❝you shouldn't have broken her. you made her nothing but sharp edges and scattered wounds, and now she will stop at nothing to make you bleed with the wounds you inflicted.❞

-k.s, poet

♛

THE WALLS BLUR INTO a trail of bleak color due to how fast I walk toward Pike's room. Since he'd been elected Chancellor, he has relocated to Abby's old room, which is why I know exactly where to storm.

But along the way, I'm stopped by Bellamy.

He gently grabs my arm, causing me to stop and stare at him. My determined expression melts into a mix of confusion and surprise at the sight of him. He looks urgent. I can tell that he can see the question in my eyes. His own dart around as if checking for any lurking figures. It's just us in the corridor.

Even so, he seems not to want any risks. Releasing me, Bellamy beckons me after him without a word. Just his body language alone informs me not to inquire what this is about until it's safe.

He eventually pulls me into a storage closet and closes the door behind us. These are sparse on the Ark due to a need for space, so the tiny room is stuffed to the brim with various supplies. It's dusty; I fight the urge to sneeze.

"I'm assuming Kane told you of your new position?" is what he starts off with.

"Yeah," I confirm. "How'd you know?"

"You have your 'What the hell, Pike?' face on, so I figured," he half-jokes, though I probably do have an expression like that. His expression turns serious. "But you have to listen very carefully. Don't even ask Pike why he appointed you as Commander, just decline it and go."

My head tilts slightly to the side. "It seems like you aren't surprised."

Bellamy sighs and glances at the wall to his left. When he speaks next, he takes a step forward and drops his voice an octave even lower than it already is; I have to almost strain to catch his every word.

"When Pike wanted to speak with me the first time, he tried to get you in on this, too," he informs. "But I knew you wouldn't agree with what he was doing. Maybe you didn't like what Lexa did, but you'd never...kill just to kill. And I admit that was wrong- we crossed a line. But he apparently ignored my plea to keep you out of this."

"He thinks that if I'm in charge of the Guard, he can convince me to..." I trail off, a sick feeling beginning to brew in my stomach. While a dangerous tactic, it's pretty clever.

Bellamy nods in confirmation, if not a bit hesitantly. "Yeah. He knows you're kickass, and persuasive. I just think that if you ask him about his motives, he'll seize that opportunity."

I blink. It's a lot to take in, that Pike wants me for more power and believes I can command the entire Guard while still maintaining my job as a Medical trainee. The truth is, I cannot see myself in a position of such power. I'd be an eighteen-year-old in charge of men twice my age. I am not that kind of leader. There's already too much on my plate as it is.

Bellamy senses the other question forming in my brain. Why try to protect me? Why not leave?

He moves his hand as if to brush my hair back, then remembers where we are and returns it to his side. "Because I've always had a war in me."

I want to take his hands in mine and squeeze, but I can't.

"You're not the only one with blood on your hands, Bell," I say, and mean it.

Bellamy nods. I can tell by the way his chin tilts toward the floor that he doesn't think he deserves my compassion. My heart squeezes. If only he would look at me, he'd see in my eyes that I still believe in him.

I turn to the door before I can do something I might regret. And I find Jaha on the other side, much to my surprise.

"Fallon," he greets placidly. His face still holds that eerie emptiness of emotion as he had in Medical. "I was just looking for you."

"Oh, hi, Jaha," I say more for Bellamy's benefit so he knows to keep quiet. Swiftly closing the door so he can't see inside, I lean into it and ask, "Why were you looking for me?"

Jaha glances behind me like he knows I'm trying to hide something. A small smirk crosses his face- the most expression I've seen from him thus far. "It's best if we take a walk."

God dammit. The last thing I want to do now is talk to Jaha when I have so many other things to do. He's one problem I didn't want to have to deal with.

"Alright," I comply anyway. Mentally cursing myself and him, I follow him down the hallway and away from the storage closet I left Bellamy in.

"The City of Light," the former Chancellor begins, "is real. I found it."

My eyebrows crease. "You did?"

He nods, a seamless movement, just like all of his others. There's something off about him. The way he walks, carries himself, it doesn't seem human. I'd spent a good majority of my time on the Ark with him as my leader. I know what his mannerisms are from years of having to watch him.

This Jaha is like a ghost of who he used to be.

"I heard about Clarke's departure from Arkadia," he says. The reminder still brings a sting to my heart, even after three and a half months. "I am sorry."

"Her choice," I reply as impassively as I can. My expression fights itself to stay neutral.

"Yes, but that doesn't mean there aren't consequences." He pauses, and when I look at him, I discover him staring down at my hands. I hadn't realized I'd clenched them again. My mouth twists in a scowl as I quickly open them. He takes in a deep breath. "What if I told you there is a way to diminish those consequences? Or to get rid of them completely?"

"Is that why you're acting so strange?" I ask with a bit of venom in my tone. But still, his face is a total mask. "Like some sort of emotionless robot? Let me guess, you got rid of your consequences, too."

"The City of Light eliminates pain," Jaha elaborates, which basically confirms my accusation. I roll my eyes; it only seems to encourage him to continue. "Your hands would no longer shake." My glare sharpens so much that it could shoot lasers, but then he knows he's hit a mark. "You would no longer suffer from nightmares. Your sense of focus would be impeccable.

"The City can do this for you and more. You could return to your old self, the one you have mourned for so long."

I stop walking and turn to him, my mouth twisting in such anger that I feel my blood begin to boil. He merely looks at me without a reaction.

"You think you can just come back here and try to get me to join your Emotionless Robot Land?" I scoff. "You act like you know everything about me, but you don't." A pause in which I consider what I'm about to say. "The girl I used to be died the moment I landed on a planet where you sent me to die."

He doesn't respond to this at all, instead seeming to look at something that isn't there. I shoot him an incredulous look before starting to walk away. Jaha really has lost his mind this time.

But then, right before I disappear around the corner, I turn and say, "Expendable. One of your best lines, truly."

--

Things go even more to shit, and I haven't even gotten a chance to speak with Pike yet.

I catch murmurs that he had released all Grounder patients in Medical and imprisoned Lincoln. My feet storm with more harshness than I intend back toward my job.

"I'm gone for fifteen minutes and--" I catch sight of a flash of brunette braids ahead of me. My walking turns to a quick jog. "Octavia!"

She turns, seemingly relieved at the sight of me. I slow to a stop once I'm standing in front of her. "What the hell is happening?"

"More than you think," she replies with bitterness in her tone. "I was just looking for you."

"Yeah, I've gotten that a lot today," I mutter dryly.

"Come with me." She takes off at a fast pace down the empty corridor I had just exited I huff before following after her. It seems I've been going in countless circles today.

The two of us journey even further into Alpha Station until nobody is around. But, when we take another turn, I notice Bellamy standing next to a door at the end of the hall. He looks just as confused as I am.

"I had to tell him to wait there while I found you," Octavia explains. I shoot Bellamy a 'What-the-hell' look that he merely shrugs at.

O opens the door with a hiss and steps inside. When I enter after her, my blood turns to ice in my veins and I feel like I've had the wind knocked out of me.

It's Clarke.

Bellamy steps in beside me and wears a similar look of complete shock. I'm sure our faces are mirroring each other right now.

It's like she somehow sensed my letter from the night in the woods with Miller. She actually came back.

But she still looks different. Her hair is still long, though cleaner than it had been before. The lighting in Polis had been too dark to see what it looked like. Now, it's textured with trademark Grounder braids and ends at the middle of her back. The clothes are unlike anything I've seen. Instead of the usual Trikru jacket and pants, she wears a black leather coat with blue wrist guards. Whatever pants she has on, the table she stands behind is blocking them.

"Now I'm done," Octavia says to Bellamy for whatever reason. He barely seems to hear her, the only sign that he's not frozen being that he closes the door behind her after she leaves.

What the hell.

"Go easy on Octavia," Clarke advises to Bellamy with a lighthearted smirk. "I had to beg her to get me into camp."

What the hell.

"What are you doing here, Clarke?" Bellamy demands without the pleasantness in his voice that she has. Even without looking at him, I know he's recounting all of the trouble we've been through these past few months to have her back. All of the sleepless nights and letters and worrying ourselves sick.

"We need to talk," she replies more seriously.

The shock wears off at that. I cross my arms over my chest and incline my head toward her. "Now you want to talk. You know when I did? At Polis when we found out Azgeda blew up our friends. Would you like to see Caleb's scars?"

Over and over again, I picture the same scene. Polis. Clarke dressed in an outfit ornate enough to rival Lexa's. The desperation in Bellamy's eyes when he'd begged her to come home. Her impassive face when she declined.

Clarke walks forward. "I came here to tell you that the Ice Nation has paid a price. Justice has been served for the attack on Mount Weather. I came here to tell you it's over."

She doesn't understand what I'm trying to say. I don't care about justice, about revenge or whether or not Ice Nation has paid. I had wanted her to be there. I needed my best friend.

"There it is again," Bellamy says, his eyes on the floor and an ironic smirk on his face. "Why do you get to decide it's over?"

"We did our part," she replies in a whisper. Though she's trying her hardest to hide it, I can tell she hadn't expected this retaliation from us.

"We?" Bellamy and I echo in unison. The two of us glance at each other briefly before looking back at Clarke.

"Lexa and I..." Clarke trails off, then starts again. "The Ice Queen is dead. The problem was solved and then you, Bellamy, let Pike ruin everything."

"Clarke," I say her name so darkly that her eyes jump from him to me. "You haven't been in charge here for a long time. You can't disappear and then just come back and lash about things you know nothing about."

"Fallon--"

"No," I protest, closing my eyes and trying to shove down the tears that are starting to sting behind them. "I wanted my best friend back. I'm still waiting for her."

I reach into my pocket and grab the mass of papers I had shoved in it, then crumple them onto the table beside her. All of the letters I had written now lie between us.

I look up to discover her watching my hands. They're trembling, but I've become so accustomed to the feeling that I hadn't noticed. They ball back into fists.

"Things you know nothing about," I repeat lowly before turning on my heel and leaving.

----

ha clarke was in for a rude awakening!! fallon ain't having none of her shit

also this is kind of what i meant about fallon being in that grey area between sides. notice how she defended bellamy!!

leave a comment on whether or not you agree w/ fallon's reaction! i'm really interested in what you guys have to say

-kristyn