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Chapter Four

Breakup

Ang tao lang siguro ang gumagawa ng sarili niyang problema. Wala akong ibang kailangang problemahin sa buhay ko bukod lang sa pag-aaral ko at ilan pang bagay na normal lang naman. Unlike other people who still have to think of the food they can put on their tables or money to pay bills. I was living a pretty comfortable life and I'm privileged compared to other people. But I still ruined it.

"Tristeen!"

I heard my mother called my name but I remained sitting there on the dirty ground, crying and was still watching the way where Aaron's car was not on sight anymore. Mabilis akong nilapitan ni mommy at bumaba rin siya sa tabi ko at niyakap ako. I just continued crying because it hurt so much.

Bago pa man iyon makita ng ibang tao at makagawa pa ng eksena ay naiuwi na ako nina daddy sa bahay. And my dad got angry at me that way for the first time as I lived as his daughter. "Is that true? Aaron caught you with Noah? The child even saw you, Tristeen!" Tinutukoy ni daddy si Rachel na halos ka age lang ni Lance.

"Tristan..." Mommy went to daddy to calm him. "Bukas nalang siguro natin pag-usapan ito... Your daughter is exhausted."

Daddy walked out. Mommy sighed and she went with me in my bedroom. Even my room in our house was huge and complete of everything that I need kahit pa nga iyong mga gamit na hindi ko naman talaga kailangan. My life was close to perfection until I just ruined it. Siguro ganoon talaga. Siguro naghahanap lang talaga ng poproblemahin niya ang tao...

"Teen, anak... What happened...? You can tell me." si mommy sa tabi ko.

I was already seated on my bed and my mom never leave my side and was trying to comfort me. "Nabigla lang and daddy mo." she added.

Muling bumuhos ang mga luha ko at tuloy-tuloy iyon. Mommy worriedly looked at my situation and hugged me tight. "Shush. It's all right. Everything will be fine." my mom consoled me.

I hope so...

The next day agad kong pinuntahan si Aaron. I have access to his condo. Pero wala siya roon. Nahihiya man akong pumunta kanila Tita Eris pero ginawa ko pa rin. Rachel was truly mad at me for what I did to his brother. And even Jarvis did not greet me. Wala doon si Tito Axel kaya naisip ko na baka nasa work nga pala siguro si Aaron kasama ang dad niya. Tita Eris still welcomed me. "Tristeen."

"Tita, I'm sorry." I cried in front of her.

I saw worry in her pretty pair of deep eyes for me. And then she hugged me. Yumakap din ako kay Tita Eris.

Pinuntahan ko rin sa office niya si Aaron pero nakaalis na raw siya. He left his work early that day. He won't answer my calls and he won't reply to my messages. Hanggang sa nasabihan ako ng mga kaibigan ko kung nasaan siya. Agad kong pinuntahan si Aaron sa isang bar. And my heart broke seeing him so drunk that he can't manage himself anymore. Nagpatulong ako na madala siya sa kotse ko at iuuwi ko na siya sa condo niya.

"He's so wasted! What happened, Tristeen? May nangyari ba?" Sierra sounded like she's confronting me.

Pero hindi ko na rin napagtuonan ng pansin ang mga kaibigan ko at kakilala na nandoon din para p-um-arty. Inuwi ko na agad si Aaron.

Inasikaso ko siya while he's drunk. Hindi ko siya iniwan hanggang sa magising siya kinabukasan. Nakapagluto na rin ako ng breakfast nang umagang iyon. I don't really know cooking that much. But I can manage to fry some sunny side up and make us coffee. Kapag nilalambing ko kasi si daddy ay ginagawan ko siya minsan ng coffee na natutunan ko lang din sa kasambahay at kay mommy. Halos hindi ako nakatulog at umidlip lang sa tabi ni Aaron sa kama because I kept on watching him as he sleep.

"Aaron, you're awake. I prepared medicine for your hangover. May breakfast na rin. Gusto mo ba dalhin ko ang pagkain dito sa kwarto at dito ka na kumain?" I asked him gently as I attend to the curtains of his bedroom to let the morning sunlight in his room. Napapikit pa siya saglit nang tingnan ko dahil nasilaw sa araw at kakagising niya lang.

Lumapit ako sa kama niya. Bumangon naman siya paalis. "What are you doing here?"

Bahagya akong natigilan. "You were so drunk kagabi, Aaron. Inuwi na kita rito sa condo. Here's your med, you should drink this." Pero hindi niya iyon pinansin.

Nagbaba ako ng tingin. I fought my tears from falling. Walang mangyayari kung iiyak lang ako. We needed to talk at ayusin ang nangyari. "Aaron, I want us to talk."

Hinarap niya ako at natigilan ako. I saw anger in his eyes at hindi ko na napigilan ang luha kong tumulo. Suminghap ako at sinubukan ko rin punasan iyon. "I know that... you're still mad at me... Alam kong nagkamali ako. But I promise you wala talagang nangyari, Aaron."

"And what do you call that? You and that damned brat in bed together. Ano ang tawag mo sa nangyari sa inyo?"

"I admit that we k-kissed! Pero hindi kami umabot sa," I halted.

"Saan, Tristeen? Ano pa ang ginawa ninyong dalawa bukod sa halikan? Did he kiss you down your neck, too... Saan pa..." He gritted his teeth. "Did he touch you..." He groaned like he couldn't take it.

Tuluyan na akong umiyak. Mabilis ko siyang nilapitan at pilit na niyakap. "Aaron! I'm so sorry! I'm sorry! I swear nothing happened between me and Noah more than that—"

"Don't mention his name!" he growled.

I trembled but I still hugged him despite he didn't return my embrace. "I'm sorry! Forgive me! I won't do it ever again! I swear! Please forgive me, Aaron... I regret it. I was wrong. I regret it. Forgive me... I'm sorry..." Nanghina rin ako.

I remained hugging his body, holding onto him so tight like I wouldn't anymore want to let go of him. Nagtagal kaming ganoon lang. I was hugging him and he was unmoving and he just stood there in the middle of the room. Hinigpitan ko pa ang hawak ko sa kaniya.

Pinilit ko si Aaron na kumain kahit ayaw niya sana. He was quiet and it made me scared. Hindi ko alam ang iniisip niya at wala siyang kibo the whole time although I tried so hard for us to talk. I stayed in his condo until the next day. May ilang missed call si daddy pero hindi ko na muna pinansin. I was only focused on Aaron and our relationship to be back to how it was before what happened.

He silently let me stay with him. Isang araw na nag-absent na rin siya sa trabaho niya. Saglit na tinawagan lang din siya kanina ni Tito Axel. Walang sinabi si Aaron that I can stay in his condo dahil hindi nga niya ako kinikibo pero wala rin naman siyang sinabi na pinapaalis niya ako. So I stayed and waited for him until he felt better.

The next days nakauwi na rin ako sa bahay. I just don't want my parents to be worried of me. Sinabi ko kanila mommy na mukhang okay naman na kami ni Aaron. When I asked him na ihatid niya ako sa school hinatid naman niya ako. I also asked him if he's not busy with their company he can pick me up after my classes. And he did. We even eat out for dinner nang sinabi ko sa kaniya. He just drove us to our favorite restaurant.

Ganoon ang nangyari ng ilang linggo. Kahit halos hindi pa rin ako kausapin ni Aaron basta ay hindi niya rin ako tinataboy. I thought we're already getting better and we're going back to how we used to until one day he still burst out. Na para bang tiniis niya lang at pinilit niya lang ang sarili niya. He tried but still can't.

I tried to kiss him on his lips. I've been sleeping in his condo. Sa umaga ay nagtatrabaho siya while I also go to the university. Nagkikita kami pagkatapos. Bahagyang iniwas ni Aaron ang mukha niya at nakitaan ko siya ng pagdadalawang-isip o pagkalito. Nakaramdam ako ng sakit sa dibdib ko. Sometimes when I'll caught him looking at me he looked like he's in pain just by watching me. At kapag napapalapit ako sa kaniya halos layuan niya rin ako. Kapag matutulog naman kami sa iisang kama hindi ko rin sigurado kung natutulog nga rin ba siya sa tabi ko because I would sleep na subsob pa siya sa laptop niya and I'd wake up na naghahanda na siya uli papuntang trabaho.

Tiniis ko na ganoon kami. Alam kong may kasalanan ako. And I'm willing to endure.

I felt happy when he kissed me instead after I withdrew from my attempt to kiss him just a short while ago because I thought he didn't want it. I kissed him back passionately. Kumapit din ako sa katawan niya. But he stopped kissing me and he breathed but he's not breathless because of our kiss but because of something else... Parang hindi na niya ako kayang halikan muli. And it broke my heart again.

Bawat araw na ganito siya ay nasasaktan din ako ng sobra. Pero tinitiis ko dahil alam kong ako ang nagkamali and I'm just trying to earn his trust again.

"I can't do this anymore."

My eyes widened and my heart throbbed as I looked at his face who looked exhausted... Mukhang pagod na siya sa akin... Bakit pakiramdam ko ay ayaw na niya sa relasyon namin... Parang sumusuko na siya... "Aaron..."

He shook his head. And he looked at me. "I can't continue doing this. Pretending that it's all right because it's not. I tried, Teen... Sinubukan ko pero hindi ko pala kaya..."

Umiling-iling din ako. Tears were again threatening to fall from my eyes. "Aaron... No..." My lips parted as I found it already hard to breathe...

"Let's breakup." He said ang looked away.

I shook my head as my eyes were widening from feeling scared of what will happen next. I cried. "Aaron, no, don't." Lumuhod ako sa kama at niyakap siya nang mahigpit sa leeg niya. "You know I can't... No, I won't let you go. I don't want to breakup. We're staying together until you're okay..." I sobbed on his neck that's wet with my tears. I hugged him more. "I'm willing to wait, Aaron. I'll wait until you'll be fine and then we're okay again. Ayaw kong maghiwalay tayo. Ayaw ko... Please..."

I begged him to stay.

But after another week he decided and he's ready to leave the country. He will continue his studies abroad. Pag-aaralan pa niya ng husto ang business ng pamilya nila sa ibang bansa. At wala akong nagawa dahil handa na talaga siyang umalis noon. He never talked to me again.

"I will wait for you, Aaron. I will patiently wait here until you're ready to come back. Like how you're ever patient with me. Please take care." Hinatid ko pa rin siya sa airport kahit nagalit lang din sa akin si Rachel na hinatid din ang kuya niya. "I love you." I told him one last time as tears wet my cheeks. I've been crying for the past month.

I did not hear his response or anything. Kumalas nalang ako sa yakap ko sa kaniya na nanatili lang din siyang nakatayo doon at halos walang emosyon habang niyayakap ko siya. He felt cold. And my heart sank.

He hugged Rachel one last time and then he turned his back at us. Na hindi na niya ako nililingong muli kahit isang beses nalang. When we cannot see him anymore nauna na rin sina Rachel na umalis kasama si Jarvis. Ilang sandali pa akong nanatiling nakatayo roon kahit hindi ko na nakikita kahit ang likod nalang ni Aaron until I feel my feet hurt and I decided to leave the airport, too. I didn't know that that was the last time... After that he never talked to me again kahit sa tawag lang and he did not want me to come to him when I tried. Hangang sa nalaman ko ngayon na talaga palang pinutol na niya noon pa ang relasyon namin... He just made it clear to me that he really did ended us four years ago before he left.