Link: Is that your boyfriend? He's ugly. *leans against the couch smiling innocently*

Ivy: *deadpans and looks at him* Link.

Link: What? He is! *looks at him* Your ugly, I'm sorry you were born with that face.

Guy: *gets insecure and glares at him* Fuck you!

Ivy: Okay I think it's time for you to go. *stands up*

Guy: Are you serious? Your brother's such a fucking dick!

Ivy: *sighs* I know.

Link: Bye bye! Such a shame you have to leave-

Damien: *walks in before gasping* Oh my god Ivy! He doesn't have an ass or a dick! What are you doing girl?! *sighs in relief and looks at Link* Good call kiddo.

Link: Yeah. I know. *grins*

Ivy: *whines* Guys!

Jake: *smiles apologetically at her and shoves the guy out the front door* Baby girl, you can do so much better.

Guy: Whatever! Your an ugly slut anyway! *kicks the door*

Link: *jumps on the couch* Thanks Link! You saved me from a toxic relationship!

Ivy: *deadpans* I was getting his soul.

Damien+Jake+Link: .... Oh.

Ruining her plans uwu