Dear romantic you,
They ask me about my everyday little things ,Things that will make me remember this quarantine years later. And I can write a complete list of them. The cool morning breeze, small sparrows on my window sill, Gloomy Clouds passing by, and my playlist on repeat while I dance around enjoying a perfect morning chill
List goes on and on
But today my dear,
Today I will give them a list of our little things
Oh! I can’t seem to place it; But was it your I-am-unto-something smile or the mischievous twinkle in my eyes that drew us out to each other? Was it the funny thought of me as a kid trying to fit the whole world in my tiny hands or the sweet-smelling lilies, I gave you that made you want me? But I can surely tell that it was the way you would uncurl my fists; wiping out the bloody marks that made me need you. I can’t decide whether it was the 2 am fights or the pizzas that left us with some unspoken questions; a silent scream in our heads. Should I talk about the times where you held my hand in yours in between a romantic scene and I, concentrating more on the mis-matching lines of our palms than the confessions of two hearts?
The Kishore-Lata symphony I sang early in the morning making both of us dance around with toothbrushes in our hands and dreams in our eyes….do I tell them about this? That one black shirt of yours that lies in a corner of my cupboard and my little blue mug that lies on your desk; Those fairy lights in your room that lights up every time I walk in just the way I like them; Me humming random words while rummaging through your stash of unhealthy snacks that you secretly keep for me while you trying your very best to drag me towards the plate of broccoli; Or the cool quiet winter evening we spent near the riverside laughing and singing of promises….
Should I tell them how on the journey back home you held my hands , scared what the distances might bring and I smiled and kissed you for being such a silly boy all the while holding you a little more tighter, burying my own fears somewhere deep in my heart?
The distancing seemed fun at first, the plans made for after holidays, the places we would see and different interests…just the regular things, the regular talks of two lovers; You call me your moon …. I laugh at your cheesiness but can’t seem to calm the butterflies in my tummy so I divert the topic. My insensitive hands holding out to your sensitive heart all the while scared of getting mine broken with each passing day….
The chats, songs, pictures and video calls couldn’t fulfill the ache in our hearts ……some sunsets and sunrises later it started taking a toll…. our little hearts trying to understand the distance more than each other.
We were imperfect; had our share of fights; calling out each other’s insecurities …. you in your balcony and me lying on my bed trying to figure out things not understanding where it’s going wrong but still holding on.
Now, with unknown time and days apart, Me thinking about you, about us….It’s getting scarier; I feel you slipping away……
I feel everything becoming a house of cards waiting for the perfect wind to blow it all away …. I don’t want that;
And tonight’s 2 am thoughts are asking me about your mood, I just look at another picture of us of us; this time humming a new line, “Main who chaand jiska tere bin na koi aasmaan” Smiling at the new found cheesiness;
So, this coming dawn all they will find are the crescent moon shaped marks on my palm and my mischievous twinkling eyes searching for you.
Yours, A little non-romantic me.