***

Anyone can give up, it's the easiest thing in the world to do. But to hold it together when everyone else would understand if you fell apart, that's true strength.

Evangaline Love

***

Javy Machado, callsign Coyote.

Javy.

The less Javy has to think about the times he's walked in on Jake and Bradley, the better.

Seriously. They're adults. They have to start keeping their clothes on until they're inside.

Or at least alone.

Also, they're going to die if they don't stop and rest every once and a while.

Also, he's not apologizing for shit.

He doesn't need to see the glazed look Jake gets when Bradley's putting it to him so thoroughly on the couch they're fighting over.

He's going to toss that fucking thing just to put an end to all the pale limbs he's walked in on lately.

So take that, you fuckers.

Aside from all that, he's actually pretty happy.

He and Celia have put off the wedding until after the baby is born, and Javy and Jake cried when they saw the sonogram. He's not even mad that Bradley accidentally walked in and joined them because he cried too.

Javy's going to have a little girl, and Lily Grace is already talking about taking her under her wing.

Maybe Ted and Jordan were right. Maybe Bradley's the one for Jake, and everything else is in the past.

Javy hasn't felt this light in years. Jake's going to have someone else with him until the end. Javy won't be the only one left behind to carry on when the time comes.

Maybe Bradley will stick around after, or maybe he won't, but he seems pretty determined to stick around until then, and that's enough.

Might as well take the happiness where they can.

It figures that when they finally get to this point, is when it explodes.

Javy never, ever thought he'd walk into the Hard Deck and see Julia Fallon laughing with an arm over Nat's shoulders, and the instant, crippling pain in his stomach when he does stops him in his tracks.

She was Nat's roommate in the Academy; Javy never knew that. And she tells him how she and Bradley almost dated like it's a joke.

It's like some weird twilight zone, and he barely gets off a text to Jake in time warning him to stay away. It's clear it's not the first time Julia's met the rest of them and hears stories about a few previous visits.

But what's also clear is that Natasha, who's apparently the link that brought her here, doesn't seem all that happy about it. Julia won't shut up about looking for love and wanting to get married, and Javy does his best to keep his mouth shut as she talks to everyone but him.

Javy never had much to do with her, other than than handful of times he happened to be there when she ran into Jake.

Which was more than enough, really.

She seemed fine on her own, but whenever she was around Jake, it made something in Javy's gut clench.

There was something wrong, but he couldn't put words to it.

Just a terrible, terrible feeling.

The dip before the disaster.

She smiles and laughs and is coolly polite to Javy because she knows he doesn't like her and she doesn't like him.

And then Bradley shows up, and all Javy's hopes freeze, balanced precariously on a precipice he didn't know was there.

They dated?

But they didn't. Almost, but not quite. Bradley's coolly polite with her in a way he's never managed to be with Jake, no matter how well they're getting along at any moment.

So Javy relaxes. Bradley's far too emotional to ever be polite with anyone he actually feels anything for.

***

Logan Lee, callsign Yale.

Quiet, hard to tell what his goals are.

Look.

Look.

Logan likes all of them. Jake, Bradley, Javy, Maverick, Reuben, all of them.

He likes them. They are an awesome team.

He does not like when they fight. It reminds him of the awkward times he walked in on his parents fighting when he was young and that sick, nervous feeling it left in his stomach for hours after, no matter how much they assured him it was nothing.

It clearly hadn't been if the contentious divorce when he was in high school was anything to go by.

It's stupid to fight over something like this.

Well, maybe not, it stings a bit if he's honest, but it doesn't seem like something worth throwing away what they have over.

He's pretty sure Reuben and Billy were serious when they insisted they weren't going to say anything, and if that group of mechanics hadn't been joking about it in the corner of the Hard Deck, then Bradley never would have overheard.

Dumb luck.

Maybe Jake's not the only one who's cursed.

It all goes down pretty quickly. Too quickly to stop it.

One epic, explosive disaster whose initial moment is over in a matter of minutes but who's aftershocks will probably never stop.

It's sheer chance, and Logan can't get over that, that Bradley, despite being distracted by Julia, overhears the mechanics talking around the other pool table.

"Heard he threw the old man under the bus, sent him instead of Seresin to try and get rid of him."

And because Bradley is a good person, who loves people, especially Mav and Jake, he asks what the fuck they're talking about and it all spills out.

Javy and Cyclone in an empty hallway.

Why send the student when you can send the teacher?

Why risk someone with so much ahead of them, so much left to give, when you could send someone at the end of their career?

There's a moment of absolutely unadulterated rage on Bradley's face when he realizes what they're saying.

Javy doesn't even look surprised when he comes for him.

Logan's not sure he wants to try and get in the middle of that. Everyone else seems pretty wary too. Javy's a brawler and Bradley's built and they've all got a job that requires not physical injuries and they're in a bar their command frequents.

Where the hell is Jake? He could make them stop, make everyone talk it out in private.

But he's not at the Hard Deck tonight, stayed home to take a call from his kids.

Nat tries to break them up as they're arguing about some other fight they had?

Logan has clearly missed a lot because he'd had no idea that Bradley and Javy had come to blows before.

And it doesn't sound like it was just a drunken rumble either.

It's Mav, interestingly enough, that grabs them both by the neck and hauls them outside after they've knocked over two of Penny's tables.

It's unfortunate that this assignment is about to end over personal differences. So far, it's been the best one of his career.

***

Pete Mitchell, callsign Maverick.

Lots of knowledge, lots of attitude.

Pete knows he's going to be able to tell more about Bradley and Jake's relationship from this review than from anything else.

One, Pete's getting ready to retire. He might not be able to say it out loud yet, but its coming and everyone knows it.

Two, he doesn't want to advance anywhere so the review itself means shit.

Three, Bradley secretly confided to Ice who confided to Mav that Jake's actually a little nervous because he doesn't want to piss Mav off which would piss Bradley and Ice off.

He's worrying for nothing, but still, its sweet that he's trying so hard to balance a job he takes so seriously with a relationship he takes just as seriously.

And really, just for that, he could write that Pete's the worst fucking pilot on the planet and Pete would sign it with a smile.

This little spat between Bradley and Javy doesn't change any of that, though they seem intent on beating each other senseless over it.

And the thing is, Pete's not stupid. He's been in the Navy for a long damn time. He might not care about promotion or glory, but that doesn't mean he's blind to everything that goes with it.

He heard the rumors weeks ago and decided they weren't worth dwelling on. He doesn't care if Javy walked right up to Cyclone and said, "Send Mav, so if someone dies at least its him and not Jake."

Pete would have agreed in a heartbeat if either of them had bothered to ask him.

Pete would always rather go than send someone else. He's not built for that kind of responsibility, not like Ice and Hangman and Cyclone, who can think more about the war than just the battle.

Pete is strictly a battle guy. Tactical level. Get through today and then think about tomorrow, maybe next week.

It makes his head hurt to look at all Ice's planning, decades out and constantly changing.

But back to Bradley and Javy.

Pete agrees with Javy, though he's happy to see proof that Bradley does still love him and want him around.

The thing is, that's second. It takes a backseat to the fact that Pete agrees with Javy, would have volunteered himself if he'd thought Cyclone would listen.

Parents are not supposed to bury their children.

Children are supposed to bury their parents.

He doesn't care if that upsets Bradley. If Bradley would rather see Pete live out another decade in his place.

Bradley doesn't get to make that choice.

Pete will not bury his son. Or any of them, when he could just as easily sacrifice himself.

Ice agrees with him, he doesn't even have to ask to know that, they just approach it from two different angles.

Pete just sacrifices himself and Ice manipulates all the pieces in the game.

Bradley and his cohort are mostly too young to understand. Only Jake has kids and he probably has an inkling of that feeling. Enough to understand,

Speak of the devil.

Jake's pulling up as Pete shoves Javy and Bradley apart, demanding that they both calm down and then someone's asking if Jake knew and oh....

He had no idea.

Pete hasn't know the kid that long, but the surprise that crosses Jake's face and is just as quickly buried, was clear.

He grabs Javy's army with a grip so tight his knuckles are white, pulling him back from Bradley.

Jake didn't know and something in Pete relaxes. Bradley will get over it as long as Jake didn't know.

He'll even get over the fact that Jake is clearly choosing Javy's side.

They all just need to take the weekend and breath.

***

Robert Floyd, callsign Bob.

Quiet, competent, excels where he is.

Sometimes Bob regrets being as quiet as he is. It's his nature. He's always been quiet and he's gotten so comfortable in that space that it takes effort to get out of it.

He should try harder.

He will try harder in the future.

So he can prevent fights like the one between Bradley and Javy last night.

Nat's wrecked, furious and hurt and torn, because she's too good not to see the logic herself, but hurt none the less.

It's another thing they didn't bother telling her and even if its none of her business it was her life on the line.

Bob's life on the line.

They should have been told.

Bob doesn't disagree.

It's one thing to send soldiers into danger.

It's another to think certain death is the outcome, to adjust your people according to who was easiest to loose and not tell those you were sending in.

Bob's angry, but he'll get over it.

So will Nat once she's vented and got it out of her system. It just might take her a bit longer.

He's more worried about Jake and Bradley.

Bradley had been so, so angry and Jake had clearly been surprised, but had pulled Javy away. Left with him and left Bradley with Pete and the others.

He wonders what the conversation between Jake and Javy looks like. They're so close, but this is so big.

Family secret big.

Like Bob's grandma and her first husband's death.

Like the Seresin curse.

It's hard to believe Jake will be dead by 40. He seems oddly indomitable now. Tall, blond, and strong, a poster boy for the Navy and the American Way. He fucks off with them with the same ease that he talks strategy and funding with Cyclone and Iceman. If he doesn't have an immediate answer he knows where to look and spends hours in the books.

Bob honest to god admires him.

He admires Javy too, as much as no one wants to hear him say that right now. Anyone that loyal, that loves that strongly, and yet doesn't coddle, doesn't follow blindly, is worth admiring. Most people can't strike that balance.

Bob, for example, tends to be a pushover for the people he loves. He'll caution them, if he disagrees, but he'll almost always go along as he's doing it. It's something he's working on, but hasn't had much success at either.

Case in point. Nat's angry, doesn't want to talk to Bradley, Javy, or Jake even though she needs to. She could be a well needed voice of reason between those three if she could be just a bit less emotional.

Not that he's going to say that part out loud.

He doesn't have a death wish.

Instead, he just frowns as her friend Julia comes over and they get drunk, commiserating about stupid boys and terrible decisions.

He can't actually tell where Nat falls on the Javy was right or wrong argument, she mostly just seems angry no one told her.

Julia is a different story and one that Bob doesn't quiet know how to handle. There's nothing outwardly threatening about her, but the way she talks about Jake and why they broke up is...weird.

She talks in present tense, about things she's going to fix, like its a work in progress and Nat's too drunk to notice but Bob isn't.

Is this why Javy ignored her at the bar?

She went on and on at the Hard Deck about her and Bradley not making it all the way to a relationship and only offhandedly mentioned an ex she wanted to try again with.

She'd never mentioned it was Jake, but to be fair, she might not have known he was one of them.

She doesn't seem like Jake's type.

Well, he can see how someone who doesn't know Jake would think otherwise. Someone who only saw the carefully curated image Jake projected might think he'd match well with a woman who did the same thing.

But Jake's curation is entirely incidental, born of grief and loss and a terrifying will to live. He doesn't even notice he's doing it.

Everything about Julia is calculated.

Maybe he should text Javy just in case.

***

Bradley Bradshaw, callsign Rooster.

Plays it safe. Needs to get out of his comfort zone.

The first time Bradley says I love you they're packing up Lily Grace and Dustin's bags at the Simpson home. Cyclone walks in as it's leaving Bradley's mouth, turns on his heel and walks right back out, catching Mav's ear on the way and taking him with him despite his protests.

Jake had looked so surprised that Bradley had laughed in his face.

Jake hadn't yet gotten to the point that he could say it back and before last night, that didn't bother Bradley.

Now though...

After learning what Javy did.

And Jake left with Javy, clearly taking his side....

Bradley's a little worried that Jake might not actually love him back.

They pass an awkward weekend, no one talking to anyone else in the daggers, and Pete sending angry texts to their group chat to get over themselves, because if he's not angry about it none of them get to be angry about it.

It's not the way to handle it, but its so Pete that it makes Bradley's chest hurt and then the anger comes back a bit.

He'd calmed down by the next morning. Mostly. He still wants to yell at Javy, will probably carry that anger for a while, but it's not the world-ending rage it was in the bar.

He doesn't agree with what Javy did. No matter what Pete and Tom say, he will never agree.

But Bradley is just as capable of doing horrible things to protect the people he cares about as Javy apparently is and now his anger is tapered by awareness. Reason is creeping in the longer he thinks about it.

He can see why Javy did what he did, can see why Cyclone agreed with him. Knows Jake didn't know, because Jake would have been too insulted to let it happen if he had known.

But Bradley's still angry, still hurt and probably will be for a while.

And he knows he probably needs to have something figured out before he talks to Jake again.

He's not sure who to talk to though. The other Daggers all torn and directly impacted by Javy's choice. Pete and Tom have made their stance clear and Cyclone is not someone Bradley feels comfortable approaching about personal issues.

It's pure chance that Peter texts him about a piano concert he went to with friends when Bradley's looking for someone to talk to.

The Seresins are a little intense, he realizes, when twelve hours later, a day and a half after the fight at the bar, he opens his front door to find Peter standing on his porch.

Just a little intense.

Peter listens quietly, asks enough questions to make Bradley go back and examine everything that happened a couple of times, and doesn't immediately tell Bradley he's wrong for getting upset.

It helps.

Peter's not apologetic, why would he be, he had nothing to do with the situation.

But he is sympathetic enough to quell some of Bradley's anger and hurt, enough that Bradley doesn't immediately lash out when he finally says he can see why Javy did what he did. That he'd probably have done something similar in his shoes.

"Javy's spent so long looking out for Jake that he doesn't even notice it anymore. And Pete seems like the kind of guy that would do the exact same thing."

"He is, but that isn't the point!"

"It's not?"

"No!"

"Why not?"

And Bradley can't quite put it into words so he just sputters helplessly until Peter takes mercy on him and continues.

"Your looking too closely."

"What does that even mean?"

"It's, you're looking too closely. Too deeply. You're looking for motives that aren't there. Javy wanted to protect Jake. Pete wanted to protect all of you. Cyclone wanted the best chance of success with the best chance of survival."

"That's not how you do that!"

"Oh?"

"You don't lie, you don't keep secrets. If it was legitimate, he would have been willing to say it to my face."

"Did he deny it when you asked?"

".....No."

"Was Pete angry?"

".....No, but he should be."

"That's not your decision. You don't get to decide how someone else feels about something. You don't get to decide if you've hurt someone or not. You don't get to decide if you owe someone an apology. The only thing you get to decide is if someone has hurt you and whether or not you're willing to forgive them."

"But-"

"No buts. You don't get to make someone else's decision for them, no matter if you know better than they do or not."'

And Bradley had let out an inarticulate sound of frustration that made him laugh.

"You can't carry someone else's burdens for them, Bradley."

"I can help."

"No, you can prop them up, but you can't carry it. And really, its kind of fucking insulting that you'd try. You think they can't carry it themselves?"

"That doesn't mean I don't want to help!"

"People create their own burdens, kid." Like he's not the exact same age as Bradley. "And they have all sorts of reasons for doing so, you don't get to decide if they're worthwhile or not. Everyone loves differently, just have to accept it."

Bradley had sulked for an hour before Peter got sick of it and they'd gotten drunk instead.

It's Monday afternoon.

Cyclone sent a text to the group chat that morning that everyone had Monday and Tuesday off since they were all too emotional to fly safely, but he expected everyone in Wednesday morning and they would be discussing what happened and how Cyclone was the only one who had any fucking say in what happened and they all better be prepared to start acting like fucking adults.

Bradley might never be comfortable enough to talk to him the way he is with Mav, but he does like Cyclone.

He's scared of him, but he does like him too.

Whatever. He's going to ignore his phone and whoever the fucks texting him non-stop.

He's going to spend Monday drunk with Peter and tomorrow he'll talk to Jake.

And Javy.

Tomorrow.

Tuesday.

The first Tuesday in August.

***

Natasha Trace, callsign Phoenix.

Groom for command.

Until her dying day, Nat will wonder if there was a sign she missed. A red flag like everyone talks about.

Something that would have hinted at what was going to happen.

She comes up empty every time, but it doesn't make her feel any less guilty.

The rage had taken her by surprise. She hadn't know then about Julia's run in with Jake, had never seen her friend that angry. Had missed the text messages demanding to know if Nat had known and they'd all just been laughing at her behind her back.

She'd texted Bradley too, but just like Nat, he hadn't looked at his phone in time.

By the time she realized where Julia was going, that she was armed, she was too far behind to catch up.

***

Bang. Bang.

***