We were sat in the university cafeteria. 

"Your argument is lacking in all scientific merit. It is well established Superman cleans his uniform by flying into Earth's yellow sun, which incinerates any contaminate matter and leaves the invulnerable Kryptonian fabric unharmed and daisy fresh." Sheldon tries.

"What if he gets something Kryptonian on it?" Howard asked.

"Like what?" I asked him confused.

"I don't know. Kryptonian mustard." Howard answers.

"I think we can safely assume that all Kryptonian condiments were destroyed when the planet Krypton exploded." Sheldon points out.

"Or it turned into mustard Kryptonite, the only way to destroy a rogue Kryptonian hotdog threatening Earth." I point out. 

"Raj, please, let's stay serious here. Superman's body is Kryptonian, therefore his sweat is Kryptonian." Leo tries.

"Yeah, what about Kryptonian pit stains?" Howard asks us.

"Superman doesn't sweat on Earth." I point out.

"Okay, he's invited for dinner in the Bottle City of Kandor. He miniaturizes himself, enters the city where he loses his superpowers. Now, before dinner, his host says, "who's up for a little Kryptonian tetherball?" Superman says "sure," works up a sweat, comes back to Earth, his uniform now stained with indestructible Kryptonian perspiration." Howard tries to explain.

"Booya." Raj says making me laugh.

"Superman would have taken his uniform to a Kandorian dry cleaner before he left the Bottle." Sheldon tries even though he is loosing this debate.

""Kandorian dry cl..." I give up, you can't have a rational argument with this man." Raj says.

"Hey, isn't that the guy who won the MacArthur genius grant last year? No, not all at once." Howard says. 

"Then how?" Raj asked. 

"Leonard. Now, Raj. Now, Sheldon." Howard said.

"I didn't get a good look. Can I go again?" Raj asked making me laugh.

"No." I answered looking at him.

"It's David Underhill. So what?" Leo asked.

"So what? His observation of high-energy positrons has provided the first conclusive evidence for the existence of galactic dark matter." Sheldon explains.

"I have two words for you. The first is big, the other's whoop." Leo goes on.

"It is a big whoop. It made almost all the work you've done since you've been here completely useless." I explain.

"Did not." Leo says.

"Did, too." Howard said agreeing with me.

"Did... okay, maybe some of it, but, look, the guy was just in the right place, at the right time with the right paradigm-shifting reinterpretation of the universe. He got lucky." Leo said.

"In more ways than one. He's a very handsome man." Raj says making me laugh.

"Doesn't do anything for me. If I was gonna go that way, I'm more of a Zac Ephron kinda guy." I answer making Howard agree.

"He is good looking." Howard says high fiving me.

"Oh, yeah, like you have a shot with Zac Ephron." Raj says making me laugh.

"Excuse me, Are you Leonard Hofstadter?" David askes.

"Uh, yeah." Leo answered.

"I'm David Underhill." David says.

"Uh, y-yeah." Leo says.

"Yeah, Dr. Gablehauser said if I wanted to set something up in the photomultiplier lab, that you'd be able to give me a hand?" David asked.

"You want to work with me?" Leo asked as we were stood there watching. 

"Well, if you have a little time, yeah." David answered.

"Wow, y-yeah, sure. Yeah, no problem. Uh, Here's my home number, here's my cell, here's my office, here's my sisters cell, here's my parents' number up in New Jersey, they always know how to reach me. So..." Leo says making me looking at him.

"Okay." David says.

"Congratulations on the MacArthur Grant, by the way. Big fan." Leo says.

"Thanks. I'll call you." David says.

"Okay. Bye-bye! What are you looking at? You've never seen a hypocrite before?" Leo asked. We were in the apartment I was doing work while the boys were playing Wii bowling.

"Trailing badly, Wolowitz needs a strike if he has any hopes of catching up with Sheldon Cooper, who is dominating in the ninth frame with a career-best 68." Raj says making me laugh.

"Hey, guys!" Leo says as he walked in.

"That doesn't count. Do over! Do over!" Howard says as I look at the screen.

"There are no do-overs in Wii bowling." I tell Howard making him looking at me sticking his lounge out at me. I copy him.

"There are always do-overs when my people play sports." Howard says making me laugh.

"Howard I don't care. If you're terrible at Wii bowling you're terrible at it." I tell him.

"Where were you that's more important than Wii bowling night?" Sheldon asked Leo.

"Actually, I was..." Leo tried.

"It's a rhetorical question. There is nothing more important than Wii bowling night." Sheldon says making me laugh.

"Come on, it's just a video game. And we suck at it." Leo says.

"Nice motivational speech from the team captain. Which is why I should be captain." I say.

"Where were you?" Howard asked standing next to me.

"I was working with Dave Underhill." Leo says making us look at him.

"Ooh, "Dave." Sounds like Leonard's got a new BFF." I say looking at Howard.

"Looks like we're no longer his bffs." He says looking at me.

"Actually, he's pretty cool. I mean, not only is he a brilliant scientist, but it turns out he's a Black Diamond skier, he collects vintage motorcycles, he plays in a rock band." Leo says.

"So? We're in a rock band." Howard says making me look at him.

"No, we play Rock Band on our X-Box." I tell him.

"Nice motivational speech from our lead guitarist." Sheldon says looking at me.

"Well I'm not wrong." I stated.

"He's funny, too. He does this hysterical impersonation of Stephen Hawking having phone sex. What are you wearing? That's not, he does it better. Anyway, he said he was gonna take me to the gym tomorrow, so I'm gonna go practice my situps." Leo says making me look at him.

"Whoa. Humongous man crush, dude." I state.

"Yep. It's officially a bro-mance." Howard says making me laugh.

"Hey, Sheldon, are you, Alex and Leonard putting up a Christmas tree?" Penny asked.

"No, because we don't celebrate the ancient pagan festival of Saturnalia." Sheldon answered.

"Saturnalia?" Penny asked.

"Gather round, kids, it's time for Sheldon's beloved Christmas special." I stated.

"In the pre-Christian era, as the winter solstice approached and the plants died, pagans brought evergreen boughs into their homes as an act of sympathetic magic, intended to guard the life essences of the plants until spring. This custom was later appropriated by Northern Europeans and eventually it becomes the so-called Christmas tree." Sheldon explained.

"And that, Charlie Brown, is what boredom is all about." Howard stated looking at me.

"Okay, well, thank you for that, but I got you, Alex, and Leonard a few silly neighbour gifts, so I'll just put them under my tree." Penny stated.

"Wait! You bought me a present?" Sheldon asked.

"Uh-huh." Penny answered looking confused.

"Why would you do such a thing?" Sheldon asked.

"I don't know. 'Cause it's Christmas?" Penny answered.

"Oh, Penny. I know you think you're being generous, but the foundation of gift-giving is reciprocity. You haven't given me a gift, you've given me an obligation." Sheldon tries.

"Don't feel bad, Penny, it's a classic rookie mistake. My first Hanukkah with Sheldon, he yelled at me for eight nights." Howard stated.

"And the first year we were together he wouldn't let me buy him anything for Christmas." I stated.

"Now, honey, it's okay. You don't have to get me anything in return." Penny stated.

"Of course I do. The essence of the custom is that I now have to go out and purchase for you a gift of commensurate value and representing the same perceived level of friendship as that represented by the gift you've given me. It's no wonder su1c1de rates skyrocket this time of year." Sheldon explained.

"Okay, you know what? Forget it. I'm not giving you a present." Penny stated.

"No, it's too late. I see it. That elf sticker says to Sheldon. The die has been cast, the moving finger has writ, Hannibal has crossed the Alps." Sheldon says.

"I know. It's funny when it's not happening to us." Howard stated as Raj looks at me.

"Sheldon, I am very, very sorry."  Penny stated.

"No. No, I brought this on myself by being such an endearing and important part of your life. I'm going to need a ride to the mall." Sheldon stated making me groan.

"It's happening to us." Howard stated. We went to a gift shop.

"I don't see anything in here a woman would want." Sheldon says making me look at him.

"You're kidding. You've got lotions and bath oils and soaps, that's the estrogen hat trick." I stated.

"What it is is a cacophonous assault of eucalyptus, bayberry, cinnamon and vanilla. It's as if my head were trapped in the pyjamas of a sultan." Leo stated.

"Sheldon, if you don't like this stuff, let's just go next door and build her a bear." I stated.

"I told you before, bears are terrifying." Sheldon says making me laugh.

"Come on, bath stuff, it's perfect! You got a scented candle, a cleansing buff, spearmint and green tea scented bath oil, promotes relaxation." Howard stated.

"That presupposes Penny is tense." Sheldon stated making me laugh.

"She knows you. She's tense. We all are. Buy a basket!" I stated.

"Excuse me, we're ready." Howard stated.

"No, we're not. Let's say for a moment that I accept the bath item gift hypothesis, I now lay the following conundrum at your feet, which size?" Sheldon asked us.

"This one. Let's go." I stated handing him a basket.

"You put no thought into that." Sheldon stated looking at me.

"I'm sorry. Uh, this one. Let's go!" I stated him handing him another basket.

"I have insufficient data to proceed. Excuse me, miss?" Sheldon asked.

"Yes?" The assistant asked.

"If I were to give you this gift basket, based on that action alone and no other data, infer and describe the hypothetical relationship that exists between us." Sheldon explained making me groan.

"Excuse me?" The assistant asked making me groan more.

"Here. Now, are we friends? Colleagues? Lovers? Are you my grandmother?" Sheldon asked.

"I don't understand what you're talking about and you're making me a little uncomfortable." The assistant answered.

"See? Sounds just like you and Penny. We'll take it." I stated. We were sat in the apartment.

"Hmm, great news, Leonard, I've solved my Penny gift dilemma." Sheldon stated.

"Yippee." I stated.

"You see, the danger was that I might under or over-reciprocate, but I have devised a foolproof plan. See, I will open her gift to me first and then excuse myself, feigning digestive distress. Then I'll look up the price of her gift online, choose the basket closest to that value, give it to her and then I'll return the others for a full refund." Sheldon stated.

"Brilliant." Leo stated.

"It is, isn't it? Is it okay if I hide them in your room? The smell makes me nauseated." Sheldon asked Leo.

"Do whatever you want." Leo asked.

"Thank you, that's very gracious. Gentlemen." Sheldon stated as I watched him.

"Why couldn't you have just done what Leonard did and get Penny a new boyfriend?" Howard asked.

"My leg is killing me. Thanks for asking." Leo stated making me laugh. Sheldon dragged me to Penny's apartment.

"Ah, good, Penny, you're here to exchange gifts. You'll be pleased to know I'm prepared for whatever you have to offer." Sheldon stated.

"Okay, here." Penny stated as she handed Sheldon his gift.

"I should note I'm having some digestive distress, so, if I excuse myself abruptly, don't be alarmed. Oh, a napkin." Sheldon stated.

"Turn it over." Penny stated.

"To Sheldon, live long and prosper. Leonard Nimoy." Sheldon said reading it.

"Yeah, he came into the restaurant. Sorry the napkin's dirty. He wiped his mouth with it." Penny stated.

"I possess the DNA of Leonard Nimoy?!" Sheldon cheered.

"Well, yeah, yeah, I guess. But look, he signed it." Penny pointed out.

"Do you realize what this means? All I need is a healthy ovum and I can grow my own Leonard Nimoy!" Sheldon exclaimed.

"Okay, all I'm giving you is the napkin, Sheldon." Sheldon stated.

"Be right back." Sheldon stated.

"Here Alex. My gift to you." Penny stated giving me some baby clothes.

"Omg thank you." I stated hugging her.

"You're welcome. Here. Open it." Penny stated turning to Leo.

"Oh, a gift certificate for motorcycle lessons. Very thoughtful." Leo stated.

"Yeah, and I checked. Not letting the bike fall on you while standing still is lesson one." Penny stated making me laugh.

"Oh, then, I think you'll appreciate what I got you." Leo stated.

"Okay. 101 Totally Cool Science Experiments for Kids." Penny stated.

"You know, 'cause you're so into science." Leo stated as Sheldon runs in.

"Sheldon! What did you do?!" Penny asked.

"I know! It's not enough, is it? Here. Its from me and Alex." Sheldon stated as he hugged Penny.

"Leonard, Alex, look! Sheldon's hugging me." Penny state.

"It's a Saturnalia miracle." Leo stated.