"Do you realize how worried I was?"

Ryan had tears in his eyes, trying his best to sound like an ominous godlike life form as he stared at Zach. His mouth shot venom, his eyes showing nothing but fear. His voice, despite his best attempts, made Ryan sound like a teenage boy who just found out he could sing one of the highest notes in his sad little tenor range. He missed the days when all he wanted to worry about was Music. Ryan loved what he did. He always lived science, and he always loved Music. They were his true passions. He sang while he studied, and studied while he sang. It made him feel like he was good at something.

He was not good at being a detective, though.

No, honest to god, Ryan didn't understand how Detective Lo could be so calm and collective as Ryan spat out his collective information. He just sat there and took it as Ryan chugged three bottles of water to replenish what he lost in tears. It was sickening to him that they could even fathom the weight of so many tears and bloodstains. How could someone love seeing the grief stricken faces of other people's victims.

"Ry—"

"Don't you dare, Zachary." Ryan felt his heart in his throat, almost coughing it up onto the bed. He swallowed lightly, taking a shaky breath. "You kept saying you were gonna die."

"I was dying." Zach's voice was a sad rasp.

It made Ryan sick, how hurt he looked. He felt his hands clench into fists, taking his bottom lip to bite. He shut his eyes tightly, mouth not moving for a while.

Then it all came out.

"No, Zach! I was not going to let that happen to you! I would never let anything happen to you. You're my best friend, Zach! The very thought of sitting there and watching you die makes me want to vomit. You're like my damn brother! I can't believe you would just accept something like that!"

"It wasn't my fault, Ry!"

"Exactly, Zach! It was mine!"

Ryan nearly fell over when he said that, but he held himself up.

And suddenly, the silence was so deafening that Ryan practically covered his ears to stop it.

It was silent besides the tears of Ryan and the constant beeping of the heart monitor. Ryan could feel his hands shaking, his eyes flooding with new tears and emotions that he felt could nearly kill him if they were given enough time. Ryan cried so hard.

"You think this is your fault?"

"You don't?"

Zach snorted. "I don't know, Ryan, maybe it was the fact that you were nowhere near me most of that night. Maybe it was the fact that you could have literally done nothing to prevent this from happening! Look, Ryan. You couldn't have done anything at all."

Ryan frowned. "I saw her. I didn't trust her, and I ignored her and hung out in the damned bathroom anytime Blake forced me out. And then I actually asked him for the initials and they were yours, Zach. If I had just been out of my damn head a moment sooner, you wouldn't be here right now!"

"Newsflash, Gerst. You didn't. Don't spend your life regretting fate. You can't control fate. You can control future. Stop dwelling on the past, Ryan. Look at where we are now. Let's just forget it."

"How could I possibly forget that? How could I forget hearing that gunshot, and seeing you so weak and helpless. How could I possibly forget wishing it was me, huh?"

Silence, again.

Ryan didn't mean to say that. He didn't even want to say that. He knew the guilt Zach must have felt when he said that, because the silence was painful. It was a horrid mix of pain and surprise. Ryan thought he had just ended his and Zach's friendship then and there. It was the kind of friendship everyone wanted. Everyone wanted someone who would die for them, but Ryan could tell that hearing that nearly made Zach's heart stop. "Zach—"

"Take it back, Ryan."

"Zach, I just can't bear seeing you hurt. I just... You're my best friend. Just—"

"Ryan, I said take it back!" Zach shouted in his sore, sore voice, making Ryan stumble backwards and hiss in pain when he tripped against the table in the corner. "Ryan do you realize how stupid you sound? You do not want this. I... I can't believe you!"

"What do you mean, Zach?" Ryan's voice was small and cowardly at this point.

"Look me dead in the eye, saying you want to switch spots with me, right now. Tell me that you want to be the one sitting here stuck on bed rest because a damn bullet shredded your stomach. Tell me that, Ryan."

Ryan was taken aback by the statement. He didn't know what he was going to say. He really didn't wish that he, himself were in his position. He just wished it wasn't Zach. He wished none of this had ever happened. Who wouldn't? He wished he was still sitting in his dorm room, chewing on some popcorn while he cried with Sean for the seventy-fifth time about Les Misérables. He wished Zach was never in this situation. He wished he wasn't so damn stupid. He wished he could figure it out, but he knew the only thing he could do was help Zach.

"I would die for you."

Zach shut his mouth.

He searched Ryan for any sign of lies, but he only spoke the truth, and it legitimately scared the crap out of him. Ryan was not lying, and it was obvious by the sincerity in his voice; in his face. Ryan would die for Zach, and with everything that had happened, that made Zach's heart claw it's way up his throat. "Ryan—"
K
"Save it, Zach. I care about you. You're my best friend; my brother. I would die for you in a heart beat."

Zach sighed. "I... I know. That's what scares me."