Instead, she flopped down on my bed with a pout. "I just want to see,"

I tsked with my mouth, denying her.

"Adi!"

"Meghna!"

She gasped. "How many times I've told you to call me Di! I'm older than you!"

"Yes, it can be seen on your face. Didn't I refer you a cream for those wrinkles?" I narrowed my eyes at her.

She gasped louder. "Kamine! (Rascal!)"

I ignored her. Just like always. I think at this rate I'll be a pro at it, ignoring any and all inconvenience in my life. After all, don't they say, ignorance is bliss? Meghna's presence proves the phrase.

"You're so disrespectful to women-"

"To you!" I corrected her.

"I'm a woman!" She grumbled.

"No, you're a headache. Tujhe Didi kehne se accha mein raste ki kutiya ko didi bol lu! (Rather than you, I would prefer a roadside bitch as my sister!)"

Her mouth fell agape before she made a face of crying. Horrifying. A real terror.

"Fine, you dog! Next time, get that roadside bitch to tie you the rakhi then!" She snapped and left, her heels stomping on the floor.

"Are you siblings or enemies?" Vikram shuddered.

"I don't see the difference." I rolled my eyes.

My attention gravitated toward the smiling face of Preeti Mathur. I wonder what's her reason to get married so early. She is only 23 years old. Or is it the family pressure? Everyone should have a mom like mine. She believes in getting settled first. Financial security and emotional stability she calls it. I like that about mom. She thinks about us before everyone else. Maybe because she knows how it feels to be dependent on others in all aspects of life.

My mom was married off to a wealthy businessman the moment she turned nineteen. She agreed for the sake of her family though she wanted to continue her education. Her ex-in-laws and first husband approved of her wish so she sailed along with them, only to realise they intended to cut her wings before she could reach the shore. She got pregnant in the first two months of marriage. But because she wasn't emotionally ready, the mental stress resulted in an abortion. Her previous in-laws and husband didn't take that lightly and the abuse began. But she couldn't get out easily, afraid to become a lifelong burden on her family. However, when her brother found out, nothing was stopping him from getting his only sister out of that hell. That's how she met our father. He is a lawyer. My dad was sneaky as fuck, that's what he says. He knew mom wasn't ready to jump into another relationship immediately after, so he patiently waited two years, making sure to drop hints here and there, and then one night over the phone he asked her to marry him. Last month they celebrated their thirty-second wedding anniversary, and I'm sure there are many more years to come.

Isn't their love story beautiful? Made for each other types. Watching them being so in love with each other restores my faith in marriages and relationships. I have a hope, that I'll be able to get someone like my parents got each other.

I looked down at Preeti again.

Is it you, Preeti?

I smiled. Maybe. Maybe not. Let's see.

"Oh, look at you," Vikram teased. "Already smiling at the thought of her?"

I blushed and put the photo in the drawer of my bedside table. From the list of ten, she was the only one who was able to catch my eye. If this goes well, maybe I'll be really married by the end of this year. If not, I'll make sure mom gets me more options.

"Let's go have dinner," I said, getting up from the chair. He did too, pushing down his crumpled trousers before leaning in to clean the mess on the bed. In the meanwhile, I put my phone to charge and fixed the chair back in its place.

Meghna was already at the dining table when we arrived, with her headphones hanging on her neck. She regarded me with the nastiest of glares that I didn't bother responding to. She is only a year older than me so I don't understand her obsession with me calling her Di. She doesn't even act like an elder sister. In fact, among the three of us, she is the most childish, immature, and demanding as hell.

"When's Mummy and Dad coming home?" I asked her.

She put her headphones back, increased the volume, flipped her phone upside down, and pretended I'm not there.

Fine by me.

I sat down and served myself. Vikram sat on my left, helping himself as well.

"Is Nisha bhabhi not waiting for you at dinner?"

He shook his head. "She had a field day at the school with Ashish. Literally. It was his sports day."

I nodded.

"Your parents are not coming back today?"

I shrugged. "They left at five before I could come back from the office. Mummy dropped me a message that we do not wait for them at dinner. You know how weddings are."

"I do. And you're about to know the same very soon." He nudged me on the shoulder.

I chuckled.

"I seriously don't understand your obsession over getting married so soon." He sighed dramatically.

"I need someone to talk to,"

"Get a pet?"

"And someone to listen to." I pressed.

"Ah, a two-way communication fan. My son's school arranges many debates and group discussion activities, if you are interested we can always get you a seat-"

I shoved a spoonful of dal rice in his mouth. "Muh band kar aur kha! (Shut up and eat!)" I grunted.

He smiled wolfishly.

The rest of the evening proceeded with light conversations. I steered away from wedding discussion as much as I could. Vikram's tone always takes a teasing route whenever we land on that topic. He left at ten o clock, just an hour before mom and dad arrived. They asked me to reheat the food because well, my dad has cholesterol problems and oily food is a big no-no. I did as told, also served them, and was about to retire to my bedroom when Bhai arrived.

"Avinash, get fresh and have dinner." Mom said to him.

He loosened the laces of his shoes, got rid of them, and nodded as he walked to his bedroom.

"Uske liye bhi ek plate laga de, (Serve him too)," Mom requested me.

I breathed exasperatedly but obliged anyway.

Bhai returned, took his plate, and excused himself to his room because he has some work pending. Mom tried to talk him out of it but he didn't bend to her will. She sighed in defeat. My brother is a workaholic through and through. His bank account is blessed. I'm sure mine would have cursed me out every second if it had a conscience. I'm not lazy, I just work enough to get me a good night's sleep and time to eat my food in peace.

"Ek shaadi ke naam se dur bhagta hai, aur ek ko shaadi ke alawa kuch dusra sujhta nahi. (One runs away at the thought of marriage, and one cannot think of anything else but marriage.)" Mom sighed, probably blaming her luck. Our eyes met and I gave her a bright smile. She chuckled. "Come here, give me a kiss," she tapped her cheek. I didn't waste time planting my lips on her forehead. "Did you like anyone from the options I gave you this morning?" She asked me while I pulled myself a chair to sit at the corner of the table.

"One. Preeti Mathur."

Mom nodded. "Okay, I'll talk to your Bua about her. By the way, there was this family we met at the wedding. They are from Delhi. Their daughter studied at NIFT and has recently opened her own fashion boutique. I met her. Sweet girl. Would you like to meet her before meeting Preeti?"

I pursed my lips. "How does she look?"

"Pretty nice."

"What are you saying? She was beautiful, Adi." Dad interrupted.

"Really?" I smiled.

"Hmm," Mom nodded. "But looks fade with time. Personality stays. So focus on how it will be to spend your life with the person, rather than how they'll look beside you as your partner." She advised. "Anyway, what's your take on my choice? Want to meet her first?"

I shrugged. "You like her so she must be good. Let's meet her before Preeti."

"Alright, I'll talk to her parents then. Does day after tomorrow sounds good?"

My breath almost stopped. "Like to meet her?"

She nodded.

Fuck.

"But she is a stranger. What do you expect me to say when we meet?"

"I don't know. Figure it out."

"Mummy, yar!" I groaned. "Can't you speak to her?" I squinted my eyes at her, clutching the end of her saree.

"Kuch bhi! (Don't be ridiculous!)" She swatted my hand away. "I'm not the one marrying her. It's you. Obviously, you'll have to talk to her."

"Mummy, I can't even go for a doctor's appointment without you! How can I talk to a girl that possibly can be my soulmate? What if I make a fool of myself and lose the love of my life?" I rambled on.

She inhaled sharply. "Aditya Rajveer Shrivastava, you should have thought of this before dancing around my head with the flag of marriage!" She chastised.

I looked at Dad for support. He ignored me like I don't exist. I deflated.

Meri toh kismat hi kharab hai! (I'm just so unlucky!)

Getting up, I stomped to my room and face-planted myself on the bed.

I can't do this.

I can do this.

Can't.

Can.

And I chanted myself to sleep.

I can't do this.

Fuck.

Fuck marriage.

Fuck having a partner.

I can't even speak to the opposite gender and you want me to speak of marriage? That's like taking a step forward and hoping for it to cover a mile.

I'm a nervous wreck as we drive to Sunaina Desai's house. This came as another shock to me this morning, after waking up to no Tweety ruining my sleep.

Why is it a norm that the groom and his family must go to the girl's house? Why not the other way around? I've no qualms coming out with a tea tray and snacks to serve them. That'll be a lot better than having me plucked out of my comfort zone, get shoved into a stranger's house, and be expected to make a life-changing decision.

"Mummy, let's go back home," I begged her. She shot me a look from the rearview mirror that said, shut up or I'll throw you out of the car. I sulked in the backseat.

"Calm down," Meghna placed a comforting hand on my knee. I clutched it tighter for emotional support.

"It'll be okay, Adi," Dad said from the driver's seat.

I sucked in a sharp breath. It was shaky and my chest literally trembled.

"Mummy, yar-"

"Shut up!" She snapped, startling me.

My cheeks puffed in annoyance and I crossed my arms on my chest, staring out the window for the rest of the drive.

The Desai family met us in the compound of their apartment building. I tried to hide as much as I can and Bhai's back helped me a lot before my mother snatched me from behind him and presented me to them as some sort of sacrificial lamb.

They tried to make a conversation with me but I was so God damn nervous it felt as though I was spouting unfiltered lines off my head before I even had the chance to cerebrete anything.

We finally made it to their apartment. It was cozy and gave off cool vibes because of the white and blue theme. To read a book here will be a feast to a bookworm like me. They said the one in Delhi is bigger and better. I don't know what was the point of adding the unnecessary. We weren't going to judge them based on the size of their house.

"Please have a seat." Mr. Desai said, gesturing to the set of comfortable couches across from him.

We all sat down.

"Sunaina is in the kitchen. I'll just go and bring her." Mrs. Desai smiled at us before walking off in the direction of their kitchen.

I fished out my handkerchief and wiped my hands dry. The more nervous I am, the more sweaty they get.

"There she is," I looked up, expecting a skip in my heartbeat but was disappointed when nothing of that sort happened. She was beautiful. No, that's an understatement. She was absolutely stunning in that pink saree with a gold border but there were no butterflies in my stomach. Isn't that what's supposed to happen? I sighed and forced a smile as she served me coffee after serving my parents. I resisted the urge to scrunch my nose at the sight of it. I loathe coffee.

After taking a sip for the sake of formality, I put it down intending to never pick it up again.

My mom asked her a few questions, then my dad. Meghna opened her mouth too. I stayed quiet.

"How about we let the kids talk in private?"

No.

I pinched the end of my mother's blouse sleeve. She yanked my hand off and glared at me pointedly to do as expected. I got up quietly, following Sunaina into her room. She closed the door behind us and I swear I considered jumping out of the window that was in front of me. What's the worse that can happen? I'll lose a few limbs. Yeah, that's worse. Let's not.

"You can sit on the chair," she pointed out.

I nodded without looking anywhere but the floor and sat down. She sat on the right side of her bed. "So?" She swayed her knee rapidly. She is nervous too? Thank God.

I met her eyes and smiled. "So?"

Don't swallow. Don't breathe too loudly. Don't shake your knee.

"My mom said you're a software engineer?"

Game programmer but okay.

I nodded.

She chuckled. "I had sworn to marry anyone but a software engineer,"

Fuck.

"But looking at you, I think there's a probability I may change my statement." She smiled playfully.

Oh.

I chuckled awkwardly. "You own a fashion boutique?"

Keep the conversation going. Girls don't prefer boring guys.

"Yeah, I just recently opened it. Like a few months ago. Great response so far."

"That's nice," I said honestly. I've deep respect for people who take the risk of building something of their own. Like my brother. I prefer the safe way.

"So, what do you look for in a bride?" She inquired softly.

I shrugged.

That's not helping you here, Adi.

"Someone understanding. With a bit of sense of humor," her smile broadened. "I'm-" I cleared my throat. "I'm a kind of introvert. So, maybe someone with the opposite personality?"

"An extrovert?"

I nodded.

"I'm an extrovert through and through." She grinned.

Does she like me? Is she flirting? Am I flirting? ArE wE fLirTiNg!?

Oh my God, am I having a panic attack!?

"Okay," I forced an awkward smile.

She laughed throwing her head back. The wind from the window caused her pallu to flutter, revealing her stomach and the end of her blouse. I quickly looked away.

"You're so cute," she fixed her saree and regarded me with a grin.

I smiled in response. Again.

"It's a yes from me, Adi," she said, taking me back with her words. I stared at her in shock and she blushed. I blinked looking away.

Are you supposed to make the decision right away? In the first meeting?

"I- I don't know-"

"Hey, it's okay," she chuckled. "Just because I said yes, doesn't mean you have to do the same. Take your time. If you want, meet other girls. I'll be here for a week. If it's a yes, let me know before Sunday. And if no, I hope we can be friends. You're too adorable to miss out on."

I nodded hesitantly. "I'm sorry." I don't even know what I was apologising for.

"Don't be. I've met around ten guys before you and trust me, they were less than average. You're perfect, Adi. I'm sure every girl after me will put you in the same situation as I did today."

How is she so damn confident? I could never.

"Thanks. You too." I smiled and then clenched my jaw. Seriously, Adi? You too? For what? Go and die, loser.

She laughed but thankfully didn't tease me. I was embarrassed enough.

"Let's go," she said and took the lead. I followed her out.

Our families looked at us expectantly.

"It's a yes from me-" everyone smiled and started to congratulate each other, "but he needs some time." She added louder than before. Everyone sat still.

"Oh," echoed in unison.

We left the Desai apartment soon after. Dad and Meghna looked slightly disappointed. Mom appreciated me for not jumping at the opportunity of getting a beautiful girl just because she said yes.

"But I don't understand what's wrong? She is beautiful, yes?" Meghna asked.

I nodded, playing around with my food. I want to eat pizza. I'm tired of having dinner at home.

"Respectful?"

I nodded.

"Polite?"

I nodded.

"Then what's the problem?" Dad queried.

I shrugged.

How can I tell them I did not feel any spark?

It was no butterflies and fireworks. Either the books are lying, or she is just not the one for me.

"Do you still want to meet Preeti?" Mom asked me.

I hummed in response.

Meghna looked even more disappointed. I'm sure she saw dollar signs at the sight of the design catalogue Sunaina's mother was showing off proudly. The raccoon lives off free stuff.

Post dinner, I was talking to Vikram on the phone.

"She said yes?"

"Yeah," I said, picking on the threads of the mattress.

"And she is gorgeous?"

"Hmm,"

"Then what's the problem?"

"I don't know. I just need some time." I reasoned.

"Look, Adi, this will come off harsh, but your standards are just so damn high-" talk about the pot calling the kettle back. "You need to lower them."

"Vikram, you don't understand. Shut up." I said and hung up. I was failing at explaining why I couldn't bring myself to say yes to the amazing woman I met today, but that doesn't mean my reason is invalid.

"Adi," mom peeped from the doorstep.

"Kya? (What?)"

"Are you free?"

I nodded while placing my phone on the nightstand. She stepped inside, closed the door, and made her way over. I folded my legs to make her space.

"Let me see Preeti," she requested.

I bent over and opened the first drawer on my right. Grabbing the photo, I handed it to her before closing the drawer.

She hummed, stretching her hand and taking a good look at the girl. "She is nice. Not prettier than Sunaina though."

"I thought you said looks fade?"

She chuckled. "Yes, but it's only her looks we've right now to judge. Nothing else. Is it because of her that you're so hesitant? Did she catch your eye at the first look?"

I shrugged.

Mom sighed. "What is it, Adi?"

I shook my head. "Nothing. When can I meet her?"

"First you're meeting her sister."

I frowned. "What?"

She nodded. "Her sister is her only guardian. Your Bua told me their parents died in a car accident. Since then they're living with their mother's side of the family. But Priya, her sister, takes the major decisions in their lives. So yeah, you've to meet her before and if she likes you, then you're meeting this girl." She shook the photo to emphasize.

"Mummy, yar!" I sat straight. "What is this? A screen test!? I'm not auditioning for a role in the movie!"

"Yes, but you're definitely auditioning for a permanent role in their lives. So, refrain from complaining." She rolled her eyes.

I tsked audibly, resting my head on the headboard, the ceiling suddenly looked interesting enough to spend the rest of my life staring at it.

"How old is her sister?"

"29 or something."

"Is she married?"

"No," mom put the photo back in the drawer.

I sat straight with a frown. "Why?"

She puckered her lower lip out. "How would I know? Her life, her choice."

I nodded.

"Anyway, good night. It's Friday tomorrow. We all have things to do." She said and got up from the bed. I spread my legs straight, stretching them for some relief. "Adi," I looked up in acknowledgment, "Is there really no reason why you're not saying yes to Sunaina?"

I swallowed and looked down at my lap.

She sighed, closing the door as she walked back to my side. "What is it?"

I bit my lower lip. "There were no sparks, Mummy." I felt so fucking silly saying that. "My heart didn't skip a beat at her sight. I didn't feel butterflies tumbling in my stomach when our eyes met."

Mom looked at me in disbelief for a few seconds before bursting out in laughter. I grew even more self-consciously.

"Mummy, yar, haso mat na! (Mummy, yar, don't laugh!)" I groaned, shoving her on the shoulder.

She tried to stop but failed miserably. "Sorry," she panted. "I'm so sorry. I just couldn't control myself when I heard your reason. It was so dumb-" I frowned. "But also very cute," she cooed pinching my cheek. I pushed her hand away. "Okay, I'm sorry."

"You're not." I deadpanned.

She snickered. "Thank God you didn't say this during dinner."

"Mummy!"

"What?" She chuckled. "Maybe it's our fault for not showing you the realistic version of love." She murmured. "All we show you is how happy and satisfied your dad and I are with each other. No, Adi. There are some days when we have full-blown arguments, some days when we don't even talk to each other. You know, fiction has glorified love in ways you mistake everything else for love but love. Love is not fireworks and butterflies. It's- it's uh, it's a caterpillar! It's slow, steady, a gradual process towards something insanely beautiful. There's newness in it, and because it is new, it makes you feel strange and awkward at first. Yet you won't be able to think of anything else but the person who made you feel that way. You think about them constantly, not because they made you feel sparks and things, but because talking to them made you nervous, yet their company made you feel at ease. They give you hope, that may be making them a part of your life won't be that bad. Sparks and butterflies are more of an attraction or intimacy thing. Not the first conversation thing, or the first look thing. You've to believe in them to give them a chance to become someone important to you, that's a steady step towards love, Adi." She explained to me gently.

I sat mulling over her thoughts while she got up to leave.

"Adi," she called out from the doorstep and I looked up at her. "The next time you meet a girl, keep this in mind." She smiled at me.

I nodded slowly.

She left after closing the door of my room.

By the end of the week, I was a hundred percent sure Sunaina was not the one for me. She may not have given me butterflies or sparks, but neither did she give me hope to start something beautiful with her. I don't know why. It was a gut feeling and I went with it. I just couldn't envision myself spending the rest of my life with her. So on the day I was to meet Preeti's sister, I called her and said no. She took it positively and wished me luck. I wanted to bring up the friend thing, but she didn't so I let it go and wished her luck as well. We ended it on a good note.

I was happy, it was a great start to a new day and a new week. Let's hope by the end of the day I feel the same.

How foolish of me to think that. Soon I learned, the universe has some fucked up plans in store for me, and that doesn't include my pleasure. Stay tuned, because there's more chaos to come.

Bridgerton fans, calm down. I know there's a similarity, and while I haven't watched the series yet, I'm planning to now. With edit videos and short clips I did gather that he is attracted to the elder sister, while she hates him. If there's anymore similarities, let me know so I can avoid them in the future.

Hope you enjoyed the chapter by the way. Don't forget to vote and comment. Makes my day!