(Headcannon: When Remus has feelings for someone, he leaves dead birds and mice outside their room to show his affection.
HEADCANNON BY Flauntingfander !!)

Warning: dead animals, blood, swearing, dirty humor.

Deceits POV

I put on my hat and looked in the mirror quickly before heading out of my room to start the day. But something was different today. Something stopped me in my tracks when I opened my bedroom door.

WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT??!

On the floor, right outside my room, was a dead rat.

I was shocked and confused.

Why the fuck is there a dead rat in front of my door?!

I tried to think rationally.

Maybe it just died there??

There was no blood around it so I decided to just go with that.

Yeah, sure.. It just.. Died... Right in front of my door. Yep.

And so, I continued on with my day (obviously cleaning up the dead rat and throwing it out). After that, everything seemed normal.

-The Next Day-

The next day was the same as every morning. Got ready for the day, stepped out and there it was again. Except this time, it was a bird. Once again, there was no blood around it.

What the fuck?! How could a bird get into the house and die?! That makes no fucking sense!

I looked around the hall. I saw a black door, an orange door and a green door, but no one in the dimly lit hallway.

What is going on??

I decided to ignore it, cleaning it up the dead bird.

It has to just be a coincidence.. Right? If it happens again I'll ask the others about it, I guess.

-The Next Week-

"Okay, what the fuck is going on?" I asked, bursting into the living room where I knew everyone would be- well, except the dark sides.

"Language." Patton reminded, sternly.

"What seems to be the issue, Deceit?" Logan asked, glancing up at me from his book.

"What's the issue?!" I repeated angrily, "the 'issue' is that, everyday, for the past week, I haven't found either a dead rat or bird outside my door and I know one of you must not be pulling some dumb prank on me so whoever it is, its extremely funny and needs to continue!" I ranted.

Patton blinked at me in shock.
Logan looked like he was trying to say something but every time he opened his mouth he would just close it again.
Roman stared at me before bursting out into laughter.

"Oh, whats so funny?! Was it you?!" I snarled, impatiently, not in the mood for his bullshit.

"When I said leave gifts, I didn't mean dead animals!" He said in between his laughing fit, ignoring my question completely.

"What do you mean?!" I demanded.

"Um, I don't know about any dead birds, maybe you should talk to Remus about it." Roman lied, biting his lip to stop from smiling or laughing.

".... You're a terrible liar." I stated, but turned around to go talk to Remus instead anyway.

Virgil's POV

I walked out of my room, heading over to the kitchen to get a snack because hungers a bitch. I passed by a window, thinking I noticed something green in the tree but ignored it, until I realised there was only one green thing that would be in a tree- well, I mean, other than leaves.. But this was a dead tree, it has never been alive.

I quickly turned around and raced back to the window, surprised, and yet not, at seeing Remus in a tree, his tentacles out of his back and his eyes glowing green as he stalked a bird like a cat with a sadistic smile on his face. How that bird didn't notice him, I have no idea.

"Remus?! What are you doing?!" I screamed, opening the window.

The bird flew away, startled. Remus turned to me, glaring at me and growling, though it didn't seem very threatening, he seemed more so just annoyed.

"What are you doing?!" I repeated, honestly confused out of my mind, though, this was Remus we're talking about.

"Getting a present for Dee, duh!" He said, as if it were obvious. His eyes were no longer glowing green but he kept his tentacles out.

What is he? A cat?!

"What?? You know what, never mind. Get back inside, right now!" I ordered.

Oh geez, I'm turning into Patton.

Remus growled a bit at me but obliged and came inside, putting his tentacles back in his.. Well, back.

"Now, let's sit down and talk about this." I said, beckoning Remus to the couch.

Deceit's POV

I first checked the dark sides living room and sure enough, he was there, but with.. Virgil?

Strange, he and Virgil never really sat down and talked, especially alone. It must be something important. I probably shouldn't intrude. But....

Despite my better judgment, I hid behind the wall and listened to their conversation.

"Remus, that is not how you tell someone you like them!" Virgil laughed out.

"What do you mean? Roman said that giving presents or preforming grand gestures to the person you like is the way to tell them!" Remus said, sounding slightly confused.

"Or you could just tell them?" Virgil said, as if it were obvious.

"Oh, so you're just going to go up to Roman and tell him you have a crush on him?" Remus asked.

Virgil turned bright red, "wh-what?! No! Who said I had a crush on Roman?!"

"I never said you did, merely used an example." Remus smirked knowingly.

"Okay, bad suggestion. But, still, leaving dead animals outside someone's room is not saying you like them at all. If anything its just disgusting. By presents, Roman meant something that that person would like! Something they could treasure and/or use. Not a dead rodent." Virgil explained.

Wait...

Remus frowned, then fell backwards onto the ground, "why does love have to be so hard?! .. Sometimes literally.. Hehe.." Remus laughed at his dick joke.

"I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that. What does Deceit like? What makes him happy?" Virgil asked.

I blushed furiously.

Remus likes me?! To be honest, which is rare hehe, I never would have guessed.. I thought he made overly sexual flirty jokes to everyone! I mean, he kinda does.. But still!

"Um.. Juicy buttholes?" He questioned with a shrug.

My face went into a "really?" Look. Virgil face palmed.

"No, Remus, that's what you like. What does Deceit like?"

"Oh! Snakes! I should get him a snake!" Remus smiled, jumping up.

"Uhm, just because he's half snake doesn't mean he likes snakes." Virgil pointed out.

I mean, I did like snakes, but I already had one, Kaa.

(I've seen multiple people use that name for Deceits snake (if he were to cannonly have one) so ima just go with that. I think by this point it might be the cannon name?)

"Well.. I don't know! Whenever we talk its mostly me talking about stuff, he just quietly listens!" Remus pouted.

"God, you Creativitwins just don't get it, do you? Not everything is about you guys! How can you say you love Deceit when you don't even know what he likes?!" Virgil asked, glaring daggers at Remus even almost making me flinch at the look and tone in his voice.

Remus looked like he was trying to find words to defend himself, but couldn't, and just looked down in shame.

"That's what I thought." He said, sternly.

Virgil began to get up and leave but Remus jumped up quickly.

"Well, what should I do?!" He called desperately as Virgil continued walking away.

"Go ask your brother! He's the live expert!" Virgil called back, I heard the sound of a door slamming down the hall, causing both Remus and I to slightly flinch.

"Cuz that worked out well last time.." Remus muttered under his breath.

I figured now was a best time as any to come out, so to speak. I walked out to the living room and Remus jumped slightly, obviously not expecting me.

"Hey, Dee!" Remus greeted like his usual self.

"So it wasn't you that was leaving dead animals outside my door?" I said, though it sounded more like a statement.

Re paled, if that was possible, and looked down, either in embarrassment or shame, I couldn't tell, could be both.

"Re.." I started, taking a step toward him.

Remus looked up slightly, a hopeful glint in his eyes.

Once in front of him, I softly grabbed his chin, making him look up at me.

"I like you too." I said.

I brushed my lips against his, as if asking for permission, as he sealed the deal and closed the small gap between us.

The kiss deepened a bit and before we new it, we were in the bedroom, my bedroom, to be exact. And, well, you know what happens next ;)

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Woo, sorry, that wasn't as good as I had hoped it would be but I was too lazy to go back and fix it entirely to make it better. Just watched 'Good Boys' and it was so fucking funny! If you like dirty humor then its definitely right for you! Also, Lucas was totally gay and I ship Hannah and whoever the fuck the other girl was. And you bet I'm going to make a one shot with spin the bottle in it!

Word Count: 1,598

Date Published: November 23rd, 2019
(My moms birthday tomorrow, you better say happy birthday because without her I wouldn't be alive and y'all wouldn't be reading this >:))