You know, I have to be honest. I have no idea how I ended up here. Well, that last sentence is a blatant lie. I know exactly how I got here. Life is like dominoes- even the smallest thing you do can have a huge ripple effect. For instance, a run in the rain to a friend can turn into a small trio to target. And a small trip to target can turn into narrowly avoiding a police officer. Allow me to explain.

"You know, some people think I'm insane when they find out about this. And I would be inclined to agree with them," Jacqueline stated as she searched her extensive collection of online resources. She was trying to find out more about the guy I didn't know I needed in my life until two hours ago.

~~~~~

The scene: your average Target, as Jacqueline and I search for some necessities on her shopping list, paper towels, toothpaste, detergent, and tampons, to name a few.

Enter: this really cute worker I immediately got weak knees for.

"Holy shizzle mcfizzle," I whispered, "he is hotter than the time I set the microwave on fire when cooking bagel bites."

"What?" Jacqueline laughed with a wide smile.

"Speaking of, we need to buy bagel bites," I announced, pointing down the microwaveable frozen food aisle while trying to not stare at Mr. Soon-to-be-first-husband.

And then he looked at me. Meaning I made eye contact with a human. Wait, that means a human actually looked at me. He smiled.

"Jacks, he's too cute for this." He laughed and began walking over.

Oh no oh no oh no. I did NOT just say that out loud.

"Hey, anything I can help you guys with?" His name tag said Ryan. Of course. He had a pretty boy name too.

"Only if you're single," I muttered, under my breath.

"Eddie!" Oh shoot, so maybe it wasn't under my breath.

"I mean, it just so happens that I am." He ran his pretty fingers through his pretty hair. I was melting.

"Jacks," I whispered, "I'm melting." She giggled. Ryan did too. And it was adorable.

"Say, can I get you anything while you're here? Perhaps, a number of sorts?"

Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, did he just say that? My mouth went dry. I nodded blankly. He motioned for me to pull out my phone. I did.

A moment later, it was open on my contact screen, with a number that had a name listed as "Ryan ;)". He smiled again, and walked off to help another customer.

"Oh. My. God."

"Eddie, I think you just got a potential date."

"I think I did too." At this point, I was too shocked to do anything. I began to walk out of the store.

"Hold up for a moment there."

Beep beep beep beep beep

Oh yeah, I had bagel bites with me. You know, stealing isn't nearly as popular as it used to be. And that was the moment I realized I was not alone near the exit, there was a fully dressed, slightly older officer. Ironically, he was carrying hostess chocolate doughnut bites, along with two boxes of coffee k-cups, dark roast. He looked at me.

"This was purely accidental, sir."

"Go pay. And you never saw me buying these."

And that, my friends, is the story of how a police officer denied doughnuts- one of my favorite stories.

~~~~~

"So have you found anything major? Criminal record, birthday, address?"

"Patience, young one. I have all of those, and more, but first I need a tea."

I bolted to the garage, and retrieved one of her many bottled teas.

"Information. Go."

"No criminal record as far as I can find, his birthday is April fifth, I would give you the address, but I'm afraid that wouldn't end very well," she paused, "and I'm pretty sure he has a girlfriend."

"He WHAT?"

"Take a look. Blonde, blue eyes, your stereotypical pretty boy's girl."

"I knew it. All pretty boys are either gay, they have standards, or they're jerks."

"Wouldn't him being gay help you?"

"Yes. But he's the type who must have standards." She rolled her eyes playfully.

"Anyone would be lucky to have you."

"Are you offering?" I winked. She blushed a little and laughed,.

"No, not yet, anyways."

"Anyway. Show me this girl?" She pulled up a few pictures.

"Take a look. Hugging, smiling, they seem about the same age, heck, she smiles like him."

"This is bad. This is very, very bad."

"Oh, come on."

"Now we have to go stalk him! I wasn't ready to go to this level, but we have to!" She sighed. I ran out to her car, and she smiled and followed.

"So, I'm trusting you to drive to the correct address."

"Horrible place to put your trust."

Finally, after many trees- clearly unnecessary, it's not like we need them to breathe or anything- we hit a road of houses. Not fancy, but nice.

She pulled into the street by one of them. I got out, doing my nest attempt at sneaking around. Unfortunately for me, my shoe was untied. I tripped. I fell. On my face. Jacqueline laughed, and pulled out a pair of binoculars.

"You own these?" I was astounded.

"It's for stars, NOT for spying on people."

"Oh. You and I have very different ideas of what to do with binoculars."

I got back in the car. Only one window was open. And of course, that was the moment a police car pulled into the driveway.

A middle aged cop got out. But of course, it wasn't just any middle aged cop. He was carrying a half full bag of hostess chocolate doughnuts, and an open box of k-cups. He pulled out a key ring, opened the front door, and then noticed me. I shrank my shoulders down.

"This looks suspicious, doesn't it," I said, more as a statement than a question. The officer walked over. I looked at him, and he just kind of sighed, and asked why I was on this property.

"I've uh, come to see Ryan?"

"How do you know my son?"

"I was talking to him today at target..."

"Ah. You. Of course. I'll make him aware you're here."

And off he went, carrying his coffee.