Sixth grade was decent. I hadn't got as close to Rylie as I wanted to but me and Ali were inseparable. Plus she introduced me to a new anime called hetalia. I was in a steady relationship with my boyfriend Tristan but I was going through a thing with a stalker. His name was Jon smith and he really stalked me. Then I had tennis. I have myself a love hate relationship with tennis. A hate because it was everyday and exhausting and hot. And a love because I had Rylie there and was finally at the "pretty much besties" stage and that made me happy. That year was the best year of my life. My boyfriend loved me. I had friends now. My world was truly lit. That was also when I met Ellie. One of my other wonderful friends. To be honest I was glad she cared if I lived or died in fact I would just be satisfied if she only cared if I lived or died. My hope was no longer just a tiny Ray of light. Now my whole world was light. I had finally found peace and happiness. A true love and care for this hell on earth. I found my life. But then seventh grade came along. They found new tumors on my moms hip spine and brain. And the worst part. One day I was just walking along and I found a note in my locker.from Tristan. He was breaking up with me. I felt the darkness at the corner of my vision. It was coming back wasn't it. The abandonment issues. I sighed. I knew this wasn't just a three day thing. He was done with me. I layed the note gently in my locker and let my heart ache. Let it remember all the movies. Baseball and football games. A dead pet. His little brother who I cared so deeply for. All the time we spent playing video games in his basement. His older brother Daniel being obnoxious. I watched all those memories leave me and know that they would likely never happen again. No more. I felt so helpless, like those girls in movies who cry way to long. But he was my first ray of hope. My tiny Ray of light who gave me reason. And now he was gone. But this time I wasn't shattered. I loved and I loved and I lost him. But now I had strength. A reason to live. I had to many friends to make. To many chapters to write. To much life to live. I told my friends. They legitimately planned his murder. But I didn't let them. I was touched that they would do that just because he hurt me. But people get hurt everyday. And besides he must have had a good reason. I was right. He did. A very long time of silence past. He still laughed but not with Me. He still spent time with his friends, just more. He still smiled that smile, but this time not for me. He lived on. I had different things. My mother was sick. Very sick. I was constantly afraid of being yelled at for my grades so I avoided my parents at all cost. I sat in my room and listened to sad songs. I stared out my window at rain clouds and smiled because the sky was crying. Just like me. And now I had him in two of my classes. I pretended he didn't exist and let my heart slowly start to mend itself. When one day in life science I guess he was done. We were doing an experiment with water soda and diet soda when he said "oh my god it's a latte, who wants a latte!" I smiled. That laugh. That voice. That only he had, and that smile that only he could make me have. I took a chance "I want it! Can I have a latte" he looked at me questioningly but handed it to me. "Thanks. I want to drink it!" I pretended to drink it and he went NO No no no no it's probably deadly poisonous. We laughed, we hadn't laughed our laughs at the same time with each other in so long. I turned back to my desk and we finished the project and then me and him talked through the rest of life science. In the hallway he said "hey" oh no. He only said that when he wanted to talk serious about something. He said. "Can we just end this whole awkward silence between us and be friends" he was back. He wasn't mine anymore. But now he was back. I said yes. He told me everything. His downfall, how his mom got divorced again, how he went through his depression, and how that was why he was done with me. You know sometimes I think boys are idiots. Because I would've been there for him. I would've comforted him through that. But he pushed me away instead. I listened and talked him through it. Oh how I missed that smile. Oh how long I wanted him to smile at me like tHat again. God I missed him. And it's not hard to miss someone when your best friend Ellie and your mother and your father are not even hiding the fact that they want you guys back together. One of my best friends Ellie pretty much tried to force me to love him again. My mother wanted to force us back together and constantly told me to talk with him. My father started trying to make me date a boy named Marcelo Martinez. But I still loved him. I would never forget my Ray of light. Every night I would still have the nightmare. The one where the hallways were black and white. Where I tried to talk to Rylie and Ali and Ellie but they would just cry. Where I tried to talk to him. I just wanted anyone to help me. But he just walked on. We were friends now. I was finally starting to get over it. I even started shipping him with Ellie. But really I still wanted him to love me to. To care again. I wanted to be the girl he played video games with again. But I knew that we were done. That he no longer loved me. That he had his own depressing life to live. That I should suck it up and live mine to. So I've come to a conclusion. Everyone has their own depressing moments. Mine have been many while others have been few. It could've been worse. I could've never met him. Or my besties. I could've had to go through this alone. I could've turned to self mutilation. I could've committed suicide. I could've given up. But i didn't. We're all in pain. We all have something that only love and care and true friendship can cure. We all have been salt and seen our tiny Ray of light. And you'll know when it comes. Because despite our race, gender, or sexuality we all have one thing in common. Only the Love of true friends will heal.
THE END