Well, life had just fallen to shit, hadn't it?

The past year had become one of the hardest in Castiel's life, and that's saying something, considering he had no idea what was making it wrong, besides the fact that he almost lost Dean this year. Castiel hadn't let Dean out of his sight since he found the gun in Dean's hands. Dean kept claiming that Bartholomew had given it to him. Bartholomew had told him to use it. Bartholomew, Bartholomew, Bartholomew. Dean's old imaginary friend had become his worst enemy. He was always staring at Cas with those apple green eyes, pleading for his husband to get Bartholomew away from him. Cas took the weight on his shoulders. He took it like a gunshot, and Castiel found himself in the old slump again. That slump with the little voice in the back of his head saying that he couldn't keep two lives in two hands. In all honesty, he couldn't. His hands were full, and the sad fact is, to him, Dean's life was much bigger than his, and it required two hands to keep it off the ground. Castiel hadn't become suicidal, not again, at least, but everything he did was for Dean. He had Dean come in and work in his building. He never let Dean out of his sight. It was almost sad.

But then Cas started losing weight.

And Dean started regaining sanity.

And everything was flipped.

Cas didn't understand what he was doing to himself. He simply just... forgot. He forgot that food is a necessity, unlike color. Sure, he'd have a slice of cheese here and there, but he simply just wasn't hungry. He wasn't trying. He never tries to hurt himself. Not after he was 16, but Dean was back on his meds, now, and there were hardly any hallucinations. Though, when he saw Cas, he hoped, hell, he prayed that he was one.

"Cassie," Dean whispered, wrapping his arm around Castiel's shoulder. Cas looked up, smiling wide. He looked Dean from head to toe, sighing. Cas had fallen asleep on the couch, which was kind of funny, because the couch was the one place hated to be without anything occupying his mind. Television was not really mind-occupying. Castiel preferred a good book, or maybe his sketchbook to keep him comfortable on the couch. He had settled for Television this one time. "Cassie, wake up. I'm taking you somewhere,"

Dean looked like a puppy when Cas opened his eyes. "Where?"

"You'll see," Dean pulled Cas up, pulling him to his chest, where Castiel melted into Dean's arms. He felt like a kid again, like when he used to hug his father after a bad day at school. He felt so small, yet so safe. He was safe.

--

When they arrived, it was a little after three 'o clock pm. The sun kissed the mountain ahead of them, and the clouds were nowhere in sight. It was a nice temperature out. Castiel loved it. Dean had taken him to a meadow, a small pond sat in the middle of it. Blues and reds and purples and yellows painted the land, each speck of color one of numerous flowers littering the ground. Castiel was almost brought to tears by the sight. "Dean," he whispered, stepping forward. "How did you find this place?" He found himself kneeling next to the pond, holding his breath. This was the one thing that he had seen that was as beautiful as his husband. The water was still in front of him, and Castiel could see his refection. The scraggly hair atop his head was falling in front of his face, which was as thin as the rest of him, and in that moment, he felt his stomach growl. He smiled a little.

"I took a wrong turn and ended up here," Dean sat next to him, still as the nonexistent breeze in the field. His touch warmed Castiel's heart.

Cas looked at him, biting his lip as he shoved himself into Dean's arms again. It was a gesture that he did every day. It was to prove to Dean how much Cas needed him, and to prove to Cas how much he wanted to be with Dean. Cas wanted to hear his heart beat. He wanted to feel his chest move with every breath he took. Cas wanted Dean to be with him every second of every day. It's been like that for 23 years, now, and Castiel isn't even awestruck that it's been that long. Dean had always been there, food times or bad. He became a necessity, as much as Cas hated to admit it. He needed Dean as much as he needed food or water. Without him, Castiel wouldn't understand what he was doing, where he was going. His earliest memory was Dean replying, No, I'm Dean, when asked if he was crazy. Castiel couldn't remember anything earlier, and though he managed to live without his family members, he never managed to live without Dean. "It's beautiful, Dean."

"Cassie, I want you to paint me a picture." Castiel knew Dean didn't mean it in the literal sense, though Castiel was quite the artist. He was perfectly equipped to paint a picture for Dean. "Keep it in your head, of how this makes you feel." Dean pulled out a slip of paper and handed it to Castiel. Dean was quite a writer, and it made Castiel love him even more. Dean was always one of many words on paper, but none spoken, so when Castiel opened the paper, he wasn't surprised that it was a poem.

I don't think I knew what love was until I met you
It's something dark, but so pure
Love is more than valentines cards or flowers on dates
Love is a pact
Love is a promise
Love is a commitment,
Life long,
No take backs
Take it or leave it.
Commitment.

My love, commitment was another word I was afraid of
I was afraid of tying myself down
I was afraid of limiting myself
I was afraid of holding you back
Until I realized
Fear is the first step

My love, fear became so strong, that it began to blend in, and I began to feel the excitement
I was excited when you accepted me
I was excited when you looked at me
I was excited when you danced with me, so kind, so gentle.

My love, you were so strong back then
Broken jaws
Broken noses
Broken hearts

But now they leave you scarred.

My love, I want to keep you happy
I want to keep you alright

My love, I want your love, and nothing else
I don't want your help,
Not unless I ask

My love, this is my commitment to keep myself safe so you don't have to

My love,
Keep yourself safe so I don't have to.

Castiel held the paper close to his chest, his lip quivering a little. "Dean, I love you. I love you so damn much," he whispered, laying backwards on the bed of grass behind them. He held Dean's hand, never seeking to let go. "I know, Dean." He whispered to that green gaze that he knew so well.

Dean leaned back, pulling a sandwich out of his pocket and smiling. "Peanut butter and jelly?" He laughed.

"Dean Winchester, peanut butter with jelly? Who are you and what have you done with my husband?" Castiel took the sandwich from Dean, biting off the corner of it.

"Shut up, Cas," Dean leaned over to Cas and kissed him Deeply. He wrapped his arms around Cas.

"I'll finish that later," Castieltook another bite of the sandwich, placing it on the bag Dean used to pack it. He traced his hands down Dean's back, under his back. "God Damn it, I love you, Dean Winchester."

Dean broke the kiss for a moment, taking a bit of the sandwich and popping in Castiel's mouth before he continued.

And then things got heated.

And they ended up skinny dipping in a pond at 5pm.

And Cas felt the best he had in a really long time.

--

Castiel Clung to Dean for dear life, his long coat covering their bodies as they lay on the ground. The sun had been well past down by now. It must be around 9, and Cas could still see the beautiful colors of the field, and it was all he wanted to see, because he could feel Dean's body pressed underneath his. Dean's arms were wrapped around his torso, his hands at the small of his back. He was dead asleep, and Castiel couldn't help but smile at the tickle of his breath against his shoulder. Cas pressed himself closer, smiling. "Thank God for you, Dean Winchester."

--a/n--

Yes they fuck

I have school tomorrow, but I promised Noomi this chapter so here

Okay I gotta sleep bc I'm performing in a pep rally tomorrow

Also m80s listen to Motion Sickness by Hands Like Houses that shits lit
                                                             ^^
                                                   ((Ironic use))

Okay m8s I have another Destiel in the works for when this one is done, but let's not get ahead of ourselves bc this book still has like 13-14 more chapters left in it.

Okay nite

I got merch and new shoes

YE cool

I love you my Carcrashovercastyoungbloods

-Emily aka Patrick aka Foblvr