Beom

Stunned. That's what everyone was. Of course manager hyung stayed for dinner after delivering such big news, but at the dinner table there was no ear deafening screaming, no jumping up and down, no excited running throughout the apartment... no, that all came after dinner, when it finally set in.

Well mostly it was Jhope, Tae and Jungkook. Even surprisingly Yoongi who could not wipe his gummy smile off his lips while he did a happy dance and kept on bouncing... even when he was sitting down. I got happy just looking at him. He screeched, and cheered... well maybe his screeching was him attempting to sing a victory song, but nobody really knows. They all run and hug each other, heading to the living room to celebrate, and Tae runs to go get some "celebration drinks", which will probably a unlawful concoction of anything Tae thinks tastes good blended together. 

Left at the table is Jimin, Namjoon, and me... all of us still unable to comprehend that us... BTS... a Kpop group will be performing at the AMAs... like that has never been done before... like yes Psy, a Korean individual has been at the AMAs in 2012, but he was big. Like super viral. Who in the world didn't know Gangnam Style?... Okay, maybe I didn't know until Jin showed me the video a week later, but still. It played once during a school assembly, and everyone did the dance in union. A little bit scary, but it proves my point about how well know it was...I remember when BTS won the Top Social Artist... no, even when they found out that they were nominated for a billboard music award show I can't wipe the image of Jin-Oppa's shooked face. Like he couldn't believe it. Absolutely could not. He asked Du-Ho to punch him 7 times before he believe that he wasn't dreaming. It was a pain to help Jin-Oppa put on bruising cream.

He messaged right in the night after he was done for the night:

It didn't feel real at the airport. It didn't feel real when I was on the plane. It didn't even feel real when all the lovely ARMYs welcomed us at the airport. It didn't feel real when we were doing all the interviews. It was only after walking the red carpet, and we regrouped that it hit me that it was real. We, a Kpop group from a small company, here in America after being nominated for an american award.

But to have to actually perform in front of an american audience, to make a debut, to be on TV, and have thousands, no millions of people watching through a screen... that... that is big. And what if we mess up? Well more like I. What if I mess up? We are representing not only ourselves, and our company, but our industry, and even our country. What if I mess up... what if I'm the one who gives it all a bad name. What if I can't live up to Jin? What if-

Namjoon clears his throat, and that draws me out of my train of thought. I look up at him, and so does Jimin. He was probably going down his own string of worries just like I was... "We can talk about this later. How about we just go and join everyone else in the living room and celebrate."

"Ugh, but I don't want to drink whatever Tae came up with. Even if it is in a Gucci mug." I frown getting up

(._.) ( l: ) ( .-. ) ( :l ) (._.)

Time Skip

I'm packing my bag so that tomorrow morning I'm ready to head to Geode's practice, and also so that I have the necessities that I'll need for the next week, because it's time to go back to Geode's dorm. 

Do I miss my members, and all the stupid laughs that we have. Of course nothing can bet Mok's cooking (beside Jin's). Mentioning Jin-oppa, I haven't been home in a while since I'm with BTS. It's so much easier to slip home when I'm with Geode cause they know what's going on. BTS... well, Oppa didn't even tell them what happened, so I don't see why I should. But also because when I am with Geode, I feel like I am at home. I have known them for so long. After all, we were trainee's together. 

A knock causes me to look up, and there is RM.

"Hey Beom, I wanted to talk you before you disappear back to your group for the coming week. Can I come in?" 

"Ya, for sure." I clear my bed so he has a spot to sit down. Because the rest of my room is a mess, and there is honestly no place for him to even sit down. Even when I'm working at my desk, I just sit in my chair that is loaded with clothes. He shuffles in, and gingerly takes a seat. He looks a little bit uncomfortable, but I continue looking for my clothes, trying to pick something that Minny will hopefully not roast me on. I pick out a few clothes, and show them to him 

"Do you think this goes together?" I ask looking down at the pastel jumper and black ripped jeans.  Might as well take advantage of his fashion sense #KimDaily

"I mean any top really goes with black ripped jeans." He says looking at my outfit.

"Fair enough. I'll take it as a yes, maybe I'll pair it with a scarf, and make my white shirt stick out." I muse out loud turning back to my closet.

"um-hmmm." he just says.

"So why did you want to come to my room again?" I mummer still thinking about my outfit.

"Well, I wanted to talk about the news we heard about today."

"What news? The fact that I need to start calling Jungkook Oppa now?" I muse picking out another top, and comparing the two that I'm holding.

"Ya- wait what!? Ugh never mind, I'll have a talk with him later. But that's not what I wanted to talk about. I wanted to talk about the AMAs."

Now that caught my attention. I put down the clothes I'm holding and join him on the bed. "Is about Jin-Oppa?"

He nods his head, "I was just thinking... we are going to America, to perform in front of an american audience where not everyone knows BTS. Yes we do have the international ARMY, and yes there will be people who recognize us from the BBMAs, but we are in a sense, having our american debut. We are going to be promoting ourselves on different shows, concerts, TV programs... but all with out Jin, who is a member of BTS. A member who is currently on leave. I feel as if ARMYs will feel as if they are cheated by not having the full and complete BTS being presented. Without Jin, it feels as if something is lacking, and I'm sure that the ARMY will feel it. Not only that, I don't think any of the members will feel right of Jin is not with us. We have been together for around 4 years, and to make such a big step in out career with out him just doesn't feel right. You see Beom, as much as we all like you, we are family with Jin. I don't know how the other members will feel without having him next to us on stage perfor-"

"You want me to talk to him don't you." I say calmly, "You want me to talk him into coming back, because you and the rest of BTS and ARMY rather have him than me."

"No it's not that. It's just that-"

"Namjoon, I think that is exactly what you are saying. You explained yourself very clearly." I get up off the bed, and put both of the shirts I was on pondering on in my bag, not even bothering to make up my mind now. "Leader, if you will excuse me, I think it would be best for me to head on out now rather than in the morning. Thank you for taking the time to talk to me." I bow to him, then sling my bag over my shoulder and head out of the room.

"Beom. Come on, can't we be a little bit more grown up about this?" Namjoon follows me into the silent hall. The hallway of the dorms is silent, but as we near the living room, I can still hear the sounds of people doing karaoke. I stop at the front door to pull my shoes on, which gives Namjoon the opportunity to catch up with me.

"I think I'm being quite grown up about this, Namjoon." I say in a hushed voice so that the other members in the living room don't get distracted from their Naruto karaoke song that I can hear even from the front door. "I'm not throwing a tantrum, I'm not raising my voice, and I'm not angry. I just want to go home, okay?" I turn to look at him, both of my shoes on my feet. "I'll see you tomorrow." and with that I head out the door.

I single tear runs down my face, and I wipe it away angrily. Angry at myself for leting that tear escape.

I shouldn't be upset. Of course BTS would want Jin to be with them, on stage, performing with them. AMRY would probably want that too. You're not a real member of BTS anyways... why are you getting upset that they would rather have Oppa... They don't want you Beom, get that into your head. You shouldn't be upset over this.

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A/n

Hello lovely human beans~

I hope that chapter was okay...

Anyone have good kdramas/ tv shows that I should watch? Hit me up because I want to procrastinate. 

Anydudes, thanks so much for reading, and I'll see you guys next week!

Peace Out