"I'm gonna take her up to the hotel room, I think she got a bit overwhelmed with it all,"

Looking down at my feet, not wanting to look at all the sympathetic glances sent my way, I lean into my boyfriend. I didn't want pity right now. I just wanted Katsuki. A faint hum leaves my lips as he keeps his hand on the small of my back, rubbing soothing circles on my back to keep me grounded while he explains to our friends that we're gonna retire earlier than we had anticipated. As soon as the sound of sympathetic coos enters my ears, I curse under my breath. I just want to leave this place and go to the hotel room... I don't want pity. I don't need pity. Then again, that's probably everyone's go to mechanism when reacting to a friend having a meltdown.

Suddenly, arms are wrapped around me. The smell of Mina's perfume intermingles with Momo's as the women give me one last squeeze. Kyoka pats my back (not wanting to strain her back for a hug when her bump would get in the way) while Ochaco sends me a reassuring smile. Each and every gesture makes me sick to my stomach. Nausea and bile begin to climb up my throat. Threatening to force itself out of my mouth if I get one more 'I'm so sorry' or 'hope you get better soon' or even 'I know how you feel, these things can be hard'. I hate pity...

Just takes me back to high school. When the whole school found out about my incident. There wasn't a single time where someone didn't look at me normally. There were always sympathetic stares. The 'you'll get through this' pep talks. The 'why don't you take a moment to breathe' talks. People left me flowers. It's like I was dying when I was perfectly fine... all I had was an ugly scar on my stomach and a fear of knives that I slowly grew out of after using cooking and baking as my coping mechanism to deal with all the stress and anxiety. People don't understand that I didn't want their sympathy. Yes, I appreciate the sentiment but only do it once or twice... not everyday for the rest of my life.

I'm not made of glass!

Noticing that I'm growing more annoyed as time passes, Katsuki pulls me along and through the double doors to the hallway leading to the hotel rooms. His hand on my hand slides down to my hand. A faint smile on his lips as he leads me down the hallway with a keycard in his hands. His thumb rubs circles on the back of my hand as we head into the elevator and press the fifth floor of the hotel. A weak smile plays on my lips as Katsuki kisses my cheek and holds me close.

As the elevator door closes and it goes up, Katsuki sways us slightly making me smile. My stomach slowly dissipating from nausea to butterflies. Our eyes meet for a small second before we share a quick kiss. As we pull away, the elevator opens up onto our floor and Katsuki leads us through to our room for the evening. A grin on his lips as he swipes the keycard before covering my eyes with his hands. Biting back a small laugh, I slowly edge forward with his hands covering my eyes before stopping as he shuts the door.

As soon as his hands went off my eyes, I flutter my eyes open and gasp at the sight of the room. It's huge! A huge king sized double bed sits in the centre of the bedroom with a large flat screen TV nailed to the wall opposite where we lay down. Silk curtains frame the balcony that looks out toward the docks and the glistening sea. Fluffy pillows sit on the top of the bed, waiting for you to rest your head so you can be engulfed by it. A large sofa is in the corner, our bags sitting in the floor beside it.

"Oh my god..." I mumble, looking toward Katsuki who chuckles and sits on the bed with the biggest grin on his lips, "Kat... this is amazing,"

"Only the best for you and me, baby face," he coos, pulling me into his lap softly and rubbing my waist as I fiddle with the spiky strands of his hand, "How you feeling? You need a moment? Do I need get anything from the emergency basket?"

"I'm okay... I just want my pyjamas," I tell him honestly, rubbing the back of his neck as he nods and hoists me into his arms as he grabs my pyjamas from my suitcase, "M'sorry I ruined your night... I'm sure I can think of better things you could do that worry about me..."

"Looking after you is the best thing for me to do," Katsuki convinces me, sitting me down on the bed and kneeling in front of me while I take a deep breath, "Want me to give you privacy while you change or are you okay?"

"Mmm... privacy please," I tell him, smiling gently as he nods. He kisses my forehead before heading toward the bathroom and shutting himself inside to allow me to get changed. I shimmy off my dress, laying it on the bed before getting into the pyjamas shorts and into the tank top. My eyes slide to my scar as I look to the mirror before shaking my head as I push away the thought of telling him, "Okay, I'm finished,"

As I begin putting my dress away, Katsuki walks back out. The male shrugs off his shirt and pants before sliding on some baggy shorts that he'll wear to bed while leaving his chest bare. A grin plays on his lips as I brush the knots out of my hair making me scoff and shake my head at his thought process before tying my hair up with one of the scrunchies I packed before sitting down on the bed with a smile. My eyes shimmer with happiness as Katsuki sits beside me and hands me one of my stress toys to fiddle with as he turns on the tv.

"Hey," Katsuki hums, looking toward me while I pull at the stress toy and look toward him, "I know these past few weeks have been difficult for you mentally... I shouldn't have put you in a situation like that,"

"Kat, this isn't your fault," I tell him honestly, watching as he clears his throat and nods slowly, "These things happen... I wanted to go, I really did,"

"But babe, you've been acting so weird recently and I don't know why," Katsuki tells me making my bite my lip and look down as he clears his throat, "I know you may not be ready yet and I'm not going to force you to tell me because that isn't fair on you but... I don't know what I can do with you because I have no clue what's going on in your head,"

"Kat... please, I —"

"I'm not projecting anything bad on you... I just... I want you to trust me enough to know that I'm here for you," Katsuki explains, rubbing circles on my upper arm as he wraps it around me and lets me rest my head on his shoulder, "We've been dating for a couple of months now and I would have thought that you'd be at a point where you can tell me everything..."

"Okay... okay..." I tell him, sensing that he's going to cry. I set down my toy and slide into his lap to wrap my arms around him tightly and kiss his cheek, "Kat... I do trust you, I really, really do... I just..."

"You don't have to tell me what it is..." He says, sniffling gently as he clears his throat and wipes his eyes making my heart break for him, "I just... even if it's just the topic or a small idea of what is going on... just so I know what I'm dealing with,"

"Kat... you know when I told you that I had an incident in high school," I tell him, watching as he nods slowly and looks up at me while I cough back the bile rising in my throat, "It's... it's complicated... it's the reason I couldn't be a hero and... I'm just going through a really bad relapse right now... I'm not pushing you away but this is something that I have kept bottled up for years. Only my family and Sakino and Kana and my old friendship group know what happened to me... so does Mr. Aizawa and Mr. Yamada..."

"They do..."

"Yeah... Aizawa asked if I had told you about it yet and I told him that I hadn't," I explain, wanting to be completely honest about the whole thing with him while nods to my words, "They kept saying I should... and I know I should but... I'm not ready and I just panicked,"

"Thank you for at least telling me the basis of it," Katsuki hums, kissing me softly while I relax into his arms, "You mean so much to me, (Y/n),"

"You mean so much to me, too," I tell him, giggling as he peppers kisses to my neck and squeezes my thighs gently while I clear my throat and cup his face in my hands, "Want that massage I was telling you about earlier, Kat?"

Like a child on Christmas, Katsuki's lips peek up into a large grin. His mood instantly switching from serious and melancholy to playful and teasing. Without a moment of hesitation, Katsuki lays face down onto the bed beside me while I roll my eyes playfully and head to the bathroom to find some sort of oil or lotion I could use to rub into his skin. Settling for body lotion in a small travel - sized container, I head back and sit on his lower back when I'm ready and he's comfortable.

Once I pour some lotion into my hands, I rub them together before working the knots in my boyfriends shoulders. Immediately, he relaxes under my touch to release a small groan while I work my hands through his shoulders. My eyes slide down his toned back onto the many, many scars that riddle his body. Some are large than my hand, some go across the whole plane of his back. Some are so small that you wouldn't be able to know they were there unless you knew so. Some were straight, some where jagged. Some were curved, some were upright. He even had one on his shoulder...

My mind wanders as I slide my hands to the middle of his back and begin around the rib cage. A faint smile on my lips as I work out the knots that Katsuki always manages to develop in his back. He's a very stressful person. I'm surprised he hasn't combusted into flames whenever Deku manages to misspell something on a villain file or whenever Shoto breaks a kettle in the break room. I'm surprised he hasn't had any heart failure. Stress is a very powerful thing that you cannot mess with, after all...

Guess I need to take my own advice a little bit too...

Telling Katsuki; even just the small bit and the basis of it all, still felt like a huge step for me. I mean, hardly anyone knows about the incident. I didn't want to go broadcasting it and be known for 'the girl who got attacked and can't do what she wants anymore'. Everyone that didn't know just knew I had been in a situation that made me unable to continue in becoming a hero. These things happen. Not everyone is cut out to be a hero.

However, still plucking up the courage to rip the bandaid off (even slightly) is a great thing. I have been trying to put this moment off for months. It's a topic that makes me visibly uncomfortable and physically nauseous. Anytime someone brings it up, I just want to shut the conversation down as soon as humanly possible. Anyone would have done it if it were them. Some people like to express their feelings immediately. Some explain when the timing is right for them. Some never tell anything and bottle it up for the rest of their lives.

Katsuki doesn't realise how much I want to tell him... I do really want to tell him.

I want this nightmare to be over...

However, I can't bring myself to tell him. My throat closes up and my palms go sweaty. I can't form sentences properly either. It's like my brain is forcing me to keep it inside. My brain telling me that it's not the right time yet. I can't just disband my instincts. If my body is telling me no, I have to follow it. Katsuki can scream at me all he wanted to but I stand firm. At least he knows the basis. It's about my incident. I'm having a relapse.

He doesn't know what the incident is or why I'm having the relapse but, hey... it's a start.

As I finish massaging my boyfriends back, I push up onto my knees to allow him to swivel onto his back. The male smirking to himself as he does so. When he's on his back, I straddle his stomach. My eyes rolling when he playfully grinds against my thigh as I begin to massage his shoulders. Katsuki allows himself to be moulded into a pile of goo while my eyes roam his body. Scars still riddle his body.

"What? You like something you see?"...

"I don't know, depends,"...

"Aw, come on, baby face, you know you want to,"...