Silence was a comfort at times.

It muzzled the world. Cocooned me from the acknowledgment of failures that, at the worst of times, ran on a loop inside my mind. In my darkest of moments, all my admirable qualities floated to the top of my sea of self-pity while the weight of my emotions dragged me further down to the bottom.

Suffocation.

My inner worries, imperfections, and insecurities strangled me like a noose around my neck. It burned an acidic path in the pit of my stomach. Then, like a balloon filled with too much air, I shattered.

My hands shook as I pushed open the restroom door. My footsteps were silent as they sunk into lavish carpeting. I ignored the overpowering scent of lemon from the recent cleaning, the dim lighting, the succession of mirrors over porcelain sinks.

The pressure seemed to increase within. A sequence of anxious pants spewed from lips that trembled, and yet my resolve did not crumble.

It's okay, Lia.

My raven tinted tendrils brushed the floor as I scanned the stalls for any co-workers that lingered.

It's going to be okay.

Common sense told me one thing; however, self-doubt was a more persuasive devil.

My vision blurred. The formation of tears caused the sight of my blue nails that gripped the black counter-top to appear encased in liquid. My shoulders heaved from the effort to hold back my inner scream, to quench my desire to let go.

Brown eyes ascended to meet my reflection.

"It was one mistake," I muttered to my image. I ignored the sight of my chin as it quivered at the admission. "It was one write up. You don't get fired for one error. Lia, you need to get a grip."

The words left my lips, but as the first tear slipped past my lashes, rolled down my cheek, it felt like yet another wrong decision piled upon so many others.

"It's okay not to be perfect."

The sound of heels against tile in the distance forced me to swallow my internal shame before I quickly moved to wipe away any evidence of sadness.

Livid at the sudden crack in my armor, I knew that this wasn't the time nor the place to show weakness. I took a deep breath before I hastily turned on the facet just as the door to my hiding place opened.

Mask back in place, I shifted to return Ati's bright smile. "I haven't seen you in a while. How's the new job in the fraud department?"

"Hey, Lia. I haven't seen you in forever!" She slapped her purse atop the shelf. "I freaking love it." Her tanned hands moved to repaint her lips a ruby tint. "I told you, you should have applied with me," she stated before she happily launched into a long explanation about everything she currently enjoyed about her position in the newly created division. Her eyes appeared so animated, her limbs, a whirlwind of movement as she refreshed her makeup before her break was over.

My eyes left hers to take in my reflection once again. An internal comparison began, which caused my false beam to dim.

Why wasn't my hair as healthy as hers?

Why wasn't I as thin?

Why wasn't I married with kids?

But most importantly, why wasn't I  as happy as she was?

"Hey, you okay?" she questioned, a frown marred her formerly contented expression.

Not even a little bit, is what I wanted to reply, but I forcibly shoved my sadness further into the back of my mind.

Instead, I resumed my role. "I'm fine. It's just been a long day," I lied as I busied myself with washing my hands. I turned to grab a paper towel, if only to escape her suspicious gaze.

Honestly, I wanted to release my hidden grief. I wanted to scream until my voice gave out, but I knew that no one genuinely wanted to know the truth behind that question.

Sadness made people uncomfortable.

Besides, what would her advice full of empty platitudes do for me?

Ati's expression appeared unsure before her grin reemerged. "Thank God it's Friday. Right?"

"Right, I'll see you on Monday," I called out over my shoulder before I quickly stepped out into the hallway.

I walked along a never-ending, colorless corridor decorated with the sporadic splash of framed glamour that advertised the latest unsuccessful brand of makeup the company had failed to sell. I entered a set of  double doors. On all sides, I was surrounded by a series of grey, identically drab cubicles. As I gathered my things and said the usual successions of goodbyes to co-workers, I tried to disregard the empty stations that once contained old friends who hadn't made the latest cut.

Those, whose mistakes awarded them a pink slip, rather than, a paycheck.

Lia, don't think about it.

Hastily, I inhaled the air beyond the front doors as if it's refreshing essence would clear away my negative thoughts. My eyes lingered on the sun's descent into trees as I made the slow trek toward my car. I waved at another co-worker just as my phone's vibration diverted my attention, and triggered my mother's number to flash across its screen.

My forced smile slipped from my lips as I contemplated not answering.

That chasm of unhappiness widened inside me, but I managed to contain it as I hit the ignore button.

I made it to my car this time before I heard my phone go off again.

Sighing, I answered. "What?"

"How about a sweeter greeting?"

My older sister's voice in my ear did very little to alleviate my inner misery.

"I'm sorry. Hello, my dear, sweet sister," I replied sarcastically. "Now, what do you want?"

I listened to her cackle as I started my car. "I just wanted to remind you to pick up the kids from school."

Like I don't already know that.

I had been picking up her kids for months now.

"I'm on my way, as we speak," I retorted as I backed out of my spot.

"Great. Do you think you could take me to the grocery store too? We don't have much here."

I swallowed my inner frustration at the idea of being her chauffeur. "Why can't you get your boyfriend to do it? You know, the guy who got you pregnant once again? The one who couldn't afford your car note and his, which resulted in you losing yours?"

She grumbled before she yelled something at her two younger kids in the background. "You know how Chris is. Besides, his car got towed because- "

I tuned out the rest of her conversation. I wished, for once, that the responsibility of everyone's problems did not fall onto my shoulders.

Instinctively, my mind went back to that stupid error.

What if I lost my job?

Who the hell would I depend on?

I could feel that relentless heaviness settle upon my chest, but I refused to cave under its weight.  I buried the worry beneath the joyful façade reserved for family before I turned into the school parking lot.

"Mandi, I gotta go. I'm getting out of the car at the school. I'll see you soon."

The happy faces of my niece and nephew appeared within the sea of miniature people as they spilled out of the building. Carly's pigtails trailed out behind her, her pink dress floated around her legs as her black boots carried her toward me as quickly as her small limbs could manage. Cameron's curls became visible as his body vaulted up and down. His small arms waved to catch my attention before his jeans and Pokémon tee clad form chased after his older sister.

Breathe, Lia. Mandi's mistakes aren't their fault.

They greeted me with a big group hug, large brown eyes excited. Their voices overlapped each other's in their need to spill out the day's events to me as I buckled them in.

"Can we go to McDonalds?" Carly pleaded.

"Not today," I muttered only to earn their disappointed groans. My eyes fell back to the time as I merged back into traffic.

I saw my phone vibrate once again, but this time, with my dad's number. The ignore button was punched again as I made the short series of turns toward my sister's house.

Mandi, unfortunately met me in the driveway. She waddled her, seven-month pregnant, figure to the driver side window. I unlocked the doors, and the kids bounded free.

"Hey guys, why don't you go inside with Chris," she ordered before she turned to me. "You don't look so good. You okay?"

I thought to myself, was this the moment where I should tell her everything that was bothering me? Should I tell her of how I feared the layoffs, of how I dreaded making a mistake that would put me on the list? Should I tell her of how my worries kept me up at night? Of how I felt burdened by my obligations to her, to our parents? Was this the right time to tell her of how much I was terrified of becoming her?

"I," I started just as my phone went off again. I barked into its receiver, "Hello?"

"Lia, you busy?" my Dad asked.

"Just a minute," I replied before I turned back to my sister. "I gotta go. I'll take you to the store tomorrow."

As I backed out of  Mandi's yard, my father's usual speech began and ended with, "We just need a small loan."

I swerved around a series of cars to make up for lost time while I thought of how this situation never changed. Ever since my dad had lost his job, he couldn't seem to hold on to another one. His promises were endless, and yet his ability to keep them remained nonexistent.

If I lost my job...

Would I end up like them, or would I, at last, be free?

"Dad, can we talk about this later. I'm driving," I muttered over the lump in my throat.

We ended the call. The phone landed onto the passenger seat before I managed to look up. I slammed on my brakes, my car skidded dangerously. A horn sounded behind me, and yet my sedan stopped its trajectory into the back of the SUV in front of me just in time.

Gasping frantically at the close call; my shaky hands maneuvered my vehicle onto the side of the road.

It felt like the sudden adrenaline had cracked something open inside me.

I sunk, plummeted into the abyss labeled life. The tears I had held back released, and with its sudden emission, came all the fears, the inner hate, the anxieties. They festered to the surface as I choked, smothered by the pressure of expectation. The sobs hurt in the depths of my chest as my body knelt over the steering wheel.

It's okay, I internally soothed, only the words didn't ease the ache.

I'm fine.

"I'm fine," I whispered repeatedly, like a pathetic mantra to calm my chaotic emotions.

I struggled to take in air.

At last, I rose to face my reflection in the review mirror. There was so much red that surrounded my brown irises. Trembling fingers removed the trickles of sorrow from my cheeks before I finally put the car in drive.

I glanced forward in order to blend into the congestion of cars, only my eyes collided with that of a stranger. Mere inches separated us, and yet I knew from her expression that she had witnessed my meltdown.

I waited for this woman to say something, to give me a signal, a reaction to my agony.

The light turned green.

Internally, I pleaded for help.

However, she turned away from my tragic gaze, dismissed my pain as she drove away.

Sighing resignedly, I pulled back into traffic, and headed toward my night class.

It was a lie, and yet I echoed the lines fate had written for me, "I'm fine."