Chapter 2

"Puja, I am asking you last time, you are going to open the door or not?"

"No, can you please leave me alone, I just wants to be alone." I replied, still lying on my bed. It's frustrating, I hate eveything, I hate myself. What happened yesterday? I don't know about what, I should get more angry. Over the thing that I lost my control or over how that Ruhi behaved with me. "please leave me alone kalyani". I pledged her.

"But you have been in your room since yesterday, come out and eat something"-kalyani.

"No, I don't want to, I'll eat the snacks I have, can you please go now, I'm so sleepy right now. I'll come to you when I am fine, ok?"

"fine, but don't forget you have me"-kalyani said as she left.

It's blank, there's no light in my room even if it's afternoon, I have closed the curtains and thanks to the side building there won't be much sunlight in balcony and my room. For the first time in my life, the blankness, the quietness I hated the most, is giving me so comfort that I don't want to go out.

Since yesterday, from the time I came back, I've been sleeping, for like 20 hours. I didn't even realized when it was night or day, when kalyani knocked on the door, I realized it's afternoon of the next day.I have gone crazy, thankfully my roommate isn't here, she went back home for her family function.

Well, let me give you my late introduction. I'm puja gaitri. I do live in a hostel, as a third year medical student. But now, I am feeling like, I have lost my interest in everything. I don't want to do it, I just want to keep sleeping and it's not because what happened yesterday. In fact I'm having these feeling for like six months now. At first, it was just loosing interest in the things which I used to like, then it became too hard for me to even talk to someone or perform a simple task. During all those six months, despite all those things, I tried my best to complete my studies, complete the task I've given.

And in all of those things, god knows why I signed up for my internship program. I could've done it next year. After starting internship, during that time, I was at that phase of depression where I was fighting with myself to keep me alive, to stop myself from sucide and to find the meaning of life. So, I just kept everything to myself, I tried my best to focus on myself, so I just tried to engulf myself with studies and treating patients, learning about diseases.

I didn't know, that my behaviour, which was for keeping myself safe from my own fucked up mind, will lead hate in someone's heart about me.

I am quite awake right now. but I don't want to go out. So, I kept scrolling on YouTube, I saw a video of a person. Don't know who he is but few small children's are surrounding him and playing with him. he is funny, cute, handsome, guess what, all the children's loves him. I laughed (wait, did I just said laughed? No, no, I mean, didn't I stopped laughing for six months now.?) with them, when one of the child, painted his nose, while another one was making a ponytail of his hairs. At first he tried to stop them, but then other kids stopped him by hoping on his arms. Looking at them cutely desperately trying he stopped struggling and accepted his defeat.

As he just sat there, at first his eyes held reluctance, then boared look but now His eyes, they were full of hopes but somewhere maybe they are just lost, they had deep meaning, they were smooth and beautiful, like they were telling me to protect this soul, it felt calming. Why does his eyes looks like me? Why they want to disappear? WHY?

Thinking about an unknown person's unknown reason, she felt asleep. It's night now maybe 10 PM, she woke up reluctantly as her phone started ringing. without looking at the caller ID, she answered, "Yes?"

"Oh you are finally picking up, miss puja gaitri.", The voice from the phone said, as anger was audible in his voice.

Hearing the voice, puja sat straight, thinking why did this person called him, " Hello, Dr. khurana" yeah, Dr. khurana, owner of the Delhi city hospital, and uncle of ruhi. Also an really absurd and egoistic person.

" Oh, you've time to hello me? then why don't you use that time of yours to come and do your job. You think you are some princess that you can leave whenever you want, and you think, you can graduate without a internship. Listen here if you don't come back, and say sorry to my niece, while begging her on your knees, then don't even think about graduating from MBBS.", without hearing her response he cut the call.

phone felt down from her hand, as she collapsed backward on the bed, she kept mumbling, " What did I do wrong?" "why is this happening to me?" "I never hurted anyone, then why everyone is hurting me?" "What'll I tell my parents if I couldn't graduate?" "WHY IT'S HURTING SO MUCH?" "WHY MY HEART IS HURTING?" "I CAN'T TAKE IT, I CAN'T TAKE IT"

saying that, she aggresively stood up from her bed and grabbed a knife, from the table next to her balcony which she used to cut the fruits. But now she, she is using it for something else. she took the knife and sat back on her bed, as she kept gazing at her wrist and knife, she didn't realise when she actually did cut her wrist. She kept the same sitting posture, just when the clock made a noise to indicate that it's 12AM, she finally collapsed back.