Doomsday // Lizzy McAlpine

The Citizen One guys get here ten minutes before show time, right after Char chewed me out. Even I know arriving that late is borderline diva behavior. Ryan Christiansen, lead singer with a big enough personality to put mine to shame, greets everyone casually as he saunters in, like showing up at go-time isn't a major fuck you to the entire crew.

He's followed by three other guys that make up the band, two of them original members, Alex Molder the guitarist and Seth Reynolds on bass. And then there's the scrub. Jace Donovan, the newly recruited drummer and youngest person on tour at 18, follows Ryan like a puppy dog. He keeps his eyes averted and his head down, kind of green like he might puke. I know they've played for an audience this big before, headlined even, so I can't imagine that it's still newbie nerves. He didn't seem this off kilter at the Salt Creek show, but again I wasn't paying much attention to him.

After sound check, some of the crew is given time off to rest before the big push to tear down after the show. Most bug off to the bus. I imagine John is out hunting groupies to bang. I wonder if there's some kind of signal system already in place, like a towel on the door handle or something. God, I hope so. Don't want to walk in on that. I make a mental note to steer clear of the bus until much later just in case he finds a willing participant.

Instead I bump into Zack who drags me back to the green room. He wants me to wait with them until Brianna goes on stage. She seems calm and collected but Zack is a crazed mess.

"Dude, are you singing tonight or something?" I ask, shaking him out of his stupor.

"Nah." He runs a hand through his hair and stands up to pace the floor. "That stunt Ryan pulled has me on edge."

"Zack," Brianna whispers his name. I look up in time to see her shaking her head. "Shhh."

I would have assumed he was referring to Ryan and the guys showing up so late, but the way Brianna's shushing him, I wonder if it's something else. Ryan being late wasn't a secret. He made a big deal about his arrival. Everyone saw it.

"I didn't say anything. But he's unpredictable. What if he pulls someone on stage?"

"He can't. Contract stipulation." Brianna says. "Could you please change the subject. I need to focus."

"Of course, babe. I'm sorry I brought it up." He crosses the room and kisses her temple, careful not to smudge her make up or mess up her hair. When he looks back at me, I can tell he's still stressed. I have no idea what stunt Ryan pulled or why pulling someone up on stage could be a problem. Although Brianna did deal with a stalker last year. Scared the hell out of her. I saw some of the aftermath in my own apartment when Zack brought her there to hide out. That night will burn in my memory forever. It's when I met Char. Back then Zack made it his mission to keep her safe. But she's fine. He's fine. It's all fine. Isn't it?

The time backstage goes quickly. Before I know it, Brianna's prepping to make her entrance and Zack follows her out the door. I can't go where they go so, I do the next best thing and sneak backstage.

It's not some kind of stealth operation. I do have a pass and clearance to be here. But I don't think I'm supposed to be just standing around watching.

I wind my way through hallways and down corridors until I reach the dark recesses of the side stage. By the time I get there, Brianna's already center stage to the roar of the crowd. And lucky me, Char is standing right where I was planning to watch. I scoot closer, taking measured steps in her direction. Flashback to my high school days sneaking out of the house past curfew. I feel that juvenile.

Instead of making a big entrance or stealing Char's attention, I choose to stand quietly in her presence. Something in her breathing hitches giving me the clue that she knows it's me standing next to her. Well, at least she reacts to my presence.

We watch the show in silence, neither one of us openly acknowledging the other. I can't tell if there's tension between us or it's something else in the air, but I feel it buzzing.

Three songs in the music stops, and Brianna addresses the crowd. She banters with a few fans, drops some inside fandom jokes I'm not privy too and then tells everyone the next song is brand new.

"I've saved this one for the tour and you guys are the first to ever hear it. I haven't even recorded it yet."

The crowd goes nuts at the exclusive preview. Her fans are rabid followers and from what Zack says, they read into all of her lyrics for secret meaning. Funny thing is, all of her songs do tell stories of her real life.

"This one's called Footsteps."

Beside me, Char stiffens. I wonder if Brianna has defied some kind of management decree, which wouldn't be the first time. Although Char and Bree are close having been best friends growing up, so I can't imagine any animosity between them runs deep.

The first thread of lyrics comes through the speakers as Brianna sings in a quiet opening.

"Footsteps brought you to me

While I stood still.

I stepped aside.

I watched the tide

Roll right under the sun.

The music picks up as Brianna stomps out on the catwalk of the stage. She's rocking out as the fans scream. From where we're standing, we lose sight of her, so I turn my head to Char. Her eyes are closed, her face pointed down. Instinct tells me she's upset.

"Footsteps I should have taken

Maybe now I will.

You held me in your hand.

I gave you every chance

While I should have run."

The deep breath Char takes stabs me with awareness. The strangest thought crosses my mind. Is this about Brianna, or her? Without thinking it through, I step closer, my shoulder touching hers. She flinches but doesn't move away.

The music changes, shifting to a higher key. A heavy guitar rift carries the music with a faster beat.

"I'm finally running, running home.

Now you chase me.

The sound of your footsteps come too late.

I'm running forward

You hold me back."

Brianna makes it back to the main stage from the catwalk. The song slows, settling back to its original quiet rhythm.

"Footsteps carry me away

Later than I should have stayed.

I hold myself up

Because you never would."

The words surprise me. Brianna doesn't write break up songs but this one clearly is. And full of bitterness. The way the crowd is reacting, I have a feeling its going to become an angry girl anthem.

I look at Char again to see a tear running down her cheek. I reach out to touch her unconsciously. I don't remember thinking I should comfort her but that's my purpose. I'm only half surprised when she lets me wrap my fingers around hers. Delayed a few seconds, Char startles, looks down at where we're joined and pulls away to wipe the tear. Then without a word, she turns her head and leaves.

Just like the song that brought tears to her eyes says.

***

The show ended hours ago but I haven't seen Char since she stormed away from me.

Stormed is an exaggeration. She walked away calmly. But something about the intention behind her action felt like she'd made a huge statement where I'm concerned and rejected me. I get it. She doesn't trust me with whatever was going through her head. I wouldn't trust me either if I were her.

But the shitty thing is, she can trust me. I'm not that big of an asshole to use her pain against her, or to laugh at it. Or spill it to the highest bidder. Whatever it is she's worried I'd do, I never would. The girl just won't give me the chance to prove it to her.

And that's on having a crap reputation.

The after, after, afterparty is in effect. It's early in the A.M. Road crew just wrapped up. Talent, meaning the Citizen One guys, just returned to their bus, the fourth in the caravan not counting the big trucks hauling all the gear. Surprisingly, Ryan and Alex hopped onto the crew bus to shoot the shit with us, seeing as we're all still awake and they're still wired as fuck.

"You on anything?" Randy asks Alex who's slouched in the recliner looking like he's run out of party fuel.

"Nah, man. That shit will kill you."

Ryan glares at Randy. "Not the question you want to ask us, brother."

Randy puts his hands up in surrender, painting an innocent look on his face. I call bullshit. I wonder if he's looking to score. These guys are something else. But on the other hand, it's not surprising considering the hours we have to keep. It messes you up fast. I'm already feeling it and I just got here.

Alex looks at me with sleepy eyes. "You're tight with Zack, am I right?"

I shrug. "We were roommates when he met Brianna, so yeah. We go back before he was a name."

Alex nods, looks at Ryan intently. Ryan looks at him. They don't say a word but stand simultaneously with eyes on me. Ryan grabs my shirt at my neck, pulling me to stand.

"You. Come with us," he orders.

"Ok." I look back at the crew sitting around, and shrug. Archie's already snoring in his bunk and John is nowhere to be found. He came to tear down with a shit eating grin on his face then left again as soon as we were done.

I follow Ryan and Alex off the crew bus and across the pavement to theirs. I hesitate getting any closer.

"Um, hey. I know there's some kind of unwritten bus rule about crew hanging on the talent bus. I don't want to start any problems."

Ryan looks at me for a second before laughing. "That's Brianna. She's untouchable. We're the band, not the talent. You can hang on our bus whenever. Not them." He points back to the crew bus. "They're fucked up. No one asks us about drugs. You're boy just signed his death certificate."

"Hey, he's not my boy. I don't even like him."

Ryan nods. Alex continues to the bus. I follow like a puppy. Just like Jace.

Huh. I guess I understand that kid more than I thought.

We step onto their bus, similar to ours just newer, but not by much. Brianna certainly has the best ride out of all of us. Although the silver bullet that Char's riding in might be even sweeter since she doesn't have to share with anyone.

"You still have some energy for a card game?" Ryan asks as Alex grabs a deck and starts to shuffle.

"Poker?" I ask.

Serious as fuck, Ryan makes a slow shake of his head, deliberate and pointed. "Crazy Eights."

"What the fuck?" I laugh and scan the room, but no one else is laughing. I sober up and nod. "Yeah, sure. Crazy Eights. Cool. Haven't played since I was...eight. Sounds fun."

"It is." Ryan sits on the lounger and rests an ankle on his knee.

"We like to make it interesting." Alex adds.

"Like a bet?"

"Sometimes. Or a challenge," Alex says.

"A dare." Ryan's clarification is a dare in itself.

"Oh-kay." Do I have a choice? I have a feeling I'm about to end up streaking the parking lot or some shit like that.

Alex starts dealing cards to us. Ryan rouses Jace and Seth, forcing them to play to grumbles and protests from each of them.

"Hey, we can do this later. I'm probably going to pass out pretty soon." I did just work an all-nighter. Strangely, though, I'm not tired.

"Initiation comes before sleep," Ryan says.

"Haven't you already initiated Jace?" I ask, looking over to the half-awake kid. His head is tilted back, resting against the window.

"This is for you," he answers.

I whip my head back to look at Ryan, then scanning to Alex. This is why they dragged me over here?

"Me?"

"You want in or not?"

What do I say to that?

"Deal me in."

I seriously hope this isn't a mistake. Zack didn't warn me against being on the Citizen One bus. So I'm sure it's fine.

Famous last words, lmao.

Footsteps is an original song, lyrics only at this point. It's the fourth "song" I've written for a book. None of them have music, though!

One thing I'm realizing is that I've lost the "fix my rep" part of the plot so that will become a focus once again. First I have to get Char back in Jacob's orbit so that's coming next 😉

Doomsday is a break up song with an edge. The vibes fit Footsteps so I decided I needed it for this one. If you've never listened to it before, be warned. The hook is catchy and I had it stuck in my head for days the first time I heard it!

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