ℤ𝕒𝕟𝕖

I fall backward onto the couch with a heavy sigh.

Fuck.

I should have expected that someone would come looking for Asmodeus, but I didn't consider what his brothers—the other Demon Kings—might do when they find out.

Either way, I'm not about to let them know it was actually Ava who killed him. If they want a target for revenge, they've got one now, and for all they know Ava doesn't even exist anymore.

Fuck.

I watch Ava looking out over the city skyline from the garden. It's strange to see her in these moments, because she looks like her same old self, but this girl is something different. She's the same in many ways, but she's not the girl I've grown to love. She's not the one who called me a penguin or kissed me in her apartment that night. She's not the girl I awkwardly slipped and said I love you to in a bookstore parking lot.

I miss that girl so much.

I close my eyes and place a pillow over my head.

"You alright?" Ava asks.

I lift up the pillow and she's standing in front of me with a concerned expression.

"Of course," I say. "I should really be asking you that."

"I'm great. Apparently I'm rich and I live in a penthouse with my hot boyfrie-" she says, stopping herself suddenly. Her eyes go wide and her cheeks immediately flush.

"Did you just call me hot, love?" I ask with a bit of a chuckle. I can't help but smile at her accidental honesty.

"I mean, you're what some people might think of as hot," she says, her eyes dodging mine. "Not that I do. You're not exactly my type."

My heart feels tight in my chest as she says it. I know she doesn't mean it, but it still hurts.

"God, I'm sorry," she says, rubbing her face with her palm as she leans on one crutch. "I don't mean that. Obviously, you're everybody's type, I mean look at you."

I let out a small chuckle.

"Is that so?" I ask.

"Oh, come on," she says with an eye roll, "now you're just milking it. Yes, okay, the whole world knows you're freakishly hot. Don't go getting a big ego over it."

We're interrupted by another knock at the door and I grumble.

"I can get it," she says, hobbling toward the entryway.

"No!" I say, jumping up and stepping between her and the door.

I'm pretty sure those demons wouldn't be back so soon, but I'm certainly not taking any chances.

She gives me a perplexed look, but sits down in the armchair.

I can hear two women's voices as I head for the door. My shoulders relax as I recognize them both.

I swing the door open to reveal Kami and Jen. Kami seems unusually awkward, with wide eyes and a forced smile. Jen, meanwhile, looks like a five-foot-two ball of fiery rage with clenched fists at her sides.

"Look who I ran into on the way up!" Kami says in her best enthusiastic voice. She mouths the words 'I'm sorry' as she steps inside past me.

"Hey Jen," I say.

"Did nobody think to tell me that Ava has mother-fudging amnesia??" Jen hisses, giving me a judgmental look.

"I- sh-," I mutter. "Ava told me she wanted to tell you in person."

She narrows her eyes, seemingly deciding my fate, before giving me a reluctant nod.

"Okay," she says slowly. "I guess I'll kill Ava then."

She gives me a quick hug before stomping over to Ava and giving her a lecture. Kami and I sit at the kitchen bar as I pour her a glass of wine.

"I'm sorry, I didn't know you guys hadn't told her," Kami says with an apologetic smile.

"It's alright," I say. "She'll forgive us eventually."

"How're you holding up?" She takes a sip of wine and leans on the counter, clearly exhausted from the events of the last few days.

"How do you think?" I reply. "I'm trying to be strong for Ava but it feels like a hundred punches to the gut. What am I going to do, Kam?"

"Well, the first thing you need to do is sleep. You look like you were murdered two days ago and somebody forgot to hide the corpse."

"Gee, thanks, love," I say with a sarcastic smirk.

"That's what happens when you refuse to sleep for several days straight." She raises both eyebrows as if to say she told me so.

I huff in reply.

"I'm gonna help Ava get changed out of her hospital clothes," Jen says.

"Already done killing her?" I ask with a smirk.

"Oh not even close," she says. She heads toward the bedroom with Ava following behind her.

"Well, at least you don't seem to be the one in trouble," Kami says.

"I'm so far beyond silver linings right now."

"As I said, you need sleep. It's not healthy to go this long without sleep. I know technically you're Immortal, but that doesn't mean you won't slowly go insane if you keep this up. With those bags under your eyes, you're looking more like a raccoon than a Siren."

"Once again, you flatter me."

We sit in silence for a moment, both staring blankly ahead.

She's right. I'm bloody knackered.

"Hey, what's this?" I hear Ava ask from behind me.

I turn to see her holding a long, flat wooden box.

My heart sinks.

"It was next to the photo of my mom in the bedroom, but I don't understand the significance," she continues, unhooking the golden latch and opening it to reveal a single black feather—my feather.

I glance at Kami; her eyes have gone wide with shock but her mouth is pinched in a straight line. She looks to me as though she's wondering if I'll fall to pieces right here, right now.

I just might.

"Why am I keeping a random feather in a fancy box?" Ava asks. "Is it, like, one of those old-timey pens or something?"

With every word, I feel a band constricting tighter and tighter around my chest.

"That-" I begin to say, but my voice gets caught in my throat.

"Oh that's Zane's," Kami says. "It's kind of a family heirloom. It's a very private story—you understand."

"Oh," Ava says. "Sorry to pry, I just assumed it was something of mine."

"Here, I'll put that back for you," Kami says, holding out her hand. Ava closes the box and hands it to Kami.

Kami gives me a little nod indicating I should follow her as Jen and Ava return to the couch.

Once we've made it to the bedroom, she closes the door behind us.

"Zane, I'm..." she says softly.

The weight of everything that's happened in the past few days comes crashing down around me and I collapse to my knees. I sob violently as Kami wraps her arms tightly around me.

"It's okay, Z," she says. Her voice wavers as if she's unsure that what she's just said is true.

"I can't do this," I say through choked breaths. "Asmodeus knew he couldn't kill her so he found a way to take her from me anyway."

"Maybe there's an answer. I mean, we've never tried to get a human's memory back before. For all we know, it's possible."

"You really believe that?"

I know she doesn't, but she's desperate to give me hope.

"I don't know," she says with a sigh. "Humans are complicated. Just, don't give up just yet, okay?"

𝔸𝕧𝕒

"I think I just made a huge mistake," I say quietly to Jen.

There's a sinking feeling in my chest and I find myself shaking.

"It's my fault, really," she says. "I told you to ask him. I didn't know it was a super personal thing."

"He looked like I stabbed him in the chest, Jen." I drop my head into my hands and let out a frustrated grunt. "I've literally been in his house for under an hour and I've clearly just brought up some horrific family trauma from his past. What am I going to do in hour two—set fire to his grandmother's ashes?"

I find my eyes scanning the room for any conspicuous urns. Apparently that's how much I trust myself at this moment.

"It's okay, Ava," she says. "Whatever it is, Zane loves you. He really does. So you hit a sore spot, you'll get past it."

It seemed to be a little more than a sore spot. He looked devastated.

"Should I be staying with you?" I ask, my chest burning with guilt. "Was this a mistake? I can't remember anything and who knows what landmines I might run into."

"You'll be fine. This is your home. Plus if you haven't noticed this place is baller. I don't have a pool or a view or one of those fancy little toilet things that washes your butt."

"What? Does this place have those?"

"Not that I've seen, but maybe there's a secret button."

I chuckle and she smiles at me.

I look down at my hands as they continue to shake.

I feel this clawing feeling deep in my chest. Maybe it's because I feel so guilty for hurting Zane. Maybe it's something else.