Deservation

Tomorrow and today
My mother taught me
That when good is what you say
You get the reward to see

To open your eyes
And gaze at the whole wide world
Should've been her deservation
Not this bastard that's cold

{••●♥●••}

- After returning from the hospital in a cast, my mother and I came back home only to find a frustrated Magnus watching TV. It was unclear as to why he was so infuriated, but I pushed the thought to the 'inevitably impossible to solve' category of questions.

   I clinged to my mum just so Magnus wouldn't randomly stand up to hurt me, although he's never done something like that.

   I succeeded in returning to my bedroom hurriedly, and mom followed me in soon after. She seemed worried about how scared I looked every time Magnus was near - I don't think it confused her much though.

   She sat next to me on the bed and hugged me. I remember smelling her cheap perfume, thinking it was the smell that people had when going near evil - in this case, Magnus. I even thought that I smelled like it myself. I was just a kid, like my mother kept repeating to my father after leaving the room, me watching from the top of the stairs.

   "He is just a kid, Magnus. Why don't you get that?"

   "Oh, I get that, and I get it well. He's a kid, of course he's bound to be stupid and break his arm!"

   "It's a wrist! He broke his wrist!"

    "Don't you dare change the subject!"

    "It was just a correction. Look, Paul is young, he's still got time to learn, I-"

    "You? The only thing you do is act like him - a child. You let him do stupid things and then do stupid things yourself."

    He turned the TV off and began to walk up the stairs. He muttered to himself, "Bitch."

    I ran back in my room and sat on the bed, feeling confused and sad at the same time. I did not want my mum getting hurt. I wanted to protect her; just like she protected me.

    But I was just a kid. - 

   Black. All black. Everything kept being black in the room Magnus left me. Everything was quiet. Nothing to feel except the hard, presumably wooden chair under me. I didn't look at the chair while there was still light. Dammit.

   All the nothingness led me to think. Think. Think. Thoughts are killing me. Guilt is killing me. What is wrong with me?

 - I heard Magnus shutting his bedroom door in anger, and I thought about coming out or not. After much debate, I opened my bedroom door, only to see my beloved mother curled up on a corner of the living room down the stairs crying. 

   I could only stand and stare at her, not knowing what to think. Just looking. Why does it always have to rain the hardest on the people who deserve so much love, so much light in their life to make them happy? They deserve it after giving a child all that it needs, and so much more. She deserves it, and yet this is was she gets.

   I am done with life. -