Today's Lunch (Dec. 9, 2015)
I don't know what happened to me at lunch today, but something did. I was fine then suddenly, for some reason, I just went blank on the world. I didn't want to be near anyone or for anyone to be near me. I could tell people were talking to me but I didn't hear them. I was just sitting there, quiet and emotionless. Things I would normally laugh went funny. Thing that would normally piss me off or make me upset didn't have any affect to me. I just felt dead to the world and cool on the inside. I felt like there was no point in living and that continuing my life would have no benifit to anyone. I was just so numb. I started to scratch at my wrist, and then that was the only thing I could focus on. That slight pain that helped me feel. It started to bleed but I couldn't stop. My friend Sara grabbed my hand and held it so I couldn't reach my wrist and later today, when I was texting my bf, he was telling me how I looked. I don't know what happened, but it seems to be occurring more and more often. I feel like there is no purpose at all to me and that it is all pointless. I feel like I am a waste.I just want to sleep and never wake up. I don't know what it is that is happening to me but I don't want it to keep happening. I don't like me when I feel that way, all my insecurities get worse and it only happens around people. Does anyone else know what I'm talking about?
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